Resentment is a feeling that absorbs a person from the inside. It is based on unjustified expectations, self-pity, as well as anger at the offender who committed unfair acts. People can be offended by anything, reproaching the “villainous fate”, those around them and even themselves.

Psychologists say that this feeling comes from childhood - a child suffering from a lack of communication with family or friends begins to take offense, thus trying to evoke a reaction from others. The same can be said about unsuccessful attempts at self-affirmation, for example, adults did not appreciate the efforts of the baby, did not praise him in time, etc. Child to change the course of events, draw attention to themselves.

In the mind of a mature person, resentment arises in response to the delivered insult, grief, ridicule, negative feedback, ignoring the request, as well as causing pain - physical or mental. Offended, a person wants to change their attitude towards him, for example, to take into account his opinion and desires more, to show more attention. Often people will never admit it openly, preferring to show resentment in a non-verbal way: with a look, unwillingness to talk to the offender or even see him.

Why is it bad to be offended?

In fact, resentment is deeply repressed anger, essentially directed inward rather than outward, so it is very destructive. With the help of icy silence and a contemptuous look, the offended person tries to “punish” his offender so that he understands that he was wrong and repents.

However, by repeatedly replaying the situation that caused the pain in his head, the “victim”, first of all, punishes himself. It would seem that resentment protects our self-esteem, but this is a props. It increases irritability, spoils the mood, makes you look at the world in black and white. Moreover, this painful feeling often prevents you from thinking sensibly and making the right decisions.

If the offense is not stopped in time, it can become the progenitor of such feelings as revenge and hatred. Some medical experts argue that chronic resentment can lead to serious devastating diseases such as cancer and cirrhosis of the liver. Forgiveness can be the cure for this oppressive affliction. By forgiving his offender, the “victim” gains freedom.

Feeling and emotion are often used as synonyms and are characterized as a psychological process that reflects a subjective evaluative attitude to existing or possible situations. However emotions is a direct reaction to something, based on an intuitive level, and the senses is a product of thinking, experiencing accumulated experience, acceptable norms, rules, culture ...

Many researchers divide emotions into negative, positive, neutral. However, What can be said about the usefulness of emotions? All emotions are important and necessary to adjust to reality. Experiencing positive emotions, joy, satisfaction, interest, love - we fix in our memory the desirable types of behavior that create our personal resources, help us better understand the world and ourselves, give us a sense of well-being, success, trust, develop creativity and help us get closer to others. other people, as well as being a support and support in difficult moments of life. Negative emotions sometimes even surpass positive ones in their “usefulness”, as they give us important information. For example, fear tells us about a threat, danger, which is the basis of self-preservation and survival; sadness - about the loss; anger - about unworthy behavior, about possible life problems, etc.

There are emotions that fill our inner world, prevent us from feeling freedom, joy, a sense of satisfaction, harmony and harmony with ourselves and the outside world. These are learned emotions / conventions, layered on our childish spiritual purity, gentleness, spontaneity, open worldview. Some of the most important acquisitions and conventions that prevent us from feeling happy are resentment / resentment, envy, guilt and shame. Today I want to take a closer look at the feeling of resentment.

resentment- unfairly caused grief, an insult that causes the experience of anger towards the offender and self-pity.

Consider this feeling from the positive and negative sides.

The positive meaning of resentment is that resentment, like any other emotion, performs an important function in the survival and adaptation of people to each other. It is very important to note here that resentment and guilt are paired feelings, they always arise in pairs: if I am offended, then my offender feels guilty or ashamed. Resentment arises if my expectations do not match the behavior of another person. This feeling is expressed by facial expressions, intonation and mood, thanks to which we give a kind of signal that an event has occurred that is assessed as an unfair violation of rights, borders, damage to honor or status, the fact of an insulting attitude towards a person and our offender understands that for further interaction, he needs to change his behavior. Therefore, resentment performs an important function in the interaction of people with each other.

There is an opinion that resentment is an acquired emotion, which is formed in early childhood from 2-5 years.

Resentment is taught by society, and first of all, these are parents and grandmothers, who, with their expectation of resentment, teach a small child to be offended. For example, we can often hear such phrases as “My little one, go mother/grandmother will regret who offended my beloved (muu) ...” By forbidding the expression of any emotions, we also teach the child to replace them with resentment. Or vice versa, the parents themselves demonstrate their resentment, and in this case the child develops the very convention of behavior. For example: if I was offended, I should be offended, because it is supposed to be, it is accepted. However, excessive resentment is negative. A touchy person not only suffers himself (he experiences insult again and again, remembering that he was once offended, although at a given period of time there is neither an offender nor a situation), his nerves are quickly depleted and resentment can develop into chronic stress, but at the same time he still unwittingly makes the offender suffer, causing him to feel guilty or ashamed.

There is an opinion that there are people who are less touchy or not touchy at all. This is not true. All are touchy. It’s just that everyone has their own “themes”. Some are easier to offend, others are more difficult, and it depends on how many questions and confusions a person has in life, how many of those “vulnerable topics”. But there are people who are afraid of losing their “face” and at the same time demonstrate their resistance to resentment, in this case, the resentment can stay with a person for a long time, because he does not even admit to himself what he feels.

Demonstration or resistance to resentment depends on habitual patterns of behavior. The most common are containment, switching and quenching (weakening): I was offended, but I pretend that this does not touch me. I revel in my resentment, I demonstrate it to everyone, with the secret thought of tormenting the offender with guilt.

How to ease this feeling?

First of all, I would like to emphasize that resentment is a manifestation of a child's ego state. We can be 40, and inside we can feel like a scared child or a rebellious teenager. There is always a child in each of us, regardless of our age. And this child is either happy or alone inside of us.

Resentment is a product of parental prohibitions on the manifestation of any emotions, such as anger, fear, sadness, and even joy. As a result, the child tries to hide, swallow this emotion, although he continues to experience it. And the forbidden emotion is replaced by another, one that can be experienced. We grow up with this and as adults we don’t know, we don’t understand what we feel, what we really experience. Each of us needs to understand how I feel at this moment in time. And this needs to be learned. Of course, with a psychologist, you can quickly deal with the feelings that you are experiencing, learn how to manage and use them for your own benefit and the benefit of others, understand not only your feelings, but also recognize them in other people. This will give you a greater understanding of yourself and others.

One way to ease resentment is to express your feelings. At a minimum, admit to yourself: “Yes, I am offended” and try to understand yourself: what is so strongly hooked? Try to put everything on the shelves, remember when similar feelings (repetition of the situation) met before. Understand what real emotion is hiding behind the offense and to whom this emotion was directed initially. Allow this emotion to be. This will give you the opportunity to look at the situation with an “adult” conscious look. Assess the complexity of the situation. Allow yourself to experience repressed feelings. And in the end, try to justify your offender.

To be offended or not to be offended - we always have such a seemingly simple choice. Unfortunately, we are often not the best option.

Resentment is a negatively colored emotion, which, if abused, makes our life hell. We begin to scroll in memory the situation or the words that caused the offense received. This feeling comes to us because of quarrels and indifference, jealousy and envy. Grievances make us feel pain, anger, anger, sadness, hatred, bitterness, disappointment, desire for revenge, grief. One... But!

Friends, I repeat - this is only our choice! Offended - we get a nasty mood, we deprive ourselves of health and attract negative events to ourselves. The more often we do this, the stronger the destructive consequences of this feeling. We chose not to be offended - we make our lives happier and more harmonious. How to stop being offended and learn not to be offended at all, getting rid of this negative one, will be discussed in this article.

Think about it: is it nice to know that we are not the creators of our happiness, but only play the role of dogs on a leash, and the people around us pull these leashes at will? Do we like to realize that our mood depends on someone else, but certainly not on us? Hardly. In fact, this is a real addiction. And our choice is freedom! After all, it is easy to get rid of the leash (the habit of being offended), which society has hung on us. All you need is a desire and a little awareness.

In this article, we will find out how to stop being offended by getting rid of this bad habit forever. And at the same time we will be freed from old grievances. In the meantime, dear readers of SILS, with your permission, I will continue to exaggerate and describe the destruction that brings us resentment, especially heightened.

So, what does it mean to be offended? It means giving in to your base feelings, including habitual reactions to other people's bad behavior. Even the simplest unicellular organisms have a similar reaction, which always react in the same way to a stimulus. But after all, we are people, which means we have much more room for maneuver in our behavior. Understand, friends, to be offended is not something that is not impossible, no. Simply, this is not a logical action - after all, being offended, we thereby harm ourselves, burning our soul and health, and also attracting negativity into our lives.

But with admirable perseverance, we continue to habitually take offense at our loved ones and ordinary acquaintances, relatives and friends, our fate and the whole world. We diligently cultivate our resentment, cherish it and cherish it. Completely forgetting that...

… resentment - it is solely our own choice . Although, unfortunately, most often unconscious. This is a harmful stereotype that seems to have grown into most of us. We are offended - we are offended, we are offended - we are offended. And everything is repeated in a circle throughout our lives. But this is wrong! Therefore, this article appeared, from which we will learn how to stop being offended. Useful practical recommendations are written just below, but for now, please, show a little patience, friends. After all, we need to clearly identify the enemy with whom we will fight and will definitely win. First you need to carefully study his habits, then to strike a decisive blow. fatality! (c) Mortal Kombat. So let's continue our study of insidious resentment. After all, our goal is to dance on her grave, and we are slowly but invincibly approaching the achievement of this good goal.

Resentment in the soul and heart

The experience of resentment greatly depresses us. Worst of all, a person can carry a grudge through his whole life. Old and deep grievances that we cannot forget in any way do not allow us to live peacefully and happily. After all, instead of enjoying every moment of this delightful life, we begin to scroll past events in our heads, we diligently restore and construct dialogues with our offender. Our body again and again returns to that state when we are almost shaking, although outwardly this may not manifest itself in any way. Why make fun of yourself like that? All this is only due to the fact that we cannot get rid of the resentment in our soul, from the resentment in our heart. We can't let go, we can't forgive, we can't forget. So this nasty feeling of resentment undermines us, imperceptibly destroying our lives.

By the way, it should be noted that chronic, total resentment for the whole world and the people around them individually is the first sign that something has not worked out in our life. For example, we chose the wrong profession: we dreamed of creativity, but we work as a manager in an office. Or we could not build happy family relationships: once we made a mistake with the choice and now we can only feel sorry for ourselves, so offended and offended. As a result, we live in the past and do not let the present into us, which, perhaps, is very kind and positive.

The worst thing here is that constantly being offended, receiving new grievances and remembering old ones, we turn into collectors. Collectors of grievances. Grievances can be collected for a lifetime, and as true collectors, we never want to part with a single copy. Grievances accumulate, and we savor each of them with “pleasure”. We do not let them go into oblivion, because resentment has long become part of us. And that is why it is so difficult to admit to ourselves that after too much time we have spent on our touchiness. It is much easier to continue to live the illusion of being right and the injustice of this world.

Old grievances are like unhealed wounds that we comb ourselves and make them bleed. Instead of forgiving the offense or even completely getting rid of the habit of being offended, we stubbornly torment ourselves, causing pain and suffering. What the hell is masochism?

“But the truth is behind us!” - we say to ourselves, that is why we feel offended and offended. This is how we justify ourselves. We feel almost universal injustice. How dare they do this to us?! Alas, even if we were really treated badly, we only finish ourselves off with our resentment. To be offended means to revel in pity for oneself, unjustly offended.

There are always plenty of reasons for resentment. We are able to choose what to pay attention to in this life. With our thoughts and our choices, we attract to ourselves what we receive. If a person shows increased touchiness, then be sure that there will definitely be reasons to be offended. And the worst thing that can happen is that resentment can become a part of this person forever.

Yes, they say that time heals grudges. Most often this is true, but there is one thing. Resentment, which is regularly fed, can forever remain in the heart and soul, poisoning our lives. Hidden resentment simply eats us from the inside, because of which the colors of life fade, and there are more and more reasons to be offended again and again. But life is not given to us for this at all! And, to be honest with ourselves, we would never wish ourselves such a fate. Friends, it's not too late to change everything. There is an exit!

How to stop being offended?

Friends, read below 8 reasons why you should not be offended . Please try to understand and feel each point separately. We need to remember this and put it into practice every time resentment begins to boil in us. In no case do not scold yourself if you again fall into the hook of resentment. Everything will happen gradually, everything has its time. But be sure to praise yourself when there are successes. It's so nice to see that our actions and mood gain independence. It's nice to know that you and only you are the captain of your ship. So, over time, the bad habit of being offended will disappear by itself. As they say, “a holy place is never empty”, which means that in our life there will be much more miracles and joy that will come instead of useless resentment. And that's great! Ready?

1) Nobody owes us anything. You just need to understand and accept one simple thing - no one in this world is obliged to conform to our ideas. No one is obligated towards us to do what we think is right. Just think about it: do we all, without exception, fulfill the expectations of others? Most likely, this does not always happen or does not happen at all, and this is completely natural. Our life is our life. First of all, we are interested in solving our problems, and only after that - in helping other people. Therefore, you should not be offended by other people, because they also do not owe us anything.

2) Remember and appreciate only the good. To stop being offended, we should always remember the positive qualities of the character of our offender. After all, there is something beautiful in every person. Often we focus on one unfortunate misdeed of this person, but we do not take into account all the good that he did for us earlier. That is, we take goodness for granted, but when we are offended, we often inflate an elephant out of a fly, forgetting about everything else (good). In principle, this is natural: the human body is arranged in such a way that negative emotions affect us more than positive ones. Perhaps this is due to survival in primitive times, when fear and anger spurred ancient people to survive. But that time has long passed. Therefore, friends, stop being offended, because resentment destroys us and, moreover, it is completely meaningless.

And also, please, never forget that you quickly get used to the good. If a person treats us well, this does not mean that it will always be so. And this does not mean that other people should also show a good attitude towards us. It is optimal to take everything good not for granted, but as a gift. And rejoice in such gifts with all my heart.

“Forget hurt, but never forget kindness” © Confucius

3) Nobody is eternal. The person we are offended with today may not be tomorrow. As a rule, only in such sad situations do we finally realize how petty and absurd our grievances were. For example, in no case should you be offended by fathers and mothers, grandparents. For then it will be very difficult for us to forgive ourselves when these loved ones are suddenly gone. Only then do we suddenly realize clearly how boundless and crystal clear care came from them. Even if they sometimes went too far, even if they did a lot of things wrong, but all this is from great love for us. Please, friends, do not let this happen. Live here and now, appreciate the present moment - then there is no time for resentment!

4) Take responsibility for everything that happens to us. For everything that happens in our life is the result of our own choice. Nothing is in vain! For example, a person who tries to offend us may be sent to us so that we can learn something. And our other potential offender can reveal his true appearance, for which we should also be grateful.

By the way, it is useful to follow the simple motto of smart people: "Smart people do not take offense, but draw conclusions." For example, your friend who missed a meeting and didn't even call back could do so for several reasons. First, something might have happened to her. Secondly, the circumstances could be such that she did not have the opportunity to warn you. Thirdly, maybe you are simply indifferent to her. In none of these three cases does it make sense to be offended. And in the latter it is worth drawing a conclusion and rid yourself of such relationships.

8) Resentment attracts negative events into our lives. Friends, do you know about, which says that like attracts like? By dwelling on our grievances, we let negativity into our lives. Events happen to us that provoke us to continue to experience negative feelings and emotions. And if we give in, we will sink even deeper into this swamp. The experienced feeling of resentment serves as a kind of target for all sorts of misfortunes and misfortunes. The more resentment in the soul, the more likely it is that our life will be painted in black tones. And vice versa, the more positive our inner world, the more happiness we meet in the outside. Stop being offended, friends. It is time to go to your goal, to your dream, to your happiness, and resentment, you know, is not our helper here.

How to forgive an offense?

The main thing in the technique of forgiveness proposed below is a sincere desire to get rid of resentment, to forgive and be free. Not just mechanically perform the exercise, but do it consciously, so that in the end it becomes easy and joyful in the soul. So that a heavy burden falls from our shoulders, and we can breathe deeply without any worries and regrets. Let's get started! Here is the setting for our subconscious:

I forgive you (substitute the name of the person we are offended by) because you ...

I forgive myself for what I...

Forgive me (substitute the name of the person we are offended by) for the fact that ...

The meaning of this technique of forgiveness of offenses is as follows. Why forgive the offender, it is understandable and without explanation. Forgiving yourself and asking for forgiveness from our offender (mentally) is necessary because the world around us is a mirror image of our inner world. It is necessary to realize that we ourselves attracted a bad situation into our lives, and the offender only reacted to our thoughts, state, fears. When we take responsibility for everything that happens to us, then we simply don’t want to be offended by someone. The more clearly we begin to understand how and why we have attracted grievances, the easier it becomes for us to forgive the offender. By the way, you need to forgive yourself for the simple reason that, being offended by ourselves, we feel guilty, which means we attract punishment into our lives. Which leads to the repetition of negative situations when we are intentionally or accidentally offended.

It is optimal to perform forgiveness of insults before going to bed, during the night our subconscious mind will do all the work, and we will not even notice it. We will not notice the work, but we will notice the result. Resentment will become much weaker or go away altogether. If resentment remains, then it should be repeated. You can also perform the proposed technique during the day, the main thing is not to get hung up on it, but to understand that everything will be easy and simple. We only need to give the installation to our subconscious, everything else is not our concern.

Friends, after one or more applications of this simple technique, you yourself will notice that the offense is forgiven and we become more peaceful in our lives. You will stop thinking about it quite naturally and without any violence against yourself: the insult that previously seemed so important will no longer evoke any response. Thus, the question “how to forgive an offense?” henceforth no henceforth will not stand before you. And from this it is so good and calm!

Of course, this technique is not for everyone. After all, we need to have the strength to recognize that everything we receive, including resentment, is our choice. We ourselves are responsible for this, directly or indirectly. If we find the strength in ourselves to subdue our pride and self-importance, then the next step is a matter of technique.

CONCLUSION

“They carry water on the offended” (c) Russian people

Dear readers of the Healthy Lifestyle, in this article I set myself the task of showing you all the senselessness of resentment and resentment. Resentment not only does not solve the problem, but is also harmful for many reasons, which we have analyzed in detail today.

I hope guys that if you ever decide to be offended, then be sure to remember our advice. And make the right choice! And we will be incredibly happy if the moment comes when you, without prejudice, can say with complete confidence: “I never take offense!” And even if you are offended (after all, none of us is perfect), then easily forgive the offense thanks to the technique of forgiveness and you will live happily and without any sadness. After all, learning not to be offended is a very useful skill that significantly improves the quality of our lives.

I would like to complete the article about resentment and methods of dealing with it with the words of Bhagwan Shri Rajneesh, better known as Osho. Offended? Then print this text, go to the mirror and read loudly, with an expression and a serious look:

“I am such an important turkey that I cannot allow anyone to act according to my nature if I do not like it. I am such an important turkey that if someone said or acted differently than I expected, I will punish him with my resentment. Oh, let him see how important it is - my offense, let him receive it as a punishment for his "misconduct". After all, I am a very, very important turkey! I don't value my life. I don’t value my life so much that I don’t feel sorry for wasting its priceless time on resentment. I will give up a moment of joy, a moment of happiness, a moment of playfulness, I would rather give this minute to my resentment. And I don't care that these frequent minutes turn into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. I do not feel sorry for spending years of my life in resentment - because I do not value my life. I can't look at myself from the outside. I am very vulnerable. I am so vulnerable that I am forced to protect my territory and respond with resentment to everyone who touched it. I'm going to hang a sign on my forehead, "Watch out, angry dog," and just let someone try not to notice! I am so poor that I cannot find in myself a drop of generosity to forgive, a drop of self-irony - to laugh, a drop of generosity - not to notice, a drop of wisdom - not to be caught, a drop of love - to accept. I am a very, very important turkey!" © Osho

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Every person, from early childhood, is faced with a sense of resentment. For some people, resentment passes quickly, while others harbor a grudge against their offender all their lives. Someone easily copes with any life situations and does not even pretend that he has experienced a feeling of resentment, while someone pouts at everyone, limits communication with people who have offended, is angry with himself, with his life, with the whole world around him .

What is resentment?

Resentment is a bitter feeling that destroys, excites the soul, does not allow you to calm down, makes you constantly scroll through the mind of the situation that led to resentment, and offensive words sound in us and destroy life. Bitterness from resentment gnaws from the inside and does not allow to be freed from suffering.
Resentment causes irritation, anger, aggression, hostility and even hatred towards the person who insulted, humiliated, offended you. There is a desire to avenge the offense. And even when you feel that the offender is right, you still stubbornly continue to insist that you are right, trying to deceive everyone and even yourself.

Resentment arises when a person himself believes that he was treated wrongly, unfairly, caused him physical or mental pain, upset him, insulted him, laughed at him, denied him any request.

Moreover, he will experience a stronger sense of resentment from those people who are dear to him, close, than from random passers-by. After all, if a random passer-by called you, you will be indignant, but you will soon forget about this incident. And if this word flew out of the mouth of your friend or husband, then you will pout your lips for a long time, you will throw angry, destroying glances at him, and you will not want to talk to him, punishing him for the offense, making him feel guilty, demanding apology and repentance from him .

But in fact, you are punishing yourself, because your mood has deteriorated from resentment, and digesting this situation again and again, your soul is in pain, you deny yourself communication with your loved one, you waste your energy on resentment, get irritated and nervous, worsening your health.

If you are constantly offended, for every reason, then resentment accumulates, there is a desire to take revenge on the offender, push him away from you, not see him or hear him. And even if your offender repents, asks you for forgiveness, and you continue to pretend to be a victim, stubbornly not wanting to talk or making scandals, sooner or later you yourself will destroy your relationship with your grievances.

And if you understand that only you yourself are the author of the offense, that you yourself were offended, and the person you were offended by is not to blame, then it will be much easier for you to cope with the pain.

Why is resentment dangerous?

Let's draw conclusions, why is resentment dangerous? Firstly, it causes negative emotions and quarrels, leads to a break in relationships, to loneliness. After all, being offended, you push the offender away from you, not wanting to talk to him, and in response he will also hold a grudge against you.

Secondly, resentment worsens your mood, you are depressed, despondent, which in turn can lead to insomnia, depression and other serious diseases.

Why do people get offended

“After all, it’s very nice to be offended sometimes, isn’t it? And after all, a person knows that no one offended him, but that he invented an insult to himself and lied for beauty, exaggerated himself in order to create a picture, attached himself to the word and made a mountain out of a pea - he himself knows this, but still the very first offended, offended to the point of pleasantness, to a feeling of greater pleasure, and thereby comes to true enmity ... " Dostoevsky F.M. The Brothers Karamazov.

Often a person is offended in order to change his attitude towards himself, so that his relatives, friends, parents around him will take pity, caress, treat him with love and tenderness.

In the same way, resentment appears in people when their expectations, hopes are not justified, the life that they created in their dreams does not coincide with reality. And close people do not do the things that are expected of them. And then a person is offended by everyone and the whole unjust world.

When people believe that they deserve more and that someone should give them more, there is a feeling of resentment against their parents, husband, wife, children, boss, government.

But every person is the master of his life, and he himself is responsible for the events that occur in his life, as well as for the insults that he created for himself, invented.

How to stop being offended

“Just as warm clothing protects against cold, so exposure protects against resentment. Multiply patience and peace of mind, and resentment, no matter how bitter, will not touch you.. Leonardo da Vinci

Resentment corrodes us from the inside, exhausts, depresses, and this harmful feeling must be got rid of. If you have a desire to get rid of resentment forever, you must learn one of the rules - Nobody in this world owes you anything.

You were waiting for your loved one to come to you with a large bouquet of roses, and instead of roses, he brought a large box of chocolates. Your expectations were not met, and you were offended, your mood deteriorated, you do not want to talk to him. But if you understand and remember that no one owes you anything, then it will be much easier for you to accept such a situation, and over time you will learn not to be offended over trifles. After all, you could tell your friend in advance that you want him to give you roses, and then your expectations would be fully justified, and there would be no reason for resentment.

Rule two - Everyone has their own opinion, which may differ from yours.

You thought that of the entire department you were the most advanced in your work, you grasped everything on the fly, and only you should be appointed the head of the department, because you work the longest and are competent in all matters. But the post of the head of the department went to your friend, who, in your opinion, neither knows how to lead, but also how to talk plainly. And you harbored a grudge against all your colleagues, the director, your friend.

You think he took your place, betrayed you. And resentment has overwhelmed you and does not give you rest, and thoughts of revenge are swarming in your head. In your opinion, your friend is not worthy of this post, and, according to the director, it is your friend who is able to lead the department. This is another of the rules that you need to learn and understand that you should not be offended if your opinion does not coincide with the opinion of the people around you.

It is also necessary to understand and assimilate that each person decides with whom and where to spend his free time.

Your best friend, with whom you were - do not spill water since kindergarten, went out of town for the weekend with her classmates. You just seethe with indignation: “How could she betray our friendship? She offended me, I will never forgive her."

But your girlfriend is not your property, and she has every right to decide with whom she is friends and with whom to spend her time, so it is pointless to be offended in such situations.

How to stop being offended when you are deliberately humiliated, called offensive words, teased, laughed at. If you react violently to these attacks, then they will systematically mock you in order to bring you to tears, to prove to everyone that you are a weak person. How to deal with resentment in such a situation?

Remember - a normal person will never tease and humiliate other people. So you have a sick person in front of you, with a bad character, but simply a psycho. And, as everyone knows, there is such a rule - don't be offended by a fool . Learn to ignore the bad words addressed to you, to let them past your ears.

Is it worth it to be offended by criticism addressed to the truth that people say about you? After the parent-teacher meeting, your mother scolded you for bad grades, complained to you that you absolutely do not help around the house, that in your room, like in a pigsty, you can only stupidly sit and play at the computer. You were very offended, angry with your mother and ran away from home. If such situations arise in your life, consider whether the criticism against you is true or far-fetched by your offender, and whether it is worth responding to it with resentment. If you really got lazy, dropped out of school, and were scolded for bad behavior, then there is no point in being offended by the truth because it's all your own fault.

Try to figure out for yourself why it’s so easy to offend you, maybe the habit of being offended comes from childhood, and then it’s time to grow up, or maybe resentment is one of your bad habits that you urgently need to get rid of so as not to poison yourself and people’s lives surrounding you. After all, resentment leads to misunderstanding, discord, to loneliness. Understand that being offended and carrying the pain of resentment in yourself, you, first of all, harm yourself, your health.

Why you need to forgive

“People of petty minds are sensitive to petty offenses; people of great intelligence notice everything and are not offended by anything. François de La Rochefoucauld

If the bitterness of resentment corrodes your soul, reeks of pain in your heart and all thoughts are fixated on resentment, then it's time to get rid of this resentment. The best cure for pain is forgiveness.

Having forgiven the offense, it becomes easy on the soul, and you are freed from the severity of the experiences that you carried in yourself. Having forgiven your offender, you again renew your relationship with the person you were sulky at, and without whom you felt bad.

Of course, there are situations when the offense hurt you very much, when it ruined your life, you lost something significant and you never want to see the offender, but you still need to forgive. Forgive him mentally in your soul, and you will find peace. Understand that there is nothing to return back, and it is pointless to continue to suffer and regret the past. You have to live in the present. To forget the insult, you need to forbid yourself to remember it, and throw it out of your head once and for all. This is a bad past, and everything bad needs to be disposed of. And if you yourself often offend people, and then suffer from feelings of guilt - just ask for forgiveness, even if you consider yourself right. You just need to say two simple words - “forgive me”, and there will be peace and tranquility in your heart.

Love yourself and the people around you, do not offend anyone and do not be offended yourself. Work on yourself, learn to understand yourself, in situations that led to a feeling of resentment. Try to find the reason and realize the futility of resentment. Forgive your offender and ask him for forgiveness, because he, too, may think that you offended him, wish him health, happiness and love. And the world around you will become kinder and brighter.

Resentment is a terrible state of mind, a negative emotion, which most of all causes pain to the one who is offended and bears resentment in himself. Therefore, to touchy people - only sympathy and sincere wishes, as soon as possible with this disgusting feeling to say goodbye.

But, resentment is not just a negative emotion and quality that destroys a person, it is also a sentence to oneself, feelings, relationships, and often fate in general. Why? To understand, you need to understand the causes of resentment, in general, because of what a person is offended.

A resentful person kills his own success and happiness with resentment, because he makes them dependent on other people and their imperfections. Let's see how it works!

What is Resentment? Definitions

- an emotional obligation to punish the guilty, to take revenge (conscious or not conscious), this is a time bomb. Emotional errors:

1. Mistake of Rejection - a person may be right, he may not even set a goal to offend and his intentions could be pure (for example, when a person gave constructive criticism).

2. The Error of Inactivity - a person harbors a grudge and does nothing to adequately resolve the situation. He does not remove his own negativity (does not forgive), does not try to understand the true reasons why they did this to him (as he considers unfair), does not think with his head how to adequately (fairly) punish the offender (if he is really guilty).

Let's take a closer look at resentment:

- this is a negative emotion, a real destructive energy directed at the object of resentment (on a specific person, on fate, on God, on oneself), that is, on the so-called. culprit.

The culprit is the one whom the offended person accused of something. This negative destructive emotion-energy has a destructive effect on both the one who is accused and the one who is offended. In essence, the energy of resentment is a program of destruction, destruction, harm and pain. But most of all, it causes pain and destruction to those who bear the offense in themselves, in their hearts. Resentment, if a person does not cope with it - in the end, destroys both the soul of a person and his destiny. All normal people try to bypass touchy people, and have nothing to do with them. These people are usually not happy at all.

The main reasons for resentment

Of course, outwardly, there can be countless reasons to be offended at others, at life, at oneself and at the Higher Forces. But, in fact, there are only two reasons that give rise to resentment, consider them:

Reason 1: Blaming others for your failures or trouble - in fact, this is shifting responsibility for your life, for everything that happens to you on the shoulders of other people, on those whom you are offended by. This is what weak people and losers do - everyone owes them everything and someone is always to blame for them, but not they. Circumstances, fate, government, parents, relatives, children, etc. are to blame. This is the most stupid and dead-end life position possible for a person. Because a person has voluntarily thrown off all responsibility for everything that happens in his life to the world around him, and in this situation he no longer affects anything, and cannot change anything, but only pout at the whole world and suffer stupidly.

The strong and worthy say this - absolutely everything that happens in my life is only 100% responsible for myself, I got into this situation, which means only I can change everything. Strong and smart people do not blame others and do not get offended, they draw conclusions, think and ask themselves: “Why did I get into this situation (trouble) and what should I do to change everything for the better?”.

In another way, you can say this - strong people look for the causes of all problems in themselves (and eliminate them by working on themselves), and weak people look for all the reasons for their own failures and troubles in other people and in the world around them. And one more thing, a person who is offended has simply no chance to change for the better, and change his life, he is only destined to accumulate resentment, destroy his soul and conflict with others all his life!

Reason 2. Excessive (inadequate) demands on others and, at the same time, unfairly low demands on oneself. Touchy, as a rule, all owe in absentia, and owe this very minute and in the best possible way. And he doesn't owe anyone anything. Such a person is a terry egoist with developed negative qualities of pride and arrogance.

What is the resentment replaced by?

- is replaced by Adequacy.Adequacy- this is forgiveness (“God is your judge” or “I forgive you, I believe you did not wish me harm”, etc.) and punishment (hand over to justice, there must be a trial and a fair decision, how a person should answer for what he did). Mechanisms - depending on the situation.

To learn not to be offended, you need to understand two simple truths:

1. In this world, no one owes you anything in absentia. This world provides opportunities that you still need to be able to use, and not guarantees. And everything in life must be earned by your work and work on yourself (personal development). Those who live under the motto “I owe you” will always be disappointed and offended, and the lives of such people will be constantly broken off and hit hard on the horns of ingratitude.

2. People are imperfect, and so are you, soare wrongATbehold! Both you and others have a lot of shortcomings, so not always in life everything happens the way we want and plan. We are all here on earth in a big school of life, we are all learning, going through our lessons.Therefore, everyone, by birth, has the right to make a mistake, because he, like you, knows and can not do everything, he is learning!And our task is to strive for perfection, develop, eliminate our shortcomings and form virtues, then there will be less and less external reasons for resentment, and our own Conscience will become cleaner.

If you want to learn not to be offended and enjoy life more - demand more from yourself than from others, and accept the right given to everyone - the right to make mistakes and learn from them. This will help you with a light heart to forgive the perpetrators if they made a mistake, any evil unintentionally. And adequately punish (educate ) those who committed the atrocity consciously and should suffer for it.

Continuation of the article on how to forgive an insult, how to deal with it quickly -.