How to deal with heartache after breaking up with a loved one? How to get rid of mental pain.

We all know well and often recall the comforting joke that if the head hurts, it means that it is. The same could be said about the soul. Moreover, unfortunately, in relation to the soul, the converse statement is also true: the soul, if it exists, at least from time to time necessarily hurts. For loved ones or from their own sorrows, long and quiet or strong and piercing. Is it possible to identify mental pain with the recently fashionable diagnosis of "depression"? Yes and no. On the one hand, psychologists are really engaged in the restoration of subtle spiritual harmony, whose field of activity even bears the middle name of soul-searching. On the other hand, long before the advent of this area of ​​science and medicine, with mental pain, people turned to clergy and simply wise people. And all because the soul is such a special part of each of us, not so much the body as the personality. And even when it clearly hurts, it is impossible to touch, stroke and “operate” on it.

Therefore, it is necessary to stroke and heal the soul in other, more subtle and more complex ways. And very personal. After all, just as there are no two identical souls, there cannot be equally effective “medicines” for them. And even each new pain requires a new careful and individual approach. “In this case, is there any point in the existence of the corresponding science, since there can be no standard methods in principle ?!” - you might be surprised. We answer: maybe. Because for all our originality, we are all people, we walk the same land, breathe the same air and worry about similar things. Therefore, psychologists are both needed and important. But it is possible that in this or that situation a frank confession or a sincere conversation with a close friend will bring much more benefit than a whole course of psychotherapeutic sessions. Here is how to find your personal way and how to get rid of mental pain without additional moral wounds, we will try to figure it out today. And, if you don’t give definitive answers, then at least find that thread that you can pull to unravel the heavy tangle that has shrunk in your soul.

What hurts during heartache
Soul - does it even exist? Or is it just an imaginary, completely ephemeral substance, invented long before the advent of modern scientific possibilities to explain processes incomprehensible to our distant ancestors? But how then can something that does not exist experience such obvious painful sensations and cause severe suffering! To answer this question, one will have to look at pain (any - external and internal, physical and mental) not as an unconditional evil, but as a kind of mechanism created by nature with a reasonable purpose. This purpose is to give us a signal that something has gone wrong - in the body, in the thoughts or in the life. This failure may be very small and imperceptible at first, but if it is ignored, it gradually turns into vague anxiety, anxiety, then fear. Fear gives rise to heavy thoughts, and they, in turn, stir the soul, squeezing it and making it hurt.

At different times, people have been looking for (and found!) Different means of getting rid of mental pain. First, in the church, which saw the cause of heartache in sin and prayed for its remission. Later - at a reception with psychologists who materialistically deny the existence of the soul and use other tools. But the essence at the same time was and remains unchanged: an inexplicable feeling that eats a person from the inside and prevents him from enjoying life has visited everyone at least once. And, regardless of worldview, level of education, religious preferences, national and gender characteristics and sphere of activity, everyone somehow searched for their own way of deliverance. Because otherwise, mental pain can completely paralyze consciousness and deprive the meaning of life. But if you treat it as a symptom that reports some other problems, then you can and should pull yourself together in time and seek help. But to whom? With a bad tooth we go to the dentist, with a broken leg - to the traumatologist. To whom to carry the aching soul? Unfortunately, there is no unequivocal answer, as well as a professional doctor of the soul. But you can listen to yourself and become such a doctor for yourself. And a psychologist, confessor and / or a loved one in this case will help and support you on this path.

Effective treatment for mental pain
Contrary to the stereotype, waiting is not always the best cure for the soul. Time really heals, but sometimes this treatment is too long and does not exclude the possibility of relapse. Mental pain is caused by a variety of reasons, and therefore the means of deliverance are also diverse and multifaceted. But there is a certain “golden code” that can be the basis for anyone seeking to get rid of mental pain as soon as possible. To do this, several conditions must be met. In our version, there are 12 of them - because this number is considered magical or at least positive. Who knows, maybe it is the magic of the number that will partially help alleviate the mental pain. And if not, then nobody canceled the harmony of numbers, aesthetics and just the order of things. Follow it:

1. Drive away the negative. Do not keep it in yourself and do not accumulate it for hours, days, weeks ... Find a way to get rid of what is eating you from the inside, to throw it out. Speak out, cry out, even scream. You can do this alone, but it is better together with a very close understanding person. Don't be afraid to stress or offend him. A truly close person will correctly understand your condition and try to alleviate it, take away some of your pain or help you release it. And even the very presence of a kindred soul will surely make your soul feel that it is not alone and can count on reliable support. If such arguments do not convince you, then listen to the statistics regularly published by psychology publications. According to her, the hushing up of the situation, endless self-digging and digging in one's own difficult thoughts only exacerbates the condition that we called mental pain. Simply put, this is a huge burden on the nervous system, which can subsequently result in not only psychological, but also physical ailments. Therefore, do not worsen your life even more, do not increase your pain, but spread it to the wind in all four directions.
   
2. Look for the positive. A holy place is never empty, and the liberated inner space needs to be filled with something. But not just anything, but good, kind, bright and constructive. Positive emotions have a truly powerful healing power, and professional psychologists, and soul scientists "of the people", and representatives of religious cults agree with this. And all at the same time, especially looking from such different angles, cannot be mistaken. In a mentally ill state, this can be hard to believe and even harder to do. But think about the fact that everything in the world is balanced. For everything bad, there is always a good equivalent to it. Moreover, even stronger, because life goes on, which means that good always turns out to be stronger and wins. And it's up to us to help him. With its energy, its internal resources. And for this it is enough to concentrate them on positive moments - and water wears away a stone. Do not ignore even the most insignificant, but positive facts of what is happening around: the sun is shining in the morning, and it is not raining, the child brought an excellent mark in the diary, and not bad, the taxi driver did not bother with conversations on the road, but could turn out to be a terrible talker. From these tiny, but inevitable moments, the whole life is formed, day by day. These days pass, but the general emotional background remains. It is important for you, like no one else, that it be with a plus sign. But no one but you can set it up in this way.
   
3. Forgive people that hurt you or indirectly caused your pain. When you forgive, it becomes easier, because you no longer hold the burden of resentment in yourself and do not waste your mental strength on it. But you just need to be able to forgive for real, without deceiving yourself. Find a convincing justification for the act of the offending person, or simply recognize his right to make this mistake. His act is his sin and his karma, and you acquire participation only as long as you yourself want it. Stop being a part of other people's shortcomings, forget them and leave them to their owners. Think about yourself, about your cultivation, and about not doing such things. In the end, just be nobler and wiser, imagine that your forgiveness is a gift that you bestow on the offender despite his bad behavior. This is not the best tactic for internal motivation and it smacks too much of pride, but if at first it helps you cope with resentment and forgive the offender, then it’s better to do so than not at all. Look for your own path, comprehend what happened and, perhaps, resentment will even be replaced by gratitude if you realize that the act of another person has moved something important in your life and launched a chain reaction of changes. Which, as you know, in the end is always for the best.
   
4. Ask for forgiveness, especially in the event that cats scratch at heart and through your fault too. Conscience is an insidious quality. It seems that you can negotiate with her, but then it turns out that she hid in her soul like a cold snake, wrapped her rings around her and whispers to you about what you don’t want to think about at all. And this may well cause heartache, and quite severe - depending on the strength of your guilt. Therefore, do not be afraid to "lose the crown" - ask for forgiveness from the one who is offended by you. You look and you feel better. And even better - try to correct what happened, to make amends for your guilt. How - there is no universal recipe. In some cases, the very repentance and asking for forgiveness will be entirely enough. In others, you will have to influence the current situation and restore what is still subject to restoration. You may even have to look for ways to please your victim with something unrelated to the problem and thereby rehabilitate yourself as a good person. But if you really suffer precisely from the fact that someone was deceived or offended, then such behavior should definitely save you from mental pain, so go for it.
   
5. forgive yourself- it is very important. Sometimes, even after apologies have been received from others, one's own repentance has been made, and the former relations between people have been restored, inner peace does not come, and mental pain does not subside. As it was said in this case in an old joke: "the spoons were found, but the sediment remained." And worst of all, if this sediment remains on your own heart, because in this case, a reminder of a bad incident always remains with you, wherever you go, whatever you do. And only you can get rid of it. And in general, you are the most important and almost the only person who can heal you from mental pain. All the rest are only assistants in this operating room, ready at the right time to apply a bandage of understanding or a clamp of patience. But the chief surgeon is you. And in your hands is the scalpel with which you must mercilessly cut off your pain so that its metastases do not spread to the depths of your soul. Or not mercilessly. Have pity on yourself. Sorry and sorry. Nobody is perfect, and you are no exception. You have your right to make a mistake and the strength to admit it. This is a complete cycle of transgression, go through it and move on without looping.
   
6. Sublimate. That is, spend your spiritual strength not on experiencing your pain, but on more pleasant and useful activities. The most affordable and successful option is creativity, absolutely any. From cross stitch to ballroom dancing. The main thing is that during creative activities you forget about your mental pain, and after them you feel filled with something new and bright instead of it. Another variant of sublimation is sports, it makes the body work, not the brain, and thus also distracts from heavy thoughts. In addition, in the process of physical exercise, the hormonal background normalizes, which positively affects the emotional state. Another option is to get a pet and take care of it, loving it with all your heart, making guardianship over it an important part of your daily life. Or just fall in love. A powerful release of endorphins into the blood is the best pain reliever for the soul. Although with severe mental pain, a new relationship may not work out. In this case, love those people who already make up your family and close circle of your friends. Find joy in serving their interests, enjoy the time spent in their company. Travel, in a company or alone, depending on your temperament and capabilities. You will see new places, strangers, whose lives may turn out to be worse than yours and make you forget about your pain as something not as significant as it seemed. All this will distract you, take time and help you fill and survive the most difficult period. Or sign up for a volunteer circle, help disadvantaged people and animals. Force yourself to be useful - perhaps this will be an occasion to make amends for your sins and, finally, get rid of your mental pain?
   
7. Laugh. Or at least smile. And once again stretch your lips into a smile. A smile and laughter is generally the best defense against ill-wishers. And now it turns out that you yourself become an ill-wisher in relation to yourself. Do not follow this state of affairs, do not let mental pain spoil your mood, condition, life. Let everyone not become brighter from a smile, the times of naive childhood are long gone, but think: perhaps your second soft smile will warm someone and help get rid of heartache, if not for you, then for him. Everything good, done disinterestedly, is sure to return. The ancient sages said: "Do good and throw it into the water." You don't know where it will carry it, but sooner or later it will return to you or its reflection in the water surface. The earth is round. Well, if without esotericism, then positive emotions, expressed by a smile and laughter, tone all body systems, help it fight stress and normalize the state of the nervous system and the speed of reactions. Therefore, laughter therapy is a very real method of dealing with depressive states. If you don’t have the strength and desire to smile for no reason, buy a collection of jokes or watch KVN. And the Internet is generally an inexhaustible source of hilarious jokes and fresh jokes, which will not only smile, but also distract you from difficult thoughts for a long time, if you choose the right resources.
   
8. Be mindful of the body. Forcing yourself to smile, you not only emotionally, but also physiologically affect your body. Psychosomatics is not a myth, but a very real relationship between the state of the nervous system and all other organ systems of your body. When you are in an emotionally depressed state for a long time, then eventually it begins to manifest itself not only in your mood and facial expression, but also in other, more serious symptoms. And the widespread chronic fatigue syndrome is just one, and not the most severe, of them. An internal conflict can result in asthma, gastritis, migraines, and even oncology. You can compare these processes with the fact that a person “eats himself” with guilt, resentment and torment. Thus, the pain of the ephemeral soul is embodied in the very real pain of tangible organs. Such self-punishment can be unconscious and complicate life gradually, or conscious, when a person deliberately deprives himself of benefits in an effort to incur punishment for his misdeeds. In particular, anorexia is one of the manifestations of dislike for oneself, for one's soul and body. All that can be said about this is do not punish the body for the mistakes of the soul. Separate them, but keep them in harmony, and take care of the first and the second equally.
   
9. trace connection between your heartache and the life events that preceded it. The fact is that psychosomatic manifestations sometimes “work” in the opposite direction, there is no only possible direction here. And it is possible that your mental pain has not only moral, but also physical reasons. A prerequisite for an oppressed, depressed state can be chronic diseases and developing processes in the depths of the body. You don’t even know about them yet, but they already affect his condition. Therefore, however strange this advice may seem, in order to cure mental pain, you need to cure bodily ailments. If the heart trouble does not go away for a long time and does not develop, passing through its stages, then it makes sense to consult a doctor for diagnostics, take tests and undergo basic blood, urine, etc. tests. Remember to support your mental strength with your physical strength: watch your diet, eat healthy food and stick to a meal schedule. Drink natural juices, green tea and plenty of pure water. Do not litter yourself with harmful food - and then harmful thoughts will also visit you much less frequently. Because the hygiene of the body is inextricably linked with the hygiene of the soul, this fact must be accepted and taken into account.
   
10. rejoice Or rather, please yourself. Imagine that you are at home - a small child who feels bad and lonely, and he really needs love, care and attention. Love yourself and bestow pleasant, good things. Not necessarily material, but they too. Allow yourself even small, but regular pleasures, and if the doubt suddenly creeps in that you are pampering yourself too much, treat them as a medicine necessary for healing the soul. Such a medicine can be a walk at lunchtime on a sunny day, and a delicious cake, despite the diet, you allow yourself with a morning cup of cappuccino. The main thing is that these compliments to yourself do not later cause regrets and remorse, because their task is to please and create a positive life background to get rid of mental pain, and not to aggravate it. Update your wardrobe, buy a long-desired accessory or shoes, get a haircut, manicure, change your image. Take care of yourself like a loved one who desperately needs support and positive emotions.
    
11. Get rid of the anchors, especially if the heartache is caused by the loss of someone or something important to you. It can be quite difficult, but it is still necessary to find the strength in yourself and say goodbye to the past, which cannot be returned. Do not look for the guilty, do not try to change what has happened - just take it for granted and live on, but without it. Throw away, donate, or properly hide things that can become a reminder of the past. Stop deliberately mentally evoking past memories and restoring past situations in your memory. If your heartache is caused by the memory of a person who left your life of their own accord, then do not try to seek a connection with him, real or imagined. Neither calls nor meetings are able to return the past, but they hurt and intensify your pain. Even if it seems that even a fleeting contact will ease the experience - this is an illusion. In fact, you will simply tear off the fragile crust from the wound that has just begun to heal. Let pride become your support and adviser: you don’t need to reach out to a person who doesn’t need you. Those people who should be in your life will never leave you or offend you, and everyone else should leave so as not to take someone else's place in your personal world. Now it has been freed and will soon be occupied by someone truly worthy.
    
12. accept the pain- this is the latest, most important and, perhaps, the most difficult advice. But this is the way to healing the soul: through the pain itself. Because it is an integral part of growth. Professional athletes say: “no pain - no gain”, that is, there is no development without pain. You need to constantly remind yourself that no pain goes unnoticed and always has a purpose, even if this purpose is not obvious to you now. But time will pass and, perhaps, it will turn out that it was this life test that opened understanding and doors for you to something bigger and better. Catharsis is also a kind of pain, but it is both revelation and purification. And pain is of two kinds: pain for the sake of pain and pain for the sake of creation. The second kind appears when you do not resist fate and heartache, but allow it to develop you and move you forward. This is your struggle with yourself, the struggle for a life better than now. Perhaps, as a reminder of her, a scar will remain on your soul. So let it be a reminder of your ability to survive and a symbol of your strength.
    

It remains to be hoped that one or more of these tips will help you, if not completely get rid of, then at least muffle the mental pain and speed up the process of its treatment. Difficulties come in the life of every person, and how we cope with them depends only on us. But at the same time, there is friendship, love and many other good and right things in the world that leave no pain of a chance to win over a person. You, in turn, do not ignore the pain, do not hide it and do not get angry at yourself and at life. This process may be long, but in the end it will lead you to happiness and freedom from pain. Because what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Strength to you, inner harmony and peace in the soul!

A person experiences mental pain for various reasons. Some lose loved ones, others part with a loved one. It is not always possible to suppress sadness and start from scratch. Healing spiritual wounds takes time, effort and constant work on yourself. A depressed state often results in a prolonged depression, so it is important to find a balance in time so as not to aggravate the situation.

Unleash your feelings

Do not ignore the fact that sadness is pulling you deeper. The heart hurts, but the soul cries, this is normal. Turn on the hot shower and cry, beat the mattress, scream, just don't keep it all to yourself. Try to find a balance that makes you feel as comfortable as possible.

Do not fake smile, pretending that everything is fine. Also, you do not need to constantly think about what happened, provoking a nervous breakdown. Home meditation or yoga classes will help you find harmony. These directions are created for the healing of the soul and solitude with one's own "I".

In cases where the above methods do not fit, create a "sanctuary" in your apartment. Arrange a cozy corner, hang pastel-colored curtains, buy soft pillows. Obviously, at first you won’t want to go outside for a long time, but you shouldn’t delay it. When tears roll over again, return to your cozy corner, brew a mug of green tea with honey and close your eyes.

Control your actions and mind

It is not uncommon for a person to experience mental pain and remain in it for a long time. Try to find a way out so as not to drown in despair. It's one thing if you decide to wait a week to cope with the torment, another thing - when you fell into a prolonged depression.

During heart suffering, each of us goes through certain stages on the path to healing (grief, anger, indifference, anxiety, fear and humility). Analyze your own actions, think about what helps you move forward.

Perhaps the transition from sadness to discontent was carried out with the help of physical exertion or constant employment at work. When motivation is found, use it to move on to the rest of the stages up to accepting what happened.

There are no such people who are able to do without social communication. Relatives and friends will always support you, fill the void with advice or words of regret. Invite a friend to visit, cook a delicious dinner or order pizza at home, turn on an interesting movie on a neutral topic. Speak out, ask what she would do in your place, listen to good advice.

Get in the habit of having these get-togethers every night over a cup of tea or delicious ice cream. Do not drink alcohol, even in small quantities. Under the influence of alcohol, strong emotions will rush in, which you definitely won’t be able to cope with.

If communication with people is not suitable, get a diary. Conduct a frank dialogue in it, transfer all the pain and accumulated torment to paper. When the time comes and you can let go of what happened, you will need to burn the written sheets and move on to a new stage.

Would you like to keep a diary? It's okay, get a pet. You should not buy a dog if you are not ready for such a serious step. Choose a parrot (preferably a talking one), a cat or fish. The new inhabitant will give strength, because he needs attention, affection and communication. Focus on your pet, take care of it, put all your love and strength into it.

Take away material memories

If you have lost a loved one, do not throw away his things, it will be mean. Collect them in a box, carefully place them in the far corner of the cabinet. Restore everything to its place when the pain subsides. If you broke up with a loved one who broke your heart with his own actions, get rid of the "evidence" forever. Take personal items, shaving accessories, photo frames to the trash. Delete pictures from PC and phone, erase the number.

If not all items make you remember what happened, sort it. Take the thing in your hand and pay attention to the first associations. Wall collage makes you cry? Remove and dispose of it. Does the smell of perfume drive you crazy? Remove from sight. Bed linen does not cause negative feelings? Leave. Repeat the steps for each item that misleads you.

Take a break from what's happening

Pick up the book you've been dreaming of reading for a long time. Start watching a new series or find a hobby. Sign up for a dance class, take a trial class of stretching, Pilates or yoga. Call your friends, invite them to bowling, water park or picnic. Try to spend as little time as possible alone, communicate with interesting people.

If professional employment involves a continuous workflow, go into business with your head. Upgrade your skills or learn a new specialty. Visit distant relatives, take a field trip every weekend.

Well, if there are opportunities to go abroad. It is not necessary to buy expensive tours for 2 weeks, a three-day trip to the sea or to countries with a large concentration of attractions will be enough.

When a person begins to fantasize or imagine good moments, he is automatically healed. There is nothing wrong with dreams, visualize everything to the smallest detail. Imagine swimming in the sea or driving a car you just bought.

Carve out 15-20 minutes a day for a flight of fancy. During a short stay in the virtual world, the border with reality is erased, existing problems become less important.

Turn on your favorite music, get in a comfortable position, and close your eyes. Experts have repeatedly proven that music therapy has a beneficial effect on the nervous system and improves mood. The endorphins released fight stress and smooth out the difficult perception of reality. After 5 sessions, the attitude to what is happening changes, forces appear for new achievements.

Avoid sad memories

You have already got rid of things that can remind you of what happened. At this stage, it is necessary to suppress the negative memories that bring you to the original state. An ordinary song played that day, or a walk in familiar places, can provoke new stress.

It is not forbidden to think about what happened, but thoughts should be directed in a positive direction. If you notice that sadness is about to set in, switch to something neutral or cheerful. Go for a walk where you have not been before, go to a river or lake.

Time will pass, you will learn to live with it, you can easily switch from a once painful topic to completely opposite things. Now it seems to you that it will not be better, but it is not. Soon events will remain in the past, and you will find the strength to move on.

It is impossible to survive the heartache without changing yourself. Change the situation in the apartment, make cosmetic repairs, rearrange the furniture. If you do not want to be in this home, move to a new house or another city.

Pay attention to appearance

Get your hair, face, figure in order. Go shopping and buy beautiful things that fit perfectly. Find an extreme hobby, go swimming or learn how to snowboard.

Do not shave your head, beat tattoos or paint in bright colors. Leave such changes for later. Meet new people, spend more time with them. Such a move will not allow every half an hour to discuss the unfortunate events that have occurred.

Develop materially and enrich spiritually

Master the literature on sociology, history, psychology or business. Find a profitable job, set a goal and move forward to achieve it. In order not to relax, make a bet with your friends.

Do not keep emotions in your head, in such cases, the risk of depression is likely. Invite friends to visit, talk, spend time having heartfelt conversations. Watch thoughts and actions, do not impose memories by force. Step back, find an interesting business, go to visit relatives or friends.

Video: how to overcome heartache

The loss of a loved one is always suffering and suffering. Many people feel something like a rebirth, when the past life slips away from under their feet and they have to re-learn how to walk, breathe, smile, and so on. Pain and worries make it difficult to continue life in a social environment, trust people again and feel sympathy for the opposite sex. The constant feeling of pain is so acute that it replaces the entire consciousness and comes to the fore.

Physical pain is perceived differently by everyone, it depends on the pain threshold. But everyone is vulnerable to heartache. Coping with loss is difficult even for the most callous and cold person, and psychologists say that it is these people who experience psychological trauma much deeper and stronger. It follows from this that you should not keep experiences inside, there are many ways to alleviate the condition and get rid of suffering.

Why does breaking up hurt so much?

The psychology of personality is built in such a way that each person first of all worries about himself, for his condition, for his reputation. It's hard to argue with that because it's a proven fact. Severe pain at the time of parting is experienced by the one who made plans for the future. Relationships that have not brought joy and euphoria for a long time, in principle, cannot upset a person. All negative experiences are built on disappointment and the collapse of their own plans and hopes. It’s hard to lose not relationships, but what is connected with them in your own understanding and imagination.

Most relationships begin with trepidation, care, and romance. Waiting for the next meeting, careless, but not accidental touches and anticipation - all this is very exciting and pleasant. At some point, lightness and small joys end, life and routine begin. At this moment, in order to maintain a pleasant wave, a person begins to imagine and imagine a future where everything will soon be even better, but usually this does not happen. On the part of the partner, there is an increasing detachment and a desire to break off these relations. At this moment, even greater opposition to what is happening and unwillingness to admit failure in relation to the plans begins.

In the case of a joint life, common property and the presence of common children, there is also a sense of responsibility for what is happening inside, partly there is a feeling of guilt for the impossibility of correcting everything and returning it to its previous level. It is practically impossible to stop and soberly assess the situation without outside intervention. Every day, with every new situation, with every new realization that it's all over, the pain grows and intensifies. There are new problems associated with the division of property, with domestic issues. It is very hard to realize that everything good and planned for the future will never happen.

Not always the duration of the relationship directly affects the degree of shock. The personality type plays an important role. Fanciful emotional aggression and indignation help to cope with mental pain many times faster than outward calmness and detachment. In the latter case, the person denies what happened and the pain gnaws at him from the inside much longer.

How to deal with mental pain?

Not everyone is ready to understand the degree of shock and turn to a psychologist. Someone begins to fight in a panic and makes unsuccessful attempts to return everything, someone closes and moves away from the outside world, but all these attempts are dangerous for physical health. Mental pain can provoke the development of organic pathology, cause interruptions in the work of the heart, disrupt metabolic processes and lead to personality disorders.

The loss of a loved one is a difficult life situation that requires a long recovery. Do not worry that loved ones will not understand or others will condemn. Everyone has experienced something like this at least once in their life. Mental pain passes faster if you treat it as a physical pathology, that is, a full-fledged illness. She should also have the basic principles of treatment and the recovery period.

Time to be sad

You can’t hide emotions and try to survive the pain inside, alone with yourself. Focusing on the problem will only make it worse. New thoughts and far-fetched fears will appear. Initially, do not hide aggression and tears. It's not about tantrums and showdowns. A partner, whether it be a spouse, cohabitant, or just a guy or a girl, has already made his choice, and you can no longer make a broken one whole. It is not worth wasting time on this, again and again being subjected to mental pain. This disease is cured and after full rehabilitation remains only a memory. This period should last no more than a week, otherwise it is dangerous to go into depression.

There are many psychological trainings. to eliminate aggression and internal pain. Some psychologists recommend throwing out all the things you have in common and getting rid of everything that might remind you, including common acquaintances. Others believe that strength training and nature, hiking in the forest, climbing mountains, rafting, or regular jogging in the fresh air help well. Still others recommend breaking dishes and screaming with all your might in order to release the accumulated negativity. It is necessary to find an opportunity to move away from the usual activities for a while - for example, take a vacation.

Lifestyle change

Being in a relationship for a long time, sooner or later you realize that a certain algorithm of life has been developed. On weekdays - work or study, on weekends - household chores and, at best, going to the cinema or visiting friends. After a breakup, everything needs to change dramatically. There must be a restructuring of values. Most joint interests are shared and once imposed by the other half. Surely there is some kind of hobby or passion that once had to be abandoned due to a conflict of interest with a partner.

The most correct way of life is a healthy one. Rational and balanced nutrition will give strength and keep the figure in shape. Regular walks in the fresh air will improve sleep, tune in a new way and improve complexion. Compliance with the regime of work and rest is especially important. Overexertion at work will exacerbate the condition. Healthy and proper sleep restores the body and promotes recovery. You need to take vitamins and eat more fresh vegetables and fruits. Against the background of mental pain, general health should be at a high level, otherwise the recovery period has the risk of being delayed.

New interests and acquaintances

New interests will inevitably lead to acquaintances. Do not neglect the opportunity to make new contacts. Communication with people with similar interests captivates with more force, so the desire to return to the old circle of friends, where everything reminds of the loss, disappears. Some mutual acquaintances may intentionally hurt and provoke contact. There is no need to subconsciously seek meetings and try to talk, find out something and resume, such attempts bring even more disappointment and increased heartache.

Passion must be enjoyed. Well, if it is related to work, it will also bring additional income. Along with going to fitness centers, dancing classes, visiting various sections, it would be nice to introduce a tradition of a day off. To do this, you need to find a few friends of interest and come up with some kind of common activity - visiting a spa, bathhouse, restaurants or a cinema during the premieres. This is a very good distraction, because you need to prepare for such events in advance, and after them there is something to discuss.

think about the future

All plans built for the future were planned for two, otherwise there would be no reason for worries. It is necessary to reorient the intended goals only for yourself. But it is better to completely revise them and, if possible, abandon the plan as much as possible, adopting something new. It is much easier to achieve some goals alone, especially if a person is used to doing everything himself. It is possible that the plan will require a new partner and it's time to look for him, for example, among friends and relatives.

You can’t think about future loneliness, let your imagination not touch the topic of love and the search for a soul mate. It is worth devoting your mind to something light and bright, like a vacation in warm countries or a trip to Europe. Planning to buy a new gadget or car will also be beneficial, because there will be a desire to make money, and this is also a great distraction. You need to make a clear plan to conquer the world, work out a strategy for moving up the career ladder at work, or something else, even if crazy, but funny. Self-hypnosis is a good stimulus for success.

time to talk

All the time to be afraid of experiences and hush up grievances will not work. You need to find a loved one who can calm you down and help you talk. It is necessary to talk about the problem, not embarrassed to reveal something secret. The problem seems global as long as it is kept inside, as soon as it is voiced and there are other opinions about it, it becomes easier. Accumulated grudges that have been kept secret for a long time oppress from the inside. A sincere conversation or even a few conversations will help to cure the soul, but no more - you should not dive into the problem and make the drama of your whole life out of it, this is no longer help, but the right steps towards depression.

Not always in the environment there are people who can be trusted. Sometimes you don’t really want to share your heartache and talk about the situations you have experienced, worrying about your reputation or not wanting to cause trouble to your relatives. To do this, there are many forums where people are ready to discuss each other's problems, and for this it is not even necessary to give your real name. Social networks in this regard are somewhat more dangerous - they usually contain personal data, and correspondence is stored and can be used against a person.

A look into the past

Over time, the realization of what happened comes, you understand that the person is no longer in life and never will be. The mental pain gradually disappears and there remains a slight sadness and a slight sad smile on the face with memories. These feelings indicate the ability to soberly assess what happened. Everything in life is capable of bringing experience. In order to avoid past mistakes in a new relationship, it is worth carefully analyzing the old ones and answering a few questions for yourself:

• At what point did the relationship begin to change and deteriorate?
• What mistakes did each make and why?
• What could be changed and when?
• Is it possible to avoid such mistakes in the future?

Answers to questions will take a lot of time, some of them will remain open, because the opinion of the opponent is unknown, and two are always to blame for any conflict.

Time heals, even if mental pain is many times stronger than physical pain, but it also tends to remain in the past. Having gone through all the stages of emotional healing, it's time to think about new relationships, because loneliness is dangerous and does not bring as much good and bright experiences as having a loved one nearby. No matter how bad and bitter relationships are, these are past relationships, they are in the past. All people are different, so it is imperative to give a chance to a worthy candidate and try to initially build the right relationship.

Regular failures in the love field and a prolonged lack of career growth, sad news about the loss of a loved one and oppressive loneliness are the prerequisites for the occurrence of severe pain in the depths of the soul. Such a phenomenon cannot be cured by taking an effective pill or mixture. The consciousness of a person who is in depression acquires a coma.

It will not be possible to diagnose the problem that has appeared, because no medicines have been found to treat the above symptoms in the 21st century. Soothing capsules and psychotropic drugs can aggravate the current situation, harming the consciousness damaged by grief and feelings. It is not surprising that people have a question: How to relieve severe mental pain? What is the best way to bring a loved one back to a fulfilling life? Where is the formula for success hidden? How to get rid of?

Mental pain appears in people who were not mentally prepared for the events that occurred. If you set yourself up in advance for various options for the development of the situation, then it will be much easier to realize a fait accompli

How to deal with emotional pain: a step-by-step guide to action

To solve the problem, it is recommended to contact a psychologist who correctly diagnoses the cause of spiritual experiences by offering his own method of healing. However, it also becomes possible to get rid of severe pain, which every minute absorbs the consciousness of a person. Most importantly, follow the simple sequence of actions recommended below:

• Find the cause of the emotional pain.
• Do not deny the existence of depression by accepting past events as an element of the past.
• Realize the magnitude of the situation.
• Decide on the consequences by projecting the most "terrible" picture of events.
• Compare the results obtained with the scale of the situation. Are the realities not so harsh?
• Change the familiar environment, gradually arousing interest in life in the mind.
• Get rid of the reminders of the past event by “opening” a new page of your own being.
• Enjoy the positive moments while avoiding the negative ones.
• Learn to live in a new format, becoming happy.

It is difficult only with the help of words and encouraging phrases. To restore mutual understanding with the damaged consciousness of a close friend and lover, you will have to be around regularly, restoring the lost trust. Remember that severe mental pain causes a state of apathy towards the world, aggression towards people, hatred for the events that have happened. Do not transfer this spectrum of emotions to yourself, because your loved one does not want to offend you - at this moment it is very difficult for him.

If you regularly train emotional stability, you can prevent the occurrence of mental pain. Rational perception of past events is a reliable base for a balanced and invulnerable person

Options for solving the problem at different ages

If you want to help a loved one get rid of mental pain, be sure to consider his age. At different intervals of life, the worldview of people has a distinct similarity, so the methods for solving the problem are identical:

• Age 5–10 years.

In children, spiritual experiences arise because of the unfulfilled promises of parents who did not fulfill the cherished dream of the child. Encouraging such a format of behavior is an inappropriate decision by adults, but you need to help the baby during such a period. To "free" the consciousness of the offspring from, an unplanned trip to the amusement park is enough. You can buy a young explorer who is exploring the world a portion of ice cream or a new toy - most importantly, a moment of surprise that causes positive emotions in the child.

• Age 10–18 years.

In such a period of time, mental pain becomes a consequence of the betrayal of a loved one or appears after a series of failures negatively perceived by peers. that take possession of the mind of a teenager, slow down the process of growing up, preventing the child from being realized in society. The only rational way out of this situation is to switch the attention of a person who is in adolescence to an exciting activity. A new social circle will allow a teenager to painlessly survive a depressive state.

• Age 18–30 years.

To restore emotional balance, you need to regularly be near an adult who is experiencing severe stress. At this age, depression appears after a failed love relationship that ended in divorce. Discord in the family, lack of communication with the child, dissatisfaction with the authorities, lack of funds - the reasons for the experiences are varied. However, the method of treatment is invariably the same - heart-to-heart talks and a reliable "shoulder" of support.

In an attempt to help, do not become a "hostage" of your own mercy, sharing the worldview of a person experiencing severe mental pain. You should listen, giving him the opportunity to speak out, but disagree, maintaining the format of depressive communication. Be there and prove your loyalty by restoring your loved one's faith in people and a brighter future.

Many people know firsthand what it is - mental, emotional and psychological suffering in various life situations.

But why do people suffer from mental pain, when there are obviously no injuries and wounds, and nothing, it would seem, threatens the existence of the human body.

Today, dear visitors, on the site of psychological assistance you will learn why do people suffer from mental wounds and how to get rid of this, sometimes unbearable, mental pain and how to stop suffering.

Mental pain - causes and effects

In different people it can be different - the strength and intensity of mental suffering depend on many things: on the cause (situation) and on the person’s attitude to this situation (on his beliefs); from the leading emotion, and from emotional tolerance; from a person's temperament, his sensitivity and his character accentuation; from the personality and life scenario ...

The underlying cause of mental pain is it's a LOSS(loss), i.e. It is precisely when something, and more often SOMEONE, is lost that a person begins to suffer, experiencing mental pain of varying severity.

The basic emotions in mental suffering are guilt, anxiety, fear, and sadness (grief).

The main life situations that provoke mental pain and emotional suffering of a person are the loss of relatives and friends (death, parting with a loved one or significant person, divorce, betrayal, betrayal ...), mental suffering is especially pronounced when realizing the irrevocable loss and feeling guilty.

Situations like this can occur in anyone's life, and anyone can experience sadness and grief in their lives.

But the problem of lingering mental pain is that some people, due to their personal characteristics listed above, suffer not from a real negative event, but from numerous reflections and fantasies about what happened, far-fetched and simulated in their own heads.

They are engaged in "afterburning" the situation, introspection and negative fantasizing, which, as a result, leads them to distress, complicated depression, neurotic disorders and complete apathy and passivity. Sometimes to suicide attempts, or its delayed version, for example, to alcoholism ...

How to deal with mental pain and get rid of it forever

Long-suffering people often ask psychologists: how to deal with mental pain what needs to be done for this.

First you need to understand that mental pain, like physical pain, is a normal reaction of the body, in this case, the psyche.
And if, for example, you hurt your hand and experienced pain, then rubbing it, after a while the pain will subside. But if you imagine something terrible connected with this bruise, then you will probably feel more pain and this terrible thing will come true.

Also, in ordinary people, mental pain also goes away. For example, if you lost your love, and it was true love, then it is only natural that you will suffer and grieve about the loss. But love is not a disease - it cannot be cured. Therefore, in order to get rid of heartache some time is needed.

To speed up the healing process of a spiritual wound, the same loss of love, for example, will help to fill all your free time.

However, if you had not love, but a neurotic attachment (similar to love), and when you lose the object of “sick love” (for example, when you were abandoned, betrayed or betrayed), you suffer greatly from mental pain, then