About love, power and the power of love Victoria's story We met a long time ago, about 3 years ago. He was already a deputy, and I was a newcomer to the near-political get-together and was just starting my journey in this field of activity, which is not easy for a woman. He is the darling of fate: young, handsome,

All ages are submissive to love. All love is true and beautiful in its own way, as long as it is in the heart and not in the head. V. Belinsky Remember wonderful children's story V. Dragunsky "What do I love"? A young hero, trying to answer the question that became the name of this

Favorite phrase of philosophers, poets and alcoholics:). And Pliny the Elder said this: “In vino veritas, in aqua sanitas” - “truth is in wine, and health is in water.” That is, if you want to find the truth - drink wine, but if you want to stay healthy - water!

Love for all ages

This is a quote from "Eugene Onegin", which went to the people, is used everywhere in the sense that, they say, a person has the right to love at any age. Usually they talk about the feelings of older people, often justifying their passion for the young. And no one remembers that in Pushkin's work it had a detailed continuation. And it gives it a completely different meaning.

Love for all ages; But to young, virgin hearts Her impulses are beneficial, Like spring storms to fields: In the rain of passions they freshen, And they renew themselves, and ripen - And the mighty life gives And lush blossom and sweet fruit. But at a late and fruitless age, At the turn of our years, The dead trace of passion is sad: So the storms of cold autumn turn the meadow into a swamp And expose the forest around.

End justifies the means

How do we understand this? That if the goal is important to us, then we can achieve it by any means, including those far from morality and law. But this phrase has an author - the founder of the Jesuit order, Ignatius de Loyola. And in the original it sounds like this: "If the goal is the salvation of the soul, then the goal justifies the means."

About the dead is either good or nothing

This phrase has become such a kind of code of honor. They say that only good things can be said about the dead. If you can’t say good things, it’s better to remain silent out of respect for their memory. The author is the ancient Greek politician and poet Chilon, who lived already in the 6th century. BC e. I didn’t even think of instilling ethical principles there. “About the dead is either good, or nothing but the truth,” he believed. That is, if you have something bad to say about a dead person, please say so. The main thing is that this is true. And this statement of Chilo was preserved thanks to the historian Diogenes Laertes, who cited it in his work “The Life, Teaching and Opinions of Illustrious Philosophers”.

Live and learn

Well, it's a phrase of phrases! Everyone uses it in life a million times, and always with a thoughtful-philosophical expression on his face. And for the first time we heard it from teachers at school in the sense that we can’t get away from teaching, and we will have to do this for the rest of our lives. We use this expression and when we first learned about something or received some new experience. And what did the author put into it, Lucius Annei Seneca himself? "Live a century - learn a century how to live." Not to say that the meaning is opposite, but still different.

Exception proves the rule

Agree, it sounds somehow strangely illogical. Still would! After all, her "master" - the great Cicero could not say such nonsense. And it was like this: a certain Lucius Cornelius Balba Sr. was accused of illegally obtaining Roman citizenship. At the hearing, Cicero spoke in defense of the accused. And won the case brilliantly. Thanks to his argument, the distorted part of which went down in history. At that time, there were agreements between states on the mutual recognition of Rome. They had a clause that excluded dual citizenship. That is, residents of neighboring countries could not become citizens of Rome without renouncing their former citizenship. Balba therefore appeared before the court because he had dual citizenship (Pompey helped him get a Roman one).

Cicero drew the attention of the court to the fact that in some agreements there is such an exception. This means that agreements that do not contain it are subject to opposite rule, and, accordingly, allow dual citizenship. For if there is an exception, then there must be a rule from which the exception follows, even if the rule itself has not been formulated.

That is, the phrase should sound correct: the existence of exceptions to the rules confirms the existence of rules.

Religion is the opium of the people

The famous phrase from Soviet times meant that religion is harm and evil for people, just like a drug. And here is the original: “Religion is the air of an oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and also the soul of a soulless situation. Just as it is the spirit of a soulless order, religion is the opium for people!” Karl Marx, "On a Critique of the Hegelian Philosophy of Law", 1843. That is, religion is not evil at all, but, on the contrary, salvation, Marx believed.

I am 46 years old and I am married, she is 20 years old and the distance between us is 4000 km. We live in different countries.

If I had been told a year ago that I was capable of falling in love again for real, to the point of shivering, I would probably have said that it was impossible. Previously, it seemed to me that a real feeling of love, and not falling in love with another person, can only be experienced at a young age. I was sadly mistaken! All ages are submissive to love - this is not just a beautiful line from Pushkin's poem, this is a life truth!

Where does love begin? We ask this question most often only when we lose it. After all, when everything around us blooms and sings, we do not think about anything, but simply follow the call of the heart. But if a moment comes when from the very height of heaven we fall to the ground and lose our treasure, we try to understand, realize, accept. And when nothing good comes out of it, we ask ourselves the question: “How did it all begin? How did it all turn around so quickly? Where did this love come from?

It all started on vacation. The first time I saw her was at the reception in a hotel.

The first glance at a person so unfamiliar to me, an acquaintance, a conversation about nothing.

It all starts with physical attractiveness. For example, how do guys think? “Wow, what a figure, what a face, I like her!” On this basis, there is a physical attraction to anything usually non-committal.

And now, after checking in, I go to the sea, and a spectacular scantily clad blonde with gathered hair from behind in glasses and tattoos comes towards me. I don’t recognize her naturally (she was with her hair down, in jeans), but my brain sends me a signal - Sexy. But when she lays down on a sunbed nearby, I understand it's her! Then there were wonderful days, or rather evenings. Alcohol, laughter and fun, conversations on various topics. It was good and easy, and most importantly, I felt as if I had known this person for a very long time.

But then it was time to part. light hug, familiar words when saying goodbye. But in my heart I felt some kind of sadness. But there was no feeling of love yet, rather, there was a feeling of affection, well, maybe easy love.

And here I am at home and soon went to work. We start chatting. And here a feeling of some kind of inferiority of my life gradually began to roll over me. Like I'm missing something. Appetite disappears, it's time for sleepless pastime. At home, at work, in general, everywhere I start thinking only about her! And then everything becomes clear to me - I fell in love!

Be that as it may, all the greatest feelings begin with a thought. A strange thought creeps into our head, which gives a signal to the whole body that calm times are over. She crept in to me a long time ago, just hiding in the bins of the heart. The thought that without this person the days are grey-gray, the music sounds quieter, and the colors of the rainbow are much less. I want to talk about this feeling, but there is no one.

I become different from myself. I start doing stupid things for which I am still ashamed. I talk to her several times on the phone, but when I hear her angelic favorite voice, I'm stupidly lost as a teenager and don't know what to say. And this is me, a person who can talk on any topic for hours, "the soul of the company."

But here's the paradox of our relationship - we didn't have sex. Probably, everyone will be surprised at this and say, well, everything that you said earlier is complete nonsense! What can be love without intimacy? After all, it is the game of hormones that leads to the emergence of emotions and affection. Maybe this is so, I will not argue, at least when I was in love in my youth everything was different. But don't think that love and sex mean the same thing to me. The latter is only the usual satisfaction of physical needs, while love for me is an inseparable combination of sexual and spiritual attraction.

And now I find out that my loved one told me not the truth about his work. She is a webcam model. For me it was an unexpected shock. I was confused, I did not know what to do, I did not find a place for myself. I admit, I even showed weakness, I cried. In another situation, I would immediately end all relations with this person. But I loved! And so I accepted it.

Not much time has passed and new blow. I learn that she periodically needs sex. I am terribly jealous, although I understand that this person does not owe me anything and can do as he pleases. But it still hurts me!

It is necessary to appreciate love, remember every moment, every look and smile of your beloved, and it doesn’t matter if love starts slowly or very quickly, the main thing is that it is in us, in our hearts!

Well, here I am, finally, and expressed my thoughts, which have been tormenting me for some time. Did it get easier for me after that? This is an interesting question!

0 Today we quote the great writers and poets of the past, without even thinking about the meaning that they put into this or that work. In this article we will talk about a single line " Love for all ages".
However, before continuing, I would like to recommend you a few more useful articles on the subject of phraseological units. For example, what does it mean Do you love to ride, love and carry sleds; how to understand the expression Who does not work, then does not eat; who said Get up Count, great things await you; which means Do not believe, do not be afraid, do not ask, etc.
So let's continue who said love is submissive to all ages?

Love for all ages- this is a quote from the eighth chapter of the poetic novel " Eugene Onegin"

Now, many older people who get married / get married for those who are thirty or forty years younger than them, they find justification in Pushkin's lines. After all, even if HE allowed it, then it means you can fall in love and love, and they quote his words on every corner.

In our time, this has become so commonplace that even in various encyclopedias, given quote used as an excuse" unequal marriage ". However, if you read a few more paragraphs on this page more carefully, you will understand that this line is not a resolution at all, but rather a warning. The point is that older people dream less about carnal pleasures, but think about their soul .

It is clear that love can "cover" any person even in old age, but the consequences of such a step will be more likely negative. However, this does not mean that Pushkin refuses to love everyone, quite the contrary.

Some researchers who have studied creativity Pushkin, tend to consider an incorrect interpretation of the phrase "All ages are submissive to love", the popularity of the opera "Eugene Onegin", the author of the libretto was Konstantin Shilovsky. It is with his name that the incorrect interpretation of this line is connected.

Now many lovers of poetry believe that creativity Pushkin rather primitive, if you look at it from a modern point of view. Although some poetry lovers tend to find in his lines a hidden, hidden meaning that not everyone can unravel and understand.

This book is dedicated to the memory of my beloved husband, Robert Rice. Although Robert died before I could write the book, it is as much his brainchild as it is mine. “You do me the honor of doing your job,” his words ring in my ears. So, Robert, this book is for you. In your honor. With memories of our great love.

NAKED AT OUR AGE: TALKING OUT LOUD ABOUT SENIOR SEX

Copyright © 2011 by Joan Price

Reproduced with permission from Seal Press, an imprint of Perseus Books, Inc. (USA) with the assistance of the Alexander Korzhenevsky Agency (Russia)

© Melnik E.I., translation into Russian, 2014

© Design. Eksmo Publishing LLC, 2014

Foreword

Betty Dodson

Joan Price has written a wonderful book about an unfairly maligned group, the sexy old people. Many people think that sex for the elderly is something inconsequential, disgusting or worthy of ridicule. But you guys can wipe the smirk off our faces - and accept it as a fact: life expectancy is increasing and many of us are still self-sufficient and quite interested in maintaining sexual activity. It's time to come to terms with the fact that - if you're lucky! “You too will someday be old.” And, of course, you want to keep some form of sexuality.

Throughout my life, most of my thoughts, conversations, drawings, articles, and books have centered on sexual themes. Despite the benefits of years of erotic focus, staying sexually active at an advanced age requires a concerted—and rather strenuous—effort. It takes a lot of courage to age in style, along with a healthy sense of humor. Now I don't care "what people think": I don't care that I can make myself look stupid. Instead, I continue to live "out loud" - proud of my sexuality.

Masturbation is our first natural look sexual activity. This is how we learn to love our genitals, this is how we discover unprecedented pleasure. Once masturbation enters the lexicon of sexuality and enjoys the respect it deserves, we will enter a new phase of social harmony with ourselves, our relationships, our families - and with the community as a whole.

As our bodies change, so does our ability to have sex. You will find a detailed discussion of these issues in Joan's book. Even our sex with ourselves changes, but it rarely disappears completely if the person has enjoyed an active sex life. Those of us who have spent much of adult life, enjoying various aspects of sex, will be able to find ways - and continue in the same spirit.

In the early 80s, when I was in my fifties, I went into menopause. Margaret Mead wrote that older women develop "postmenopausal fervor"—the desire to devote themselves with renewed vigor and vigor to a hobby or creative project.

Instead of fearing this change and seeing it as the end of my childbearing years—which would mean I became less desirable sexually—I saw menopause as the beginning of a new life.

As I approached my sixty years, I felt the need to challenge the aging process more decisively. The hip joints became stiff and painful, and I faced physical difficulties. When the pain in my hips got so bad that I couldn't comfortably spread my legs to let my partner penetrate me, I decided to have a bipolar hip arthroplasty at the age of 67. A year later, I felt reborn.

One of the most important things I've learned about mature sex with a partner is taking turns. It allows each person to fully focus on building sexual arousal up to orgasm. To get an orgasm, I have to focus entirely on my own body and sensations. This is rarely discussed as we continue to act as if sex with a partner is something that is happening. naturally rather than a complex art form requiring skill and practice. Today, assisted masturbation is one of my favorite forms of achieving shared orgasms. I can also use a vibrator during intercourse by putting it on the clitoris. Vaginal penetration is often the culmination of pleasure for a partner, but for me, this is just the beginning.

Take note: Most men, both young and older, love it when a woman talks about her sexual preferences; they feel better when she makes it clear what she wants. After all, sex is just a game, and it's not fun when we suppress our enjoyment by pretending we want the same thing as our partners.

The decade that began after the 70th anniversary, which I consider as "the youth of old age", turned out to be even more delightful than I could have imagined. It was the best sex in my life with a partner - with a man who was not yet thirty! I wrote about this ten-year-old love affair in Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersex.

Now, once again free woman at the age of 81, I am perfectly aware of my aging body, completely covered with a scattering of age spots; her rounded belly, which pulls her lower back and causes pain, and this wrinkled skin. At such moments, I remember that I need to sum up everything in which I was lucky. I'm still able to walk, talk, laugh, sing, dance, write - and have an orgasm whenever I want with one of my many vibrators and fantasy. I love Carlin Ross and my website, www.dodsonandross.com, where I answer questions about sex from people all over the world. My professional background as an artist and certified sexologist is a perfect complement to Carlene, who was a former lawyer and Internet savvy.

While we may agree with Betty Davies, “Getting old is not for girls,” no one has told us that there is something about aging. the good side– for example, the freedom that comes with knowledge; or that it doesn't matter "what people think"; or enjoying the fruits of our labors.

I see aging as the ultimate test. Instead of being afraid of the “grim reaper” that roams the shadows to snatch us away to some terrible unknown place, I prefer to see death as my final product, as the ultimate orgasm that will happen when the life force leaves the body. But until then, I will continue to look for ways to enjoy my aging body. As long as I can access my mind, searching for sexual memories and fantasies—while bringing a vibrator up to my clitoris for another orgasm—I'm ready for the long haul, heading for my centenary. And maybe even further...

May Joan's book inspire you to enjoy your sex life for the rest of your days.

Betty Dodson

New York, 2010

Introduction

I started writing about age sex after I fell in love with the artist Robert Rice (yes, his last name was only one letter different from mine), at the age of 57, who was then 64 years old. We reveled in our intimacy, our spicy and uplifting sexuality.

Our sexy love story prompted me to write a candid book celebrating age sex: Better than I thought: straight Talk about sex after sixty "(Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty), published by the publisher Seal Press in 2006 year. I set myself a gigantic task: to speak out loud about age-related sexuality and prove that neither age nor wrinkles are an obstacle to hot sex.

I performed in bookstores, in specialty sex shops for women, in exhibitions dedicated to the elderly, even in a nudist resort, where many of my listeners sat naked (I remained clothed). During my travels and meetings with people in conversations, two common topics. Women and men would start conversations with me by saying, “Well, it’s great that you have such great sex, but I don’t, and here’s why…” And the men in the audience said, “The book is Better than I expected” – for women. But what about us? Where is the book on our problems?”

I realized that I had to write a new book about age-related sex, this time aimed at both women and men, and now addressing their problems directly. I have interviewed the baby boomers, the elderly and the elderly who had their own anxieties associated with aging. I rewrote the questionnaire I used for Better Than I Expected, focusing more on the problems than the pleasures. I sent out email this questionnaire to readers who have already contacted me, and conducted further interviews on her blog, in other blogs for those in their fifties, in her lectures and seminars. In the introduction to the questionnaire, I asked respondents to answer in detail any question they were concerned about and ignore the rest—or simply tell their story in their own way. I promised confidentiality - the participants had to choose a "code name" for themselves (whatever they liked), and no one but me would know their real identity.

As I read through these questionnaires, I began to make a list of topics that popped up all the time and note which interviews related to which topics. I then took extracts from each questionnaire and turned them into a reader's "story" while retaining the participant's personal style and vocabulary.

Of course, I do not know the answer to every question, but I know where to look. I contacted experts in this field, asking them to answer questions. Some of the experts are highly specialized, such as those related to sexuality and cancer, erectile dysfunction, or vaginal pain. Others – psychologists or sex therapists – deal with a wide range of issues. I selected my expert for each specific story; their answers became sources of information and advice contained in each chapter.

So was born A new book. Each chapter deals with a specific age-related sexual problem – and includes both stories from questionnaires and advice from experts.

I was working on this book when Robert, who was in remission from chemotherapy for leukemia and lymphoma, was diagnosed with a new cancer: multiple myeloma. This type of cancer interferes with the ability of the bone marrow to produce healthy blood. I put the book aside and focused on loving Robert, exploring possible medical options, our closeness, and trying to appreciate the precious moments that remained.

Robert suffered from extreme chronic fatigue. His fragile bones were breaking - he was aging and weakening before my eyes. But almost to the very end, we continued to talk about this book: about what should be in it and why it is so important to write it, no matter what happens in our personal lives. He said many times in all seriousness: "Promise me that you will continue to do your job."

Robert died in August 2008. I fell into an abyss of grief and depression. She continued to collect interviews, but in general she abandoned work on the book for more than a year. I couldn't focus to work even though my promise to Robert kept ringing in my head.

Women and men, in partnerships and singles, straights and homosexuals - they all speak honestly here about how their life has changed with age. sex life and relationships, how they see themselves, their partners, or their loneliness. Many of the people in this book are having unsatisfactory sex or not having sex at all and are looking for possible solutions, as well as help offered generously and generously by sex therapists, medical professionals, counselors and other experts involved in the creation of the text. To learn more about the people who give this advice, see the "Meet Our Experts" section at the end of the book.

My new book talks about the myriad changes in body and mind that affect sexuality. From the stories that have been sent to me, it is clear that she is not affected by any one single medical problem, hormonal disorder, or marital conflict. Many physical and psychological aspects are responsible for the ups and downs in sexual responses and satisfaction. The older we get, the stronger one change shapes the other. A bad back, prostate cancer, a late divorce all affect mood, self-image, communication with a partner and bodily sensations, as well as sexual reactions. Before you is not just a book about sexuality; this is the story of vitality, about the ability to recover from difficult trials in order to continue to love.

I love receiving letters from readers. I hope you write to me [email protected]) and read my blog on sex and aging www.NakedAtOurAge.com where we continue the conversation we started in the book.

Joan Price

Sevastopol, California

Chapter 1
The old way doesn't work anymore!

During the third and fourth decades of our lives, we master the basics of sexuality. When you hit forty and fifty, the fundamentals begin to shift, and after the sixth or seventh decade, many experience a significant decline in sexual activity. Our bodies, sexual responses, and relationships begin to change—and don't always behave the way they used to.

But with self-knowledge, creativity, good communication, and a sense of humor, we can move in time with these changes—and get the Earth spinning again. Sex may not feel or look the same now as it once did, but even today it can be supremely exciting and satisfying.

This chapter provides advice on common age related sex and relationship issues. The chapters that follow deal with specific issues in detail.

Work with what works - and talk about it

One woman wrote to me: "I used to get turned on by touching breasts, but now I can't stand it." She described how her husband "squeezes" her breasts - and she loses all desire. Shortly thereafter, I received an email from a man who wrote, "My wife always liked it when I touched her breasts, but now no matter how hard I try, it doesn't seem to turn her on."

I can't say for sure that these two are husband and wife, but everything fits together. She couldn't tell him that she didn't want him to touch her breasts anymore, and he thought he was just not doing it actively enough. The moral is: "Talk to each other!"

Often communication deteriorates when old methods no longer work. We don't want to offend or offend a partner who is trying so hard to please us, so we don't start a conversation about what we need right now. But it is necessary to convey to the partner that now we experience our feelings in a different way. If this is not done, the partner will continue to do what is no longer useful.

But sometimes we ourselves we don't know what suits us, we have to find out again what excites and satisfies us. Sensations change: we can become more or less sensitive in those places that previously always excited. Perhaps a longer prelude is required. Or today, oral games are more exciting than intercourse. Maybe we need the help of sex toys to achieve orgasm. The best way find out what works—experiment by enjoying it solo (see Chapter 8).

As long as we are able to talk intimately and honestly with our partner about what turns us on and what cools us down, we will find our way through the many changes and challenges we are dealing with. Here is how some of us deal with this issue:

Claire, 56

At my age, I have difficulties in a sexual situation related to energy and stamina. I tell my partner, "Look, I just can't do this," and we laugh and try something else. This is normal, there are many ways to achieve the same pleasant result. I don't need to lift my legs above my ears! I love it when my lover gives me pleasure with his fingers. Many men assume that digital stimulation is either unnecessary or something that needs to be done quickly to there it got wet enough to shove their buddy in. So when I manage to find a lover who takes the time to please me with his fingers, I feel really lucky.

Sandy, 51

My husband starts preparing the scene in advance: 1-6 hours before we have intimacy. He knows it takes me a long time to get turned on, so he rents a porn DVD or finds a porn website for me. While I'm watching porn on the computer, he gets under the table and performs oral sex on me. With this method, I experience up to three orgasms in a matter of minutes.

Jake, 54

What turns me on the most is when I excite my wife and give her sexual pleasure. I love it when I can help her reach orgasm. She doesn't climax so easily, so when it does, it's a welcome event for both of us. Sometimes, when she has an orgasm, the contractions go on and on, she has to stop the stimulation because it's just beyond her strength. When she comes to, she opens up to me and begs me to “shock her off,” as she puts it. Of course, I readily obey and let my bodily instincts take over, knowing that my own pent-up orgasm, which I deliberately slowed down, is just around the corner.

Carol Queen

Sexuality changes - your sexuality can change too. What kind of sex do you like best, how long does it take to get aroused, how long do you like to stay aroused, what do you fantasize about, what are the qualities of your preferred partner(s), including gender, in short, all What matters to your erotic experience is individual and subject to change.

It may take you longer to get to orgasm, your vagina may not be as hydrated, and some positions may be unfavorable for your hips or knees. And other things can cause changes in your idea of ​​yourself or your identity: for example, whether you feel desire for women, or for men, or for both sexes; whether you want to be the initiator or, on the contrary, wait for the initiative from the partner; decide to try something you've never done before. If the old, tried-and-tested sexual elements seem less interesting now, it may simply mean that your new interests are ready to take their place - or will take him if you open your thoughts to them.

Significant sexual changes may be caused by the onset of a serious illness and are a reason to undergo an examination. Doctors will be able to test you for diabetes, depression, neurological problems, heart and vascular problems; identify other conditions that may affect sexual impulses. I urge you to be sure to talk about your sexual problems with a doctor, although many therapists do not have the knowledge and ability to deal with such problems. For sexual issues related to knowledge and behavior rather than physical health, it is best to contact a clinical sexologist or sex therapist.

Gordon, 58

These days, enjoying sex has become unstable and problematic for me. The big problem is physical insecurity. When I was young, sex rarely faltered in terms of my physical functioning. Now, the sex is sometimes as good as it used to be, but it often turns out to be rather lackluster. I rarely have difficulty getting an erection, but sometimes it subsides just before orgasm. Or the orgasm itself is dim, even if I maintain an erection.

It is very difficult for my partner to achieve orgasm. I'm not at all sure that I even once managed to bring it to a climax. She says that this requires simultaneous stimulation of the breasts and the clitoris. She clearly enjoys sex without orgasms, and since she herself says that she is satisfied, I do not see a big problem here. I mean, I don't feel compelled to go all out trying to get her to orgasm; but I would love to do it sometimes. Occasionally it happens that I start to try, but she usually stops me a couple of minutes later. I would like to understand this part of her sexuality better.

I grew up with one belief that I now know was naive - that sex should come naturally, that men in particular don't need to learn anything about sex. Although on some basic level sexuality really comes naturally, there is great amount practical knowledge, which can only be learned in bed, and different women like different things. I was able to truly deeply satisfy only a few women, while others found that I lacked something. I think there's a lot more I could learn about sex.