Basic active listening techniques. Basic Active Listening Techniques

Pauses. When the person finishes speaking, pause. It gives the opportunity to think, comprehend, realize, add something to the story.

Paraphrase (retelling). This is the ability to repeat in your own words the words of the interlocutor. Repeat briefly. This gives the interlocutor the opportunity to feel that he was understood by you, and to hear a third-party description of his problems.

Clarification. Not always in a story a person describes all the details of events or experiences. Ask to clarify everything, even the smallest details.

Perception message. In other words, this is an opportunity to inform the interlocutor that you understood what he said to you, his emotions and state. “I understand how upset and hurt you are now. I want to cry and be pitied."

Applications of Active Listening

Initially, active listening appeared as a psychotherapeutic technique and was used only by psychologists in the process of work. But how effectively this method works in communication, for example, with children! It is important to understand the child, to say that you understand that he feels that you also experience and support him. “You are offended and want to cry, you want to do it, but your mother does not allow you. If I were you, I'd cry too." The child sees that the adult understands him and empathizes with him. This stops him from further tears and worries. Thus, conflict situations in the family can be reduced to a minimum. Mutual understanding in parent-child relationships is extremely important. It makes them strong. Try talking to your child like this.

By the way, active listening is the key to successful partnerships. In a married life, active listening will help build rapport between partners.

Spouses' conversations often come down to banal topics: “What's for dinner?”, “How was your day?”, “Who will go for a walk with a child?” Basically, this is a discussion of everyday problems. Agree, after a hard day's work, you want to eat and sleep. And no talk about "eternal". Because of this, spouses often move away, especially if this happens only on one side. For example, a husband comes tired from work, and his wife is waiting for him at home, hoping for a wonderful evening. The husband’s lack of strength and desire to talk will lead to quarrels, misunderstandings and, as a result, divorce. This is where the method of active listening is effective, where it will be enough for the husband to listen to his wife and hear her expectations from the evening, and for the wife to hear and understand the emotions and fatigue of her husband.

Use the method of active listening at work when communicating with clients or colleagues. The client will be satisfied with the service if he sees that he is listened to and understood. And in the team it will create a comfortable atmosphere.

The method of active listening is effective both in professional activities and in everyday life. Listen to what people are saying to you and let them know you are listening.

The article was prepared by psychologist Elena Lyubovinikova

Do you feel a lack of effective communication with your child? Has he ceased to obey, is naughty, shows aggression? Find a solution to these problems and strengthen a warm trusting relationship with your child help techniques active listening and "You" and "I" messages. Learn to better and deeper understanding of your child, as well as expressing emotions, experiences, you can at any time convenient for you, at online training for parents “How to understand a child? Active listening.

Probably, many sellers are faced with the fact that the client is initially not disposed to trust you. This is an understandable psychological reaction of human protection. This problem can be easily solved by using the technique of active listening.
The technique of active listening in sales is a set of methods of participation in a dialogue with a client, expressing one's own feelings and opinions. This technique helps to establish a trusting personal relationship between the seller and buyers.

It is very important for the seller, before you, to enlist the limit of personal trust. If before the presentation the "customer rejection barrier" is not broken, then most likely after the presentation you will hear a lot of false objections from the client. In addition, the active listening technique enables the seller to better understand the true needs of the client and feel his psychological mood. It is also a very serious tool in the hands of a skilled salesperson.

Active listening techniques

Active listening can be divided into: verbal and non-verbal. plays a huge role in sales, so it is recommended to read this topic separately. Non-verbal tools for active listening include:

• Head nods
• Eye contact
• Concentrated facial expression

Verbal methods of active listening include:

• Assent. When listening to the client, show that you hear him: aha, uh-huh, yes, continue ... etc.
• Clarifying questions. After answering an open-ended question, ask clarifying questions, especially those statements that the client uttered most emotionally.
• Accession. Agree with the client’s statements, “I agree with you, this is unpleasant”, “I understand that you are not happy with this”, etc.
• . You repeat the information that you learned from the client, preferably the one that is beneficial to you. Just like it is done in restaurants, after you have made an order.
• Verbatim repetition of what was said to customers. Naturally, you do not need to retell a long phrase, you just need to repeat the last 2-3 words, as if demonstrating that you heard them.
• Emphasize the importance of what the client says. You just need to say that the client is right in their conclusions.

In the psychology of communication, it is important for a person to realize his own significance - when they are interested in him, listen carefully, want to understand. The interaction of people in society is based on politeness and the basics of etiquette.

One of the new directions in communication skills is the technology of active listening. Its essence lies in a benevolent attitude towards the interlocutor, the desire to understand him. Interest is the main technique of active listening. Knowing the technology will help to gain the trust of the interlocutor, to get detailed information from him.

In communicating with children, it will allow you to better understand the fears and experiences of the child. He will learn to overcome his problems on his own. Parents and children will become more attentive and tolerant of each other. So there will be harmonious relations in the family.

The ability to listen

During communication, it is important not only to speak expressively, competently, but also to be able to listen to the interlocutor. For mutual understanding with your counterpart, this is of great importance. To be able to listen means to perceive the flow of information from the narrator. The level of human culture will allow you to politely listen to the interlocutor, tactfully refrain from harsh statements, dismissive facial expressions.

The ability to listen depends on the type of personality, intelligence, age, gender. Scientists have proven that women are emotional while listening, inattentive, often interrupting the interlocutor with their own stories. Men, on the other hand, are able to listen to the information to the end, mentally looking for ways to solve it.

Many professions are related to the ability to listen. These are sellers, hairdressers, massage therapists, psychologists, doctors, teachers, administrators, consultants. What matters is the efficiency and culture of listening. There are special techniques that contribute to the perception of information. Active listening will help support the interlocutor, show the significance of his story.

Types of listening

Psychologists and communication researchers distinguish 4 types of listening.

Empathic Listening. This is the ability to read the feelings, emotions of the speaker. The ability to imagine yourself in the place of the interlocutor, to empathize with him. Empathic listening is effective if the counterpart or their information evokes positive emotions.

Critical listening. This is a targeted analysis of the information received. Her critical perception, understanding. Such listening is effective for making responsible decisions. It allows you to weigh the pros and cons, agree or disagree with the interlocutor.

Passive (non-reflective) listening. This type is used when the interlocutor needs to speak out. It implies minimal interference in the counterpart's monologue.

Active (reflexive) listening. This is the maximum establishment of feedback with the interlocutor. Active listening helps to win over the interlocutor. Allows you to influence his point of view. The reception of active listening testifies to elementary politeness, attention to the words of the interlocutor.

What is active listening?

Active listening is the semantic perception of information. This communication skill allows you to concentrate on the conversation, clarify details, ask again. With the help of this technology, the interlocutor feels the need for his information, the interest of others in it.

The ability to conduct a conversation, to perceive and understand the words of the speaker is possible only with a benevolent attitude. Active listening, techniques and receptions contribute to the development of trusting relationships between interlocutors. It is a professional skill and an art that can take years to master.

The inability to establish a dialogue, the alienation of people make the technology of active listening in demand. This process consists of several stages.

The main stages of active listening

1. Sincere interest in a person, a desire to help him.
2. Attention to the interlocutor.
3. The ability to temporarily discard critical judgment, try to take the place of the speaker.
4. Create a favorable environment for the interlocutor, stimulating him to independently search for a solution to the situation.

Interference with active listening

While listening, a person encounters certain difficulties that interfere with the perception of information.

Internal interference These are my own thoughts and feelings. They interfere with perception, forcing one to concentrate on one thought or a whole complex of thoughts. A dreamy or sleepy state also interferes with active listening.

External interference- irritants that make you distract from the conversation. This may be the inability of the interlocutor to convey information (incoherence and slurring of speech, its pace and volume), strangers or distracting noises (telephone, repair work, traffic sounds).

Active listening. Its types and methods

The technique of active listening is conditionally divided into 2 types: male and female.

Male view of active listening more related to business communication skills. The correct presentation of information, its understanding and analysis is important here. Therefore, in the active listening of the male species, clarifying questions are most often heard: “where”, “how much”, “when”, “for what”, “how”.

Female view of active listening focused on feelings and emotions. It is not so much the accuracy of the information that is important, but the attitude towards it or the interlocutor. This allows you to take the place of a counterpart, to feel his mood, feelings.

During communication, you should pay attention to the words of the interlocutor, try to understand him. This will allow you to choose the right active listening techniques. These include encouragement, repetition, reflection, generalization. They will help to better understand the narrator, will contribute to sympathy between the interlocutors.

Active listening techniques

The main techniques of active listening are the desire to catch the essence of the interlocutor's speech, if possible, help him. Mastery of these methods is achieved through constant training. Active listening techniques include:

promotion. It lies in the interest, the expressed desire to listen to the interlocutor. At this stage, goodwill, the absence of evaluative opinions, is important;

Repetition. It consists in clarifying questions, repeating phrases of the speaker. Verbal concentration on the main points of the conversation;

Reflection. It consists in understanding the emotions of the interlocutor. At this stage, you can copy in moderate doses the facial expressions or gestures of the interlocutor, thus expressing interest and complete mutual understanding;

Generalization. It consists in summarizing the speech of the interlocutor. This is the concentration on the main idea of ​​all that has been said and the selection of a compromise.

Active Listening Examples

With regular use, it is easy to remember the basic techniques of active listening. Examples for training are encouraging and clarifying questions, sympathetic acknowledgment and head nodding.

promotion the interlocutor allows you to tune in to the conversation. Non-verbal methods (smile, nod, friendly look) can be used here. In addition to them - verbal. These are the words “uh-huh”, “continue, please”, “I am listening to you carefully”, “how interesting”.

Repetition it is better to formulate in Then it will be easier for the interlocutor to point out the mistake and voice his own version of the phrase. These are the questions “Do I understand you correctly?”, “Did you mean to say this?”, “In other words…”.

Reflection It is the ability to understand what is difficult to put into words. The subtext can be read in facial expressions, voice modulation, increased or decreased intonation. These are the words “you are alarmed”, “you feel that ...”, “it seems to you that ...”.

Generalization or the resolution of the problem during the conversation slips several times. An experienced interlocutor will definitely sum up, thereby making it clear that he listened carefully to the narrator and understood his main idea. These are the words “I think I understand what you wanted to say ...”, “it seems that the most important thing here is ...”, “if I understand correctly, you experienced ...”, “in general, you decided that ...”.

Questions for active listening

During the conversation, you should not be distracted, but you should try to understand the essence of the interlocutor's speech. Find out what he wants to say and why. Clarifying questions need to be asked in a timely manner. They will help you quickly understand the interlocutor.

Open questions require a detailed answer. The more there are, the more information will be received. These are the questions “how”, “how”, “how much”, “why”, “what for”.

Closed questions require a short, unambiguous yes or no answer. They should not be abused - they create an atmosphere of interrogation. They are best used at the end of a conversation to find out the state of the interlocutor. Whether it was possible to agree with him, to come to one decision.

Alternative questions consist of two parts. The first part is an open question. The second part is two or more answers. The interlocutor is given the opportunity to choose the desired option.

Errors in the application of technology

Techniques of active listening in psychology contribute to the full building of relationships in society. Therefore, obvious errors in communication should be avoided.

• Distraction from the conversation, reaction to external stimuli, own thoughts.
• Thinking up answers or arguments contributes to the loss of the essence of the conversation.
• Instructions, criticism and moralization (“I told you ...”) will only push the interlocutor to stop the conversation.
• "Parrot" phrases or copying the words of the speaker create the illusion of understanding. A shrewd person will guess that he is not being listened to.
• You can not interrupt, finish the phrase for the interlocutor. Better to let him figure it out on his own.
• Reduce the conversation to pointless polemics.
• Concentrate on yourself, translating all the words of the interlocutor to your situations (“and I had it like that ...”).

Active listening with your child

In childhood, it is important to know that parents understand the experiences of the child. It is sometimes difficult for him to put into words all that he feels. Attentive parents should help the child to correctly explain their condition, to clearly tell about the event.

Children's active listening techniques are an aid in voicing feelings and emotions. Parents should not only understand the child, but also learn to empathize with him, support him. This will bring together and strengthen family relationships. Teach your child not to be afraid of negative feelings, to cope with them. It will lead to mutual active listening: parents - child, child - parents.

Father and mother should learn the types of listening. Children's active listening techniques consist in their demonstration. It is necessary to show the baby that they want to listen and help him.

1. In a conversation with a child, you should be at the same level with him, eye to eye. Postpone everything, do not talk to him from different rooms. Show the importance of dialogue with a friendly look.
2. Try to combine the meaning of the child's words with his feelings. This will help you sort out the situation. Prefer the affirmative form (not a question) in describing the internal state of the child. “You are upset because…”, “you are angry because…”.
3. Pause so that the child can collect his thoughts and continue the dialogue.
4. Repeat in your own words the main idea of ​​the child. So it will become clear to him that his parents heard and understood him.
5. Do not leave the child alone with his fears, problems, experiences.

It also happens that you should get rid of the interlocutor as soon as possible. The reasons can be different: from unwillingness to communicate with a specific person to unwillingness to listen to long monologues. Based on active listening techniques, an alternative technology can be created. With its help, the interlocutor will feel unwillingness to communicate with him. Which of the following is not part of active listening?

• Silence, lack of emotional reaction to words, ignoring the interlocutor.
• Constant question-to-question answers.
• Disdainful posture, facial expressions.
• Interruption of the interlocutor, the transition to their personal topics.
• During a conversation, be distracted by phone calls, do other things.
• Sharply criticize the interlocutor, immediately pointing out his mistakes and miscalculations.

This alternative method should not be used all the time. People need communication and empathy. Only in rare exceptions should you remember what concepts do not apply to active listening techniques. It is best to politely explain that the counterpart has chosen the wrong time for a conversation. Try to avoid annoying interlocutors, giving preference to positive people.

The main techniques of active listening contribute to benevolent. With their help, the interlocutor will feel attention to his words, experiences. Knowing the techniques and the ability to use them will create a sense of self-worth in the counterpart, which will help to quickly reach a consensus.

• You should not interrupt, interrupt a person. This technique of active listening will allow you to bring the main idea to the end.
• After the question, be sure to wait for the interlocutor's answer, do not answer for him.
• Maintain eye contact, turn to face the speaker.
• Establish feedback, ask questions, nod.
• You should not immediately refute the information you hear. First, delve into the essence of the conversation, understand the motives of the interlocutor.
• Do not give in to the speaker's aggression. Patience and calmness try to level it.

Communication skills make a person's social life full and diverse. They allow not only to exchange information in the form of dry facts, but also to analyze it on a subconscious level, memorize, and give a personal assessment.

Active listening helps avoid conflict

People can rarely really hear each other. This leads to certain problems in relationships: lack of understanding, frequent conflicts and hidden grievances, breakups. The ability to listen and hear the interlocutor is priceless, it allows you to find harmony in your personal life and establish pleasant and profitable social relationships.

Concept definition

A complex communication skill that contributes to the semantic perception of everything that the interlocutor says is active listening. Everyone can master it perfectly, it is only important to want it. Active listening techniques are simple, described in detail in the psychological literature.

This technique clearly demonstrates that all participants are interested in the conversation, and not just the speaker. Active listening makes it easy to direct the conversation in the right direction, avoid conflicts, and leave a pleasant impression. In the process of communication, a trusting atmosphere arises, people begin to empathize with the interlocutor, understanding his thoughts and even feelings at a particular moment.

Active listening techniques are often used by psychologists during client visits. The specialist thus enters the position of the interlocutor, plunging into his problem with his head. This helps to find the right solution and push the client to it without giving a direct answer.

This technique activates the mechanisms of empathy in the subconscious, so active listening is often called empathic. It helps build relationships between:

• superior and subordinate;
• parents and children;
• teacher and student;
• peers.

Domestic and foreign psychology knows many examples confirming this. Knowing what active listening is, you can reach unprecedented heights, pass for a sensitive and tolerant interlocutor. And people around are drawn to such people, wanting to help them in everything as a gratitude for their sensitivity.

History of the term

For the first time, the public learned about the concept of active listening from family psychologist Julia Gippenreiter. During her practice, she drew attention to the fact that many family conflicts can be avoided if you carefully listen to each other, be ready to perceive the meaning of words in the context in which they were uttered. If something is not clear, you can always ask a series of clarifying questions and delve into the answers to them.

J. Gippenreiter developed the basic techniques of active listening, which are successfully used to this day.

It is wrong to assume that purely professional psychologists can operate with them. Anyone can master the technique the first time.

Basic Techniques

The technique of active listening always consists of many techniques that allow you to achieve the desired effect. Experts say that the final goal should always be information that is not distorted by the prism of perception.

The listener carefully looks at the interlocutor in order to hear not only the words, but also to evaluate his posture, gestures, facial expressions. Such “little things” can play a big role, they will tell you how sincere the interlocutor is. A listener interested in a conversation is always on the same wavelength with the opponent, he listens to his words with his whole body. From the outside it looks like this:

• eyes are fixed on the speaker or focused on an object located next to him;
• the body body is slightly forward;
• the face is turned towards the interlocutor;
• a slight tension is felt throughout the body, it is noticeable that the listener is not “hovering in the clouds”, but is listening attentively.

Any technique of attentive active listening is based on non-verbal perception by the brain, interest in the conversation. To put it simply, certain parts of the brain receive signals that the muscles are tense, the body is turned towards the interlocutor, the mind is not loaded with other thoughts. We are ready to delve into the essence of what has been said to the maximum.

Among the methods and techniques of active listening, there are three main ones:

• interpretation;
• paraphrasing.

Echo is the most common and beloved by psychologists trick that allows you to liberate the interlocutor and tune in to the perception of what he is talking about. In practice, it looks like this: with a certain frequency, the listener repeats the last words of some phrases after the speaker, like an echo. This is done gently, not too loudly and with an interrogative intonation. These rules of active listening must be followed exactly, they are simple and understandable. Our ancestors used them, and they had much less conflicts between close people, colleagues. Interpretation allows you to increase the significance of the conversation for both interlocutors, helps them fully understand each other, increase the level of trust between them. After the speaker has finished, you can retell his saying in your own words, and then assume how correctly the interlocutor understood the meaning.

Paraphrasing - repeating the phrase said by the interlocutor, only in different words. This is a kind of clarification. The listener decides for himself whether he understood correctly what he was just told.

For a speaker in this technique of active listening, there is also a lot of usefulness, he realizes the importance of what he says, feels respect for his person. This allows him to be more sincere in his words.

Active listening is divided into two types:

• female - is empathic due to the ability of the weaker sex to empathize with the interlocutor, to be more open in communication; ladies are characterized by the use of paraphrasing techniques, the emphasis is on pronouncing emotions and sensations;
• masculine - provides for rational reflection, very popular in the process of business negotiations; men are stingy with emotions, so they use the interpretation technique with many clarifying questions.

Empathic listening is also not alien to some men who have a gentle nature and sensual perception of the world around them. It brings good results depending on the situation, as well as on the individual characteristics of the interlocutor. Active listening is a direct path to the pinnacle of self-discovery, a chance to discover the best qualities in yourself that some are not even aware of.

Examples of active listening techniques

Listening methods

Active listening techniques are inextricably linked to our emotional sphere. To better understand the interlocutor, tune in to his emotional background, several methods are used. The main criterion is empathy, which can manifest itself in three main forms:

• sympathy - an initially warm attitude towards others, the ability not to see or not to notice intentionally their pronounced shortcomings;
• empathy - the ability to experience the emotions of the interlocutor in the "here and now" mode;
• sympathy - an acute desire to help the interlocutor solve his psychological problems.

Empathic listening involves the manifestation of one or more forms at the same time. The extent to which a person is able to penetrate the problems of others depends on the characteristics of his nervous system. But this quality is not always innate, constant work on oneself leads to the development and consolidation of empathic skills. During a conversation, a person not only listens to what others say to him, but also shows various kinds of activity in the process. He constantly asks leading questions, with his posture and gestures he strives to prove that everything is attention. It is advisable at this moment to completely isolate yourself from the outside world, not to be led by extraneous thoughts, to try to drive away a prejudiced attitude towards others, if any.

In psychology, there are such methods of active listening:

• paraphrasing - all significant moments are transferred to the interlocutor in the form of feedback;
• summarizing - at the end of the conversation, you need to briefly summarize what was said, if the information is misunderstood, the speaker will definitely say this;
• clarification - several times during the conversation you need to gently and quietly clarify whether the interlocutor is understood correctly;
• logical consequence - an attempt to determine how all statements are interconnected by the links of a logical chain;
• emotional repetition - the repetition of the expressed thought with the same intonation and the same words (it is possible to use a dialect or slang), this is a strong method of active listening that carries a positive charge;
• verbal signs - words that push the interlocutor to continue the story, you can say “what happened next”, “continue”, “I am listening to you carefully” and others;
• non-verbal signs are gestures that allow the speaker to understand that the monologue he has voiced is of practical value, it can be an open, sincere smile, nodding his head, touching his hands.

These methods can be used alone or combined with each other at your discretion. The main thing is not to overdo it, not to become too intrusive interlocutor who knocks the speaker out of his thoughts. Intuition itself will tell you how to act in a situation. It would be useful to pay attention to the person's reaction, gestures or words.

Spheres of application of methods

Methods of active (empathic) listening help to orient in an unfamiliar team and join it quickly and painlessly. People around love it when they listen to their speech and do not interrupt over trifles.

Active listening is very much in demand in areas where people are constantly interacting with each other on a verbal level. These are professions of a social orientation - managers, psychologists, sales consultants, workers in the niche of social security of the population. Sometimes a prolonged pause in a conversation can serve as a signal that something is wrong with a person or his emotional intensity is on the verge. Then he needs help.

Active listening is the main tool when working with children of primary and secondary school age. They, like no one else, feel false. Only sincerity will help set the guys up for cooperation. Emotional repetitions, correct non-verbal signs, various kinds of clarifications allow the child to relax and feel important and significant.

Active listening is used in business. Business partners may communicate with each other using different styles, but each requires respect and recognition of their own merits.

An effective solution to any problem always depends on two interlocutors, one of whom speaks, and the second delves into the essence of his words.

Active or empathic listening is a very powerful tool that you just need to learn how to use skillfully.

Active listening is often used in business

Active listening techniques are multicomponent. You need to start with simpler psychological operations. This rule is always valid, no matter how we want.

Active listening techniques are very simple and understandable even to a beginner who has not delved into the essence of psychology. Among them are the following methods.

• Clarification - a short and capacious question containing a paraphrase or interpretative phrase. It allows you to understand whether the meaning of words is perceived correctly. Wrong conclusions will inevitably lead to a conflict situation or omissions. This technique of active (empathic) listening is most often used by men with their craving for everything concrete and rational.
• A pause in thoughts - at the moment when the narrator's monologue is being listened to, you need to distract yourself from everything and leave your head "clean" for the perception of information. This is the main listening technique, it allows you to focus and hear what is said "between the lines", that is, not spoken aloud.
• Reporting Perception - It is sometimes useful to express your thoughts about the interlocutor in his presence. You should not do this behind his back: if the information reaches the right addressee, a conflict is inevitable. It is always better to speak sincerely, openly and in the eye, even if these words contain criticism.
• Development of thought - you can independently continue the topic of the conversation. It is better to do this at the moment when the interlocutor was silent for a while. Such a technique of active (empathic) listening will increase the level of trust in the person not only from the speaker, but also from all other participants in the conversation.

The active listening techniques listed above can be used at any point in the conversation, one at a time or all together. The main thing is that everything looks natural and as if involuntarily.

Empathic (active) listening is a secret weapon in the hands of anyone who seeks to quickly establish social contacts and be recognized. The implementation of simple rules, methods and techniques of active listening liberates all participants in the conversation, helps to build trusting relationships and get out of any, even the most acute conflict with little loss.

When passive listening is not enough, you should move to active listening.

A businessman who talks only about himself and his firm, without showing interest in business partners, as a rule, does not achieve serious success.

The most common mistake novice businessmen make when they try to persuade the interlocutor to their point of view is the desire to talk too much themselves. And it costs them a lot. Salespeople make this mistake especially often.

The interlocutor should be given the opportunity to speak. He knows better than you about his problems and needs. Ask him questions. Let him tell you something.

The goal is to maintain or create a trusting atmosphere in the conversation. To do this, we must be accepting and caring and, at the same time, respectful of the speaker.

Conditions where active listening is beneficial:

when you need to check whether you correctly perceive the emotional state of another person;

when you are dealing with strong emotions;

when the other person's problem is emotional in nature;

when the client tries to force you to make the same decision as he / she himself / herself;

when there is research and interaction with an "open end".

With active listening, you can:

clarify for yourself the feelings of another person,

structure complex emotional states,

define the problem more precisely

allow the client to solve the problem or understand in which direction it needs to be solved,

improve customer self-esteem.

great attention to the slightest manifestations of the client's emotional state,

believe in the ability of a person to make a decision on his own and cope with his problem, giving him time and creating favorable conditions.

Requirements for a good listener:

1. Temporarily discard any opinions, judgments, feelings. No side thoughts. Since the speed of thinking is four times the speed of speech, use the "free time" for critical analysis and conclusions from what you hear directly.

2. While you are listening, do not think about the next question, much less give counterarguments.

3. You should focus only on the topic in question. In any case, acquaintance with the partner's opinion greatly facilitates negotiations. The partner is given the opportunity to prove himself, and this will significantly dull the sharpness of his objections.

4. Sincere interest in a person and a desire to help.

5. Great attention to the slightest manifestations of the client's emotional state.

6. Believe in the ability of a person to make a decision on his own and cope with his problem, giving him time and creating favorable conditions.

Under these conditions, a good listener supports:

1) Visual contact

If you are going to talk to someone, then look at him; The eyes are not only the mirror of the soul, but also the mirror of how you perceive the other person.

2) Body language

The interlocutors should be opposite each other, while looking straight ahead and maintaining an open position, showing interest in the interlocutor.

3) Tone and speed of speech

When we carefully listen to a partner, the tone of our speech involuntarily harmonizes with his tone; voice we can convey warmth, interest, significance for us of the opinion of the interlocutor.

4) the immutability of the subject of conversation.

A good listener usually allows the interlocutor to determine the topic of the conversation.

Very often, as a reward for attentive listening, you get your partner's "open heart", which greatly facilitates work and promotes mutual understanding.

Difficulties in using active listening:

The client's answer is "yes" followed by a pause. Ask an informational question (What-Where-When-How) to encourage the client to talk further.

The client's answer is "no". If the client does not provide an explanation, ask an informational question. If you get a series of "no" responses, then the client is likely unwilling to talk about their problem, or is not trying to get to the bottom of it.

You have gone too far in expressing your analysis rather than the client's feelings. Return to the situation of communication and follow the state of the client.

The client talks and talks and talks. If he expresses very strong feelings, listen to him without interruption, even for the sake of expressing your thoughts, feelings.

The listening ends when the problem is identified or a solution is reached, the client has focused on the problem for a certain amount of time, the dialogue becomes cyclical and repeats.

Mistakes most common among those who listen to a partner:

1. Removal from the main subject of the conversation, as a result of which you can completely lose the thread of the presentation.

2. Focusing on the "bare" facts. They are, of course, important, but psychologists say that even the most attentive people can immediately accurately remember no more than five basic facts. Everything else is jumbled up in my head. Therefore, in any enumeration, attention should be paid only to the most significant points.

3. "Vulnerabilities". For many people, these are such “critical words” that have a special effect on the psyche, taking a person out of balance. For example, the words "rising prices," "inflation," "layoff," "wage cap" cause some people to "psychic hurricane", ie. unconscious desire to protest. And such interlocutors no longer follow what others are saying at that moment.

3. Active listening techniques

Quite often, especially when the interlocutor is worried, it becomes necessary to achieve an accurate understanding of what he is saying. Reflexive answers help to find out the real meaning of the message, among which there are clarification, paraphrasing, reflection of feelings and summarizing.

The clarification technique consists in turning to the speaker for some clarifications. The essence of this technique is that when a misunderstanding or ambiguity arises, the listener asks “clarifying” questions that show the speaker that they are listening carefully, and after the necessary explanations, he can be sure that he is understood.

The most commonly used phrases for clarification are: “What do you mean?”, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t quite understand this”, “I’m sorry, but how is it ...”, “Could you explain this in more detail?” Such neutral phrases invite the interlocutor, without offending him, to express his thought more specifically, while choosing other words. Replies should only relate to what the interlocutor is saying, and not contain an assessment of his behavior or ability to express his thoughts. Expressions like "Speak more clearly!" have nothing to do with this approach. They only repel the interlocutor, affecting his pride.

Using the clarification technique, one should try not to ask questions that require a monosyllabic (such as “yes”, “no”) answer: this confuses a person, he begins to feel that he is being interrogated. Instead of asking, "Is this hard to do?" it's helpful to ask, "How hard is it to do that?" In the first case, we involuntarily seize the initiative and after the answer we must speak ourselves, in the second we give the interlocutor the opportunity to continue and remain listeners.

Another useful technique when you need to achieve an accurate understanding of the interlocutor is paraphrasing - the speaker's own formulation of the message to check its accuracy.

This technique helps to make sure how accurately we "deciphered" the words of the interlocutor. Paraphrasing also helps our interlocutor. He has the opportunity to see if he is understood correctly, and, if necessary, to make the necessary clarifications in a timely manner.

Paraphrasing is a universal technique. It can be used in any kind of business conversation. But this technique is especially effective in such cases:

in commercial negotiations, when a complete and accurate understanding of the partner's wishes and proposals is necessary. Being too lazy to repeat in our own words what he said, we risk incurring huge losses;

in conflict situations or during discussions. If we, before expressing arguments against, repeat the opponent’s thought in our own words, then we can be sure that he will treat our objections with much more attention: after all, he sees that they are listening to him and trying to understand. In addition, he simply will not have a reason and reason to internally believe that he was brushed aside, without even delving into his words;

when we are poorly oriented in the subject of conversation. A person who skillfully owns this technique can keep up a conversation on any topic for hours, making an extremely favorable impression on the speaker (after all, our answers are his own thoughts expressed in our words).

When paraphrasing, certain rules must be followed. First of all, it should begin with phrases like: "In other words, you think ...". "If I understand you correctly, then...", "You correct me if I'm wrong, but...".

When paraphrasing, you need to focus on the meaning, content of the message, and not on the emotions that accompany it. Paraphrasing helps to separate meaning from emotions (excitation, excitement, depression).

You should choose the main thing and say it in your own words. Literally repeating, we will become like a parrot, which is unlikely to make a favorable impression on the interlocutor.

You should not, wanting to paraphrase the interlocutor, interrupt him: paraphrasing is effective when the speaker paused and collected his thoughts. Repeating his words at such a moment will not only not confuse him, but, on the contrary, will serve as a foundation on which he can rely on in order to move on.

When reflecting feelings, the emphasis is on the listener reflecting the emotional state of the speaker with the help of phrases: “Probably you feel ...”, “You are somewhat upset ...”, etc.

The most effective way to achieve an accurate understanding of what was said by the interlocutor is the method of summarizing.

A summary is a summary. Its essence is that in our own words we summarize the main thoughts of the interlocutor. The summarizing phrase is his speech in a "curtailed" form, its main idea.

Summarizing is fundamentally different from paraphrasing, the essence of which is the repetition of every thought of the interlocutor in your own words. When summarizing, only the main idea stands out from the whole part of the conversation. Usually it is preceded by phrases like: “So you think ...”, “So you propose ...”, “Now to summarize what you said, then ...”, “Your main idea, as I understand it, is in that..."

Summary is most often used in the following situations:

at business meetings. The art of the leader here is to highlight the main thing in the statements of the speakers. Otherwise, the meeting may "sink" in the flow of their speeches;

in a conversation when people participating in it discuss the same problem. In this case, it is necessary from time to time to summarize what was said, as if completing one part of the conversation and throwing a bridge to the next. Without this kind of utterance, the group can get stuck, discussing small details and forgetting the essence of the matter;

at the end of a telephone conversation, especially if the listener has to do something after the conversation;

if you want to express disagreement with someone's point of view. Before doing this, one should first highlight the main point in the opponent’s judgment, summarize what has been said, then one will not have to scatter, citing his counter-arguments, and will be able to answer the essence of the objection. Better yet, ask him to make a summary himself: he will have to rid his objection of everything secondary, which will greatly facilitate our task;

when you need to help the interlocutor to clearly formulate his thoughts, present in a clear form and even develop ideas that he had at the level of conjectures and vague phrases, while maintaining the feeling that he came to this thought himself.

Thus, summarizing all of the above, it can be argued that it is possible to ensure psychologically correct listening to the interlocutor and partner if the following conditions are met.

Stop talking. It is impossible to listen while talking or trying to comment on what is heard.

Help the speaker loosen up. Give him a sense of freedom.

Show the speaker that you are ready to listen. It is necessary to look and act interested. Listening, try to understand, and not look for reasons for irritation.

While listening, smile more often, nod your head, look the interlocutor in the eyes and assent all the time.

Ask questions and constantly clarify. This encourages the speaker and shows them that you are listening.

When listening, try to understand, and not look for inaccuracies or mistakes in the speaker. Never judge what you hear. Let the interlocutor talk to the end.

Try to empathize with the interlocutor. To do this, look at things through his eyes, try to put yourself in his place. This is the only way to better understand the speaker and more accurately identify the meaning of his speech. No wonder they say: to listen, you need both ears: one - to perceive the meaning, the other - to catch the feelings of the speaker.

While listening, be careful not to lose the topic of the conversation. Don't get distracted by the specifics of the speaker. Think only about what he says.

If the interlocutor is unpleasant for you, try to restrain your emotions. Giving in to feelings of irritation or anger, you will not understand everything or give the words the wrong meaning.

Be patient. Do not interrupt the interlocutor, do not look at the clock, do not make impatient gestures, do not look through your papers, that is, do not do anything that indicates your disrespect or indifference to the interlocutor.

Always listen to the interlocutor to the end. Listening with due attention to what the interlocutor wants to tell you is not only a sign of attention to him, but also a professional necessity in the field of business.

So, once again, as a conclusion, we emphasize: be able to listen to the interlocutor. Often this is more valuable than the ability to speak. Let the other person speak first. And then speak according to what you hear.