How can a woman learn to love herself? Actionable Tips. How to love yourself: effective tips that will help everyone

Love yourself is a must. There are special exercises, with which you can learn to love yourself.

But before moving on to the exercises, I will give a few signs that clearly indicate about the lack of self-love.

Signs of self-loathing:

1. Man often feels guilty, and regardless of whether there is a reason or not.
2. Periodically, thoughts arise in my head about my own imperfection, about shortcomings, bad luck, and so on. If he notices that strangers are paying attention to him or hears someone laughing nearby, then the first thing he thinks about is a person with a lack of self-love so it's about something wrong with him.
3. Often trying to justify even in response to compliments.
4. Stiff movements, stooped back and sad expression. As a rule, in such people the corners of the eyes, mouth and eyebrows are lowered down.
5. Man inclined complain about life, that everything is wrong, that he cannot change anything, it is not in his power and strength.
6. Often remembers his failures, unpleasant situations, playing them in memory again and again, telling others about them. For example, about how you didn’t pass the interview for the desired position, about a major quarrel with a relative, about a divorce or parting with a loved one, etc.
7. Seeing his reflection, pays attention mainly for your own shortcomings and not on merit.

Perhaps enough. Someone can see all the above signs, someone will agree that he has one or two of the above, someone will find a little more in himself ... Of course, the fewer such “signals”, the better. But if they are, then this is an occasion to think and reconsider your attitude towards yourself. Maybe you dislike yourself a little?

10 reasons to love yourself:

1. If you do not love yourself, then how can you expect others to love you.
2. No matter how you look, no matter how people think you are, you are the only and unique creation of the universe here and now, such as you do not exist anywhere else. Even if you have a twin sister or brother, you still experience different events and treat them from your own point of view and get your own experience, which means you cannot be alike - you are a jewel that denies itself a worthy frame .
3. No matter how you consider yourself, you are an integral part of this life and perhaps only you have the opportunity to change life for the better, in a word, look or deed.
4. Only by experiencing love for yourself, you can give it to another. After all, it is impossible to give something without knowing what it is.
5. Self-love is the first step towards inner and outer harmony in your life.
6. By showing love for yourself and your body, you do not give a chance to diseases and sorrows to break your spirit.
7. Loving yourself, you love the life you live, which means that the same wonderful people are attracted to you.
8. Self-love is the ability to create and create something for the life around you.
9. When you love yourself, you will discover your true self.
10. Having fallen in love with yourself, you will open the world that passed by you and become a part of life that you did not notice. And most importantly, you will finally begin to live, and not exist.

How to love yourself:

Now is the time to move on to exercises to help you love yourself:

1. Praise yourself

Praise yourself as often as possible. Praise for a deliciously cooked breakfast, for not smoking a cigarette, for climbing the stairs instead of using the elevator, for being able to call this harmful client, for a job well done ... Skip the unpleasant moments by, do not dwell on them, but if there is something to praise yourself for (and there are always such things), be sure to do it. Remember actions worthy of praise and praise yourself again. You can give yourself five minutes before bed, and during this time remember all the good things of the day and praise yourself.

2. Give yourself gifts

Are you sad, in a bad mood, are you nervous, are you stressed? Give yourself a present! Treat yourself to something you love. It can be going to the cinema, a delicious lunch, new clothes or shoes, reading an interesting site, a cup of coffee… Just think: what would you like? And give yourself such a gift! Just be sure to treat it as a gift. Think about giving yourself something nice right now. Do we give gifts to those we love? And it gives them pleasure. So why not give yourself a gift? After all, we love ourselves too, we also need to please ourselves.

3. Talk to your reflection

Every day five to ten minutes spend conversations with your reflection. To do this, it is better to use a large mirror in which you can see your entire reflection. Position yourself in front of a mirror and refer to your reflection by name, select the appeal that you are most pleased to hear in your address because you are talking to yourself. Tell yourself that you are a wonderful person, say everything that you would like to hear from others. speak only nice things do not criticize! You don't want to be criticized, do you?

Do this exercise every day for a month and you will see positive results. Most likely, they will appear even earlier, literally in a week or two.

Another version of the exercise with a mirror is suitable for those who have complexes about their figure or appearance. Choose the part of the body that you dislike the most and that, in your opinion, causes most of the problems in your life. Now imagine that this part of the body is perfect and start praising it, complimenting it. And do this every time you see your reflection in a mirror, a shop window, a supermarket door. At home, you can speak out loud, but in crowded places it is enough to admire yourself and this part of the body mentally. Smile at your reflection.

After doing these exercises your life will begin change for the better. And this is not surprising, because you start loving yourself, which means that others also change their attitude towards you, you start attract positive events, because your thoughts gradually are getting happier.

Love yourself and be loved!

What is self love? Often we all understand that loving yourself is incredibly important. At the same time, it is incredibly difficult. And probably the first thing we should do in our lives is to love ourselves truly, learn to truly respect and accept ourselves.

But when it comes to practice, the big question is, “What does it mean to love yourself?”

Questions to which you will find answers by reading this article.

• How to love yourself for real?
• How to develop self love?
• Can you force yourself to love?
• How can you learn to accept yourself the way you are?
• What are the ways to do this?

The main thing is not to expect it to happen quickly. The process of accepting yourself and developing a feeling of love will take some time. Understand that if you have lived enough time without self-love, then it would be naive to expect it to happen in one night or a week.

Nevertheless, you can notice the results of working on yourself from the very first days. Once you make that decision—that you want to love yourself, that you want to learn how to love yourself, and take concrete action—you will notice incredible changes. These will be changes in your life, in the people around you, these will be.

Self love is the path everyone should take.

This is the most important path in our life. Because without self-love, without a sense of unity with yourself, without deep and sincere respect for yourself and your actions, without fully accepting yourself as a person, you will not have anything worthwhile in this life - your personal life will not work out, success will not come and there will be no happiness.

Love for oneself is the foundation, it is a solid foundation on which the building of our whole life is built. And so that it never collapses and does not even squint, we need to learn to experience this divine feeling in relation to ourselves.

Loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Also, do not confuse self-love with narcissism, they are completely different things. In the first case, we are talking about a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, in the other - empty narcissism and exposing one's Ego for show.

How to love yourself. 5 steps towards you

The proposed methods of developing a positive attitude towards oneself are time-tested and very effective. By following this step-by-step instruction, you can regain this feeling you once lost. Feelings of love, self-respect and self-acceptance.

Step 1. Be kind to yourself.

This means not to reproach yourself for no reason, not to scold yourself over trifles, not to endow yourself with negative epithets - “you are so ugly, you weigh too much, you have crooked legs, you are stupid”, etc.

Be kind to yourself! Never blame yourself for your past mistakes. They are not made by those who do nothing at all. The very fact of recognition and understanding that you made a mistake is already a huge plus in your direction! Many never admit their mistakes. Just forgive yourself and move on, don't dwell on it. Learn from your mistakes instead of using them as a whip to beat yourself up.

Sometimes we do not forgive ourselves for such stupid things that it's hard to even believe it. We cannot forgive ourselves for protruding ears, extra pounds, freckles on the face, or too sparse or thick hair.

All this is complete nonsense! From now on, we say only good words to ourselves!

Our subconscious does not have a sense of humor, it does not understand when we are joking and when we are serious. It is so arranged that it perceives everything at face value.

Remember that when you tell yourself “bad words” like “I’m scary, I’m clumsy, I’m lazy, I’m fat”, even if you don’t really think so, then the unconscious in you writes all this down, stores it in memory cells and will act accordingly.

The word is not a sparrow, it will fly out - you won’t catch it

Teach yourself to say "STOP!" whenever you catch yourself having negative thoughts or words addressed to you. Often we scold ourselves in front of other people, unconsciously belittle ourselves in the eyes of others. Quit this bad habit once and for all! - thus you will take a huge step towards yourself, towards an ideal and loving relationship with your own person.

Be kind to yourself! Become your own best friend! Become your most valuable asset. You are your treasure! You are the best thing in your life. Go to the mirror more often, talk to yourself, call yourself by name, as well as affectionate words, praise and encourage yourself!

Step 2: Clean up your relationship

Free your world from negative people. Cleanse your social circle of those with whom you are uncomfortable and who cause negative emotions in you.

It doesn't happen overnight and it's not easy to do. But just set yourself such a goal, and you will definitely achieve this.

For example, you were invited to a party. You do not like to sit alone at home, but at the same time, you do not want to communicate with some people. Don't force yourself! Refuse to meet with those whose communication destroys you, who does not bring joy into your life, who takes away your strength and vitality, who sets you up for negativity.

It's like slow suicide! It is much more valuable to be in company with yourself than to spend time in such an environment. It’s better to be alone all your life than to communicate with such specimens.

There are always people around us who suppress us and there are those next to whom we literally blossom and fill with energy. The choice is always yours.

Do not be afraid to change your social circle, remember that a holy place is never empty. And instead of “unnecessary ballast”, those with whom you have common views, interests and one worldview will come into your life. Yes, it won't happen right away, but it WILL happen. Gradually, living and open people will gather around you “without a stone in your bosom”, without hidden envy or anger.

Try to follow one golden rule when communicating with people:

If you don’t like someone wholeheartedly, refuse to communicate with him, no matter what benefits or advantages it promises you.

Step 3. Don't do something you don't feel like doing.

You say, how not to do it, if necessary? You have to get up early for work, you have to do the cleaning, washing and cooking. We need to take our son to kindergarten and check my daughter's lessons. And all this is not particularly desirable to do.

Here we are talking about something completely different. All these are daily, routine affairs and duties from which we cannot escape. And there are things that go against our inner convictions, contrary to our worldview and mentality. These are the circumstances in which we are forced to compromise our principles.

It is these actions and deeds of ours that lower our self-esteem and self-respect, destroy our authority in our own eyes. It is they who become the cause of dislike for themselves and the loss of friendly relations with their personality.

All these situations are mainly related to the fact that we do something that we do not like, for fear of upsetting or offending the person.

We go where we don’t want to, so as not to offend the one who invited us, we buy things that we don’t need, so as not to upset the seller, we accept offers that we cannot refuse because we don’t want to spoil the relationship.

It is very important to remember that whenever you step over yourself and literally force yourself to do something that you do not like, you are doing irreparable harm to yourself and your relationships. Thus, you show deep disrespect and dislike for yourself, for your Inner Self.

You must put an end to this. You need to learn how to say NO. You need to learn how to tactfully refuse. Calmly, without guilt, say: "I'm sorry, but I have other plans for today."

Allow yourself the luxury of doing what you want! And over time, this will become your good habit and norm of behavior.

Don't be afraid to offend other people. If they are offended, you have absolutely nothing to do with it, this is their problem.

Your job is to respect your personal boundaries and stay TRUE to YOURSELF.

Step 4. Love your body

Think about how you accept your body? To what extent are you able to love and 100% accept yourself the way you are? Accept and love your age, your shape, your figure, your weight, your habits and your character.

Love for your body is especially important for women. Most of us grew up with the idea that our body is something imperfect and unfinished. This is what we need to improve, fix, over which we need to constantly work and bring to perfection.

And this, in fact, is not the end. As soon as we get rid of extra pounds, they are replaced by cellulite, wrinkles or gray hair.

Being in the process of endless improvement, we forget one fundamental thing - our body is given to us for enjoyment. This is a gift and a gift from the Almighty! The body needs to be cared for and loved.

Very soon you will be able to see for yourself that if you love your body, if you completely trust it (that is, you do not perceive it as a traitor who betrays your age, gets sick at the wrong time and secretly puts off kilograms), when you consider the body to be your ally and the most a close creature for you, you will see that your body comes towards you and begins to reciprocate.

Your well-being will change before your eyes, the problem of excess weight will either disappear forever, or it will cease to be an eternal splinter for you.

We must learn to calmly accept the fact that inevitable changes occur with our body over the years. We are all born to go through the stages of youth, maturity and decline. And by looking for signs of aging, we steal our moments of happiness.

Changes in our body are inevitable, and we have a choice - either to suffer endlessly for this every year we live, or to choose to enjoy the moments that we have now.

Love your wrinkles - they are a sign that your body is ALIVE!

You won't believe how much our body yearns for love! How much it expects gratitude and care from you!

Love your body, take care of it, be grateful to it and it will surely reciprocate!

Step 5. Learn to respect yourself

Until we begin to love ourselves, until we live in comfort with ourselves, until we learn to respect ourselves, we will not be able to truly open up and enjoy life. It is impossible to love yourself without self-respect.

The ability to respect yourself as a person, the ability to stand up for yourself and show that you are worthy of respect is a very important condition on the path to self-love. Self-respect is an integral part of a harmonious sense of self. No one will ever treat us with respect until we learn how to do it in relation to ourselves.

There are situations when you were rude or treated rudely and impolitely. And many do not consider the right to stand up for themselves with dignity. Not snapping back, not making a fuss and not starting a scandal.

We're just not taught it. We are accustomed to silently swallow our resentment, and then suffer for a long time and torture ourselves with remorse about the fact that we could not answer at its true worth.

It's just that no one taught us that. "Who are you? Don't you dare contradict me!" We hear from our parents since childhood. Often, even at school, teachers treat us disrespectfully, shifting our rejection of ourselves onto us. While we are small, we get used to the fact that we are not allowed to rebuff adults.

Then we ourselves become adults, but our psyche remains at the same age category - at the level of small children.

And every time we have to stand up for ourselves and show self-respect, the same fear from our childhood crawls to the surface of consciousness. And the action includes an internal program, which psychologists call "chew, swallow and digest." This is especially true for those who were the youngest child in the family or grew up in an authoritarian family.

We are just used to experiencing emotions of pain, humiliation, inner anger, aggression and resentment from the inability to stand up for ourselves. And, we ourselves unconsciously create situations in our lives where we could again experience these negative emotions.

How to deal with it? How do you learn to respect yourself and stop attracting these kinds of situations into your life?

The answer lies in refusing to experience such emotions. Get rid of them once and for all. This is not easy to do, but you need to go through it in order to start loving yourself for real.

And once again, when you find yourself in a situation where you are treated disrespectfully, insulted or humiliated, track this emotion, consciously feel this aggression or irritation and transform them. You do not need to leave them in yourself and not accumulate, this is fraught with disorders of the nervous system and respiratory diseases.

You have two ways out of this situation - from yourself to the person who hurt you, or to answer him.

But answer with dignity. Without sinking to the level of your abuser, without speaking his language. Nothing good will come of it and it will hardly add respect to yourself.

Self respect always respects others

You need to learn how to respond to aggression against you without reciprocal aggression and anger. Express your attitude to this in a calm and even tone of a self-confident person. It is not at all necessary to experience negative emotions in order to stand up for yourself and show what is acceptable for us and what is not, and that you deserve a better attitude.

Do not be silent if you do not like something - declare it calmly and kindly - and in most cases the conflict will be settled immediately.

Ignore people who appear negatively in your path for a short time - in line or in transport, for example. There are a lot of bad people around. Learn not to notice them, make them invisible to yourself, and gradually there will be fewer and fewer such people in your life.

Let go of negative emotions and start a new chapter in your life. The one in which you can say: "I respect myself!". Your new image is an image that deserves respect.

I also recommend not to be lazy, but to adopt 5 more useful tips on how how can you love yourself and from tomorrow to say "Hi!" new "I"!

Practical Examples of Self-Love

Self-love is shown in small details. The way we treat ourselves in our daily activities speaks volumes about our love or dislike of ourselves. This short video (by Ada Konde WOMANUR) provides practical examples and advice on how to treat yourself even in the smallest moments of our lives.

How to love yourself? Practical psychology

In this interesting video, Ekaterina Prokhorova, a popular psychologist and host of Cognitive TV, will share her secrets on the topic of self-love with you. After watching this short video (09:16), you will be able to understand that the person closest to you is yourself.

How to make yourself fall in love?

Making yourself fall in love is impossible. It's completely pointless and hopeless. But to convince your subconscious of the sincerity of feelings towards yourself is possible and very necessary.

In addition to the topic of self-love and to consolidate this feeling in the depths of my subconscious, I recommend using modern psi-technologies and going through a wonderful audio-visual hypno-course "HEALING POWER OF LOVE".

This wonderful hypnosession, which I recently went through myself and can confirm its effectiveness, is aimed at developing true love for yourself and accepting yourself as a person.

After passing it, you will be able to love yourself deeper, and filled with this love, you will feel an irresistible desire to give it to others and begin to receive love in return in abundance!

Interesting

Do yourself a favor, take a deep breath, and from today, do something that will help you break out of the veil of restrictions and live a truly brilliant life.

Hey you! Do you know that you are a special person? There is no other like it in the whole world. And you deserve to be loved not only by those around you, but also by the most important person in your life - yourself! Unfortunately, we don't always feel like we're worthy of love at all, especially when we're in trouble. No, you should not become a narcissistic egoist, not at all - you just need to remember about yourself, your well-being and your own happiness. You should love yourself at least in order to break out of the veil of limitations, and live a truly brilliant life.

So do yourself a favor, take a deep breath, and from today on, do this:

1. Start each day by saying something positive to yourself. For example, how well you are doing at work, how wonderful you look today - in general, anything that can make you smile.
2. Eat something that not only satisfies hunger, but also fills you with energy.
3. Do sports every day and sooner or later you will love that magnificent body in which you were born.
4. Don't believe everything you think. Inside each of us sits an inner critic trying to keep you out of trouble. Only now he saves us not only from trouble, but also from all the good that could happen to you.
5. Surround yourself with people who love and inspire you. Let them remind you what a wonderful person you are.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others. There is no second person like you on the whole planet, and therefore how can you compare you with someone else. The only person you can compare yourself to is yourself.
7. Let go of any toxic personal relationships. I'm serious. Any person who makes you feel less than wonderful simply doesn't deserve the honor of being a part of your life.
8. Celebrate your victories, no matter how big or small. Pat yourself on the back and be proud of what you have achieved.
9. Break out of your comfort zone and experience something new. The feeling that we experience when we try something new, or reach heights never seen before, is incomparable.
10. Accept and love what makes you different. That is what makes you special.
11. Understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don't let all those photoshopped photos in glossy magazines convince you that your body is imperfect. Even those models that are on them look completely different in real life.
12. Try to remain calm in any situation. Take a deep breath and exhale, clear your mind of unnecessary things, and just be yourself.
13. Follow your passion. You know your passion is the very thing that attracts you and scares you at the same time. Something you really want to do, but you convince yourself that you won't succeed. Follow her!
14. Be patient but persistent. Loving yourself means constantly growing above yourself. This is something that needs to be practiced every day, but sometimes life is not enough to master it. So be kind to yourself, and support in difficult times.
15. Try to be aware of what you think, feel, and what you want. Live your life according to all of this.
16. Treat others with love and respect. The good old truth is treat others the way you want them to treat you. Of course, this does not mean that everyone will pay you kindly for kindness, but that is their problem, not yours.
17. Find something every day to be grateful for. You will inevitably have your ups and downs. This is normal and very human. It is during the days of falling that it can be very important for you to find something for which you can be grateful even on this rainy day. This will help your mind find a way to resolve the issues that are weighing on them.
18. When you're in trouble, talk to your family friends, a teacher - in general, with any person who can help you survive them. You don't have to do this alone.
19. Learn to say no. It won't make you a bad person, but it will make you smart.
20. Forgive yourself. Are you still ashamed of those few actions? It's time to let him go. You cannot change what happened in the past, but you are in control of your future. Rather, treat what happened as a chance to learn something, and believe that you can change.
21. Write down your thoughts. So many thoughts are spinning in your head that you don't know which one to grab onto? Write them down on paper - no matter how crazy, angry, sad or scary they seem to you. And then put that piece of paper in a magazine, burn it... well, do whatever you can to get rid of them.
22. Shut off the world and look within yourself. Pour yourself a cup of your favorite tea, coffee, wine, or whatever you drink, and sit quietly by yourself. No TV or other distractions, just you. Think about all the wonderful things that are happening in your life right now, about your dream, and how to achieve it.
23. Forget about craving approval from other people."You can be the ripest and juiciest peach in the world, but there will still be someone who hates peaches" - Dita Von Teese
24. Be realistic. There is no one on earth who was happy every moment of every day of his life. Why? Yes, because we are all human. We make mistakes, we feel emotions (both good and bad), and that's okay. Allow yourself to be human.
25. Be creative and express yourself in any way you can. Draw, write, sculpt, build, make music, in a word, what you like - and leave your inner critic at the door. There are a million and one ways to express yourself - choose the one that suits you best.
26. Leave behind the traumas and wounds of the past. This can be tricky - if you can, reach out to those who can help you. But after you drop this burden from your shoulders, it will seem to you that you weigh no more than a feather. We don't have to carry all this with us. We deserve more.
27. Find a place where you feel good. Where is the place where you can feel calm, quiet, happy, positive, intoxicated with life? And when hard times come for you - go there, or imagine yourself there. Imagine how you feel there, what you feel, what it is like.
28. The next time you feel happy and on top of the world, make a list of your best qualities and accomplishments. Yes, it may seem self-admiring, but this list can pretty much cheer you up on other days.
29. Listen to your inner dialogue. And if he turns out to be unloving, encouraging and supportive, it's time for a change. You should talk about yourself the same way you would talk about your best friend, sister, brother, or son.
30. Have fun! Do something that you enjoy very much. Enjoy it, enjoy being you, and enjoy your incredible life.

In our Russian book market, various kinds of publications have long and firmly settled down, the meaning of which boils down to the fact that they are trying to teach us how to live correctly. Let's leave catchy titles of books like "How to learn to love yourself", "How to instantly get rich and become a powerful person" or "How to succeed in life and make it more harmonious" on the conscience of Western authors.

It is clear that the publishers are thinking with bait titles to attract a potential reader and increase future book circulation. But if it were only this ... Alas! The paradox is that the psychology of Western thinking really suggests that any problem can be solved, you just need to know how to approach it. Find the treasured key that opens this door. And find it as soon as possible. Time does not wait.

How to learn to love and be loved

Without going into the subtleties of the differences between Russian and Western types of thinking, we can confine ourselves to the well-known words of Rudyard Kipling: “The West is the West, the East is the East, and they cannot converge together.” This is the absolute truth, we really cannot converge today or in the foreseeable future. . It is often difficult for us to even understand each other ... And such a difficult question as learning to love yourself requires a very detailed approach.

American and European pragmatism approaches a person as a complex mechanism, where all the details are in clear interaction. So, by influencing certain parts of this mechanism, you can achieve the desired result: "press the button - you will get the result, and your dream will come true."

The Russian understanding of the human soul, psychology is traditionally different, sometimes paradoxical. No wonder the “mysterious Russian soul” entered the proverb; it is not for nothing that the “exotic” Russian classics are so popular in the West, turning all the usual ideas around - Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Chekhov.

For us, truths like “wealth is good, poverty is evil”, “if you don’t get an adequate response from your beloved, part with him”, etc. The heroines and heroes of our favorite novels often behave irrationally, and this is their charm.

I dwelled on this in detail because I wanted to immediately warn the reader: do not flatter yourself that you can instantly learn to love yourself and, like the Frog Princess from a fairy tale, shed your old skin and become a beautiful princess. The path to self-change is long and difficult.

It is very important to understand how to achieve love for yourself and why. The ideal person in the understanding of Western authors is a person who goes through life towards his goal, regardless of other people and circumstances. And he clicks the emerging obstacles and barriers like seeds, leaving those around him with a feeling of slight shock and dizziness (from healthy pressure and pragmatism).

A prime example of applied American psychology is old Carnegie with his advice on influencing people and making friends (read "crutches" to help you move through life) and countless remarks: "Smile, smile, smile ..."

But we will go the other way, and Carnegie is not a decree for us. The Russian mentality is different. In our country, the inner, spiritual life of a person has always been considered the most important, and not wealth and not a career, although recently the priorities, of course, have changed a lot.

Becoming a different person in my understanding does not mean turning into a soulless mechanism that actively reacts to external stimuli and quickly changes them in accordance with its goals and objectives.

To become a different person means to realize your “I”, your individuality, and in the end to understand what you really need from this life. It is for you, and not for mom, dad, neighbors, work colleagues.

Why you need to love yourself

Why is this really important and why is a crisis in this sense beneficial and even necessary in order to generally learn to love yourself and improve your life? The fact is that a crisis is often an indicator, signaling either that you are living incorrectly, or that you are confused in life guidelines and do not know where to go next. It's no secret that in fact most of us live according to the principle "like everyone else" or act under the pressure of those people whose opinion is currently the most important.

A simple and illustrative example. Do not count women who are married, because:

1. "All girlfriends are couples, only I am alone." Disorder!
2. He liked his mother, grandmother, aunt and my beloved dog Dzhulka. I will not disappoint anyone and will bring joy to my mother, grandmother, aunt and beloved dog Julka.
3. He was my friend's boyfriend, and I took him away from her. Oh and I'm cool! (As a rule, in such cases, the marriage breaks up with the speed of a meteorite rushing at full speed towards the Earth. Bam-s - and fall! God, but who is this next to me?! What kind of horror is this in the flesh?! Get out Shout!)
4. He walked, walked with me, and then he took and married Svetka, whom I considered my best friend. I cried and cried and finally decided to marry Kolya, who had been courting me for a long time. I'll show everyone that I'm not alone! Kolya, come here, I'll make you happy...

The situations are very familiar. Perhaps one of them is yours. How can you learn to love yourself? Seriously speaking, it turns out that we live some part of our lives, as if paying tribute to other people's schemes, without thinking about whether we really want this? Perhaps, having asked ourselves this question and tried to answer it honestly, we would have acted differently and would not have reaped the bitter fruits of our own stupidity or, more precisely, irresponsibility after some time. How can we make sure that no one can manipulate us and impose their thoughts and actions?

To do this, you must first learn to love yourself, to say “no”, defending your right to your own understanding of life and, which is also important, precious time, which each of us is not given so much. Remember a few simple rules.

Before taking on any business, think carefully: do you need it, or is it a well-camouflaged task of a friend, colleague, or just an acquaintance.

Realizing that by and large you don’t need it, politely refuse, but don’t apologize or invent excuses for yourself - in this case, you will still feel an underlying sense of guilt; which means that next time they will put a stronger pressure on you, and you will agree.

Remember that the refusal must be polite but firm. You must demonstrate your position to the interlocutor and let him understand: persuading you is a waste of time.

Why You Can't Love Yourself

Why is it important to be able to say “no” when someone tries to take advantage of you? Yes, because this is your first step towards clearly delineating the boundaries of your personality. Thus, you create a space for yourself, in which from now on you will act at your own discretion and in accordance with your needs.

Therefore, we still have to learn this most difficult of the arts - self-love. And there is no getting away from it. A crisis is like a desperate SOS signal that our “I” sends us, begging us to pay attention to it. Where to start? How to learn to love yourself?

With a small psychological warm-up, which should be done every day at any convenient time. It will be better for someone to do this in the morning, before the start of the working day, for someone in the evening before bed.

You should stand in front of a large mirror and take a good look at yourself. Imagine that in the place of your reflection is an unfamiliar woman whom you see for the first time. Here it is very important to move away from yourself, how to get out of the boundaries of the body and observe yourself from the side. Only in this case the exercise will be effective. Slowly glide your eyes over yourself, starting with your feet. Examine each part of your body with an admiring glance, find something beautiful in it and express your admiration out loud or to yourself. For example:

I like my legs, they are slender and long (option: not very long, but beautifully shaped, etc.) I look and admire them, I like that they are tireless and often help me out in life. I like to emphasize their shape and beauty, so I wear mini-skirts (long skirts with a sexy slit, tight trousers).

I like my hands, narrow graceful fingers, reminiscent of the noble hands of a pianist (soft, rounded brush, like those of Titian women). It is pleasant for me to slide my fingers over the computer keyboard, at this moment I admire them. I also like to look at my hands at breakfast when I drink coffee...

How to learn to love yourself? There are many options here. The main thing is that the words come from your soul, sincere, confidential intonation is important here, you talk with your body and admire it. You look at him from the position of a man in love, who is thrilled and touched by absolutely everything, and he is ready to tirelessly lavish compliments on his beloved.

Let's move on to the face. You must find in it a certain zest, something that is inherent only to you and no one else. Never in your thoughts or out loud compare yourself with someone else. This applies not only to movie stars or catwalk beauties, but also to the people around you.

If you consider your appearance from these positions, then you can always find a woman who has something better than you. Marina B. has longer legs, and Tanya P. has a more beautiful oval face. You need to fall in love with yourself, with who you are.

Of course, you can do self-improvement, go to fitness clubs or take aerobics classes, but in no case should you think that happiness will come when you reach your ideal figure. First, the ideal is the ideal, that it is difficult to achieve. Secondly, the fashion for a particular type of figure is constantly changing. And thirdly, where is the guarantee that the taste of your chosen one coincides with your chosen ideal.

You will have to learn to love yourself here and now. If in the fifties of the last century the standard for women and the dream for men of the globe was Marilyn Monroe with her rounded shapes, then in the sixties the whole world was shocked by the Englishwoman Mary Quant, who invented the miniskirt as a symbol of female sexuality and independence.

An extravagant Englishwoman brought a new model of Twiggy to the catwalk, resembling a teenage girl with a flat chest and skinny hips. And it seems that the fashion world is still suffering from twiggymania, although recently there has been a return to a more feminine silhouette in life and in the modeling business.

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem

Take a closer look at yourself in the mirror. Not once or twice. Realize your individuality and praise your face precisely for its uniqueness. You won't need much time.

After you have been doing this psychological exercise regularly for two or three weeks, you can move on to positive attitudes for each day. I would call this exercise "good mood" or "sunny bunny".

We kind of charge ourselves with good positive energy for the whole day. Why am I not giving this exercise right away? The fact is that setting up to create your own positive image requires so much emotional strength that at first it is better to focus only on it. Only after mastering the first psychological exercise, move on to the next.

In the morning, without getting out of bed, stretch and say to yourself: "Good morning." Then close your eyes and imagine a summer green meadow generously flooded with sun. Imagine it in detail: tall bright green grass, where strawberry bushes lurk, dark red berries, lilac-violet bluebells, pink clover, yellow buttercups...

Smell the scent of herbs and fragrant flowers warmed by the sun. Feel this life-giving energy pouring into you (green and yellow are the most therapeutic colors). With every cell of your body you feel warmth and light, as if you are bathing in this stream of dazzling light...

Lie down like this for about ten minutes, then slowly get out of this state and do your morning chores. Do not think about the work ahead, or about any worries of the coming day, or even about the fact that you urgently need to learn to love yourself. You must cross the threshold of your apartment in the state that you have just created for yourself.

An individual is truly happy if he is loved and loves someone. True, not everyone manages to live in harmony with themselves and with others. Many people suffer from misunderstanding, humiliation, dislike, but they cannot realize the causes of their misfortunes. It turns out that the individual himself "programs" the people around him for a bad attitude towards himself. The source of the problem is dislike for one's own person. If a person wants to change, he should love himself and become a different person.

Individuals who do not love themselves can hardly count on the respect of others. People feel the inner mood of each other. There is a saying: what you radiate is what you receive. If a person is not filled with spiritual content, he is not only disliked by himself, but also unsympathetic to other members of society.

Women like no one else need constant love and respect. After all, they live with feelings, and the adoration of others inspires them to act. Representatives of the beautiful half of humanity need to be beloved wives, girlfriends, mothers. Only love gives them a stimulus and is a source of inexhaustible energy. Women who do not receive love lose interest in life, become depressed, slowly fade. However, it is very simple to solve their problem - this psychological attitude will change their life and the attitude of the people around them towards them.

If a person is unloved, then he is usually jealous and very envious. These negative qualities of character poison his life. You cannot be happy without love. It is necessary to live in harmony with the environment and with oneself.

How does an individual who loves and is loved behave:

• takes care of his appearance;
• likes others, knows how to build friendly relations with everyone;
• always kind, helps others;
• easily finds a common language with people;
• knows how to take risks, actively and boldly acts;
• has a beloved partner, family, children;
• successful in business;
• does not have bad habits;
• constantly realizes itself in various spheres of public life.

1. Actions that make a person despise himself.

Not everyone manages to behave correctly in a difficult situation. Nobody is immune from mistakes. Sometimes people torment themselves because they cannot forgive themselves for their wrong actions. You can’t blame yourself for mistakes, because they are lessons through which people learn to live and understand life.

1. Inconsistency with the imagined image.

A person wants to behave in any situation correctly and look like a hero from a favorite book. Not everyone manages to live up to the ideal. Life is full of problems, they cannot be solved without compromising one's own conscience. And outwardly, being like a star from the cover of a magazine is an unforgivable stupidity. After all, each person is interesting in individuality.

1. Everyday difficulties.

People who face many problems every day cannot have a positive attitude towards the world and towards themselves. They see everything as black. True, they do not even realize that the way out of a difficult situation lies in the plane of their attitude towards themselves.

1. Failure of plans.

Sometimes a person works long and hard to achieve the desired result. It's not always possible to be the best and get what you deserve. Failures "knock down" people. If a person fails, he ceases to love himself.

What is self-love and how is it formed?

Before learning to love yourself, it is advisable to understand what love is and under the influence of what circumstances it is born. Self-love is understanding your essence and accepting all your shortcomings. The individual must know what he wants from life, why he lives. It is important to be aware of the reasons for your behavior, to accept without reproach your strengths and weaknesses of character. To love yourself is to constantly rejoice in your victories.

Love originates in the heart of a person, and manifests itself in his actions. A child sees that his parents adore him if he hears approval and praise addressed to him. An adult shows his love with the help of beautiful words and deeds.

If an individual loves, then he acts. Love requires proof. This wonderful feeling is born thanks to care, careful attitude, self-sacrifice.

Is self love selfish?

Many people think that loving yourself is unforgivable selfishness. This remark is incorrect. There is a difference between love and selfishness. To love means to sacrifice something for the sake of others, to be realized not to the detriment of the interests of loved ones. Selfishness is when a person is obsessed with his own needs, and for the sake of his goals, he neglects the desires of other people.

Self love cannot be selfish. After all, it is completely spent on making the life of relatives happier. A loving individual cares not only about himself, but also about others. A real feeling, without a shadow of obsession and selfishness, always attracts reciprocity. The egoist pushes people away from him, especially if he does not need them.

How to love yourself: 5 steps towards yourself and simple rules for every day

If a person suffers from low self-esteem and feels that he is not attractive to others, he needs to learn to love himself. It is very easy to do this. You need to work on yourself and change a little.

1. Every day pay attention to your appearance, take care of yourself.
2. Find an interesting occupation, realize yourself in society.
3. Believe in yourself, do not give up in difficult situations.
4. Solve problems on your own.
5. Lead an active lifestyle, play your favorite sport.

If a person wants to love himself, he needs to become an interesting person. It is not enough to look good, although this is important for raising self-esteem. An individual must fill his life with something interesting, find something to his liking. You can not lock yourself in four walls or in the circle of your endless problems. It is necessary to destroy the barrier that prevents you from seeing and feeling the world. A person should receive well-deserved praise and respect from others.

Simple rules for every day to help increase self-esteem:

• train yourself to smile every day;
• find pleasant features in your character and appearance and focus on them;
• write an action plan for the day, and sum up in the evening;
• update your wardrobe, get rid of old-fashioned things;
• finish what you started;
• do not be afraid to look or act outside the box;
• learn to stop the flow of negative thoughts, think only about the good;
• watch your appearance, if necessary, change your hairstyle, lose weight, sign up for a gym;
• always keep your posture correct, do not slouch, do not lower your head;
• rest more;
• delight your body with cosmetic procedures, sauna, massage;
• walk around the room naked once a week - this will get rid of many complexes;
• learn to accept compliments;
• do not judge yourself strictly for mistakes;
• always stand up for your rights;
• never talk about your shortcomings with friends;
• do not silently accept a bad attitude towards yourself;
• read more, watch interesting programs, go to theaters, restaurants, cafes;
• create with your own hands - draw, cook, sew clothes, make furniture;
• watch your speech, do not allow negative statements;
• meet more often, communicate more;
• do not compare yourself with anyone;
• do not put others on pedestals;
• compliment people, give gifts to loved ones.

If a person wants to tune in a positive way, he must think positively. All thoughts are material. Words and phrases spoken by an individual in the context of an unpleasant conversation subsequently affect his internal state. By uttering special words that give commands to the subconscious, after a quarrel or showdown, you can return yourself to a positive direction. Such phrases are called affirmations.

Affirmation to normalize mood:

“I am calm and nothing will unbalance me. I accept life and people as they are. I love this world. I only think positively. I have the strength to deal with any problem. It is easy for me to overcome any troubles. I don't take offense at anyone. The deeper I breathe, the more energy I have. I feel great. I am happy and calm. I have everything in my life. I love myself and the people around me."

Books on the topic "How to start loving yourself?"

Many people want to change and make their lives a little better. True, one desire is not enough. You need to know what actions to take, what to do in order to become a happy and beloved person. Knowledge about the self-development of an individual can be gleaned from books on personality psychology. You can find psychological literature on the topic "How to love yourself" on the Internet or in bookstores. Thanks to books on self-development, people will learn to understand themselves, their thoughts, desires, and analyze their own actions. With understanding and acceptance of one's "I" comes self-love.

How to love yourself - interesting books on psychology:

• Louise Hay "Album of healing affirmations";
• Litvak M. E. "If you want to be happy";
• Loretta Breuning "Hormones of happiness";
• Ann Lamotte "Small Victories";
• Alice Muir "Self Confidence";
• Labkovsky M. "Love yourself with any appearance";
• Kurpatov A.V. “12 non-trivial solutions. Find peace in your soul."

The most famous book that has helped many people become happy is Dale Carnegie's bestseller How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. In this work, the author gives readers valuable advice that can change lives for the better.

An American psychologist recommends getting rid of the painful mistakes of the past in a simple way - in the mind to lock negative thoughts behind an iron door. You can not torment yourself with what has already been done and cannot be corrected. When faced with a difficult situation that threatens with great trouble, it is advisable to present the denouement in black tones. If the individual comes to terms with the thought of a possible loss, it will be easier for him to accept reality.

Whatever the problems, one should not exaggerate their significance and worry too much. In the end, the worst thing that a person can expect is death, but it is inevitable. You need to fight worries and anxieties with the help of positive thoughts. Thinking about the good, the individual develops such an attitude that brings him only joy and happiness.

Dale Carnegie recommends that all people who want to get rid of anxiety, something to do. If you are constantly idle, it is impossible to distract yourself from negative thoughts. A hobby, a favorite hobby, a useful thing will help get rid of depression.

It is desirable to get rid of bad habits. True, this is not so easy to do. The author of the book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" advises replacing bad habits with good ones. Instead of smoking, you can, for example, train yourself to do squats or eat an apple.

Why is it so important to stop worrying about trifles? As a rule, too vulnerable and sensitive people suffer from low self-esteem and self-dislike. Their self-doubt is a derivative of a bad mood. The internal state of a suspicious person is associated with various unrest and unsupported fears. It is advisable to switch your attention to other people or your favorite pastime, so as not to worry about trifles and not to torment yourself with far-fetched problems. The main thing in gaining self-confidence is daily work on your own shortcomings. If you do nothing, you will not be able to change your life.

If a person wants to become happy and gain the respect and love of others, but he cannot do it on his own, you need to seek help from a practicing psychologist-hypnologist