How to improve your emotional intelligence. What is emotional intelligence and why it is important to develop it from childhood

Among others related to the formation of social and emotional intelligence aspects ability to refuse requests and delegate tasks, as well as the ability not to dwell on problems and try to perceive failure as feedback , space for improvement and new opportunities.

For example, remember more often that you can't change the past, which means that instead of thinking over and over again about what should have been done in this or that situation, think about what to do now and how you can improve the future. Also remember that in principle you do not owe anything to anyone, which means that you are not obliged to agree with everyone, even if this causes some inconvenience to someone. As paradoxical as it may sound, the ability to refuse is also a skill and it can be learned. After a couple of rejections, you will realize that the world doesn't turn upside down when you say, "No, I can't." If you feel guilty or remorseful, then remember that after some time will pass and this. Thus, after a few "exercises" you will understand that it is normal to refuse.

As we said, a person with a developed EQ is characterized by empathy, but such individuals are more likely to manipulate themselves than be manipulated. Most importantly, they accurately identify the manipulators and decide for themselves whether to succumb to their tricks or not. If you feel that someone is trying to manipulate you, use an old but effective trick: imagine this person with a trash can on his head. This will change your attitude towards the interlocutor, and, consequently, the reaction to his words and requests. This technique is useful in other situations as well.

5. Emotions

Another direction - work on your own emotions. To learn how to control them, it is important to know what exactly you control. Observe yourself - what events evoke what feelings; what emotions interfere with concentration, and which give efficiency; which are easy to manage and which are not.
Don't get angry at your reactions, don't deny them, don't repress, don't judge yourself, and most of all, don't lie to yourself.: if you do all of the above, you will not be able to control them. You feel what you feel, but all feelings have a reason. It is important to understand it - and then you can correct emotions.

And finally one more useful advice. Increasing and developing social and emotional intelligence, it is very important to stay who you are and not try to become someone else. The purpose of increasing the level of EQ and SQ is self-improvement, that is, the improvement of oneself, and not an attempt to put on someone else's mask and walk around in it.

Modern culture is focused on productivity. For many active people this translates not only into permanent nervous tension, but also the desire to rationalize everything and everyone to the detriment of their emotions. But it is a comfortable emotional state that allows you to achieve great success and helps to move on, and rational decisions do not always coincide with what we want “in the depths of our souls”. The concept of emotional intelligence can come to the rescue, which will help you better understand yourself and your impulses. We explain what it is and why it is needed.

MASHA VORSLAV

How are feelings and emotions different?

Both feelings and emotions affect our psychological condition, but they differ significantly. A feeling is a conscious emotional experience (an outburst of anger, for example). Emotions arise against the will of a person, give rise to specific feelings and are often too complex to be aware of them. At the same time, they can and should be analyzed in order to be able to separate oneself from one’s negative experience or mood and maintain a pleasant emotional background. True, the sensual side of life can be so confusing that it can take a long time to realize a voluminous emotion: sometimes recognizing being in love with best friend behind a spectrum of constantly flashing positive and negative feelings obtained only years later and with the help of a therapist.

The matter is complicated by the fact that there is still no single list of emotions. In 1972, psychologist Paul Ekman compiled a list of six basic emotions, including anger, disgust, surprise, happiness, sadness, and fear. Ekman later added embarrassment, infatuation, contempt, shame, pride, satisfaction, and excitement. Robert Plutchik proposed another classification of emotions, the so-called wheel. In his opinion, there are 8 main emotional spaces that can intersect and give rise to new emotions. For example, faded amazement and horror can give rise to awe, and annoyance and boredom can turn into contempt.

Where did the concept come from
emotional intelligence?

The concept of emotional intelligence is relatively new, previously such a phrase was perceived as an oxymoron. It was first taken seriously in 1990 after an article of the same name by Peter Salovey and John Mayer for the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality. They defined it as the ability to recognize their own and other people's emotions and feelings, to distinguish between them and use this information for further reflections and actions. Salovey and Mayer noted that they consider emotional intelligence a subsystem of the already known social intelligence, which allows you to "understand and manage people."

Further firewood was thrown into the fire - and continues to be thrown - by the writer, psychologist and uncle of the author of The Myth of Beauty Naomi Wolf Daniel Goleman: it was after his best-selling book that I learned about emotional intelligence wide circle readers. Goleman managed to find the right intonation to talk to a huge audience and captivate them with a difficult topic. True, the writer not only chewed on the works of his predecessors, but also offered his own interpretation: in his opinion, emotional intelligence does not consist of four areas, as Salovey and Mayer suggested, but of five.

What does it consist of?

AT classical model Emotional intelligence has four components. Self-awareness - the ability to recognize one's emotions and feelings; self-control - the ability to manage them; social awareness allows you to understand the emotional processes taking place in society; relationship management, affecting both interpersonal and group relationships. Goleman agrees with the first two positions, but combines and breaks the others in his own way: in addition to self-awareness and self-control, his model contains intrinsic motivation, empathy and social skills. In general, Goleman's classification looks simplistic, but it is extremely practical and does not cause rejection even among those who encounter the topic for the first time.

Is it true that emotional
Is intelligence more important than IQ?

In recent decades, intelligence has been judged solely on the basis of IQ. Those who were "lucky" to get a high score were predicted a great future, and people with a low one were given more and more new ways to pump their intellectual abilities. Microsoft, for example, used to select candidates based on how quickly they could solve logic problems.

The fact that in addition to intelligence there are other equally important components of the mind (in English literature - intelligences), Harvard professor Howard Gardner spoke. He argues that intelligence should not be measured by IQ or any other single measure, but by seven. This is a penchant for linguistics, logical-mathematical thinking (which, to the detriment of the rest, is so valued in schools) and understanding one's own body, musical ability, spatial thinking and, finally, the ability to get along well with other people and with oneself. Later, Gardner added to them the "mind of a naturalist" (Neville Longbottom, hello) and also admitted that competencies in existential and moral issues can also be useful categories in the analysis of personality.

So the statement in the title of Goleman's sensational book that emotional intelligence may be more important than IQ, although true (for some people in some circumstances), is more of a marketing ploy: emotions, unlike intelligence, are still a fresh topic on which to speculate effectively.

Why develop emotional intelligence?

Surely you have heard more than once about how easy it is for someone to move up career ladder. Or how well someone manages to communicate with their own children. The heroes of these situations almost certainly have highly developed emotional intelligence, which allows them not only to be more aware of their goals (and therefore achieve them faster), but also to successfully build communication with people on different levels- at some point in development it becomes a necessary step in any field.

If productivity does not seem so attractive to you, think about the calmness with which you can perceive not the most laudable of your own and other people's actions and emotions - a developed emotional intelligence allows this. No one is in danger of becoming an insensitive blockhead - on the contrary, without unnecessary reflections, time is freed up to enjoy the pleasant manifestations of life and minimize the unpleasant ones (and draw all the necessary conclusions from them). Note that independent work with your emotions is not a substitute for medical care, so if you suspect you have urgent or serious psychological problems, you should not solve them yourself.

How to do it?

Curious people can first take an emotional intelligence test. At the end of this questionnaire, for example, they will give a very mild assessment of your emotional skill, which can be taken as a starting point. In addition, tests of this kind help to recognize oneself in the proposed situations (“being in a group of friends, can you always understand how each of them feels?”) And independently analyze their abilities. In general, there are many assessment systems (SASQ, MSCEIT, ECI, for example), but in order to delve into them, you need either really a lot of free time or the help of a specialist.

In any case, it will not be useless to read Mayer's articles with Salovey and the work of Goleman. The first two will give an academic perspective useful for general development, and Goleman's books can be consulted for more vital information. He gives enough of it to familiarize himself with the topic, and forces the reader to perform simple but demonstrative exercises like leading. If there is no time for articles and books, you can use proven methods for self-development, there is a good example. It is important to remember that the development of emotional intelligence, like any other restructuring, takes time and dedication, so do not worry if your personal life does not improve within a month or you do not take off on the career ladder (but probably even in this short period of time). small changes in relationships with people and with oneself will be noticeable).

What is emotional intelligence? How to work on its development and why do it?

The amount of emotional intelligence, abbreviated as EQ in specialized literature, determines how much a person understands emotions, is aware of them, can recreate, manage them, and therefore apply them to solve tasks. A person with a well-developed emotional intelligence can significantly reduce the impact of negative emotions on their lives. The development of emotional intelligence contributes to the recognition negative impacts from the outside, a calm understanding of the situation and a normal, balanced reaction to it. A person who is emotionally developed lets go of negative emotions, does not experience them again and again, thereby destroying his psyche in particular and life in general.

Work on the development of emotional intelligence makes a person more mature, more self-confident, relieves him of complexes and mental throwing, allows him to take part in normal life, interact with other people and understand their motives, that is, see through the interlocutors. Such abilities make it easy to make new acquaintances, which means using people to achieve your goals.

You use emotional intelligence every day without knowing it, because it is impossible to completely turn off emotions, to be completely emotionless (oh influence of emotions on human activity we have already discussed in one of our articles). Keep feelings under control difficult task, which can only be handled strong personalities. But that's for the best. After all, emotions help to correctly assess the situation and find the right decision for any problem. A well-developed emotional intelligence is the key to success.

To understand in more detail what benefits the development of emotional intelligence provides, you can use the diagram below:

If you want to easily find mutual language even with unfamiliar people, to be friendly and open, and therefore pleasant in communication, if you aim to achieve maximum success in any business, then you just need to work on developing your own EI.

1. Recognize emotions and identify critical moments.

Lose control over your own behavior, explode because of someone else's words, lose your calmness from scratch? Ah, how familiar! Each person has a certain boiling point caused by a situation leading to a loss of self-control - the so-called emotional trigger. People who know how to recognize them, and therefore accept them, can stop in time and not succumb to destructive emotions.

How to learn such control? Analyze your emotions, fix them on paper, highlight your own emotional triggers.

2. Repeat mentally over and over again those situations that lead to emotional breakdowns.

Constant scrolling in the head of this or that situation helps to find the right solution and not react as violently as it could happen in real life. When considering a case that could lead to an emotional breakdown, come up with a different course of action than your usual one. This exercise will allow you to correctly accept the emotional trigger. This means that you will get a chance to act differently when a real explosive situation occurs.

3. Load your brain.

Any person can control your mind and emotions. As soon as you feel anger rising, switch to something else, such as solving complex math problems. Agree, it’s hard to get angry and nervous when you multiply three-digit numbers in your head!

Whether you solve the problem correctly or not does not matter. The main thing is that you tried, used your brain to its fullest and did not let your emotions defeat you.

4. Move away from reality into memories.

If in Hard time if you find it difficult to concentrate, then use a different technique: abstract from what is happening and immerse yourself in pleasant memories. Surely there is something in your life that puts a smile on your face. It could be your favorite song or a book you recently read. Remember them, quote your favorite lines to yourself. Such thoughts will help to avoid an emotional breakdown, as they will switch your brain to a different situation.

The main thing is not to perceive this technique as a cowardly escape from reality. This is done for your benefit.

5. Before sending angry letter to the addressee, reread what was written.

Thus, you will take at least a few minutes of time out, once again experience what you experienced when writing, you will be able to rethink the overflowing emotions. You take a break - and it's wonderful. You have a chance to change your mind, to fix everything. If, after reading, you still want to send a letter, ask a friend or loved one read it. Listen to advice from the outside and think twice about whether to offend the addressee. Learn to keep your emotions in check!

Research confirms that all people think differently. A rather neutral message can actually cause aggression on the part of the recipient. To understand how the addressee will react to your letter, remember the character of the person to whom you are writing. Correct the message so as not to offend your addressee.

6. Get away from the momentary answer.

Modern life sometimes requires lightning-fast decisions from us. But often you can not force events and take a minute to think. Do you need a clear answer? Avoid having to respond right away. Say that you will return to this conversation and take a break to think. This will allow you to understand what is really important, and not let emotions prevail over reason.

7. Respect the interlocutor in any situation.

Remember that, in any situation, you need to remain educated, an educated person, express your thoughts clearly and clearly, avoiding profanity. This will characterize you as a serious, solid person who is a pleasure to deal with. Emotions may rage in your soul, but you should not show them. To curb them, it is better to think over your vocabulary in advance and highlight those words that are better not to say out loud.

Once you make the decision to be calm and composed in any situation, you will take a big step towards curbing your emotions and developing emotional intelligence.

P.S. Here is another article on the topic of EQ published on our website: “ What is emotional intelligence and what is it for?»

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Victoria Shimanskaya is a psychologist, a leading specialist in the field of research on emotional intelligence (EQ) in Russia, the author of the methodology for developing the EQ of children "Monsiki", a partner of the EQ-factor Laboratory, a leader of master classes and trainings on the subject of EQ - about the intellectual-emotional profile of a personality and its role in organizing and running a business.

Key Factors in Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is talked about a lot these days. The need to develop emotional intelligence has been repeatedly proven by scientists and various examples from life and business.

Obviously, a person with a higher level of emotional intelligence perceives reality more adequately and reacts to it and interacts with it much more effectively. This applies to almost all communications - both interpersonal and social; subjective and objective experiences; abstract and concrete concepts. Thus, emotional intelligence has become one of the new tools for business management, building effective communications and management.

The perception of information occurs through sensory systems. In this case, key areas of the brain act first, and then the reactions of the autonomic nervous, muscular and other systems take place. Interaction with information, with oneself and the outside world is built depending on the degree of development of the key drivers of emotional intelligence: awareness, self-esteem, motivation, adaptability.

Drivers actually contain basic personality traits, but they are not immutable and can evolve.

Each driver can be unlocked through four skills:

1. awareness through awareness of one's thoughts and emotions, one's body and behavior;
2. self-esteem through a positive perception of the world and determination, as well as through acceptance and assertiveness (a person’s ability not to depend on external influences and assessments, independently regulate their own behavior and be responsible for it);
3. motivation through the desire for self-actualization and determination, as well as through open perception of the new, strong goal-setting and objective experience of failures;
4. adaptability through conscious empathy with another person - empathy, stress resistance, decision making and sociability.

Emotional quote

It is necessary to pay attention to the fact that emotional intelligence does not exist separately from the intellect. Over the past three decades, science has advanced significantly, studying the interaction of the emotional and intellectual spheres (IQ and EQ) in terms of brain activity, psychology and business.

“It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of the heart over the head - this is the only way for the intersection of both,” David R. Caruso, a psychologist, professor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University (USA), once said management and co-author of the concept of emotional intelligence.

Along with the well-known abbreviation IQ (English Intelligence Quotient - intelligence quotient or coefficient mental development) there is a concept of emotional coefficient EQ ( English. Emotional Quotient), which was introduced by clinical physiologist Reuven Bar-On back in 1985. In 1996, at a meeting of the American Psychological Association in Toronto, he presented his EQ-i (Emotional Quotient Inventory) test, which contained a list of questions to determine the coefficient of emotional intelligence, from which the now famous Bar-On model of emotional intelligence was born.

Despite the fact that the interaction of IQ and EQ is recognized by many researchers, the first model that clearly showed the interaction of these two coefficients was developed by Russian scientists at the EQ-factor Emotional Intelligence Laboratory under the leadership of N. Koro and V. Shimanskaya.

Intellectual-emotional profile of the leader's personality

This model is integral part intellectual-emotional personality profile IEPP. According to this model, emotional intelligence EQ is a kind of base of the personality pyramid in the coordinate system. The vectors of this system are EQ drivers and form various strategies of behavior in various fields life:

1. awareness - the "strategy of philosophers";
2. self-esteem - the "strategy of the stars";
3. motivation - "strategy of heroes";
4. adaptability - the "strategy of leaders".

When emotional intelligence connects with the IQ intelligence vector, the “strategy of creators” is formed - a strategy that is key in all areas of life, and even more so in business.

It is the “strategy of the creators” that makes it possible to realize the potential of a person to such an extent that in the end he reaches the very high level self-realization. Therefore, the larger this pyramid has (due to the development of EQ drivers and IQ itself), the more possibilities a person will have an impact on his life, the lives of other people and the world as a whole.

AT modern world any leader and entrepreneur must be a creator - to create not just a product or service, but best product, the best service, best service and best experience. And this is almost impossible without the ability to manage your emotions.

How to develop EQ?

As noted in this article, the development of EQ occurs through the development of its main factors - drivers. Therefore, it is necessary first of all to develop them.

1. Exercise for the development of "mindfulness"

1. Close your ears and concentrate on the surroundings, try to see all the details. How the picture will become "brighter" and you will notice something that you did not pay attention to before.
2. Then close your eyes and concentrate on the sounds. In a normal situation, we subconsciously concentrate on a zone of no more than 1.5 meters around us. “Expanding” our hearing, we begin to notice the nuances of natural and mechanical.
3. Close your eyes and ears together. Feel how your body interacts with the world around you - for example, the touch of wind or grass on it, if you are ready to take off your shoes.

It is enough to do this exercise once a week so that the ability to recognize the voice intonations of interlocutors, the nuances of facial expressions become much higher. This will allow you to more accurately determine the explicit and hidden messages of the interlocutors and, most importantly, your own reaction to certain processes, as well as understand how your body reacts to information, how it experiences emotions.

2. For the development of “adaptability”, a simple training on “emotion cards” is suitable

You depict anger, joy, sadness or interest - depending on which card you draw. It's simple and effective method work out your emotional expression. At the same time, your efficiency as a negotiator increases several times.

3. To develop “self-esteem”, you should first master the poses of power

Power poses are postures of the human body that "start" the production of dopamine: a straight back, arms raised up, head held high. The production of this hormone contributes to a better memorization of material and information.

One minute of this exercise before negotiations will make you feel much more confident.

4. To develop "motivation" do the following right now

Write down ten things you enjoy doing. Then reformulate them so that only the verbs remain. Find the exact verb the best way will transfer one or another occupation.

Use these verbs to create a plan for the month. And during this month you will need to live ten days under the motto of this word. Traveling or laughing, tasting and learning new things, jumping or counting - there are many options.

For example, under the motto of the verb "tasting", you can go to a specialty restaurant or wine boutique - or maybe have a party at home. And it can also become a concept for the presentation of goods and services of your company.

Just live each of these days 200% with the ten words of action that really make up your essence of growth - what you can give to the world.

By doing these exercises, you are sure to move closer to your true goals than you have been in the last few years, because you will be engaged in the most important thing a successful businessman or leader - the implementation of the "creator's strategy."

The formation of personality - difficult process interaction of intellectual and emotional development. AT last years more and more attention is paid to emotional intelligence, that is, “the ability to understand the meaning of emotions and use this knowledge to find out the causes of problems and solve these problems” (J. Mayer and P. Salovey). The concept of “emotional intelligence” is not new in pedagogy. Many scientists wrote about this phenomenon, but used other terms depending on the features of its expression: L.S. Vygotsky - "generalization of experiences", A.V. Zaporozhets - "emotional imagination", V.S. Mukhina - "reasonableness of feelings."

In addition, there are a number of qualities interconnected with emotional intelligence, including empathy, which initially means the process of empathy, that is, emotional penetration into the state of another (Yu.B. Gippenreiter, T.D. Karyagina, E.N. Kozlova).

The inability to understand one's own emotions and the emotions of other people, to correctly assess the reactions of others, as well as the inability to regulate one's own emotions when making decisions, lead to many failures in life. According to latest research, the success of a person depends on the coefficient of mental development by only 20 percent, and from the coefficient of emotional development - by almost 80 percent.

Basics future personality are laid already at preschool age, which, according to the definition of A. N. Leontiev, is the period of the initial, actual warehouse of the personality. Cardinal economic, political, social transformations and the process of globalization are having an impact on modern preschooler great influence and are subjected to such emotional trials to which human nature cannot naturally adapt. The surrounding reality to some extent either slows down emotional world child, or distorts the process of its development.

There is currently a large number of programs for the development of emotional intelligence of adults. However, in our opinion, this problem is most relevant for preschool age. According to American researchers, emotional intellect and the qualities associated with it contribute not only to the moral development of children, but also to their academic success.

It is very important to protect emotional sphere preschooler, do not limit its development to the system of trainings. “I love the idea that people can be taught to gain a deeper understanding of their own emotional lives and help them achieve their goals,” says founder Peter Salovey. - but what I do not like at all is the education of conformity! I am afraid that any campaign to increase emotional self-control in children will end up with them being coached on the “only right” emotional response in relation to this situation - laughter at a holiday, crying at a funeral, and so on.

A teacher of psychology at the National Institute for the Training of Kindergarten Teachers (Ho Chi Minh City, the Socialist Republic of Vietnam), a graduate student of the Department of General and Pedagogical Psychology of the Voronezh State Pedagogical University, offers his own version of the program for developing the emotional intelligence of children of senior preschool age. He believes: nowhere is it so clearly manifested emotional intellect as in the art of communication. Friendliness, tact, ability to assess the situation and properly responding to it all requires a developed sense of empathy.

Purpose of the program. The development of a preschooler's orientation to the role and significance of other people in his activities.

Tasks:
● Formation of preschoolers' interest in emotional experiences.
● Formation of ideas about basic emotions and feelings.
● Development of the ability to cooperate with other children.
The program consists of 20 lessons. The structure of each lesson:
- reading a story or poem;
- conversation on the content of the text;
- work on the selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people corresponding to the emotional states and experiences of the characters in the story or poem.
- holding one or two games.
Classes were held for six months in the preparatory school group of MDOU No. 138 in Voronezh.

Lesson on the story of K.D. Ushinsky "Playing Dogs"

Reading text.
Volodya stood at the window and looked out into the street, where a big dog, Polkan, was basking in the sun.
A little Pug ran up to Polkan and began to throw himself at him and bark; grabbed his huge paws, his muzzle with his teeth and seemed to be very annoying to a large and gloomy dog.
Wait a minute, she'll ask you! Volodya said. She will teach you.
But Pug did not stop playing, and Polkan looked at him very favorably.

You see, - Volodya's father said, - Polkan is kinder than you. When your little brothers and sisters start playing with you, you will certainly end up nailing them. Polkan, on the other hand, knows that it is a shame for the big and strong to offend the small and weak.

Conversation.
- What did Polkan do in the yard?
- How did Pug play?
- Did Polkan get angry?
- What, according to Volodya, could have happened if Pug had not stopped interfering with Polkan? Polkan acted as Volodya suggested, or not? Why?
- What did the father teach Volodya on the example of this case?
- How do you think kids feel when they are offended?

The game "Waves" (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. Learn to express with gestures a benevolent attitude towards peers.

Game progress
The teacher stands in a circle formed by the children and says: “There are usually small waves in the sea, and it’s so nice when they gently wash you. Let's now turn into sea waves, let's move as if we are waves, just like them, rustle and murmur, smile like waves when they sparkle in the sun. Then he invites everyone to take turns swimming in the sea. The bather becomes in the center, the "waves" surround him and, stroking, quietly murmur.

Lesson based on the story of M. Zoshchenko "At Grandma"

Reading text.

We are visiting grandma. We sit at the table. Lunch is served.
Our grandmother sits next to grandfather. Grandfather is fat, overweight. He looks like a lion. Grandma looks like a lioness.
The lion and the lioness are sitting at the table.
I keep looking at my grandmother. This is my mother's mother. She has White hair and dark, amazing Beautiful face. Mom said that in her youth she was an extraordinary beauty.
They bring a bowl of soup.
It is not interesting. I probably won't eat this.
But they bring pies. It's still nothing.
Grandpa pours the soup himself.
As I serve my plate, I say to my grandfather:
- Just one drop for me.
Grandpa holds a pouring spoon over my plate. He drips one drop of soup into my plate.
I am embarrassed looking at this drop.
Everyone laughs.
Grandpa says:
- He himself asked for one drop. So I fulfilled his request.
I didn't want soup, but for some reason I'm offended. I almost cry.
Grandma says:
- Grandpa joked. Give me your plate, I'll pour it.
I do not give my plate and do not touch the pies.
Grandpa says to my mom:
- He's a bad kid. He doesn't understand jokes.
Mom tells me:
- Well, smile same grandfather. Answer him something.
I glare at my grandfather. Quietly I say to him:
I will never visit you again...
Conversation.
- Why did the boy ask his grandfather to pour him only one drop of soup?
- What do you think, while fulfilling the request of the grandson, the grandfather was joking?
- We often joke about those we love. Do you think the boy in this story understands this or not? Why do you think so?
- How should we behave when people make fun of us so that they are not offended?
- What did the boy's grandfather feel when his grandson didn't realize that he was just joking?
- If you were in the place of a boy, what would you do when your grandfather made such a joke on you?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people corresponding to the emotional states of the characters in the story.

The game "Celebration of courtesy" (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. Stimulate the desire to please and support each other with the help of words.

“Today, in our group,” the teacher says, “a celebration of courtesy is announced! Polite people are distinguished by the fact that they never forget to thank others. Now each of you will have a chance to show your courtesy and thank others for something. You can walk up to anyone and say, "Thank you for being...". You'll see, thank you very much. Try not to forget anyone and approach everyone, because truly polite people are also very attentive. Ready? Then let's start."

Lesson on the poem by E. Moshkovskaya "The Hard Way"

Reading text.
I decided,
and I'm off.
I'm going
on this difficult journey.
I'm going
to the next room
where silently
my mother is sitting.
And have to
open the door.
And take a step...
And further...
and maybe ten more
ten steps!
And quiet
To her
come up,
and quiet
to tell:
"Sorry..."

Conversation.
- What is this poem about?
Why do you think it is so difficult to ask for forgiveness?
- How does a boy feel when he goes to his mother to ask for forgiveness?
- How do you feel when you have to ask for forgiveness?
How do people around us feel when we do bad things?
What is the continuation of this poem? What will the mother say to the boy?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people corresponding to the emotional states of the characters in the poem.

The game "Living Dolls" (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. Stimulate empathy, the desire to help others.

Game progress
The teacher divides the group into pairs and explains: “Imagine that your dolls come to life. They know how to speak, ask, run, etc. Let one of the couple remain a child, and the other turn into a girl doll or a boy doll. The doll will ask for something, and its owner will fulfill its requests and take care of it.” Offers to wash the hands of the doll, feed it, take a walk with it, put it to bed, etc. At the same time, he warns that the owner must fulfill all the whims of the doll and not force her to do what she does not want.
Having fully entered the game situation, the children continue to play on their own. AT next game they switch roles.

Lesson on the story of M. Zoshchenko "I'm not to blame"

Reading text.

We sit at the table and eat pancakes.
Suddenly, my father takes my plate and starts eating my pancakes. I roar.
Father with glasses He has a serious look. Beard. However, he laughs. He says:
- See how greedy he is. He is sorry for one pancake for his father.
I say:
- One pancake, please eat. I thought you were eating everything.
They bring soup. I say:
- Dad, do you want my soup?
Papa says:
- No, I'll wait until they bring sweets. Now, if you give me sweets, then you are really a good boy.
Thinking that for sweet cranberry jelly with milk, I say:
- Please. You can eat my sweets.
Suddenly they bring a cream to which I am not indifferent.
Pushing my saucer of cream towards my father, I say:
- Please eat if you are so greedy.
The father frowns and leaves the table.
Mother says:
- Go to your father, ask for forgiveness.
I say:
- I will not go. I am not guilty.
I leave the table without touching the sweet.
In the evening, when I am lying in bed, my father comes up. He has my saucer of cream in his hands.
Father says:
- Well, why didn't you eat your cream?
I say:
- Dad, let's eat in half. Why should we quarrel over this?
My father kisses me and feeds me cream from a spoon.

Conversation.
- What happened at the table during the meal? Do you think the father really wanted to eat his son's pancakes and cream?
- Why did the father frown and leave the table? How did he feel when the boy said: “Please eat if you are so greedy”?
- It often happens that our words or actions offend people dear to us. What do you think we should do to atone for our guilt in such situations?
- At the end of the story, the boy decided to make peace with his dad. How did he do it? If you were that boy, how would you reconcile with your dad?
- What did the father feel when the son decided to be the first to make peace with him?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people corresponding to the emotional states of the characters in the story.
The game "Animators" (I. Klimina).
Target. Develop the ability to non-verbally express your emotions.

Material. Drawings of children.

Game progress
The children look at the pictures. Then one of the participants in the game, using facial expressions and gestures, shows what is shown in one of the drawings, the rest guess.
If there are several answers, the educator explains that the same phenomenon or object has different people can cause different feelings, and everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Lesson on the poem by Y. Akim "My brother Misha"

Reading text.
Oh what a redhead he is
My new brother Misha!
And red hair
And red eyelashes
Wake up and have fun
When I see him.
Over the naughty Misha
The whole family is busy
But my brother is red
He does everything the way I do.
I jump, he jumps
Eat porridge - eat porridge
I ate a plate in an instant -
And he is in one sitting.
I don't hate Misha
Pushes me - I endure:
He is small, my redhead,
And I love him.

Conversation.
- What do you think, what should be the older brother and older sister?
- Do you have a brother or sister? Tell about them.
- How does your brother or sister feel when you behave aggressively towards them?
- What do you do when your brother or sister does not do what you would like?
- Draw portraits of your brothers or sisters and give them as a gift.
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people corresponding to the emotional state of the characters.
The game "Composite figures" (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. To form the ability to coordinate their own actions and behavior with the actions and behavior of other children, to take into account the influence of other children on their actions.

Game progress
The teacher sits the children around him and says: “Those of you who were in the circus or the zoo must have seen an elephant there. And who was not - saw his image in the picture in the book. Try to picture it. How many legs does he have? That's right, four. Who wants to be the feet of an elephant? Who will be the trunk? Etc. Thus, each child will depict some part of the elephant's body. The teacher helps the children to settle down in right order: in front - a trunk, behind it - a head, on the sides - ears, etc. Then he invites the elephant to walk around the room: each part must follow the sequence of movements.

Any real and fabulous animals (dog, caterpillar, dragon, etc.) can be used as a figure. If there are a lot of children in the group, you can complicate the game and make two animals that can communicate: shake hands, sniff each other, wag their tails when they meet.

Lesson on the poem by A. Barto "Loneliness"

Reading text.
No, I'm leaving for good!
Then I'll get bored with dad:
I come with questions
Then I don’t eat porridge,
Don't argue with adults!
I will live alone in the forest
Reserve strawberries.
It's good to live in a hut,
And I don't want to go home
As a dad, I like
Loneliness.
I will listen to the bird whistle
In the morning in the woods
I'm just a footballer
And there is no one to play with.
It's good to live in a hut,
Only bad at heart.
I'd rather be in the wilderness
I'll build huts for everyone!
I invite all the boys
I'll give everyone a hut.
I will write to my mom and dad.
Sending postcards to everyone!
Come for good!

Conversation.
- Why do you think the boy decided to live alone in the forest?
- And why then did he decide to invite both dad and mom and all his friends to his forest? Does he like being alone?
What is the role of the people around us in our lives? Do you think we can exist without their participation?
Did you smile when you read the last lines of the poem? Why? Is this poem happy or sad? Why do you think so?
Display and selection of pictures expressing the emotional states of people corresponding to the emotional states of the character of the poem.

The game "Old grandmother" (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. Stimulate empathy, the desire to support and help others.

Game progress
The teacher divides the group into pairs: grandmother (grandfather) - granddaughter (grandson) and explains: “Grandparents are very old, they don’t see or hear anything. They need to be taken to the doctor, and for this, grandchildren and granddaughters must transfer them across the road with heavy traffic.

The street is drawn with chalk on the floor. Several children in the role of cars run along the roadway. The guide needs to protect the grandmother (grandfather) from the cars, show the doctor (his role is played by the child), buy medicine and bring him home along the same road.

Lesson on the poem by A. Barto "Separation"

Reading text.
I do everything for my mom
I play scales for her
I go to the doctor for her
I study mathematics.
All the boys climbed into the river,
I was alone on the beach
For her after illness
Didn't even swim in the river.
For her I wash my hands
Eating some carrots...
Only now we are separated.
Mom in Pryluky
Fifth day on a business trip.
And tonight all evening
There is nothing for me to do!
And probably out of habit
Or maybe out of boredom
I put matches in place
And for some reason I wash my hands.
And the scales sound sad
In our room. Without mom.

Conversation.
- What does the boy do for his mother, and what - for himself?
- What can each of you do for mom?
- Describe the emotional state of the boy when he misses his mother.
- What can be done so that the boy does not feel so lonely?
- What do you do if your parents go somewhere for a long time? Why are you doing this?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people corresponding to the emotional state of the character of the poem.

The game "We work together" (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. To form the ability to coordinate their own actions and behavior with the actions and behavior of other children, to negotiate and cooperate with others.

Game progress
The teacher divides the group into subgroups of four children. He gives each of the subgroups a task: to wash the dishes, cook soup or plant a tree. Helps to distribute responsibilities (for example, one child digs a hole, another lowers a tree into a hole and straightens the roots, a third fills a hole, a fourth waters a tree). For five minutes, subgroups rehearse their skits. Then each subgroup shows a scene, and the rest guess.

Lesson based on the story of N. Nosov "Steps"

Reading text.
One day Petya was returning from kindergarten. That day he learned to count to ten. He reached his house, and his younger sister Valya was already waiting at the gate.
- And I already know how to count! Petya boasted. - AT kindergarten learned. Look how I now count all the steps on the stairs.
They began to climb the stairs, and Petya loudly counted the steps:
- Well, why did you stop? Valya asks.
- Wait, I forgot which step is next. I will remember now.
- Well, remember, - says Valya.
They stood on the stairs, they stood. Petya says:
- No, I can't remember that. Well, let's start over.
They went down the stairs. They started going up again.
- One, - says Petya, - two, three, four, five...
And stopped again.
- Forgot again? Valya asks.
- Forgot! How is it! I just remembered and suddenly forgot! Well, let's try again.
They went down the stairs again, and Petya started over:
One, two, three, four, five...
- Maybe twenty-five? Valya asks.
- Well no! You just stop thinking! You see, I forgot because of you! Will have to start again.
- I don't want to at first! Valya says. - What it is? Up, then down, then up, then down! My legs already hurt.
“If you don’t want to, don’t,” Petya answered. “I won’t go any further until I remember.”
Valya went home and said to her mother:
- Mom, there Petya counts steps on the stairs: one, two, three, four, five, and then he doesn’t remember.
“And then six,” said my mother.
Valya ran back to the stairs, and Petya kept counting the steps:
One, two, three, four, five...
- Six! Valya whispers. - Six! Six!
- Six! Petya was delighted and went on. - Seven eight nine ten.
It’s good that the stairs ended, otherwise he would never have reached the house, because he only learned to count up to ten.
Conversation.
- What did Petya learn in kindergarten?
- Whom did Petya meet at the gate of the house?
- What did Petya decide to show his sister? Did he manage to do it? Why?
- What did Petya say to his sister when he could not remember what number comes after five?
- How do you think Valya felt when Petya said that she was preventing him from thinking? Why do you think so?
- What did Valya decide to do to help her brother? Why did she do this?
- Think: if you were in Vali's place, what would you do to help your brother? Why?
- How do you think Petya felt when Valya helped him remember the score? Why do you think so?
- Should we help each other? Why?
Display and selection of pictures depicting the emotional states of people corresponding to the emotional states of the characters in the story.

The game "Conversation through glass" (E.O. Smirnova, V.M. Kholmogorova).

Target. To form the ability to take into account the emotional state of a peer, to repeat and transmit information received from him. Stimulate the desire to understand the other without words.

Game progress
The teacher helps the children to pair up, then says: “Imagine that one of you is in a large store, and the other is waiting for him on the street. But you forgot to agree on what you need to buy, and the exit is at the other end of the store. Try to negotiate purchases through the window glass. But remember that such a thick glass separates you that trying to scream is useless: your partner will not hear you anyway. After you have agreed, you can discuss whether you understood each other correctly. The teacher explains to one of the children with gestures what he should buy, and then asks if he understood everything. Then the children play on their own. The teacher monitors the progress of the game, helps if the players are at a loss. In the next game, the children switch roles.

Application

Techniques for developing the emotional intelligence of a child that parents can use:

Create a positive emotional background in the family. It contributes good health child. If he is not feeling well, he cannot think of others.
Talk to your child: ask about what happened to him today in kindergarten or in the yard, how he perceived various situations what emotions he had. Discuss what behaviors were possible, how those around him perceived his actions and how they would react to other behavior. Give the child the opportunity to express everything that he thinks, and then together with him choose the most appropriate way of behavior.
Remember that you are an example for your child. Children learn by imitating the actions of the people around them, and especially their parents.
Encourage your child to play with other children. It is in joint activities that the child acquires communication skills.
Help your child recognize emotional states from pictures and photographs found in magazines and newspapers.
Read stories and poems to your child that are “saturated” with emotions. Discuss with him the behavior of the characters and possible options behavior. Offer to make changes to the plot or come up with a different ending.
Remember that children who openly express their emotions get the opportunity to use them creatively in their lives. At the same time, it is important to talk about emotions and feelings, because when pronouncing, naming these mental states the child comprehends the emotional experience. But the regular suppression of emotions entails the appearance of fears and self-doubt, a decrease in the ability to learn.
Talk to your child on seemingly regular topics: why we should help each other, how the other person will feel if we help him, and if not; how we feel when we swear and when we try to calmly talk to each other; what to do if a friend is sad or happy; what to do if you are bored yourself; what to do if you have a cake, but your friend does not ... In all these situations, try to show the child how important it is to be oriented towards other people.
Relieve your child's stress with movement exercises.