The funniest children's jokes. Very funny jokes to tears about the school for children

Childhood is the most fun and carefree time of a person, which you often remember in the future. In childhood, there are many funny and ridiculous stories that are pleasant to sort out in memory after a while. This is confirmed by numerous jokes about children in which little personalities try to be like adults, although they can’t do it.

Funny jokes about children also tell the adventures of children and adults who inadvertently get involved in children's pranks and look pretty stupid. However, the most funny jokes about children can not do without adults. Children may well do something incredible themselves, but with the help of an adult, any childish prank turns into an extraordinary funny story that is remembered for a lifetime.

The specificity of the genres of some jokes is so narrow that it is impossible to break beyond its boundaries. Take, for example, demotivators about working in the office. Pictures will tell only about the cool details of working in the office and that's it. Nothing more can be added. Very funny jokes about children and parents are not enveloped in a certain framework, since absolutely different situations. And although jokes about children belong to a certain humorous genre, its boundaries are much wider than one can imagine.

AT recent times the number of small jokes consisting of several sentences increased. also cause a lot of violent emotions, and besides, they are much simpler and brighter than long stories. In such funny jokes about children, events unfold much faster, and there is no need to remember many names of heroes. Therefore, short jokes about children can be compared with funny jokes about doctors, where there is also a set actors minimal. That's why funniest jokes about kids consist of several sentences that can bring any reader to tears.

You can find very funny jokes to tears about children in the vastness of our website. Here you can read jokes about children every day, enjoying new jokes and jokes. Here you will find funny cartoons about work, witty remarks great thinkers and many other humorous sections, including funny jokes about children.

They will always be distinguished by the brevity and purity of the main characters, striving with might and main to be like adults. You can find funny jokes to tears about children thanks to the search system of our site, which, using convenient filtering, sorts out the style of humor that you need at the moment.

The son says to his mother: - I won't go to school anymore.
- Why?
- Oh, her, this school. Again Kuznetsov will hit the head with a textbook, Vasilyev will start aiming with a slingshot, and Voronin will trip. Will not go.
“No, son, you must go to school,” says the mother. - Firstly, you are already an adult, you are forty years old, and secondly, you are the director of the school ....

The son comes home and boasts to his father:
- Dad, and I translated the old woman across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son comes with a friend:
- Dad, and my friend and I moved the old woman across the road! Dad:
- Well done! Here's some candy for you. The next day, the son brings his entire class:
- Dad, and with the whole class we transferred the old woman across the road!
- Why are there so many of you?
- And she resisted ....

Maxim why does dad do all the lessons for you? - Well, what should I do if my mother has no time! ...

A first grader comes to the school supply store and asks: - Aunty, do you have glue for the 1st grade? - No, boy. - A notebook in a circle? - In what other circle? Also no. Behind the citizen speaks angrily.
- Boy, don't fool the seller and don't take people's time. Girl, show me the globe of Ukraine….

At the lesson of the world around: Teacher:
- Vovochka when is the most best time to pick apples? Vovochka: -When the dog is tied ....

The son comes from school, says to his father: - Dad, they call you to school. - What have you done? Yes, the glass is broken. The father went. A few days later, the son says again: - Dad, they call you back to school. - What is it this time? - Yes, the chemical office blew up. The father went. A few days later, the son again says to his father: - Dad, they call you back to school. - I'm not going, I'm tired. - Well, that’s right, there’s nothing for you to wander around the ruins ......

Mother wakes up her son at school: - Did you do the lessons? -Not. -What are you doing then? -The less you know the better you sleep!!!…

The son comes home with a deuce.
- Dad, don't worry!
- Okay, just don't be offended!

Teacher - student:
- When's your birthday?
- October 5th.
- Which year?
- Everyone.

There is an arithmetic lesson in the first grade. The teacher asks:
- Syoma, how much should your mother pay for two kilograms of apples, if one kilogram costs five rubles?
- I dont know. My mom always trades like that!..

Why weren't you at school yesterday?
- My sister got married.
"Okay, just make sure it doesn't happen again!"

- Do you like going to school?
— Yes, only these hours between walking are the most disgusting.

The parish physician was part-time Sunday school teacher.
He asks the boy:
“Tell me, my young friend, what must we do to get to heaven?”
“Die,” the boy replies.
"That's right, but what should we do before that?"
- Call the doctor!

A mathematics professor reads a book to his little son at night.
Baby, sigh
- Pa-a-ap! Yes, it's boring! I would go straight to the episode where the multiple Riemann integral is tested against the Darboux criterion...

The geography teacher asked Bora if he knew anything about the Panama Canal.
- No, - the student answers, - there is no such channel on our TV.

A radio was brought into the house of one grandmother. At six o'clock in the morning, it spoke for the first time:
— Good morning!
Grandma jumped out of bed:
- Good health! Where are you going so early?

- Well, son, show the diary. What did you bring from school today?
- Yes, there is nothing to show, there is only one deuce.
- Just one?
“Don’t worry, dad, I’ll bring more tomorrow!”

Hello, is this 333-33-33?
- Yes.
- Dial, please " ambulance”, otherwise my finger was stuck in the phone.

A Chukchi is walking along the road, and they ask him:
- Chukchi, where are you going?
- Do an injection, however
- To the clinic?
-No in the ass, however

Somehow I bought a new Russian designer<Лего>and boasts to his friend:
— Hey, Vovan, look at this garbage, what is written:<От 2-х до 4-х лет>. So I collected it in two months.

Little girl talking to her father
- Dad, I dreamed today that you gave me a small chocolate bar.
- If you obey, you will dream that you gave a big one.

“Mommy, can I go for a walk?”
— With dirty ears?
No, with friends.

Chemistry lesson:
- Tell me, Vovochka, what substances do not dissolve in water?
Vovochka without hesitation:
-Fish!

Cannibals caught a tourist. They lit a fire, put a vat of water and asked:
- How your name?
“What difference does it make to you, eat anyway!”
— What is it, but for the menu?!

Somehow Cheburashka comes up to Gena and says:
- Gena, Shapoklyak gave us 10 oranges on February 23, 8 each.
- How is it 8, if there are 10 of them?
— I don’t know, but I already ate my 8!

A little girl asks her grandfather:
- Grandpa, what are these berries?
- It's blackcurrant.
- Why is she red?
Because it's still green.

Piglet, do you know your family tree?
- Yeah. Here my grandfather (sighs) was a chop. Father was (proudly) a barbecue...
- And who do you dream of becoming?
- And I (looks at the sky and is so sad ...) an astronaut.
- Why is it so sad?
- Yes, I'm afraid I won't fit into the tube ...

The uncle came to the doctor and said:
“Doctor, I have ringing in my ears.
- And you do not answer them, do not pick up the phone!

Teacher:
- Guys, tell me, what number is the word "trousers": singular or plural?
Student:
- Above - the only, and below - the plural.

One student decided to play a trick on another. Painted the chair.
The second one comes in and says right from the threshold:
Kolyan, I...
First to him:
- Yes, you sit down first, - and points to a chair.
And this one again:
Kolyan, I wanted to tell you...
The first:
- Yes, you sit down, do not be shy.
The second sat down. The first giggles:
- Well, now speak.
- Kolyan, I just wanted to say that I put on your jeans.

Grandpa sleeps in a chair, whistling loudly with his nose. The little granddaughter twirls a button on his jacket.
- What are you doing? Grandma asks.
— I want to catch another program!

The plane landed at the airport. Passengers get off the ladder.
One man's pants fall off, he pulls them up and says:
-This is Aeroflot: then fasten the belt, then unfasten ...

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because she has fat fingers.

A five-year-old boy came to the phone.
-Yes.
-Call your mom or dad.
-They're not home.
- Is there anyone else?
- Yes, my sister.
-Call her, please.
After a while, the boy picked up the phone again:
- She's too heavy. I can't get her out of the stroller!

Five year old son asks:
-Daddy, do you know how long one tube of pasta lasts?
-No.
-On the entire entrance hall, living room and half of the loggia ...

Two flies come out of the bar.
One says: “Well, shall we go on foot or wait for the dog?”

Somehow a hedgehog fell into a hole, he couldn’t get out and thought: “If I don’t get out in 5 minutes, I’ll go home for the stairs.”

Gene, be careful here steps-stumps-stumps.
-Thank you Cherim-burum-burashka.

Washed wallpapers are, of course, a good thing. But how hard
I had to tear them off to stuff them into the washing machine.

A woman asks for a glass of sparkling water:
- Glass of water.
— With syrup?
- Without.
— No cherry or no apple?

A guy and a girl are walking around the city and pass by a restaurant. Girl says:
- Oh, how delicious it smells!
- Did you like it? Do you want to go through again?

A girl comes to dairy store. Puts, then, a can on the scales:
- Me, sour cream.
Saleswoman, plop her sour cream into a can.
-Here's a girl, you have sour cream. Where is the money?
-In a can

“Boy, how old are you?”
- Five.
“And you are no taller than my umbrella…”
- How old is your umbrella?

After dinner, the mother goes to the kitchen, and the daughter shouts after her:
— No, Mom, I don't want you to wash the dishes on your birthday. Leave it for tomorrow.

A boy watches a movie on TV about a boy whom everyone loved and says:
- If you wash me, I will be the same!

Mom says to son
Is that how they read a book, son? You're skipping a few pages.
“And this book is about spies. I want to catch them soon.

At the boat rental station, the chief shouts into a bullhorn:
- Boat number 99! Return to the shore - your time is up!
Five minutes later:
- Boat number 99, return immediately!
Five minutes later:
- Boat number 99! If you don't come back, we'll fine you!
An assistant approaches the boss:
- Ivan Ivanovich! After all, we have only 73 boats, where did the 99th come from?
The chief freezes for a moment, and then rushes to the shore:
- Boat number 66! Are you in some sort of trouble?

Gave Piglet to Winnie the Pooh for his birthday cellular telephone
-Here's a present for you - a cell phone!
- Well, thanks buddy!
The next day, Winnie the Pooh meets Piglet
What did you give me for my birthday yesterday?
-Choothy phone...
-I was picking for 3 hours yesterday, the phone broke the weight, there are no honeycombs, no honey

Mom says to the girl:
- If you do not eat semolina, I will call Baba Yaga.
"Mom, do you really think she'll eat it?"

- Doctor, you forbade me to eat at night, so I caught a cold!
- What is the connection?
- Well, of course - I stood all night at the refrigerator, looking at the chicken, so I was blown away!

Granddaughters and grandfather are sitting by the window... the granddaughter is babbling. Grandpa look!!!
crow, two crows, three crows... the whole Voronezh!!!.

Two Chukchi are sitting, breaking a bomb. A man passes by.
"Hey, what are you doing, she's going to explode!" — “However, nothing, we have another one!”

A Georgian is drowning in the sea and has forgotten the Russian word “save”, shouting:
- I'm swimming for Easter!

Winnie says to Piglet.
- Hey, Vinnie, I know what will happen to you when you grow up!
- Did you read my horoscope? - Nope, the book "On Tasty and Healthy Food"!

The host - to the guest: - Shine light on the steps for you? - No, thanks, I'm already lying downstairs.

In the middle of the lesson, Little Johnny comes into the classroom with a bandaged head.
Irritated teacher: - Well, what happened this time? - Fell from the fifth floor.
- And what, flew for two whole lessons?

Seller: These Wall Clock go two weeks without factory.
- Yes you?! What if you start them?

Children's jokes about grandmothers.

Children's jokes about Winnie the Pooh and Piglet.

Children's jokes about Vovka and the parrot Kesha.

Children's jokes about Vovochka.

Children's jokes about the Wolf and the Hare.

Children's jokes about doctors.

Children's jokes about everything.

Children's jokes about Gena and Cheburashka.

Children's jokes about grandfathers.

Children's jokes about animals.

Children's jokes about the Kid and Carlson.

Children's jokes about mom.

Children's jokes about dad.

Children's jokes about Prostokvashino.

Children's jokes about school.

Children's jokes with the heroes of fairy tales.

The most-most children's jokes.

Funny jokes about kindergarten.

A man comes into the repair shop.
- Hello. Do you fix printers?
- Yes, we do. What about your printer?
- Yes, you know, I go to the site, I read jokes - it's funny. And I print them out on a printer - it's not funny.

Ad:
"I trade my sense of humor for something to laugh at."

Jokes and laughter.

Everyone knows that jokes make people laugh. Scientists have asked themselves the question: what is laughter. Here are the conclusions they came to.

It turns out that a smile or laughter is special signal. Of all living creatures, only people know how to signal with laughter. With his smile, a person shows that he has good mood. Thus, laughter helps people communicate, get to know each other and make friends.

How does laughter come about? Scientists have not yet found an exact answer to this question, although they have been studying laughter for a long time. Scientific experiments have established that a person begins to laugh for no reason when exposed to certain areas cerebral cortex. But when we laugh, no one touches our brain! And usually we don't just laugh - we do it when we see or hear something funny, or just when we're in a good mood.

Although scientists do not know exactly why we start laughing, they have studied well how laughter is useful, and hence jokes.

Firstly, during laughter, numerous muscles of the face work hard. And it improves the movement of blood in the brain. Therefore, laughter improves thinking and memory.

Secondly, thanks to laughter, the work of the body's immune system improves. And this means that a person who laughs more often gets sick less often.

Thirdly, during laughter, special substances are produced in the human body - endorphins. They are also called hormones of happiness. Thanks to endorphins, good mood lasts longer.

Article from the children's magazine "Fidget".

About jokes.

 Who doesn't like to listen and tell funny anecdotes, short funny stories. Here you will find humorous school dialogues, funny stories from life, various jokes.
 Our children's jokes will decorate any company, holiday. With their help, you will always be able to cheer up friends and relatives, giving them joy and a smile.

List of used literature:

1. Children's magazine"Fidget".
2. Children's magazine "Mickey Mouse".
3. Children's magazine "Classy".
4. Cheerful magazine about animals "Toshka".
5. "Funny school stories and anecdotes." Compiled by Shilova Galina Petrovna. 6. "Jokes with cartoon characters". Edited by Alexander Alir.
7. "Jokes with the heroes of fairy tales." Chief Editor and artist Alexander Alir.
8. 2. Children's magazine "Misha".

1. Which river is longer: the Mississippi or the Volga? the teacher asks Vovochka.
Of course Mississippi!
- And do you know how much?
- For four letters!

2. The Russian language teacher says:
- Children, how do you understand the phrase "visibly-invisibly"? Wow, answer.
- So this TV is junk!

3. Homework is needed only to quarrel between children and parents ...

4. Mom asks Vovochka:
How many tasks were on the test today?
- 15!
- And how much did you guess wrong?
- Only one!
- The rest, then, right?
- No, I didn't manage to solve the rest...

5. Winnie the Pooh chews on a bun. Suitable Piglet.
Vinnie, let me have a bite of the bun.
- This is not a bun ... this is a pie!
- Well, give me a bite of the pie.
- This is not a pie ... this is a donut!
- Well, let's have a bite of the donut.
- Listen, Piglet, leave me alone, you don't know what you want!

6. Grandmother, grandmother! Why do you have such big eyes?
- To see you better ... - And why do you have such big ears?
To hear you better...
- Why do you have such a big nose?
- So, we are elephants, granddaughters ..

7. Dad, did you have a tablet as a child?
No, there were no computers back then.
What were you playing then?
- On the street!

8. Schoolchildren think that it is better to study at the institute, but only students know what is most comfortable in
kindergarten!

Children's jokes are the funniest

9. Literature lesson. The teacher asks:
- Well, children, have you read War and Peace?
Silence ... One guy starts up, with dumbfounded eyes asks:
- What should I have read?
Teacher:
- Well, yes…
- And I rewrote!

9. Mom asks her son:
- Sashenka, yesterday there were two pieces of cake left on the table. Now there is only one, why?
“It’s just that I didn’t notice the second piece in the dark,” Sashenka answered.

10. A boy on a walk with his dad in the park saw two twins in a stroller. He looked at them for a long time.
with a clever expression on his face and finally asked his father:
- Daddy, where is my second one?

11. The girl came to a neighbor and says:
Mom is very ill and wants strawberry jam.
- Oh my God! What do you put in? Did you take a glass or a saucer?
- Nothing is needed. I'll eat here.

12. Boxing in kindergarten. The judge in the ring gives the command:
- In different corners!
Boxers in crying:
We will no longer...

13. Chemistry lesson. Teacher:
- Masha, what color is your solution?
— Red.
- Correctly. Sit down, five.
- Katya, what about you?
— Orange.
- Not quite right. Four, sit down.
— Vovochka, the color of your solution?
- Black.
- Two. Class! Lie down.

14. Letter to Santa Claus:
- Grandfather Frost, I want Lenka to turn into a toad! And a gold bracelet.

15. Sitting at a concert chamber music grandmother with her granddaughter. The cellist is playing. granddaughter asks
grandmother:
- Grandma, when uncle saws his box, will we go home?

16. Your son shot during the lesson with a slingshot, the teacher complains to the student's mother.
— Ah! This rascal again lost the gun I gave him for his birthday.