…And follow the rules The manipulations with new phones by Techi described above, be it an innocent request of a friend or cooperation with an intermediary company, are illegal. More administrative punishment in the form of a fine, of course, is unlikely to threaten, but even this sometimes

Rules I follow a few simple rules to avoid trouble on the highway, and to be honest, playing chess at high speed, which is aptly compared to driving, appeals to me. Approximately half of the drivers on the highway enter this game, and with them you can

This book, first published in 1890 in St. Petersburg, contains rules of etiquette intended for the upper strata of Russian society at the end of the 19th century. The book consists of four sections, which describe in detail: the behavior of a secular person in society (from the first appearances to the art of dressing); arrangement of home life (from furnishing the premises to the most important events in the family); life away from home (which describes how to behave in church, theater, travel, etc.); life at court, containing the rules and customs needed when communicating with royalty. In conclusion, the etiquette of writing and the rules for the behavior of men in society are given. Despite the fact that the book is addressed to representatives of the nobility, the rules contained in it are perceived as an example of elegance, sophistication, sophistication, characteristic of the period of the "Silver Age" of Russian culture. Therefore, the book will be of interest both to professional historians and culturologists, and to a wide range of readers who want to get acquainted with the values, norms and traditions of pre-revolutionary Russia.

“A man is always obliged to help a woman in difficulty, whether she is old or young, beautiful or ugly. the service provided.

It is embarrassing on the part of a woman to refuse these small favors, or take them for courtship. This would serve as a sign of stupid pride if she would take it into her head to interpret any courtesy in this direction, just as if a man takes the simple politeness of a woman for a personal predilection for him.

Here! Great guide! How many misunderstandings, reproaches and even broken hearts could have been avoided ... It would seem, what could be simpler? .. But, alas! didn't offend. We invent it ourselves, then we suffer ...

Pictures: Oscar Blum

Description of the engagement and the period before the wedding in the book "Life in the world, at home and at court", St. Petersburg, 1890

Here is how “A young man who has chosen a future wife for himself will prudently do if he is convinced before the proposal that the girl herself and her family will willingly intermarry with him; it also does not interfere with making accurate inquiries about the dowry, so that subsequently, by involuntary disappointment, not to offend his chosen one. We are talking here about prudent marriages, in which love and reason have an equal share.

With a proposal, a man addresses the father and the girl, and not her mother. If the groom is pleasant, then the parents, of course, agree. During negotiations regarding dowry and other business matters, the bride is not present.

After accepting the proposal, both families inform their relatives, friends and acquaintances about the upcoming marriage of their son and daughter. Having received such a notice, it should be answered with warm congratulations ... "

If the girl agrees, her chosen one needs to ask her parents for the hand of her daughter, as it was beautifully called in the old days. Usually the chosen one of the daughter is already familiar with the future father-in-law and mother-in-law. Good relations are established between the groom and the bride's parents. And if a young man decides to declare his intention to marry, this can be done in a relaxed manner when meeting with his parents over a glass of wine. It is highly undesirable for such a step to be unexpected for the girl's parents. It is always better if the daughter speaks with her parents first, so that if they have doubts, they can express them in a timely manner.

If the future bridegroom of the girl is not yet familiar with the parents of his chosen one, then in this situation a “courtesy visit” to the bride’s family is quite appropriate. As a rule, the girl herself is not present at the same time, since at this time it is customary to negotiate financial matters.

If the young man meets the requirements of the girl's parents, then they invite him to visit them again and appoint a day for him to visit. An important point in preparing for the visit is a clear agreement with the parents on the specific time of the visit. A potential groom (preferably with a bouquet for his future mother-in-law) must appear exactly at the appointed time. It is necessary to prepare for the fact that the visit may last a little longer than usual; at the same time, the young man should not abuse the courtesy and time of his future relatives. At an opportune moment, he should delicately ask for permission to take his leave.

After that, the bride and groom first of all pay a visit to his parents. In this case, they dress smartly, the bride's dress must certainly be light

The bride's visit to the house of the future husband's parents, in terms of etiquette, does not differ much from the tradition of inviting the groom described above. The only important nuance of this situation is that the girl is visiting future relatives, accompanied by a young man.

If the invitation has already been accepted, it is unacceptable not to show up for the meeting. The deadline when it is not too late to refuse a dinner party is two days before the meeting, and during the conversation you need to give a good reason for the refusal. If the promise is still not kept, it is necessary to explain to the inviting party in the optimally correct way as soon as possible.

The duration of the bride's visit to the groom's house is not regulated by etiquette, so in this matter the girl should show maximum tact and insight.

The bride's acquaintance with the groom's parents can also take place outside the home, for example, when visiting the theater together or for a walk. In this case, the atmosphere of the meeting will be much more relaxed.

It is impossible not to mention one delicate detail that must be taken into account when communicating with the parents of the future husband. An important detail of family etiquette is the correct choice of specific appeals that will appear in a conversation with parents. This seemingly insignificant issue can often develop into a serious communication problem.

Communicating with the parents of the future spouse, from the very beginning one should not allow oneself to use familiar addresses, since after the wedding it will be very difficult to rebuild the style of communication. In order to avoid embarrassing situations, it is best to take a neutral path, referring to parents by their first and middle names.

If the parents live in another city, then the future spouses can notify them of their intention by letter.

At the ball

Girls begin to go out into the light not earlier than 18 years. From this age, they begin to accompany their mothers on visits, help them receive at home and attend balls.

At a ball, decency requires that the master of the house and his sons dance at least once with all the dancing ladies. This obligation cannot be transgressed; first of all, they invite the most significant ladies.

There is also an indispensable rule that the invited young man dances first of all with the mistress of the house or her daughter; only after that he can invite other ladies, starting with those in whose houses he is received. (I don’t quite understand this rule, it turns out that if there are fewer dances than gentlemen, then someone will not dance? Strange ...)

The dancing girl must accept without choice all those who invite her; under the pretext of fatigue, refusing one, and at the same time accepting the other, she runs the risk of incurring considerable trouble. In the same way, it is careless and risky, out of forgetfulness, to confuse the gentlemen and promising one to dance with the other; although this often happens completely unwittingly, it may seem insulting to the forgotten, it is better to avoid any misunderstandings that produce an unpleasant impression as far as possible.

A young man who invites a lady and forgets to find her before the start of the dance makes an unforgivable rudeness and exposes himself to the danger of being offended by the lady's father or companion. A good memory is essential at a ball.

Stop for a moment's rest during the waltz should be near the place of the dancing lady.

A young man who appears at a ball must certainly be able to dance; nothing can be more unpleasant for yourself and those around you than to mix up the figures of a quadrille or a lancer. It is torment for a woman to waltz with an inept gentleman. Those who don't dance will do better if they refuse the invitation to the ball at all, where, not participating in the general fun, they are only a burden to the owners of the house. When dancing, the gentleman should not hug his lady if she is a girl, but his hand should touch the middle of her back at the bottom of her waist with his palm. Dancing with a married woman, you can put your arm around her waist. It is very vulgar to waltz without holding your lady's hand or holding her hand pressed to her side or flying away. (An interesting moment, if you remember how they dance in Polites). The lady holds a handkerchief or fan in her hand, placed on the gentleman's shoulder. Having invited the lady in advance, the gentleman approaches her at the first beats of the dance and bows; she gets up and takes his offered right hand to walk to the place where they will start dancing. The gentleman always takes his lady with his right hand; in quadrille she always stands to his right. At the end of the dance, the gentleman again offers the lady his right hand and takes her to her place, bows, she also bows to him, sits down, and the gentleman immediately leaves.

Young people should not touch either the fan, or the handkerchief, or the bouquet of their lady: this is too familiar, indecent and puts the girl in an awkward position. If a man accidentally breaks the fan of a woman, whether young or old, he must apologize and ask permission, put it in his pocket, and the next day send a new one, if possible similar to the broken one, and even better, but not too magnificent, so as not to offend a woman with inappropriate generosity. A very expensive fan, which cannot be replaced, should be repaired by a skilled craftsman.

Girls sit at a ball with their mothers, or elderly ladies accompanying them, and should never choose a place for themselves away from them, much less in another room.

Also, they do not go to the buffet alone with gentlemen, but always accompanied by their mother. Social decency requires that not a crumpled flower from a headdress or a shred of a dress be left in the ballroom. Persons with intelligence and tact leave the ball in the same fresh costume as at the entrance to the hall. Confused flowers, burst corsages, etc. Testify to abrupt movements, erratic dances, a visible lack of modesty and restraint.

The girl, not invited by anyone, should not apparently be angry at this, but try to start a conversation with a neighbor so as not to let her embarrassment be noticed. One of the duties of the mistress of the house is to deliver gentlemen to ugly and independent ladies. This duty requires tact and delicacy. First of all, in this case, they turn to their closest friends. It is also necessary that the girl does not guess about such a violent invitation and does not feel offended by her pride.

Neither ladies nor gentlemen take off their gloves at the ball and never dance without them.

Whispering and laughing with a gentleman, covering himself with a fan, is a sign of a very bad taste.

More than three times during the evening it is not customary to dance with the same person, if it is not the bride and groom, or if the dances are not in the closest circle.

At the entrance to the ball, the father leads the daughter by the arm, and the son leads the mother; father and daughter enter first. In no case should a young girl enter arm in arm with a young man, even with her fiancé, her brother and his friend, and in general any young man, introduces her mother, and after her, if there is no elderly companion, the young girl goes alone; if accompanied by a brother and his friend, then she takes the hand of her brother. If there are two daughters, then the father enters arm in arm with the mother, and the girls follow them.

Of course, it is better if the owners introduce the ladies to unknown gentlemen who want to dance with them; but sometimes this turns out to be inconvenient or impossible, and in such cases it would be inappropriate scrupulousness to refuse strangers. Through this, you can also sit the whole evening without dancing. However, at evenings in casinos, on the waters, or informal balls, girls should be too strict in choosing gentlemen and not compromise themselves by dancing with the first person they meet. They only have to be able to clothe their refusal in a soft, delicate form. Without performance, they dance only with officers, well-known officials, and so on, whose uniform indicates their position in society.

At such meetings, decent young people do not dare to invite a girl they do not know and always try to be introduced to her through a mutual acquaintance. If there is none, then the person who wants to meet himself introduces himself to the girl's parents, giving them his business card; but such an act means a very strong desire to get to know each other.

The girl should talk to her boyfriend during the breaks in the dance, but without familiarity and special animation; the conversation usually revolves around the most mundane subjects of daily life, moreover, the slightest slander must be very carefully avoided.

It is indecent for girls and boys to play any games, and it is better if they do not even approach the gambling tables at all.

Representations require great tact: they have many almost imperceptible shades, the observance of which is a whole science.

A woman should never express a desire to meet a man, and even less so - to be introduced to him, except in the case when she intends to ask him for some service.

Before introducing two people, you need to ask each separately if he wants this. It happens, however, sometimes performances are completely unexpected, impromptu.

A young lady is always introduced to the elder, the lower in position is presented to the higher, the man is introduced to the woman, and never vice versa, except if the man is a high-ranking or clergy person.

As a rule (of course, there are exceptions), the daughter does not represent men to her parents, and the wife - to her husband; the husband, on the other hand, introduces his friends to his wife, and the son to his parents. No one is represented to high-ranking officials unless they themselves wish it. Between equal first, they introduce their relatives, so the husband introduces his wife to a lady of the same circle, and the daughter can represent her mother to an elderly lady, if necessary.

Culture of behavior in the theater or at a concert

In the theater, one should behave just as decently and well-mannered, as in a high society drawing room. "Life in the light, at home and at court"

Going to the theater is such a rare event for some people that it may even seem extraordinary. A person is afraid of an unfamiliar environment, and therefore begins to get nervous. However, knowing the elementary rules of etiquette, you can be sure that you will pass not just for a cultured and educated person, but even for a frequenter of cultural events.

The first thing you start to think about before going to the theater is wardrobe. And it often happens that you need to go to the theater immediately after a working day, not being able to come home to change clothes. It doesn't matter: just go to work, try to give your business suit more festive look. For a man, a dark suit, a light shirt, and a tie are mandatory. A woman puts on an elegant dress or suit.

For young girls light shades of the dress are preferable. At ceremonial performances, cut-out dresses with short sleeves are relied upon. For ladies sitting in the stalls, a black dress is preferable. And as one of the rules, the less you pay attention to yourself, the better.

Going to the theater in pairs, it is better to coordinate your outfits. If you are going by invitation, then the man's suit should be a tuxedo, and the ladies' evening dress. In the winter season, a lady should take her shoes with her to change them in the theater. Strong odors should be avoided. This applies not only to toilet water, but also to the food consumed before going to the theater.

It would be perfect to come to the theater 15-20 minutes before the start performance. At the entrance to the foyer of the theater, a man must take off his headdress, then help the lady undress, and only then undress himself.

To the auditorium The man enters first. But the first lady is advancing to the place indicated on the ticket. Between the rows you should pass facing the seated. acquaintances in the hall greet with a slight nod of the head, smile, give a hand only to those who are in close proximity to you. It is indecent to talk with acquaintances across several rows, as well as to call them.

If suddenly your the place will be occupied, in no case can not take another. The person whose place you have taken will be in an awkward position. Just present your tickets and politely ask the people who have taken your seat to check theirs. If there are difficulties, for example, two tickets were sold for one seat, you should contact the usher for clarification of the situation.

If your seats are in the stalls, amphitheater, mezzanine, then they should be occupied no later than the third call. When the seats are located in the middle of the row, it is better to take them in advance, and if they are on the edge, then you can wait a bit so that the spectators sit in the middle. You need to sit straight and calm. It is indecent to occupy two armrests.

Late to the show waiting for seats located on the sides. Or you have to stand at the entrance waiting for the intermission. The main and first condition in the hall when watching a performance is silence. Respect for an audience that wants to listen to a work of art requires peace and quiet in the auditorium. Who does not know the performers, he should take the poster and read. All the attention of the audience during the action on the stage should be concentrated exactly there, on the stage, and not on the auditorium in search of acquaintances or looking at toilets. If you wish to express your approval, you can resort to loud applause, but this is mostly the business of men.

This is what was written in the brochure “Life in the Light, at Home and at Court” published in St. Petersburg in 1890 from the “Library of Practical Information” series about the intricacies of correspondence - feelings that are allowed to be expressed in letters, decorum that must be observed.

"A young girl never writes to a man, even on behalf of her parents; it is best if not a line written by her is in the hands of a man who is not related to her or who is not yet quite old. A self-respecting woman should not correspond with a man who is not her husband or close relative. Stepping beyond this strict rule and entering into correspondence with some bright star of the male intelligentsia, while indulging in completely innocent and purely intellectual pleasure, can only be an independent woman, possessing impeccable morality, having no husband, no children, no family and no afraid to drop himself in public opinion.

The letter must be written cleanly, neatly, clearly, without blots, which are allowed only in correspondence between close friends. The handwriting, the folding of the letter, the shape, quality and type of paper - all these seemingly trifles determine the age, position and character of the writer. The style of the letter testifies to his tact and secularism.A careful observer by handwriting can recognize the true character of a man, and even more so of a woman; just as the expression of the eyes refutes the words sometimes spoken, so the handwriting refutes the style of the letter. Therefore, the art of correspondence lies not in the style alone: ​​only a truly well-bred, decent person is able to coordinate his handwriting with his style.

Letters always begin with a reply to the letter received, and if there was none, then with a few words relating to the last meeting of the correspondents. First you should write about the person to whom the letter is intended, and touch on subjects that may interest him, and then you can already tell about yourself, describe your situation and pastime, in conclusion, turn again to the personality of the correspondent, ask about various circumstances that have to do with him attitude, and then express a wish to see you soon.

Guided by the desire to talk as little as possible about oneself, one should not, however, go to extremes and fillhis message by mere repetitions of his correspondent's letter.
When writing letters to persons of higher social standing and older in age, it is indecent to express brevity, which does not actually exist in personal relationships.

In order to interest your correspondent, you need to express your opinion in a letter, discuss what he wrote as if in a lively conversation, then talk about what he does not know, and satisfy his curiosity and friendly participation by reporting on his own affairs. As Madame de Sevigne said: "Your letter should reveal to me your soul, not your library."

In correspondence, witticisms and ambiguities should be avoided and expressions should be very softened; written transmission of thoughts has a big drawback, not having the property of transferring the intonation of the voice and facial expressions of the writer. And everyone knows how important tone and look are in a conversation. You can read the same phrase in ten different intonations, and each time it will have a new meaning.

Therefore, one must write with the greatest caution and be very condescending towards the information reported in the letters received.

One must always remember that oral words are spoken to the wind and no traces remain of them, otherwise, “What is written with a pen cannot be cut down with an axe.” A cautious person will never dare to slander anyone in writing and will never allow himself to express too harsh opinions that may subsequently turn to his detriment. Gossip and gossip should be completely excluded from correspondence; it is difficult to imagine how much trouble and even misfortune one careless word can cause, for a remark in one letter immediately gives rise to comments and is already transmitted in another as something completely reliable. If people were sensible, then before sending a letter, everyone would ask himself if it could be read aloud to the people without having to blush for something written in it. Too much writing ruins people more often than too much chatter. Therefore, cunning people always write very little, while frank and simple people write a lot, for which they sometimes have to pay. The first trips to the world (a young girl and a young man). )