Develop emotional intelligence: general tips and practical steps. Ways to Develop Emotional Intelligence

Do you want to manage your emotions, be happy without external stimuli? The highest level of development of emotional intelligence is all that is needed for this. It will provide a constant inner life that satisfies you (you will easily understand what you need right now), a rational and productive solution of issues without including unnecessary, unnecessary or dangerous emotions. It is easy to understand, manage and regulate one's own and others'. From the article you will learn exactly how to do this.

“To be happy, you need to constantly strive for this happiness and understand it. It does not depend on circumstances, but on oneself.” – Leo Tolstoy domestic writer and thinker.

Emotional control automatically implies mind control. You can’t be productive in a situation of emotional “slagging” or make serious decisions in moments of anxiety, anger,. Why develop emotional intellect? To think clearly and in the right direction than to speed up the flow of things in your life and ensure ease of communication and relationships.

A person who is able to control emotions is cheerful and active. His life is a world of opportunities and joy, for which it is impossible not to love it. His opposite is a hostage of negative and chaotic thoughts, a gloomy and dissatisfied type. For inappropriate emotions, he has to pay with health, money, reputation, sometimes life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) - the basis of charm, the ability to remain balanced in any situation. In addition, it is the key to productive and strong relationship in and in production. Understanding other people's emotions is an essential component for. And we have to communicate every day.

Emotional intelligence allows you to:

• express and understand emotions (own and others);
• include emotions in reasoning;
• evaluate emotions and determine their causes;
• control and manage emotions.

People with a high level of emotional intelligence:

• are more efficient and productive;
• more than others are satisfied with their appearance (especially girls) and weight;
• more accurately than others, emotions are determined by facial expressions;
• more responsible attitude to study, work (fewer passes for disrespectful reasons).

Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

You can determine for sure the level of EQ and the need for its development using special tests. However, there are several signs that make you suspect a low level of emotional intelligence:

• self-doubt, doubt about the correctness of actions;
• excessive self-criticism;
• problems and difficulties in communication, inability to find mutual language with people;
• modest and unprejudiced attitude towards other people.

How to develop emotional intelligence

We are talking about the development of a skill, respectively, the same methods of development are applicable as in the formation of other skills. But first, pay attention to the conditions of development:

• daily workouts;
• patience and discipline;
• high motivation.

Gaining control over your own, and even more so, other people's emotions is not easy. Do not expect an easy and quick victory, be prepared for difficulties and small steps back for a powerful leap forward. So, how to develop emotional intelligence:

1. Study yours. They influence what, when and how you feel. The conditions and specifics of decision-making are also determined by other mental characteristics. For example, due to innate reasons, it is very difficult for a choleric person to control emotions, and a phlegmatic person experiences obvious difficulties in understanding them. Conduct a full-fledged personal diagnosis using psychological techniques. Remember that a person changes daily, even innate features are corrected. Monitor yourself, commit changes with . You need to find out who you are, and only then learn to understand how you feel.
2. Be aware, relaxed and open. Knowing your emotions begins with meditation and relaxation, that is, gaining the maximum unity of the body and mind. Master these and others, for example, breathing. They will allow you to maintain and restore rationality in tense situations, limit you from making rash decisions.
3. Determine which component of emotional intelligence needs to be improved: expression and understanding of emotions, reasoning and comparison, assessment and search for causes, management. Determine your level of emotional intelligence.
4. Once you know your emotions, move on to studying other people. Start by trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Why is the person angry? Is he tired, offended, dissatisfied with his life? Do this exercise every day - come up with as many reasons (sources) as possible for a particular emotion (feeling).
5. Keep a mood diary and learn to differentiate emotions. Learn to express your feelings, distinguish anxiety from fear, and anger from resentment. Record the dynamics of feelings. This will allow you to determine the roots of emotions, the percentage of positive and negative and the prevailing emotions.
6. Develop, broaden your horizons. Limited thinking and perception also limits the understanding of emotions. Watch movies, read books, create, go to exhibitions. The more you are involved in large areas, the more you will learn versatile and unique people, realize the impossibility of generalization and the diversity of human feelings.
7. Break down your environment into vital and minor people. Focus your emotional intelligence on the first group. With loved ones, emotional communication should be especially interesting and meaningful. Surround yourself with those who want to learn from, harmonious and emotionally intelligent people.
8. Learn to think ahead, don't make promises you can't keep. Do not promise, even if you are sure that you can handle it. In addition to subjective factors, life is influenced by external stimuli that cannot always be predicted.
9. Shape and responsibility for own life. You are the source of all events in the script of life. Learn to be independent of external circumstances.

If you are aware of deep psychological problems and that prevent you from working independently on the development of emotional intelligence, contact a psychotherapist.

Exercises to develop individual EQ components

mindfulness

Plug your ears and strain your visual analyzer as much as possible. Take a close look at everything around you. Gradually, the picture should become brighter, and you will notice new details in your familiar environment.

Then close your eyes and strain your ears. Under normal conditions, we perceive sounds at a distance of a maximum of 1.5 meters from us. Concentrate, you should hear more.

The third step is to close your eyes and ears, feel. You must be aware of your body and its interaction with the outside world. You may feel a breeze or a sway.

It is enough to carry out the technique once a week to learn how to better recognize intonations and short-term facial expressions. You will be able to more accurately determine the true and hidden motives of the interlocutor, messages in your direction, as well as your reactions to this. In addition, you will better understand how the body reacts to certain emotions.

Adaptability (adaptation to situations)

Write down the names of the emotions on the cards. Pull out the cards one by one and depict the emotions that are written on them. The exercise can be carried out in the form of a game in the company.

Self-esteem

Define your "power pose". What it is? A pose that increases the level of dopamine - the hormone of joy, pleasure, activity, euphoria. The most popular power poses include: straight, extended posture, upturned nose and chin, raised hands. Standing in such positions in public is not worth it - they will not understand it that way. But at home, you need to devote a minute to your posture of strength. It is also effective to stand in this position before negotiations - during them it will be easier to remember and assimilate information, you will feel more confident.

Motivation

Write down 10 of your favorite activities. Now name each of them with one verb that conveys the content as accurately as possible. One verb - one month. Now 10 days in each month you need to live under the motto of a particular verb.

Afterword

Exists interesting opinion that emotional intelligence is wisdom. In this context, wisdom refers to the ability to combine the mind, logic and emotions. It can also be said that emotional intelligence is a complex of social skills, empathy, motivation (adequately overcoming failures and difficulties, perceiving new things, building plans and goals, striving for self-actualization), and awareness (awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions, body and behavior). Emotional intelligence is the balance of mind and heart, the golden mean that many dream of. It is possible and necessary to develop EQ and increase its level throughout life.

We want ourselves and our children to be successful and happy. But we often forget that it is impossible to put an equal sign between these concepts. You can be successful, but at the same time constantly feel unhappy. Or you can constantly experience difficulties in your studies or career, but treat them not as a tragedy, but as a step forward.

Why are emotions so important?

Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

Charles Swindoll, writer

The modern world is full of stressful situations that are difficult to handle even for adults, not to mention children. They do not understand and do not know what emotions they experience at one time or another, how to manage them, therefore they have a distorted idea of ​​what is happening. This leads to neurosis, apathy and other depressive states.

Exaggerated demands of teachers, instilling in a small person the importance of victory and superiority (many want to be the parents of winners) - all this is too heavy a load for fragile children's shoulders. The heavier this burden, the more important it is to deal with the feelings and experiences of the child.

Already in adulthood we see that people who cannot control their emotions have trouble in all areas of life, including in their careers.

When a person is overwhelmed by negative emotions and cannot objectively evaluate his feelings, desires and opportunities, a devastating effect is guaranteed.

Relations with others deteriorate, a person withdraws into himself, loses faith in himself, his strength or his professionalism, becomes irritable, becomes even more confused in his feelings. And then the question arises: “What level of emotional intelligence does he have?”

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is responsible for recognizing and correctly interpreting emotions. It is he who gives a person psychological flexibility and the ability to effectively interact with the outside world.

That is why the concept of "emotional intelligence" was first voiced in relation to career building and self-realization. However, psychologists immediately caught the infantile subtext in this, because the fundamental development of the personality occurs precisely in childhood.

For a child, the development of EQ is an opportunity to create a streamlined and understandable perception system that will allow you to effectively interact with people around you, perceive criticism correctly, recognize the feelings of adults and peers and adequately respond to them.

aggression, apathy, bad dream, absent-mindedness, inability to establish contacts with peers and other disturbing manifestations in the child's behavior are obvious signals that indicate the need to develop emotional intelligence.

How to develop emotional intelligence from childhood?

The most important thing in the life of any child is parental love. Love your child, show him tenderness and care. Tactile communication between mother and child does not lose its significance for children older than infancy.

Love makes every person feel secure and confident. This is a reliable foundation for the development of a successful personality.

In addition, it is very important to create the right associations with different emotions. Show your child real example what is joy. Maybe it's the smell of the cake? Maybe ringing a bell? What about friendship? Do you associate friendship with hugs? If not, then what does it look like in your imagination?

Create a colorful and bright world in which each feeling and sensation has its own color, aroma and taste. So you will not only open the doors to the world of emotions for the child, but also get closer to him, further strengthen the trust between you.

A similar method works for . Do not just read, but play fairy tales, tell children magic stories through the game or little performance. Play a scene in front of them, use tactile sensations, aroma oils, appropriate intonation - this will allow the child to feel the whole gamut of sincere emotions that a magical story evokes.

Each of these methods is well described in our book Monsiki. What are emotions and how to deal with them. Ours, because we created it together with my son Gleb, based on our own experience. It can safely be called detailed guide for parents, where one of the most effective methods EQ development is shown through interaction with fairy tale characters Monsic. Each of them represents a certain emotion and has skills that will help children understand these emotions and deal with them with various difficulties. Monsics are kind fairy creatures and a fairy tale is best perceived by a child.

Working on emotional intelligence in childhood is the key to successful development and well-being in the future.

Most likely, such a child, as an adult, will be able to avoid most of the psychological problems that modern society confronts us today.

Children are more receptive to everything new, their psyche is like plasticine - flexible and ingenuous. But what will be molded from this plasticine often depends only on adults. So let's start with ourselves.

Simple EQ Exercises

The EQ development methodology is simple and straightforward, but requires care and regular practice. Here are the most simple and effective exercises.

Mindfulness exercises

emotional diary

To learn to be aware of yourself here and now, write down every three hours the emotion that you experience in this moment. At the end of the day, isolate the prevailing emotion and think about what needs to be worked on.

After a couple of weeks, you will learn to feel in real time without any difficulties.

This exercise will be made more effective by a kind of check - an analysis of the physical state when experiencing a certain emotion. This practice is also good for improving health.

Stop!

How often are our actions accompanied by ? We do not think about what we are doing, but simply perform some familiar, regular manipulations. Exercise "Stop!" is to abruptly stop any action in order to get rid of inertia and allow yourself to think about the situation. Only in this way can you feel yourself here and now, begin to control your reality.

Self-Esteem Exercises

What a luck!

Teach yourself to think positively, reacting even to unpleasant events with the phrase: “What luck!”. Such a reaction will come as a surprise to others, but this fact will also benefit you, because then you will find even more advantages in the situation. To enhance the effect, you can use the phrase: "It's so great, because ...". Why? Think about it.

Sell ​​your flaw

An effective technique that allows you to interpret even the negative aspects of a person in a positive way. Tell the audience about your shortcoming in other words, give it a different color. For example, can caution be considered cowardice, and courage recklessness? But it all depends on which side you look at. The synthon approach relies on a positive approach to development. He says: you have no flaws, you have features.

You need to develop your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

With this approach, you can sell any of your shortcomings. For example, sell insecurity. Tell the audience honestly and truthfully how you, having this quality, before taking an important step, consider all options for events, look at various solutions, and only then take the most beneficial step for you.

Motivation Exercises

Openness to new

To develop this valuable quality in yourself, you can use a simple, but very effective exercise, which is to find as many options as possible for the most common things. Let it be a regular towel, an old bucket, or just a piece of cardboard. come up with the largest number options for how to use these things. It is not only interesting, but also fun. Therefore, practice this exercise with your family and children. They will have a great time and work on their imagination and ingenuity.

Two random words

Open any book or magazine, randomly select any two words from the text and try to find something in common between them. Compare them, analyze, reflect and make relationships. It's efficient and fun.

An exercise to increase adaptability

Finally - known method Elevator Pitch - presentation of your business project in 30-60 seconds. Imagine that you are your own business project. Start presenting yourself as brightly as possible, while remaining honest with yourself.

To get started, use this template:

1. Profession.
2. Hobby.
3. How do I change the world for the better?

Each of these exercises will help you become better emotionally and psychologically. However, do not take emotional intelligence as a universal key to success. Life is quite multifaceted. Therefore, improve your mind, body, soul and love yourself. After all, the only thing we have control over in this world is ourselves.

Quest "Reminders"

Set up a reminder system on your phone (at least 2 reminders a day). Do it randomly. At the time of the signal, determine what emotions you experienced immediately before the signal (most likely, at the time of the signal you will experience slight irritation J) remember and write it down.

Quest "Emotion Diary"

Get a notebook or notepad. Determine for yourself the most convenient time(morning evening). At this time, you will record the results of the day's work daily. Throughout the day, keep track of what emotions you experience, what caused these emotions, track the general background of mood.
At the time you choose, record the facts: what are the strongest emotions you remember today, at what moments they arose. Write down in the same way what sensations arose in the body during the experience of these emotions, what thoughts visited you at that moment?
Record your observations in free form or in a table

Fact (situation, person)

Thoughts
physical sensations
Emotions

Exercise "Settings about emotions"
This exercise allows you to analyze what attitudes you have about emotions? To do this, remember everything that comes to your mind: what your parents, teachers or others said significant people what you read in literature or saw in the movies, what proverbs, sayings and catchphrases about emotions?
After you have written down everything that you can remember, analyze how these attitudes and beliefs affect your behavior and / or emotional state? Would you like to change any of them?

Exercise "What does a negative emotion signal to us?"
Choose an emotion that you consider negative. Which you do not like and strive to hide with all your might. Recall situations in which you experienced this emotion.
. What do you think, what is the reason that she appeared precisely at these moments?
. What did she want to tell you? What is important to pay attention to? What
will change if you start listening to this information?
. How did this feeling help you? What was good about this emotion arising?
. What happens if you allow yourself to experience and sometimes express that emotion?
As long as we do not recognize the presence of an emotion, “do not see it”, we cannot see the situation as a whole well, that is, we do not have sufficient information. And of course, without recognizing the presence of some kind of emotion, we cannot part with it, it remains somewhere inside in the form of muscle clamps, psychological trauma and other troubles.

Exercises to Develop Skills to Understand the Emotions of Others

"Silent TV"
Turn on the TV and turn off the sound. Find some Feature Film and watch it for a while, observing the gestures, facial expressions and location in space of the characters and reflecting on what emotions they are currently experiencing. This is a very exciting process.
If you don't really enjoy watching feature films this way, watch some TV debates or the news. Watch a piece of a familiar movie and a piece of an unfamiliar one. What is the difference in the observation process? Does knowledge of the plot hinder or help to compare "non-verbal" with emotions? Compare films of different genres. American and French. What are the similarities and differences in non-verbal behavior in different cultures? Watch a movie where they play famous actors, and some cheap series. Compare the non-verbal expressions of the actors with real people in some reporting program.

"Public transport"
This game has an added bonus. To watch a silent TV, you need to have time, a TV or computer, and the consent of relatives to use it. When you are on public transport, you only need time that can be spent on useful activities. Therefore, when you are tired of the newspaper that you bought for a trip to the subway, or the book you took on the train or plane ran out, it is quite possible to switch to this game. What do these people feel? If you see a couple, what kind of relationship are they in? If someone tells something to someone, then a funny story or sad?

Exercises to develop the skills to manage your emotions

"Breath"
Develop a habit: if you become aware of an emotion, and you don’t like it and interfere, immediately begin to pay attention to your breathing and start breathing a little more slowly, paying attention to your exhalation.

"Bodily Methods"
Choose a bodily method of emotion management that can be used in almost any situation. For example, imperceptibly clench-unclench fists. Stand up on tiptoe a few times. Get up, walk around a bit and sit down again. Practice using it at least once an hour.

"Problems"
Write a list of current problems for you. Remember the maximum number of problems (note: at first, some difficulties may arise, and then the process will go - we know how to look for problems).
Now reformulate these problems into goals. Make sure to formulate goals in a positive way, that is, without using the “not” particle, as well as the words “quit”, “stop”, “stop”. Formulate goals as specifically as possible, be sure to determine the date by which you plan to achieve them.
Notice how your emotional state has changed from when you started.

"Resource State"
1. Exercise is best done while standing. Recall a situation, a moment in life when you were in a resourceful state. Recreate this situation, remember it in great detail: the resource state will reappear. Immerse yourself in your feelings, imagine yourself in this state.
2. Create a portrait of this state with the help of the following questions ...
Where exactly is "it" in your body?
What form is this feeling?
- What size is this feeling?
- What colour?
- What images and/or words come from the past?
- Does "it" have a temperature?
- What "it" to the touch?
What is the limit of this feeling?
- Does "it" move?
- What material does it look like: wood, metal, air, water, cotton wool?
- Can it be moved?
3. Set a threshold in front of you or draw a line and go beyond it while in a resourceful state.

"Boast"
Every day, write down what you did well and successfully today. What did you do? What made you happy?
We do not urge you to constantly be in positive mood. As we remember, fear, anger and sadness are also useful emotions, and by allowing only positive emotions into our lives, we lose a large number of information and we may miss something important. At the same time, when we are positively disposed, it is much more difficult for us to upset or piss us off. Thus, a positive approach gives us a solid footing and a kind of protection against undue influence on us. unpleasant events and emotions.

Exercises to Develop Skills for Managing the Emotions of Others

Exercise "Emotional balance"
Choose any personal or business relationship that is meaningful to you. For personal relationships, it is enough to remember a period from several days to a week; for business relationships, it is better to take a longer period - one to two months. Divide the sheet with a vertical line in half, designate the left column as “+”, the right column as “-”. Write down in the left column all your actions that, in your opinion, improved the state of your account (those actions that improved the mood of your partner), in the right - worsened it. See how you have affected your emotional balance in these relationships for given period. Have you been able to improve it or at least keep it the same? Or does the number of actions in the right column begin to depressingly prevail?
If you're the type of person who only has a bunch of great actions in the left column, ask yourself if you're balancing this out too? Are you giving too much to your partners and asking too little in return?
In both cases, it is worth drawing up a plan of action that will help you maintain a balance in a more or less balanced state. It is useful to carry out such an analysis for yourself at least once a month for the most significant figures and "accounts" and once every few months - for people important to you.

Exercise "Emotional motivators in my company"
Think about it and write down what you can do to maintain a constant atmosphere of drive, excitement and enthusiasm in your company.

One of the remarkable results of the development of emotional intelligence is the reduction negative emotions. Developed emotional intelligence allows you to quickly deal with the causes of negative emotions, and then soberly assess the situation and respond to it reasonably, instead of experiencing them for a long, long time.

Since the 40s of the last century, studies have been repeatedly conducted, the purpose of which was to identify the relationship of school or university academic achievements with further success or failure. successful life students. It turned out that in order to achieve your goals, it is very important to be able to get along with people: to understand someone else's reaction and be able to predict it, negotiate and cooperate.

Not everyone succeeds in this: there are things that do not contribute to this:

Immune to non-verbal cues. It occurs in about one in ten: this is a bad sense of the interlocutor's personal space, the inability to establish eye contact, the inability to start, maintain or end a conversation on time, a misinterpretation of the interlocutor's facial expression.

Conflict Avoidance Behavior. People who feel unloved, lonely, burdened with worries, are not at all inclined to contacts with others. They prefer to mope alone than to try to solve their problems.

Aggressiveness. Nobody likes aggressive people - neither children, nor even adults. People who have chosen aggression as the basic (and sometimes the only) reaction to everything that happens quite quickly find themselves in isolation.

Click on the picture to enlarge.

Majority successful people have developed emotional intelligence. There are several reasons for this.

Firstly, the development of emotional intelligence allows you to get rid of many fears and doubts, to start acting and communicating with people to achieve your goals.

Secondly, emotional intelligence allows you to understand the motives of other people, “read them like a book.” And that means finding the right people and communicate effectively with them.

Thirdly, emotional intelligence can be developed and improved throughout life, unlike IQ.

How to improve your emotional intelligence.

1. Any emotion must be conscious. negative emotions- especially. You can lie to anyone but yourself, especially when it comes to socially acceptable behavior. You have the right to admit to yourself (and no one else): "This film is considered a ridiculous tearful melodrama, but I was terribly moved by it."
2. How are you doing with your vocabulary? How many words do you use to describe feelings? Try to quickly list a dozen of any emotions. If you're stuck after "tough", "wow" and "freaky", it's time to expand vocabulary. Otherwise, how can one learn to distinguish one feeling from another, if there are not even names for them?
3. What emotions are in general, you can learn from others. Moreover: it’s even quite good to be aware of the feelings of those people with whom you communicate. Are you sure that you are one hundred percent aware of their emotions? What if you ask? Or if you share your feelings and ask for a response?
4. Surrounding - generally inexhaustible. I remember that the notorious Homer Simpson reduced Bart's upbringing to one thing: with a cry of "Oh, you bastard," he rushed to strangle him. In real life, such behavior does not look so comical. Observe others: in what ways they react to demands, to claims, to good news, to aggression, to compliments. Find (in your mind first) new ways of responding to typical situations. What feelings can they express?
5. How are you with your locus of control? It is believed that the internal locus of control (there is a feeling that

“Emotions lead to delusions and this is their value, the value of science is in its unemotionality.”

"The Picture of Dorian Grey".

Have you ever noticed how emotions distort or transform reality? In psychology, there is a special term "Emotional Intelligence" and it has a special designation - EQ. They started talking about him again at the beginning of the Zero. Let's talk about what this concept is and how to develop emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence management became of interest to me long before I heard this term. It was an intuitive understanding that the development of a situation, or the lack of results, is influenced not only by my thoughts, but also by my reaction to them, my emotional state. Rather, it is emotions that form thoughts, and not vice versa. negative thoughts appear precisely because a person does not have complete information about ongoing events, experiences, experiences fear, resentment, anger, and from certain expectations. Agree, most conflicts arise because our loved ones do not behave the way we expect them to. Psychologists note that clarifying the relationship, or who is right, occurs because a person does not receive strong, vivid, positive sensations from reality, and the struggle is designed to compensate for this shortcoming.

Stressful situations become a gold mine for a certain circle of people. This includes soothsayers, magicians, fortune-tellers, psychics. Various sessions act like morphine, they remove the negative for a while, leaving positive experiences and a feeling of relaxation. As a result, the client comes again to get not the prediction itself, but the confidence that everything will be in order. This is at best.

Some of the psychics and magicians deliberately increase the level of anxiety of clients in order to inspire even more fear and, in this way, lure large sums of money. They cling to what is important to a person: relationships with a loved one, health, and so on. Emotional intelligence exercises helped me move away from constant feelings of fear and anxiety, think soberly and seek constructive solution problems without resorting to third parties for help. I will talk about several effective techniques.

The concept of emotional intelligence

Psychologists Kahneman and Smith conducted research in the field of behavioral psychology, for which they were awarded nobel prize. They managed to prove that most people, when making decisions, are guided by emotions, not logic.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to see one's strengths and weaknesses and accept them in other people, the ability to share personal feelings and facts. Allocate low and high level emotional intelligence. A low level of emotional intelligence is characterized by such emotions:

• envy;
• criticism;
• condemnation;
• tunnel vision of the situation (a person sees only one possible variant developments and, most often, in negative tones);
• suppression of feelings;
• a high level of emotional intelligence is characterized by:
• mental flexibility;
• variability of thinking (a person can find many options for the development of events and work out each of them in detail);

EQ - intelligence helps to find a common language with people of different social groups and ages. Emotional intelligence management is useful in business, sales, and any team work that requires organizing and inspiring people.

Why is it needed

Not everyone understands why it is necessary to develop EQ - intelligence. There are several reasons for this:

1. Adequate assessment of one's own capabilities, acceptance of strong and weaknesses own personality, effective use of internal resources.
2. Understanding the causes of certain emotions.
3. understanding and careful attitude feelings of people around, family.
4. Understanding the needs of other people and building a line of behavior based on them.
5. Acceptance and understanding of the conditions of objective reality.
6. Management of emotions, quick search for solutions in a given situation.

You will receive not only emotional stability, but also the respect of other people, both in the team and from the management. A person who can understand others can grow a good leader. You can, for example, write your own book on managing emotions, or become the head of a company, or maybe in the future you will conduct personal growth trainings yourself? Today this direction is very popular, the experience of people who, without special education were able to understand themselves and rise to a new level of well-being.

Such masters include, for example, Joe Vitale, who became a multi-millionaire after a few years of living on the street, or Niko Bauman, who wrote a series of books on the power of mental focus without special education. The young author founded his own online school, conducts webinars and intensives in which he teaches people to control their attention and direct emotions in the right direction.

stages

Experts distinguish 4 stages of development of emotional intelligence:

1. Clear and intelligible communication with other people, the ability to listen and the ability to explain expectations. The ability to motivate people to action, teamwork, leadership of a small group of people, the ability not to get involved in open conflict.
2. Feeling comfortable in large group people, regardless of whether you classify yourself as an introvert or extrovert, the ability to understand the emotions of other people, rare cases of misunderstanding with someone.
3. Knowing and accepting all the positive and negative aspects of your personality, comfortable existence with them, understanding your emotions and their influence on ongoing events.
4. Skillful management of emotions, limiting them destructive influence, the ability to fulfill promises and obligations, maintaining long-term relationships, acting according to circumstances.

Development Methods

Let's take a look at 7 main ways to develop emotional intelligence in adults.

1. Refrain from sharing feelings. From an early age we are taught to divide things into categories: this is good, this is bad, there is black and white. But such a division is very subjective, because in general you don’t know what prompted a person to commit a not too good deed from the point of view of society. Maybe if you were in that situation, you would do worse. This is me to the fact that there are semitones in the world. Anger, for example, is classified as a bad emotion, but there is a hidden desire for everything to become better than it is, and this is already a positive side. For many people, during a fit of anger, a source opens up. inner strength. Refusal to separate emotions into “good” and “bad” helps to understand the reason for the emergence of those that are commonly called negative.
2. Write down the emotions you experienced during the day. By keeping notes in a diary, you can easily track what triggered the experience. In addition, over time, you will be able to track how your reaction to a similar situation has changed. Write without limiting yourself and you will understand what makes you worry, how you react, for example, to fear, and what makes you move on.
3. Observe the people and situations that make you feel the wave strong emotions. Describe in the diary the physical sensations of the experienced emotions.
4. If you find it difficult to track and write down your emotions, watch your preferences: what you prefer to watch, listen to, read about, what fills your mind day by day. What songs or films do you feel an inner connection with, why did you make this choice? Which characters and why do you feel inner sympathy? Answering these questions will help you start tracking your emotions.
5. Sometimes our emotions and words are spoken by other people, in the lines of a song, in a speech, in a movie. They experience the same emotions as you, which makes you feel a certain euphoria. You can remember a few catchy episodes.
6. The surest way to understand another person is to put yourself in their place. Think about how you would feel under those circumstances or if the other person told you what you said.
7. Think over the worst scenario of the development of events, what will you do in this case, how can you get out of the situation? This will help you calm down.

Own your emotions, do not let them control you, you are the masters of your life. Even the most unpleasant situation can be changed simply by looking at it from a different point of view. By sorting out what makes you uncomfortable, you can become strong personality, after all internal state does not depend on the money in your pocket, or on the position, or on the presence or absence of a partner nearby. You are the creator of everything that happens, it is in your power to take off or fall.