40 days are celebrated for the deceased. Wake: essence, rules, mournful words about death

Asked by: Inna

Responsible: website editor

Hello! Tell me, please, how to commemorate 40 days correctly - day to day or earlier / later? Thanks a lot!

Dear Inna!

Home prayers and commemorations must be performed on the 40th day, and the memorial table can be moved.

The pious custom of commemorating the dead at a meal has been known for a very long time. But, unfortunately, many commemorations turn into an occasion for relatives to get together, discuss the news, eat tasty food, while Orthodox Christians should also pray for the departed at the memorial table.

Before the meal, one should perform a lithium - a short rite of requiem, which can be performed by a layman. In extreme cases, you need to at least read the 90th psalm and the prayer “Our Father”. The first dish that is eaten at the wake is kutya (kolivo). These are boiled grains of cereals (wheat or rice) with honey and raisins. Grains are a symbol of resurrection, and honey is a sweetness enjoyed by the righteous in the Kingdom of God. According to the charter, kutya should be consecrated with a special rite during a memorial service; if this is not possible, it is necessary to sprinkle it with holy water.

Naturally, the desire of the owners to treat everyone who came to the commemoration to taste better. But you need to observe the fasts established by the Church, and eat the allowed food: on Wednesday, Friday, during long fasts - do not eat fast.

It is necessary to refrain from wine, especially from vodka, at the memorial meal! The dead are not commemorated with wine! Wine is a symbol of earthly joy, and a commemoration is an occasion for intense prayer for a person who may suffer greatly in the afterlife. You should not drink alcohol, even if the deceased himself liked to drink. It is known that “drunken” commemorations often turn into an ugly gathering where the deceased is simply forgotten. At the table, you need to remember the deceased, his good qualities and deeds (hence the name - commemoration). The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the table “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed in Orthodox families.

On the contrary, there are pious practices worthy of emulation. In many Orthodox families, the poor and the poor, children and old women are the first to sit down at the memorial table. They can also distribute clothes and belongings of the deceased. Orthodox people can tell about numerous cases of evidence from the afterlife about the great help to the dead as a result of the creation of alms by their relatives. Moreover, the loss of loved ones prompts many people to take the first step towards God, to begin to live the life of an Orthodox Christian.

Since after death a person can no longer pray for himself, and we must do it for him. Therefore, a memorial service and home prayer for the departed are very useful, as well as good deeds done in their remembrance - alms or donations to the Church. But what is especially useful for them is the commemoration at the Divine Liturgy. There were many appearances of the dead and other events confirming how useful the commemoration of the dead is. Many who died in repentance, but failed to manifest it during their lifetime, were released from torment and received repose. That is why prayers for the repose of the dead are constantly lifted up in the Church.

Thus, one now living archimandrite relates the following incident from his pastoral practice.

“It was in the difficult post-war years. Comes to me, the rector of the village church, a mother crying with grief, in which her eight-year-old son Misha drowned. And she says that Misha dreamed of her and complained about the cold - he was completely without clothes. I say to her: “Are any of his clothes left?” - "Oh sure". - "Give it to your friends Mishin, they will surely come in handy."

A few days later, she tells me that she again saw Misha in a dream: he was dressed in exactly the same clothes that were given to his friends. He thanked, but now complained of hunger. I advised to make a memorial meal for the village children - Misha's friends and acquaintances. No matter how difficult it is in difficult times, but what can you do for your beloved son! And the woman, than she could, treated the children.

She came for the third time. She thanked me very much: “Misha said in a dream that now he is both warm and satisfying, only my prayers are not enough.” I taught her prayers and advised her not to leave works of mercy for the future. She became a zealous parishioner, always ready to respond to requests for help, to the best of her ability and ability she helped orphans, the poor and the poor.”

Archbishop John (Maximovich) speaks especially well about what we can do for the dead: “Anyone who wants to show his love for the dead and give them real help can best do this by praying for them, and especially by commemoration at the Liturgy, when particles , seized for the living and the dead, are immersed in the Blood of the Lord with the words: "Wash, Lord, the sins of those who are remembered here by Your honest Blood, by the prayers of Your saints."

We can do nothing better or more for the departed than to pray for them, commemorating them at the Liturgy. They always need this, especially in those forty days when the soul of the deceased follows the path to the eternal villages. The body then does not feel anything: it does not see the gathered loved ones, does not smell the smell of flowers, does not hear funeral speeches. But the soul feels the prayers offered for it, is grateful to those who offer them, and is spiritually close to them.

Oh, relatives and friends of the dead! Do for them what is necessary and what is within your power, use your money not for the external decoration of the coffin and grave, but to help those in need, in memory of your dead loved ones, in the Church, where prayers are offered for them. Be merciful to the dead, take care of their souls. The same path lies before you, and how then we would like to be remembered in prayer! Let us ourselves be merciful to the departed.

Immediately take care of the magpie, that is, the daily commemoration at the Liturgy for forty days. Usually in churches where the service is performed daily, the deceased, who were buried in this way, are commemorated for forty days or more. But if the funeral was in a temple where there are no daily services, the relatives themselves should take care and order a magpie where there is a daily service.

Let us take care of those who have gone to the other world before us, so that we can do everything for them that we can, remembering that blessed are mercy, for they will receive mercy (Matthew 5:7).

In countries where historically there are long and strong Christian traditions, everyone knows that after human death of particular importance are the third day after the sad event, the ninth day and the fortieth day. Almost everyone knows, but many cannot say exactly why these dates - 3 days, 9 days and 40 days - are so important. What happens, according to traditional ideas, with the soul of a person until the ninth day after his departure from earthly life?

Soul Path

Christian ideas about the posthumous path of the human soul may differ depending on one or another denomination. And if there are still few differences in the Orthodox and Catholic picture of the afterlife and the fate of the soul in it, then in various Protestant movements the range of opinions is very large - from almost complete identity with Catholicism to moving away from tradition, up to the complete denial of the existence of hell as places of eternal torment for the souls of sinners. Therefore, the Orthodox version of what happens to the soul in the first nine days after the beginning of a different, afterlife is more interesting.

The patristic tradition (that is, the recognized body of works of the Fathers of the Church) says that after the death of a person, for almost three days, his soul has almost complete freedom. She not only has all the “baggage” from earthly life, that is, hopes, affections, fullness of memory, fears, shame, the desire to complete some unfinished business, and so on, but she is also able to be anywhere. It is generally accepted that during these three days the soul is either near the body, or, if a person died away from home and family, next to his loved ones, or in those places that for some reason were especially expensive or remarkable for this person. On the third tribute, the soul loses the complete freedom of its behavior and is taken by angels to Heaven to worship the Lord there. That is why on the third day, according to tradition, it is necessary to hold a memorial service and thus finally say goodbye to the soul of the deceased.

Having worshiped God, the soul goes on a kind of “tour” around paradise: the Kingdom of Heaven is shown to it, it gets an idea of ​​what paradise is, sees that unity of righteous souls with the Lord, which is the goal of human existence, meets with the souls of saints, and the like. This “sightseeing” journey of the soul through paradise lasts six days. And here, according to the Fathers of the Church, the first torments of the soul begin: seeing the heavenly pleasure of the saints, she understands that, due to her sins, she is not worthy to share their fate and is tormented by doubts and fear that she will not go to heaven. On the ninth day, the angels again carry the soul to God so that it can glorify His Love for the saints, which she had just been able to personally observe.

What is important these days for the living

However, according to the Orthodox worldview, nine days after death should not be taken as an exclusively otherworldly matter, which does not seem to concern the surviving relatives of the deceased. On the contrary, forty days after the death of a person are for his relatives and friends the time of the greatest convergence of the earthly world and the Kingdom of Heaven. Because it is during this period that the living can and must make every effort to contribute to the best possible fate of the soul of the deceased, that is, its salvation. To do this, you need to constantly pray, hoping for God's mercy and forgiveness of the soul of its sins. This is important from the point of view of determining the fate of the human soul, that is, where it will await the Last Judgment, in heaven or hell. At the Last Judgment, the fate of each soul will be finally decided, so that those of them who were placed in hell have the hope that prayers for her will be heard, she will be forgiven (if they pray for a person, even though he committed many sins, which means that there was something good in him) and will be awarded a place in paradise.

Ninth day after human death is in Orthodoxy, no matter how strange it may sound, almost festive. People believe that for the last six days the soul of the deceased has been in paradise, albeit as a guest, and now it can adequately praise the Creator. Moreover, it is believed that if a person led a righteous life and with his good deeds, love for his neighbor and repentance for his own sins won the favor of the Lord, then his posthumous fate can be decided after nine days. Therefore, those close to a person should, firstly, pray especially hard for his soul on this day, and secondly, hold a memorial meal. commemoration on the ninth day, from the point of view of tradition, they should be “uninvited” - that is, they do not need to specially invite anyone. Those who wish the soul of the deceased all the best must themselves remember this responsible day and come without reminders.

However, in reality, wakes are almost always invited in a special way, and if more people are expected than the dwelling can accommodate, then they are held in restaurants or similar establishments. commemoration on the ninth day, this is a calm remembrance of the deceased, which should not turn into either an ordinary party or mourning gatherings. It is noteworthy that the Christian concept of the special significance of three, nine and forty days after the death of a person has been adopted by modern occult teachings. But they gave these dates a different meaning: according to one version, the ninth day is indicated by the fact that during this period the body supposedly decomposes; according to another, at this turn, one of the bodies dies, after the physical, mental and astral, which can appear as a ghost. 40 days after death: the last frontier

In the Orthodox tradition, the third, ninth and fortieth days after the death of a person have a certain meaning for his soul. But it is the fortieth day that is of particular importance: for believers, this is the boundary that finally separates earthly life from eternal life. That's why 40 days after death, from a religious point of view, the date is even more tragic than the very fact of physical death.

Fight for the soul between hell and heaven

According to Orthodox ideas, which come from the holy cases described in the Lives, from the theological works of the Fathers of the Church and from canonical services, the soul of a person from the ninth to the fortieth day passes through a series of obstacles called air ordeals. From the moment of death until the third day, a person's soul resides on earth and can be near their loved ones or travel anywhere. From the third to the ninth days, she stays in paradise, where she is given the opportunity to appreciate the blessings that the Lord, as a reward for a righteous or holy life, gives to souls in the Kingdom of Heaven.

The ordeals, however, begin from the ninth day and represent such obstacles in which nothing depends on the human soul itself. A person changes the ratio of his good and evil thoughts, words and deeds only in earthly life, after death he is no longer able to add or subtract anything. Ordeals are, in fact, "judicial competitions" between representatives of hell (demons) and paradise (angels), which have an analogy in the debate between the prosecutor and the lawyer. There are twenty ordeals in total, and they represent certain sinful passions to which all people are subject. During each ordeal, demons present a list of a person’s sins associated with this passion, and angels announce a list of his good deeds. It is generally accepted that if the list of sins for each ordeal turns out to be more solid than the list of good deeds, then the soul of a person goes to hell if, by God's mercy, good deeds do not multiply. If there are more good deeds, the soul moves on to the next ordeal, as in the case if there are equal numbers of sins and good deeds.

The final decision of the fate

The doctrine of aerial ordeals is not canonical, that is, it is not included in the main dogma of Orthodoxy. However, the authority of patristic literature has led to the fact that for many centuries such ideas about the posthumous path of the soul are actually the only ones within this religious denomination. The period from the ninth to fortieth day after death a person is considered the most important, and the fortieth day itself is perhaps the most tragic date, even compared to death itself. The fact is that, according to Orthodox ideas, on the fortieth day, after going through the ordeals and seeing all the horrors and torments that await sinners in hell, the human soul appears for the third time directly before God (for the first time - on the third day, the second time - on the ninth day). And it is at this moment that the fate of the soul is decided - where to stay until the Last Judgment, in hell or in the Kingdom of Heaven.

It is believed that by that time the soul had already passed all possible tests, which were to determine whether a person could earn salvation with his earthly life. The soul has already seen paradise and could feel how worthy or unworthy it is to share the fate of the righteous and saints. She has already gone through ordeals and imagines how numerous and serious her sins are. By this time, she should completely repent and trust only in God's mercy. That is why the fortieth day after death is perceived by the Church and relatives of the deceased as a key milestone, after which the soul goes either to heaven or hell. It is necessary to pray diligently for the soul of the deceased, based on at least three motives. Firstly, prayer can influence the Lord's decision regarding the fate of the soul: attention is drawn both to the very fact of indifference of those close to a person, and to the possible intercession before God of the saints who are prayed to. Secondly, if the soul is nevertheless sent to hell, this does not yet mean final death for it: the fate of all people will be finally decided during the Last Judgment, which means that there is still an opportunity to change the decision with prayers. Thirdly, if the soul of a person has found the Kingdom of Heaven, it is necessary to adequately thank God for the mercy He has shown.

The death of a loved one is grief and heartache for relatives. According to the Christian religion, the fortieth day is the most important. At this time, the soul finally leaves the earth and enters the judgment of God, where its future fate is decided. Help the soul of a loved one find peace in the next world with a commemoration and sincere prayers.

How to remember 40 days after death - visiting the grave

On the fortieth day, go to the grave of a deceased person to say goodbye to him. This is an essential part of the funeral ritual. Rules for visiting the cemetery:

• remove the wreaths placed on the grave after the funeral. Burn or take to the trash;
• put a pair of flowers on the grave;
• light a candle or lamp;
• pray for the soul of the deceased, then be silent and remember all the good moments from his life.

You can not arrange a meal with alcohol and noisy conversations on the 40th day in the cemetery. Organize a memorial dinner at home or in a cafe. Do not put a glass of vodka on the grave and do not pour alcohol into it. Candies with cookies are often placed on the grave. This is a voluntary matter, but it is best to replace sweets with a plate of kutya, which you leave near the grave. Distribute cookies with sweets to those present at the cemetery and to the poor. Do not arrange noisy conversations, everything should go calmly and peacefully.

How to remember 40 days after death - visiting the temple

On the fortieth day, be sure to go to church and order a memorial service. This is the best help for the soul of a deceased relative. Please note that a memorial service is ordered only for a deceased person who has been baptized. The rules of commemoration in the church:

• prepare at home the products that you put in the temple on the memorial table. This is charity in honor of the deceased. From the products you can carry cookies, sweets, flour, sugar and various cereals, fruits, vegetable oil and red wine. Do not try to carry sausage and other meat products;
• write the name of the deceased in the note "About the repose." Notes are issued in the church shop. Under his name, write the names of other deceased baptized relatives and acquaintances;
• give the note to the church shop;
• light a candle for the deceased. At the time of its installation, pray for him and ask the Lord to forgive all his sins;
• do not leave the temple when the priest is serving a memorial service. Stand with the candle until it runs out and pray from the bottom of your heart for the deceased relative.

You can order a memorial service at the cemetery. Discuss in advance in the temple with the priest when it will be held. It’s good if after the funeral you immediately order a magpie in the church. They will pray for the deceased from the day of his death until the fortieth day.

How to remember 40 days after death - memorial dinner

The purpose of the memorial dinner on the 40th day is the memory of the deceased person and prayers for his repose. Call all the people to whom the deceased was dear. Do not strive to cook a lot of delicacies. Give preference to simple dishes. At the funeral dinner, it is forbidden to sing songs, have fun and drink a lot of alcohol. Vodka is inappropriate here, put light wine on the table. Funeral Dinner Rules:

• organize a wake on the 40th day at home or in a cafe;
• be sure to put rice or millet kutya on the table, rich pancakes and eve - a small cookie smeared with honey on top;
• prepare pies with different fillings;
• include fish dishes, noodle soup, stuffed peppers, meatballs, goulash, Olivier salad or herring under a fur coat, as well as various vegetable salads in the funeral dinner menu. The cafe will offer you a funeral menu;
• before lunch, read the prayer "Our Father".

The main thing in the commemoration is not a discussion of the deceased and other people at the table, but the unification of those people who can remember the deceased person with a good word.

How to remember 40 days after death - what to distribute to people

On the 40th day, hand out sweets, cookies and pies to people so that they remember the deceased. Sort through the belongings of the deceased and distribute to those in need. Ask them to pray for the soul of the deceased. This is your own business, you can leave things that are dear to you. If there are things that no one needs, take them to the temple, where they will be given to the poor. But, in any case, do not throw anything away.

Do not forget about the dead and then, pray for them, put candles in the temple for the repose, show mercy to your neighbors, clean the grave. The good memory of a person who has gone to another world will remain in your heart forever.

REMEMBER OF THE DEAD

P why do people die?

- “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the perishing of the living, for He created everything for existence” (Wisdom 1:13-14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. “Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with both hands and words, considered her a friend and withered away, and made an alliance with her, for they are worthy to be her lot” (Wisdom 1:15-16).

To understand the question of mortality, it is necessary to distinguish between spiritual and bodily death. Spiritual death is the separation of the soul from God, Who for the soul is the Source of eternal joyful being. This death is the most terrible consequence of the fall of man. A person gets rid of it in Baptism.

Although bodily death after Baptism remains in a person, it acquires a different meaning. From punishment, it becomes the door to paradise (for people who not only were baptized, but also lived pleasing to God), and it is already called “dormition”.

What happens to the soul after death?

According to Church Tradition, based on the words of Christ, the souls of the righteous are angels on the eve of paradise, where they stay until the Last Judgment, waiting for eternal bliss: “The poor man died, and was carried by angels into the bosom of Abraham” (Luke 16:22). The souls of sinners fall into the hands of demons and are "in hell, in torment" (see Luke 16:23). The final division into the saved and the damned will take place at the Last Judgment, when “many of those sleeping in the dust of the earth will awaken, some to eternal life, others to eternal reproach and shame” (Dan. 12:2). Christ in the parable of the Last Judgment speaks in detail that sinners who did not do works of mercy will be condemned, and the righteous who did such works will be justified: “And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life” (Matt. 25 :46).

What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What needs to be done these days?

Holy Tradition proclaims to us from the words of the holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of the test of the soul after it has departed from the body. For the first two days, the soul of a deceased person is still on earth and, with the Angel accompanying her, walks to those places that attract her with the memory of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil ones. So the soul spends the first two days, on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, who appeared before God, is timely.

Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their inexpressible beauty. The soul stays in this state for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. With fear and trembling, the soul stands before the Throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge for the repose of the soul of the deceased with the saints.

After the second worship of the Lord, the angels take the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends to the Throne of God for the third time. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she was honored by her deeds. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for the forgiveness of sins and the placement of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. These days the Church performs requiems and litias.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity. Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and intercessors to Him, intercede for mercy on the deceased. Commemoration on the 40th day, according to the tradition of the apostles, is based on the forty-day crying of the Israelites about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation, acceptance of a special Divine gift, for receiving the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. So, the prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive from Him the tablets of the Law only after a forty-day fast. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb after forty days. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering in the wilderness. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established a commemoration of the dead on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the deceased ascended the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, achieved the blessedness promised to her and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous.

On all these days, it is very important to order the commemoration of the deceased in the Church by submitting notes for commemoration at the Liturgy and Panikhida.

What soul does not go through ordeals after death?

It is known from Holy Tradition that even the Mother of God, having received notice from the archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, bowed down before the Lord, humbly implored Him that, at the hour of the departure of Her soul, she would not see the prince of darkness and hellish monsters, but so that the Lord Himself would receive Her soul into His Divine embrace. It is all the more useful for the sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them, and do everything to cleanse the conscience, correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for a person; for God will bring every work into judgment, and every secret thing, whether it be good or evil” (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14).

What is the concept of heaven?

Paradise is not so much a place as a state of mind; just as hell is suffering resulting from the inability to love and non-participation in the Divine light, so paradise is the bliss of the soul, resulting from an excess of love and light, to which one who is united with Christ fully and completely partakes. This is not contradicted by the fact that paradise is described as a place with various "mansions" and "halls"; all descriptions of paradise are only attempts to express in human language that which is inexpressible and transcends the human mind.

In the Bible, "paradise" refers to the garden where God placed man; the same word in the ancient church tradition called the future bliss of people redeemed and saved by Christ. It is also called the "Kingdom of Heaven", "the life of the age to come", "the eighth day", "new heaven", "heavenly Jerusalem". The Holy Apostle John the Theologian says: “I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the former heaven and the former earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. Iya, John, saw the holy city of Jerusalem, new, descending from God from heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven, saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them; they will be His people, and God Himself with them will be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death; there will be no more mourning, no outcry, no sickness, for the former has passed away. And He who sits on the throne said: Behold, I make all things new... I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end; to the thirsty one free of charge from the source of living water... And he (the angel) lifted me up in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, holy Jerusalem, which descended from heaven from God. He has the glory of God... I did not see a temple in him, for the Lord God Almighty is his temple, and the Lamb. And the city has no need of either the sun or the moon for its illumination; for the glory of God hath illumined him, and his lamp is the Lamb. The saved nations will walk in its light... And nothing unclean will enter into it, and no one given over to abomination and falsehood, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life" (Rev. 21:1-6,10,22-24 ,27). This is the earliest description of paradise in Christian literature.

When reading the descriptions of paradise found in theological literature, it is necessary to keep in mind that many Church Fathers speak of the paradise they saw, into which they were raptured by the power of the Holy Spirit. In all descriptions of paradise, it is emphasized that earthly words can only to a small extent depict heavenly beauty, since it is "inexpressible" and surpasses human comprehension. It also speaks of the "many mansions" of paradise (John 14:2), that is, of different degrees of blessedness. “Some (God) will honor with great honors, others with less,” says St. Basil the Great, “because “star differs from star in glory” (1 Cor. 15:41). And since there are “many mansions” with the Father, some will rest in a more excellent and higher state, and others in a lower one. However, for each of his "abode" will be the highest fullness of bliss available to him - in accordance with how close he is to God in earthly life. “All the saints who are in Paradise will see and know one another, but Christ will see and fill everyone,” says St. Simeon the New Theologian.

What is the concept of hell?

There is no person who is deprived of the love of God, and there is no place that is not part of this love; however, everyone who has made a choice in favor of evil, voluntarily deprives himself of God's mercy. Love, which for the righteous in paradise is a source of bliss and consolation, becomes a source of torment for sinners in hell, since they recognize themselves as not participating in love. In the words of St. Isaac, "Gehen torment is repentance."

According to the teachings of St. Simeon the New Theologian, the main reason for a person’s torment in hell is an acute feeling of separation from God: “None of the people who believe in You, Vladyka,” writes St. Simeon, “none of those who were baptized in Your name will endure this great and the terrible severity of separation from You, Merciful, because it is a terrible sorrow, unbearable, terrible and eternal sorrow. If on earth, says St. Simeon, those who do not partake of God have bodily pleasures, then there, outside the body, they will experience one unceasing torment. And all the images of hellish torments that exist in world literature - fire, cold, thirst, red-hot furnaces, lakes of fire, etc. - are only symbols of suffering, which comes from the fact that a person feels himself not involved in God.

For an Orthodox Christian, the idea of ​​hell and eternal torment is inextricably linked with the mystery that is revealed in the divine services of Holy Week and Easter - the mystery of Christ's descent into hell and the deliverance of those who are there from the dominion of evil and death. The Church believes that after His death, Christ descended into the abysses of hell in order to abolish hell and death, to destroy the terrible kingdom of the devil. Just as having entered the waters of the Jordan at the moment of His Baptism, Christ sanctifies these waters filled with human sin, so when He descends into hell, He illuminates it with the light of His presence to the last depths and limits, so that hell can no longer endure the power of God and perishes. St. John Chrysostom in the Paschal catechumen says: “Hell was grieved when he met you at the bottom; grieved, for he was abolished; grieved because he was ridiculed; grieved, for he was put to death; grieved, for he was deposed." This does not mean that hell no longer exists at all after the Resurrection of Christ: it exists, but the death sentence has already been passed on it.

Every Sunday, Orthodox Christians hear hymns dedicated to Christ’s victory over death: “The Angelic Cathedral was surprised, in vain you were imputed to the dead, but the mortal, Savior, ruined the fortress ... and freed all from hell” (liberating everyone from hell). Deliverance from hell, however, should not be understood as some kind of magical act performed by Christ against the will of man: for those who consciously reject Christ and eternal life, hell continues to exist as the suffering and torment of God-forsakenness.

How do you deal with grief at the death of a loved one?

The sorrow of separation from the deceased can only be quenched by prayer for him. Christianity does not see death as the end. Death is the beginning of a new life, and earthly life is only a preparation for it. Man is created for eternity; in paradise he was nourished by the "tree of life" (Gen. 2:9) and was immortal. But after the fall, the path to the tree of life was blocked and man became mortal and corruptible.

But life does not end with death, the death of the body is not the death of the soul, the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to see off the soul of the deceased with prayer. “Do not betray your heart to sorrow; move it away from you, remembering the end. Do not forget about this, for there is no return; and you will not do him any good, but you will hurt yourself... With the repose of the deceased, calm the memory of him, and you will be comforted by him after the departure of his soul ”(Sir. 38:20-21,23).

What to do if, after the death of a loved one, the conscience torments about the wrong attitude towards him during his lifetime?

The voice of conscience accusing of guilt subsides and stops after sincere heartfelt repentance and confession before God to the priest of his sinfulness towards the deceased. It is important to remember that with God everyone is alive and the commandment of love applies to the dead as well. The deceased are in great need of the prayerful help of the living and the alms given for them. The one who loves will pray, do alms, submit church records for the repose of the dead, strive to live pleasing to God, so that God will show His mercy on them.

If you constantly remain in active concern for others, do good to them, then not only peace will be established in your soul, but deep satisfaction and joy.

What to do if a dead person is dreaming?

Dreams should not be ignored. However, one should not forget that the eternally living soul of the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer for her, because she herself can no longer do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God. Therefore, prayer in the temple and at home for the departed loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.

How many days are mourning for the deceased?

There is a tradition of forty days of mourning for a deceased loved one. According to the Tradition of the Church, on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will stay until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.

Who is the newly-departed and ever-memorable?

In the church tradition, the deceased person is called the newly deceased within forty days after death. The first day is considered the day of death, even if the death occurred a few minutes before midnight. On the 40th day after the disciple of the Church, God (at the private judgment of the soul), determines its afterlife until the universal Last Judgment prophetically promised by the Savior (see Matt. 25:31-46).

The ever-memorable is usually called a person after forty days after death. Ever-memorable - the word "ever" means - always. And the ever-memorable is always remembered, that is, the one that is always remembered and prayed for. In funeral notes, sometimes they write “the ever-memorable (oh)” before the name, when the next anniversary of the death of the deceased (s) is celebrated.

How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Does it need to be baptized?

The farewell kissing of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss on the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased, or kiss the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.

What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?

After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or left in the temple.

What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?

If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services and pray for him at home.

How to help the deceased?

It is possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you make frequent prayers for him and give alms. It is good to work for the Church in memory of the deceased, for example, in a monastery.

What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?

Prayer for those who have passed from temporal life to eternal life is an ancient tradition of the Church, sanctified for centuries. Leaving the body, a person leaves the visible world, but he does not leave the Church, but remains a member of it, and it is the duty of those who remain on earth to pray for him. The Church believes that prayer facilitates the posthumous fate of a person. As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief earthly life was lived. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.

Can the dead be cremated?

Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults and spread as a norm in a secular (non-religious) society during the Soviet period. Therefore, the relatives of the deceased, at the slightest opportunity to avoid cremation, should prefer the burial of the deceased in the ground. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of Christian doctrine for a different way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27:59-60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.

The Gospel describes the rite of burial of the Lord Jesus Christ, which consisted in the washing of His Most Pure Body, putting on special burial clothes and being placed in a tomb (Matt. 27:59-60; Mark 15:46; 16:1; Luke 23:53 ; 24:1; John 19:39-42). The same actions are supposed to be performed on the departed Christians at the present time.

Cremation may be allowed in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.

Is it true that on the 40th day the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but three services in succession?

Immediately after death, it is customary to order a magpie in the Church. This is a daily enhanced commemoration of the newly deceased during the first forty days - until a private judgment that determines the fate of the soul beyond the grave. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. You can also order a longer-term commemoration in monasteries. There is a pious custom - to order a commemoration in several monasteries and temples (their number does not matter). The more prayer books for the deceased, the better.

What is eve?

Eve (or eve) is a special square or rectangular table on which stands the Cross with the Crucifix and holes for candles are arranged. Panikhidas are served before the eve. Here you can put candles and put products to commemorate the dead.

Why do you need to bring food to the temple?

Believers bring various products to the temple so that the servants of the Church commemorate the dead at the meal. These offerings serve as a donation, almsgiving for the deceased. In the old days, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th), memorial tables were laid, at which the poor, the homeless, orphans were fed, so that there were many prayer books for the deceased. For prayer, and especially for almsgiving, many sins are forgiven, and the afterlife is alleviated. Then these commemorative tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the ecumenical commemoration of all Christians who have died for centuries with the same purpose - to commemorate the dead.

What foods can be put on the eve?

Products can be anything. It is forbidden to bring meat into the temple.

What commemoration of the dead is the most important?

Prayers at the Liturgy have special power. The Church prays for all the dead, including those in hell. One of the kneeling prayers read on the feast of Pentecost contains a petition "for those who are kept in hell" and that the Lord rest them "in a place of light." The Church believes that through the prayers of the living, God can ease the afterlife of the dead, delivering them from torment and honoring them with salvation with the saints.

Therefore, it is necessary in the coming days after death to order a magpie in the temple, that is, a commemoration at forty Liturgies: the Bloodless Sacrifice is offered forty times for the deceased, a particle is removed from the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the newly deceased. This is a feat of love for the fullness of the Orthodox Church in the person of a priest who celebrates the Liturgy for the sake of the people commemorated at the proskomedia. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.

What is Parents' Saturday?

On certain Sabbath days of the year, the Church commemorates all formerly deceased Christians. Panikhidas that are performed on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. On the morning of parental Saturdays, during the Liturgy, all formerly deceased Christians are commemorated. On the eve of parental Saturday, on Friday evening, parastas is served (translated from Greek as "preceding", "intercession", "intercession") - the following of a great memorial service for all the departed Orthodox Christians.

When are Parents' Saturdays?

Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the passing day of the celebration of Easter. Saturday meat-fare happens eight days before the start of Lent. Parent Saturdays are on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. Trinity parental Saturday - on the eve of the day of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the day of remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8, according to the new style), Demetrius' Parents' Saturday takes place.

Is it possible to pray for repose after parental Saturday?

Yes, it is possible and necessary to pray for the repose of the dead even after parental Saturdays. This is the duty of the living to the dead and an expression of love for them. The deceased themselves can no longer help themselves, they cannot bring the fruits of repentance, do alms. This is evidenced by the gospel parable of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31). Death is not a departure into non-existence, but the continuation of the existence of the soul in eternity, with all its features, infirmities and passions. Therefore, the departed (except for the saints glorified by the Church) need prayerful commemoration.

Saturdays (except for Great Saturday, Saturday in the Bright Week and Saturdays coinciding with the Twelfth, Great and Temple Feasts), in the church calendar, are traditionally considered days of special commemoration of the departed. But you can pray for the dead, submit notes in the temple on any day of the year, even when, according to the charter of the Church, memorial services are not served, in this case the names of the dead are commemorated in the altar.

What other days of commemoration of the dead are there?

Radonitsa - nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. On Radonitsa, they share the joy of the Lord's Resurrection with the departed, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior Himself descended into hell to preach victory over death and brought the souls of the Old Testament righteous from there. From this great spiritual joy, the day of this commemoration is called "radonitsa", or "radonitsa".

Special commemoration of all the deceased during the Great Patriotic War of 1941-1945. established by the Church on May 9. The soldiers killed on the battlefield are also commemorated on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist on September 11, according to the new style.

Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?

The main days of the memory of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and name day. On the anniversary of the death of the deceased, relatives close to him pray for him, thereby expressing the belief that the day of a person’s death is not a day of destruction, but a new birth for eternal life; the day of the transition of the immortal human soul to other conditions of life, where there is no longer any place for earthly diseases, sorrows and sighs.

On this day, it is good to visit the cemetery, but first you should come to the temple at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration at the altar (it is better if it is a commemoration at the proskomedia), at a memorial service and, if possible, pray at the service.

Is it necessary to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, Holy Spirit Day?

Sundays and holidays should be spent in prayer in the temple of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of commemoration of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as the anniversaries of death and namesake days of the dead.

What to do when visiting a cemetery?

Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform litia. If this is not possible, then you can read the short rite of lithium on your own, having previously purchased the appropriate brochure in a church or an Orthodox store. Optionally, you can read an akathist about the repose of the dead. Just keep quiet, remember the deceased.

Is it possible to arrange a "commemoration" at the cemetery?

In addition to the kutia consecrated in the temple, nothing is worth eating or drinking at the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into a grave mound - this offends the memory of the deceased. The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread “for the deceased” on the grave is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. It is not necessary to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

What is supposed to be eaten at the "commemoration"?

According to tradition, after the burial, a memorial table is assembled. The memorial meal is a continuation of the service and prayer for the deceased. The memorial meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo are boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. Also, according to tradition, they eat pancakes, sweet jelly. On a fast day, food should be fast. A memorial meal should differ from a noisy feast by reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.

Unfortunately, a bad custom has taken root to commemorate the deceased with vodka with a hearty snack. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. This is wrong, since the newly-departed soul these days longs for a special fervent prayer for her to God, and certainly not drinking wine.

Is it possible to place a photo of the deceased on the grave cross?

A cemetery is a special place where the bodies of those who have passed into another life are buried. A visible evidence of this is the tomb cross, which is erected as a sign of the redemptive victory of the Lord Jesus Christ over death. As the Savior of the world resurrected, accepting death on the cross for people, so will all the dead bodily resurrect. People come to the cemetery to pray for the dead in this place of rest. A photograph on a grave cross often prompts more remembrance than prayer.

With the adoption of Christianity in Russia, the dead were placed either in stone sarcophagi, and a cross was depicted on the lid, or in the ground. A cross was placed on the grave. After 1917, when the destruction of Orthodox traditions took on a systematic character, instead of crosses, columns with photographs began to be placed on the graves. Sometimes monuments were erected and a portrait of the deceased was attached to them. After the war, monuments with a star and a photograph began to prevail as headstones. In the last decade and a half, crosses have increasingly begun to appear in cemeteries. The practice of placing photographs on crosses has survived from past Soviet decades.

Can I bring my dog ​​with me when visiting the cemetery?

Taking a dog to a cemetery for the purpose of walking, of course, is not worth it. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for the blind or for the purpose of protection when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. Dogs should not be allowed to run over graves.

If a person died on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Pascha to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter canon is read. Instead of the Psalter, on Bright Week they read the Acts of the Holy Apostles.

Is it necessary to serve a memorial service for an infant?

The dead babies are buried and memorial services are served for them, but in prayers they do not ask for the forgiveness of sins, since babies do not have consciously committed sins, but they ask the Lord to vouchsafe them the Kingdom of Heaven.

Is it possible to bury someone who died in the war in absentia if the place of his burial is unknown?

If the deceased was baptized, then he can be buried in absentia, and the earth received after the correspondence funeral can be sprinkled crosswise on any grave in the Orthodox cemetery.

The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in Russia in the 20th century due to the large number of those who died in the war, and since it was often impossible to perform a funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the lack of churches and priests, due to the persecution of the Church and the persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, an absentee funeral is permissible.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for an undead buried deceased?

Memorial services can be ordered if the deceased was a baptized Orthodox person and not from among the suicides. The Church does not commemorate the unbaptized and suicides.

If it became known that the buried person was not buried according to the Orthodox rite, then it must be buried in absentia. In the rite of the funeral, in contrast to the memorial service, the priest reads a special prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased.

It is important not just to “order” a memorial service and a funeral service, but for the relatives and friends of the deceased to take prayerful part in them.

Is it possible to sing a suicide and pray for his repose at home and in the temple?

In exceptional cases, after consideration of all the circumstances of the suicide by the ruling bishop of the diocese, an absentee funeral may be blessed. To do this, the relevant documents and a written petition are submitted to the ruling bishop, where, with special responsibility for one’s words, all known circumstances and reasons for suicide are indicated. All cases are considered individually. With the permission of the absentee funeral service by the bishop, the temple prayer for repose becomes possible.

In all cases, for the prayerful consolation of the relatives and friends of the person who committed suicide, a special prayer order has been developed, which can be performed whenever the relatives of the person who committed suicide turn to the priest for consolation in the grief that has befallen them.

In addition to performing this rite, relatives and friends can, with the blessing of the priest, read the prayer of the reverend elder Leo of Optina at home: “Search, Lord, for the lost soul of Your servant (name): if it is possible to eat, have mercy. Your destinies are unsearchable. Do not put me in sin with this prayer of mine, but may Thy holy will be done ”and give alms.

Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What to do if, believing this, they regularly submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides to the temple?

No, it's not. If a person, out of ignorance, submitted notes about the commemoration of suicides (the funeral service of which was not blessed by the ruling bishop), then he needs to repent of this at confession and not do it again. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not to believe the rumors.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is a Catholic?

Private, private (home) prayer for a non-Orthodox deceased is not prohibited - you can commemorate him at home, read the psalms at the tomb. Churches do not bury or commemorate those who have never belonged to the Orthodox Church: non-Christians and all those who died unbaptized. The funeral rites and panikhidas are composed taking into account the fact that the deceased and the buried person was a faithful member of the Orthodox Church.

Is it possible to submit notes in the temple about the commemoration of the deceased unbaptized?

Liturgical prayer is a prayer for the children of the Church. In the Orthodox Church, it is not customary to commemorate unbaptized, as well as non-Orthodox Christians, at the proskomedia (the preparatory part of the Liturgy). This, however, does not mean that they cannot be prayed for at all. Private (home) prayer for such dead is possible. Christians believe that prayer can be of great help to the dead. True Orthodoxy breathes the spirit of love, mercy and indulgence towards all people, including those outside the Orthodox Church.

The Church cannot commemorate the unbaptized for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, they were not reborn to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, they did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be involved in those blessings that He promised to those who love him.

Orthodox Christians pray at home for the relief of the fate of the souls of the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism, and of infants who have died in their mother’s womb or during childbirth, they read the canon to the holy martyr Uar, who has grace from God to intercede for the dead who have not been granted Holy Baptism. It is known from the life of the holy martyr Uar that by his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who revered him, who were pagans.

It is said that those who died during Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?

The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does everything” (Eccl. 11:5). The one who lived piously, did good deeds, wore a cross, repented, confessed and took communion - he, by the grace of God, can be worthy of a blessed life in eternity, regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his whole life in sins, did not confess and did not receive communion, but died on Bright Week, can it be argued that he inherited the Kingdom of Heaven?

If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?

Doesn't mean anything. The Lord terminates the earthly life of each person in due time, providentially caring for each soul.

“Do not hasten death with the delusions of your life, and do not draw destruction upon you by the works of your hands” (Wisdom 1:12). “Do not indulge in sin, and do not be foolish: why should you die at the wrong time?” (Eccl. 7:17).

Is it possible to get married in the year of the mother's death?

There is no special rule in this regard. Let the religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant matters of life, one must consult with the priest.

Why is it necessary to take communion on the days of memory of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?

There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased prepare and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including of the sins related to the deceased, forgive him all offenses and ask for forgiveness themselves.

Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died?

Hanging mirrors in the house is a superstition, and has nothing to do with church traditions of burying the dead. Is it necessary to close the mirror if one of the relatives has died?

The custom of hanging mirrors in the house where the death took place partly comes from the belief that whoever sees his own reflection in the mirror of this house will also die soon. There are many "mirror" superstitions, some of them are related to divination on mirrors. And where there is magic and sorcery, fear and superstition inevitably appear. A hung or not hung mirror does not affect the duration of life, which is entirely dependent on the Lord.

There is a belief that until the fortieth day nothing from the things of the deceased can be given away. Is this true?

It is necessary to intercede for the defendant before the trial, and not after it. Therefore, it is necessary to intercede for the soul of the deceased immediately after his death until the fortieth day and after it: to pray and do works of mercy, distribute things of the deceased, donate to the monastery, to the church. Before the Last Judgment, it is possible to change the afterlife of the deceased by intensified prayer for him and alms.

Funeral speech at the funeral text - farewell words spoken in memory of the deceased by his relatives and friends. They are pronounced over the grave of the buried from the bottom of their hearts. The speaker talks about important and significant events associated with this person, his achievements, and also speaks about the character and personality of the deceased from the good side. It is desirable if he says it orally, and does not read it from a piece of paper.

Funeral speech

There are quite a lot of people at funerals and commemorations. Basically, these are relatives and friends of the deceased, but there are others - colleagues, acquaintances, school friends and others. As a rule, the head of the family or the eldest and closest person is given the first to say memorial words. In the event that he is in a strong emotional state, then others present can speak at the commemoration.

Mourning speech at a funeral example:

“My grandmother was a wonderful person with a difficult but interesting fate. Her mother, along with her three younger brothers and sister, raised her alone in the difficult post-war years. To say that they lived in poverty then would be an understatement. She had to endure many difficulties and hardships, but she never lost her optimism and presence of mind, she constantly helped her mother and took care of the younger members of the family. And later, having married a military grandfather, she steadfastly endured all the hardships of the service. In any circumstances, she always maintained exemplary order at home and accustomed all family members to it. Grandmother was sometimes strict, but fair. I am glad that I managed to learn from her accuracy and order, the ability to organize my life. And her famous apple pies were simply incomparable, no one else could do such! I will always remember you, my dear, beloved grandmother! Your warmth, love and care will forever remain with us.

If others do not know you well, then at the beginning of your speech you should introduce yourself and explain under what circumstances you met the deceased. The memorial speech should contain words of gratitude in relation to the deceased, reflect his positive qualities. You can mention some significant moment that occurred with the participation of the deceased.

Memorial words for 40 days:

“I will introduce myself for those who do not know me: my name is (name). We have been working together with (deceased's name) for the past few years and I would like to say a few words in his memory. He was a real professional in his field, a Specialist with a capital letter. Many of our colleagues, young and not only, learned the basics of craftsmanship from him and often used his advice and help. He was very patient and responsive, he could always listen to everyone who turned to him for support, give some advice, help out, he never refused anyone's requests. He could superbly cheer up anyone who was upset, confused or depressed about something. The countless funny stories he told, toasts, jokes and anecdotes could amuse anyone. We will all miss him at our dinner parties and corporate parties, where he always shone at the table, raising our morale. There is no other person like him in our team. And, perhaps, in my memory it will no longer be. We will all miss him greatly. He will remain in my memory and the memory of all our colleagues until the end of his life as an example of perseverance, sparkling cheerfulness, activity and professionalism! Rest in peace, dear colleague!”

It is advisable if you prepare the words at the commemoration in advance and memorize them. Since a well-formulated text will sound good and be perceived by others. A sluggish, boring speech with hesitation can be regarded as disrespect for the deceased and his family. If you are afraid that you will forget the words, you can take a piece of paper with a sample of mourning speech with you. You need to pronounce words clearly and slowly. You need to speak confidently and so that others can hear you, but not very loudly.

Funeral Speech Examples

Memorial words for the anniversary of death (from a colleague):

"Friends! The deceased worked honestly at the enterprise (name) for more than twenty years. We all knew him as a decent, honest and modest person. Appreciated for skillful hands and reliable character. We will miss his many inconspicuous but indispensable contributions to the work! A bright memory of him will remain in our hearts!

Wake speech 1 year (from friends):

“Friends, the best of us has gone to another world. We all mourn deeply. Our souls bleed from untimely loss. The deceased was a support to all of us. He was the first to come to the rescue, did not wait for requests or complaints. His kind heart and broad soul were always wide open. He was a clear light and guide in a complex and dangerous world for all of us, his friends! May the soul of this wonderful man rest in peace! We will always remember him with a feeling of light sadness, mixed with a secret longing!”

Memorial speech for 40 days (from relatives):

“All his life, our father was a worthy example not only to his children, but also to those around him. In everyday life, he demonstrated a wise understanding of true values, kindness and devotion. Any person left him with an enlightened soul. And to us, his children, the father instilled love for people, a high sense of responsibility and devotion to the Motherland. We consider his departure unfairly early. Eternal to him, bright memory!

“Our grandfather was a very kind and good man. His path was long and difficult. All the difficulties that befell the country, he perceived as his own. He worked and raised children without complaining about the lack of benefits, lack of food or amenities. He raised children, was a support for grandchildren. We will all miss this wonderful man. Blessed memory to him!

Words of condolence are expressed not only during the funeral, but also on the days of commemoration of the deceased. They say a speech at the commemoration of 40 days, a year after the date of death, as well as during Parents' Saturdays and other Orthodox holidays. You can make speeches both at the cemetery and during memorial dinners.

What do they say at the funeral? This event remembers all the deceased relatives and friends. They remember what they were like during their lifetime, what they were fond of, what they loved. Words of condolences are spoken, the blessed memory of the deceased is honored. It is forbidden to say something bad about the deceased, to recall old grievances. Either it's good or it's nothing, goes the proverb.

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Funeral verses

In addition to a mourning speech, condolences can be expressed in verses or toasts. These options are more suitable for commemoration than for the funeral itself. For example, memorial verses are read on the anniversary of death. They can be written by hand or taken ready-made. If you do not have the opportunity to personally attend the commemoration, then you can express condolences by placing memorial verses in the newspaper.

***
Two tears dripped into the flowers,
In two large, pink roses!
From my tortured soul
Hopelessly tears rolled out!
See my wet eyes
What they don't believe at all
That which you will never change
That which is measured by pain and tears!
My heart beats stubbornly,
And desperately doesn't want to know
That beloved eyes can no longer see
And native no longer hug!

***
You have always been an example to us
Like a person with a pure soul.
And your memory lives on
In the hearts and souls of your loved ones.

***
The people close to us are leaving.
Do not realize that - forever,
Do not exhaust all the pain of separation,
And hits backhand - never.

We won't see them, we won't hear them,
Don't ask, don't talk
Though, as before, we breathe them,
We love them, we wait, we adore them.

Ridiculous, strange, impossible
That the dawn has come again
Call, scream or cry heart-rendingly,
And there are no more relatives around.

***
We do not understand and do not comprehend,
Do not survive, do not overcome
What turns the chariot of life,
As it was before, exactly the same.

The sun is shining and the air is so fresh
What days are standing, but very sad.
Gone is the beautiful hope of hopes
And again, the heart is sad and empty.
For six months now, there has been silence in the apartment,
It's all yours and it's hard to believe it.
I would drink the cup of grief to the bottom,
But it still cannot be measured.
So I want to come back to you
Kiss and just be with you.
With the hope to resist in the fight,
To argue with illness and illness.
The farther, the more immeasurable depth
The abyss that stood between us
How are you now, how in childhood, I need,
But it is impossible to beg with tears.
I'm strong, you know I can
After all, we have been through so much.
I am forever indebted to you
You are an eternal part of my world.
I'll bring you flowers and stand
And the heart will touch with its wound.
And you will feel how much I love you
My beloved, only mother.

***
Memorial verses for 1 year:
You passed away too soon
Our pain cannot be expressed in words.
Sleep, dear, you are our pain and wound,
The memory of you is always alive.

***
We come here
To put flowers
It's very difficult, dear
We can live without you.

***
Great sorrow cannot be measured
Tears of grief do not help.
You are not with us, but forever
You will not die in our hearts.

***
Where do all the dreams go
And why they have no return,
How do we experience pain?
After all, they were once happy.
Like waking up every day
Realize that this is all reality
How painful it is to remember that day
When everything in life changed.

***
Without you my soul is anxious
You don't need girlfriends and friends.
Why is it possible without millions?
Why can't you do without one?

***
I don't rock you in the crib
I come again to the cold fence
I will fix the fallen wreath
And I will sing to you, dear son ...

***
They usually leave without saying goodbye.
Without whispering your last words
Perhaps not going on a long journey,
On that long road of dreams and dreams.
Yesterday they smiled sweetly at us,
Their eyes radiated a bright light,
And as always, waiting for us to visit,
They dreamed of giving their friendly advice.
They, like all of us, really wanted to live,
And every moment brought joy to them,
All that they wanted to do did not have time,
They still had so much power.
At some point, everything was broken,
Someone from above indicated their term to them,
The soul is in turmoil,
What did not have time to tell us a few words.
Let them not be with us, we love them,
And remember happy days
And our heart will never forget them
It's like they're right next to each other.

***
We are sad and sad
And there are no other feelings.
Let's remember all parents
Let's remember all the relatives!

Let's remember all the departed
In the prime of my years,
Brothers, sisters of the dead,
Friends and strangers!

They once lived
And made us happy
Laughed and loved
They took care of us.

Long ago or recently
They are no longer with us
And tremblingly to the grave
We bring a bouquet!

In the fast paced time
We do not remember other things,
But you are family to us
More than alive!

We ask You, Lord,
About one mercy
Forgive them their sins, Lord,
Rest their souls!
***
Among those who love - there is consent
Among the lonely only flour
Among those deceived by love is revenge
And among the dead - memory and separation

***
Death has taken you on a path of no return
And took me beyond the edge of existence.
Here she dissolved in the quiet echo of the tocsin
The life lived "in Russian" is yours.
And all that was in the heart before - pain and rage,
Dreams, hopes, faith and love -
In the space of space invisibly suddenly disintegrated,
But maybe reborn in someone again.
And at the grave there are white-trunked birches,
When the moon is silent in the night
Dew-tears drop to the clear dawns of the earth,
That from the mother's eyes did not expire to the bottom.

***
Your watch has stopped. how you didn't want to leave!
But the heart stopped beating, and we can't bring you back,
You've been through a lot in your life
War and famine, but you survived in spite of everyone.
Your clock is running in the houses of your friends, everyone loved you! you've always been lucky!
Giving life to the hours of your loved ones, you poured your breath into them.
You anointed their hearts and eased the hours of suffering.
But you could not help yourself, and it is useless to lubricate the heart.
I did not win this fight, I gave my all, I gave everything for free.
We gave you the warmth of our hearts, and we were always with you,
Our dear grandfather, father-in-law, father and father-in-law,
You were so afraid to be alone, you were so afraid to be with yourself.
But the black hag came to you, waving her scythe, hit right in the heart.
The clock has stopped, but the soul
She stayed with us, we are always with you, we are together.
February, frost, trees without foliage, but without you we have not learned to live.
You so wanted to be with us, but alas
Your watch has stopped...

Funeral toasts

It is customary to say funeral toasts at the wake at the table. They do not need to specify the identity of the deceased. We can express our general condolences to all the deceased:

Grandfather sat in heaven and wept bitterly. A boy approached him and asked why he was grieving. The old man answered him:
- there is a custom on earth - to drink for the repose of our souls. And then we are always full and with a full jug of wine. We are glad that children remember us. And now I have an empty jug and that's why I'm sad.
So let's drink to those who are not with us!

Friends, today is a day of mourning. There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with the departed (her) from us. But today we ourselves drink this cup of sorrow, seeing off a person close to us on the last journey. Not everyone in the world was worthy of Dormition, like the Mother of God and other holy people. But we will keep in our hearts a good memory of our friend, having hope for the resurrection and for a new meeting in a new place. Let's drink the wine of sorrow to the bottom for this!

In a wolf pack, suddenly, without leaving a will, the leader died. The wolves announced a meeting to elect a new leader. For three days they argued and squabbled, because each was afraid that the new leader would begin to take revenge on those who voted against him. When they were already hoarse from screaming, the wise old wolf got up and said:
"Let's choose someone not from our pack to be an unbiased leader."
Everyone agreed and asked who. Then the wise old wolf offered to choose a goat as the leader. The wolves began to resent:
- We just didn't have enough goats!
But the wise old wolf explained:
- Although he is a goat, he has one advantage: if he starts to fix chaos, he can always be bullied.
The wolves agreed with a laugh and called the goat. When they brought a goat trembling with fear, they said to him:
- Listen carefully! We will choose you as our leader if you do not goat.
The goat was even more frightened and answered:
- I'm a goat. But I renounce my goat past. I swear I'll never be a goat again.
The wolves murmured approvingly and dedicated the goat to their leaders.
“Now you are our leader,” said the wise old wolf. - You can order us whatever you want, and we will obey. Our fate is in your hands.
All the wolves, with their tails between their legs, nodded in the affirmative and asked the goat to make a speech. The goat quickly jumped up on the rock, spread his legs wide, fluffed out his beard, put out his horns, looked around the hushed flock with a slow gaze and bleated sternly:
- Well, so which one of us is a goat?
So let us remember our glorious leaders!

Also, toasts at the commemoration can be expressed in poetic form:

Blessed memory of those who have departed from us,
Let's drink to that now.
Let it be like granite in our hearts,
Keeps the memory of those who have passed away.
May all the good things that happened to them
A damp grave will not bury.
How long will we keep the memory
So much and will he live with us.

memorial notes

You can also honor the memory of the deceased with the help of memorial notes. In churches there is a special table where there is a memorial note sample, according to which it can be written. At the very top of the sheet, a cross is placed and marked "for repose." Then the full names of the deceased are written in the genitive case and in church spelling (for example, Ivan - John), neatly and legibly. Usually about ten to fifteen names are written. Moreover, everyone who is written there must be baptized in the Orthodox Church.

In addition to the names, the note indicates which deceased: the newly deceased - deceased for forty days after death or ever-memorable (worthy of constant remembrance) - the deceased, who has a memorable date on this day.

When going to a funeral or memorial service, it is important to remember about etiquette. You need to behave delicately and tactfully. It is also worth preparing words of condolence, which can be expressed with the help of a mourning speech, memorial verses or toasts. An appropriate and competent speech will be appreciated with gratitude by the relatives and friends of the deceased.

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