Persuasion is an art that needs to be learned. Every day we communicate with people and argue, wanting to achieve our goal. However, we do not always manage to convince a person of the correctness of his position. The ability to persuade is needed in many areas of modern life. If the leader does not have the gift of persuasion, then this is a bad leader. If the seller is not able to convince people, then he will earn a penny all his life.

Astrologers assure that there are several signs of the zodiac that have been given the ability to diplomacy and persuasion from birth. For example, it is easiest for Libra and Gemini to get what they want from a person and convince him of anything. Their communication skills, excellent understanding of human psychology and confidence make them invincible in front of any opponent.

Leos and Scorpios also master the art of persuasion. However, it manifests itself in them not so much in communication skills, but in inner charm and charm. Alas, others were a little less fortunate. But this does not mean at all that people born under other signs of the Zodiac should despair, because they can devote their time to self-development! How to develop the ability to convince other people? Let's find out.

The first thing you should pay attention to is the words you pronounce. It is necessary to correctly select expressions and phrases. You should know that seemingly identical expressions have different emotional connotations. Thus, if you want to put your position in a positive light, then you should think about which words should be used and which ones should be discarded.

The main rule in a successful dialogue is the ability to win over the interlocutor. There are several tricks for this. You must fully tune in to your opponent's wave. Watch his gestures: how he waves his arms, how he taps his fingers on the table, or how he rocks from side to side in a chair. Imitation of the gestures and movements of the interlocutor is a win-win technique! In addition, you should catch his intonation and the volume with which he pronounces the words. You should not speak louder or quieter than your interlocutor.

The gift of persuasion cannot be developed without full confidence in one's words. Believe in what you want to prove to another person. If you yourself completely doubt your position, then it is not worth a damn. Nobody wants to do what you say.

Pay attention to your demeanor in a conversation with an opponent. Do not allow yourself to be shy and mumble. It is necessary to stay confident, clearly pronounce words, place accents and stress on the most important points. Speech should be simple, without complicated phrases.

Another rule - nothing should distract the interlocutor from the thought that you are trying to convey to him. It depends on many factors: your appearance, your degree of confidence, and even the very nature of the conversation. Your speech can be built according to all the rules of psychology and the art of NLP, but if you pronounce it dryly and uninterestingly, then you will not achieve anything.

Each of us has our own point of view on many facts of life. And sometimes it is necessary to convey this point of view to others.

Beliefs and disputes are part of the communication of each of us. We face this repeatedly every day: in communication with relatives, when raising children, at work, with friends and acquaintances, and sometimes even strangers.
Why do these situations arise?

1. The problem is insecurity.
People who are considered insecure by others often tend to keep their opinions to themselves. They cannot defend their interests, as they are afraid of losing the favor of others. Insecure people often act according to one of the following schemes:
1). "I can't even say a word."
In this case, a person has his own opinion, but keeps it to himself. He does not even try to express it, because he is afraid that he will be ridiculed or that he will not be able to defend him.
2). "I work through others."
Insecure people sometimes choose a "transmitter", i.e. another person to whom they can express their opinion and ask for help to "promote" the idea, but on their own behalf. When transmitting your thoughts through another person, you need to be aware that a lot of “noise” arises in such a transfer of information, i.e. information that you didn't mean at all.
3). “I talk, but they don’t listen to me.”
Slightly more self-confident people tend to express their opinion, but often do it - uncertainly and as if apologizing to others. They strive to convey their ideas to others, give the right arguments, but often they go unnoticed behind the more confident, albeit less weighty arguments of others.

2. The problem is in the wrong wording
There are people whose gift of persuasion surprises those around them. They often do not even need to enter into an argument, because their argument is so harmonious that they agree with it without objection. Others fail time after time. And most often this problem is in the inability to express one's point of view, to convince others of it for the benefit of the common cause.

3. The problem of self-confidence
A self-confident person literally swoops down on interlocutors, arguments pour out of him so quickly that they do not have time to hear. The conversation is conducted in a peremptory tone, as if everything has already been decided. But often the interlocutors only outwardly agree with the arguments given in order to stop their flow, but the result shows that the arguments did not give a real effect.
This type of person should avoid the following mistakes:
* direct manifestation of superiority: orders, threats, ironic remarks, direct ridicule, sarcasm.
* condescending attitude:“Well, how can you not know this?”, “They tell you in Russian”, “It seems like a smart person, but you behave ...”, etc.
* categorical, imposing their advice:“My option is the only true one”, “My opinion is thought out, unlike the others.”
* interrupting the interlocutor.
* manifestations of selfishness: if in the course of persuasion it becomes clear that a person wants to achieve something only for his own benefit or convenience, his argumentation ceases to “work”.

Now we will consider what are the methods of persuasion and how to use them correctly.

Persuasion techniques:
1. First of all, clearly state the goal. Right now, right in this conversation, in this meeting, you want to achieve something. The wording should be clear and short, for example: “I want to be granted an extraordinary leave”; “I want us to buy this particular wardrobe”; “I want a doctor to give a referral to a certain clinic.” If the main condition is not met and the internal goal is not formed, you will not be able to find either sufficient arguments or look convincing.
2. Consider the type of interlocutor. Some people respond more to rational, while others to emotional methods of persuasion. Some are guided by logical considerations, so you need to use objective information, keep a low-key style of communication and maintain a respectful distance. Feeling types, on the other hand, are more receptive to emotional reasoning (“You will feel more at ease if you do this…”; “This option will make you nervous”).
3. Consider the strength of the arguments. Try to put yourself in the place of the interlocutor and think about which arguments will be strong for him, and use them. The most convincing order of arguments is: strong - medium - one strongest. It has been proven that what is best remembered is what happened at the very beginning and at the very end. What was in the middle, a person remembers the worst. Therefore, the beginning, and especially the ending, should be “strong”, but in the middle it is worth using “medium” caliber argumentation. Weak arguments should generally be avoided.
4. Keep respect for yourself, do not belittle your status. Don't apologize for having a certain position.
5. Start with what unites you. If your positions differ from the other person, start persuasion with what unites you, and not with what is the subject of disagreement. It is much easier to come to an agreement with a person, thinking that you have a lot in common with him, than when conflict issues are put forward in the first place.
6. Learn to listen and hear. Often there are situations when the interlocutors mean completely different things, and argue without understanding each other. And in this case it is difficult to convince and come to a single decision. Feel free to ask again: "What exactly do you mean?", "Please specify ...".
7. Let the interlocutor believe that this thought belongs to him. For example: "Remember, we talked about ... You then said that ... This thought seemed very reasonable to me!". Or a less direct version: "Your reasoning led me to believe that...".
8. Respect other people's opinions, never start with the statement: "I'm ready to prove it to you." This is the same as if you said: "I'm smarter than you." It's kind of a challenge. Such an appeal sets the interlocutor against you even before you begin to convince him.
9. If you are wrong, then admit it quickly and decisively.
10. Turn to noble motives. A person is usually guided by two motives in his actions: one that sounds noble, and the other is true.
11. Get the person to say "yes" several times - Socrates' rule.
12. Facial expressions, gestures and postures persuasive should be supported by words, be friendly to the audience
13. You must absolutely "believe" in what you convince the interlocutor. insincerity is always felt.

And finally, a few real secrets of persuasion that you simply need to include in your daily communication in order to achieve the desired result from your interlocutors.

Secrets of persuasion:
Innings. Using emotionally charged words (associations) - positive or negative - you can easily convince people of the correctness of your point of view.
Reflection. Copy the movements of your interlocutor if you want to convince him of something.
Limitation. When access to something is limited, it attracts even more interest. “If a product is scarce, then the demand for it must be huge.”
Mutual exchange. One good turn deserves another. If you want someone to point you in a favor, do something nice for that person first.
Correct timing. People are more willing to agree and make concessions when they are exhausted and tired.
Conformity. Subconsciously, we all try to be consistent and in line with our previous actions. The seller shakes your hand before starting negotiations. In most countries, a handshake signifies a deal. Thus, by working on your subconscious at the very beginning, the seller is likely to convince you to make a purchase.
The point is to get people to act before they make a decision.
Confident speech. If your speech is clear and confident, you will easily be able to convince others of what you are saying.
Herd instinct. All people are accustomed to follow each other. When we make an important decision, we turn to others for advice and help. If the majority says yes, it will be very difficult to make a different decision.
Friendship and Power. It is much more likely that you will allow yourself to be convinced by someone you love or someone in power. In order for you to become more persuasive yourself, you just need to make people love you, or at least respect yourself.

So, we have considered the basic techniques of persuasion. Of course, in order to learn how to convince others, first of all you need to ... learn. Practicing these techniques and then analyzing your successes and failures will give you the experience you need to become a master persuader in the future.

Good luck to you!

The material was prepared by Nastya Prokhina.

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Each of us has our own point of view on many facts of life. And sometimes it is necessary to convey this point of view to others. But if time after time something prevents you from doing this? Can effective persuasion techniques be learned?

Beliefs and disputes are part of the communication of each of us. We face this repeatedly every day: in communication with relatives, when raising children, at work, with friends and acquaintances, and sometimes even strangers. Someone is trying to convince us, we are trying to convince someone ... Sometimes we defend our own point of view, and sometimes we try to motivate people to do as we propose. Both the defense of one's own opinion and its active promotion are all parts of a single process of persuasion.

Unfortunately, we often encounter unscrupulous methods of persuasion, manipulation, and we need to have sufficient skills not to succumb to them, having defended our own opinion. Also, a common problem is the inability to express one's point of view, to convince others of it for the benefit of a common cause. For example, you have an artistic taste and could try to convince your family that your interior design is better, but either you don’t do it or your arguments are not heard. Or, for example, when preparing a project at work, you could well make a few suggestions that streamline the process, but ... alas! The idea that you never uttered was later voiced by your colleague, and the position of project manager and salary increase again did not go to you.

There are people whose gift of persuasion surprises those around them. They often do not even need to enter into an argument, because their argument is so harmonious that they agree with it without objection. Others fail time after time. So what's the reason?

Overconfidence Mistakes

Albina is a bright and active woman, but she admits that it is difficult for her to convince others of something. For her work colleagues and friends, the moments when Albina tries to convince them of something, from choosing a cafe to financial decisions, become a test. Albina literally swoops down on them, the arguments pour in so quickly that the interlocutors do not have time to hear them. Albina speaks in a peremptory tone, as if everything has already been decided. And often she hears agreement with her arguments ... which, however, remains only words.

Have you ever thought about the fact that it can be difficult for overly self-confident people to reach mutual understanding with others, including convincing them of something? Often, the interlocutors outwardly agree with the arguments given, if only to stop their flow, but the result shows that the arguments did not give a real effect.

In a situation of dependence ("boss - subordinate", "tyrant husband - subordinate wife"), this may not be decisive, because everything will be done. But this has nothing to do with persuasion, since in fact it is an order. The situation of persuasion occurs when the interlocutors are on the “same level”, or the persuading person is lower (in status, age, position). And in this situation, excessive self-confidence is a hindrance to communication.

Self-confident people are often aggressive in communication and allow so-called conflictogens - words, actions that not only interfere with persuasion, but also provoke a conflict where it could not be. However, the use of conflictogens (consciously or unconsciously) is a frequent hindrance for many people, and not just for self-confident individuals.

Everyone who is trying to convince others that they are right, or who wants his idea to be implemented, should avoid the following mistakes...

... direct manifestations of superiority: orders, threats, ironic remarks, direct ridicule, mockery, sarcasm.

... a condescending attitude: “Well, how can you not know this?”, “They tell you in Russian”, “It seems like a smart person, but you behave ...”, etc.

... boasting: "I had a similar problem, and I coped with it perfectly", "I have a sharp mind, everyone talks about it." Such phrases cause a desire to put the braggart in his place, and not at all agree with the arguments that he cites.

... interrupting the interlocutor. You should not show that your thoughts are somehow “more valuable” than those of the interlocutor, as this destroys contact.

… withholding important information. If, in an effort to convince, you withhold some of the information, be prepared for the fact that the person, having learned about this, will no longer trust your opinion in the future, expecting a dirty trick.

... manifestations of selfishness. If in the course of persuasion it becomes clear that a person wants to achieve something only for his own benefit or convenience, his argument ceases to “work”. Such a position becomes obvious to others and leads to the alienation of a person.

So, if you want to convince others of something, leave the overconfidence and aggressive style of proving your case. If you don't do this, you can again only complain about the fact that "they spoke the case", and again "no one heard you."

Mistakes of uncertainty

Alena considers herself an insecure person. She is invisible in the company of friends and in the team. Relatives do not listen to her opinion. She almost never expresses her point of view, preferring tacit consent. Some acquaintances consider her a person without any opinion at all. This allows others to manipulate Alena: she does part of the work for her colleagues, “drags” the whole house on herself, believing that her needs are less important than the needs of her husband and children. But more and more often, Alena feels an inner protest and feels a desire to show that she also has her own opinion ...

When you need to be able to convince
In what situations can we use the ability to persuade?

• When we need to express our point of view and prove that we have a right to it. Perhaps we don't need someone to do what we want. Sometimes we need others to recognize our right to have exactly the opinion that we have. This is especially important in personal relationships: between adult children and parents, between spouses, etc. In this case, the partners do not solve a joint problem, but simply get acquainted with each other's attitudes, which may affect the further building of relationships. In this case, the goal of persuasion is the partner's acceptance of us as we are.
• When partners have a common goal that needs to be realized. This is the most common situation when you need to be able to express your opinion and convince others of it. Implementation of a project at work, renovation of a house, joint vacation - all this and much more requires the art of persuading and negotiating from us.
• When an argument is nothing more than entertainment. For example, a dispute about the situation in the economic market or about new fashion trends between acquaintances is entertainment that trains the ability to argue and prove one's point of view. Such disputes about tastes, opinions and preferences are almost fruitless, as the participants in the discussion remain unconvinced. But this situation is remarkable in that people who are not very good at arguing and proving their case can practice this in a situation that is safe for themselves. And then - to apply new experience when it is necessary and important.

People who are considered insecure by others often tend to keep their opinions to themselves. They cannot defend their interests, as they are afraid of losing the favor of others. Insecure people often act according to one of several schemes, each of which is quite ineffective.

1. "I can't even say a word." In this case, a person has his own opinion, but keeps it to himself. He does not even try to express it, because he is afraid that he will be ridiculed or that he will not be able to defend him. And then one of the options is implemented. Outwardly agreeing with other people's arguments, a person fulfills what he promised, but at the same time, internal tension (protest) arises, which sooner or later can lead to an "explosion" in the relationship. Either a person does not do what he promised, and deliberately or “accidentally” fails the case, earning himself the image of a person who cannot be relied upon.
2. "I work through others." Insecure people sometimes choose a "transmitter", i.e. another person to whom they can express their opinion and ask for help to "promote" the idea, but on their own behalf. For example, this is how a “quiet” mother-in-law, who does not directly say anything to her daughter-in-law, chooses her son as a “transmitter”, who is forced to transmit thoughts to her mother, passing them off as her own opinion, which can ruin the relationship. When transmitting your thoughts through another person, you need to be aware that a lot of “noise” arises in such a transfer of information, i.e. information that you didn't mean at all. When it comes to work, such a position will prevent a person from building his own career, and his best ideas (of which he has a lot!) Will be picked up by more courageous colleagues. If, however, during the transmission, unnecessary “noise” information arises or the idea turns out to be unsuccessful, the “transmitter” will relieve itself of responsibility, referring to the original source, i.e. you. Thus, in case of success, all the laurels do not go to you, but in case of failure, all the stones are yours.
3. “I talk, but they don’t listen to me.” Slightly more self-confident people tend to express their opinion, but often do it - uncertainly and as if apologizing to others. They strive to convey their ideas to others, give the right arguments, but often they go unnoticed behind the more confident, albeit less weighty arguments of others.

What to do? First of all, develop inner confidence, and the ability to speak about your point of view and be able to prove it will come. Perhaps it is impossible to remain an insecure person, but at the same time be able to perfectly convince others. But the path to self-confidence can start with a few episodes in which you were the “winner”, including those who managed to defend your point of view, albeit in a small argument. The path to confidence is a self-reinforcing system: the more reasons to be proud of yourself, the more self-confidence. And so try to use the techniques of persuading others, win the discussion and become more confident!

persuasion techniques

So, you want to learn how to convince others of your opinion. However, it is worth remembering that this will not always be possible, as you know, "of all the truths, the most important is one's own." Most often, you will have to take into account the interests of a partner and adapt to him, seek compromises in controversial situations. But there are techniques that will help you increase the effectiveness of your persuasion and, as a result, feel satisfied that your opinion was listened to.

1. First of all, have a clear goal. Right now, right in this conversation, in this meeting, you want to achieve something. If time permits, formulate in advance what exactly you need to say. The wording should be clear and short, for example: “I want to be granted an extraordinary leave”; “I want us to buy this particular wardrobe”; “I want a doctor to give a referral to a certain clinic.” If the main condition is not met and the internal goal is not formed, you will not be able to find either sufficient arguments or look convincing.
2. Consider the type of interlocutor. Some people respond more to rational, while others to emotional methods of persuasion. For example, people of the thinking type remain calm even in difficult situations, like order, clarity and functionality. In controversy, they are guided by logical considerations, they try to weigh all the pros and cons. When talking to such a person, you need to use objective information, keep a low-key style of communication and maintain a distance of respect. Feeling types, on the other hand, are more receptive to emotional reasoning (“You will feel more at ease if you do this…”; “This option will make you nervous”). For such people, logical justifications are less valuable, since for them the sphere of feelings, their own and those around them, is more important. Remember that an argument that is 100% for you may be pretty weak for the other person. For example, you might say to the doctor, "I'll be upset if you can't give me the right direction." By saying this, you are assuming that your disorder is as important a factor to the outsider as it is to you, but that is hardly the case. And the “farther” the person is from you, the less arguments based on your feelings work.
3. Consider the strength of the arguments. Try to put yourself in the place of the interlocutor and think about which arguments will be strong for him, and use them. The most convincing order of arguments is: strong - medium - one strongest. It has been proven that what is best remembered is what happened at the very beginning and at the very end. What was in the middle, a person remembers the worst. Therefore, the beginning, and especially the ending, should be “strong”, but in the middle it is worth using “medium” caliber argumentation. Weak arguments should generally be avoided.
4. Maintain respect for the interlocutor. We have already said that conflictogens should be avoided, interrupting effective communication and forcing the interlocutor to defend himself. Throughout the conversation, try to maintain respect for your partner, their interests and opinions, even if they differ from yours. In this case, the interlocutor will not need to defend himself, and the process of persuasion can be more fruitful.
5. Maintain respect for yourself, do not belittle your status. Don't apologize for having a certain position. You should use the word "sorry" as little as possible (unless there is a good reason for it), as this makes your position subordinate and insecure. And insecurity is associated with low personal and professional status.
6. Start with what unites you. If your positions differ from the other person, start persuasion with what unites you, and not with what is the subject of disagreement. For example, if you can’t agree on where to go on vacation, you can start this conversation by saying, for example, “It’s good that we have a vacation at the same time”, “It’s good, that we love to relax together, remember how great it was last time!”. It is much easier to come to an agreement with a person, thinking that you have a lot in common with him, than when conflict issues are put forward in the first place.
7. Learn to listen and hear! Often there are situations when the interlocutors mean completely different things, and argue without understanding each other. And in this case it is difficult to convince and come to a single decision. Be a good listener: listen to the interlocutor to the end, clarify his position by formulating it out loud again. There are easy ways to check if you understood correctly what you were told: “In other words, you think that ...”, “What you said could mean ...”. Feel free to ask again: "What exactly do you mean?", "Please specify ...".
8. Let the interlocutor believe that this idea belongs to him. People are much more careful about their own thoughts and judgments than those of others. Use it. For example: "Remember, we talked about ... You then said that ... This thought seemed very reasonable to me!". Or a less direct version: "Your reasoning led me to believe that...". Let the interlocutor feel that your proposals, if not completely his idea, then half - for sure!
9. Show that your option is beneficial to the interlocutor. Remember that all people need to meet five basic needs (according to A. Maslow):

• physiological (food, water, sleep, housing, health, etc.);
• in safety, confidence in the future;
• in belonging to any community (family, company of friends, team, etc.);
• in respect, recognition;
• in self-realization, realization of their abilities and spiritual needs.

If you can show that your idea will help fulfill one or more needs of the interlocutor, the success of your persuasion is almost guaranteed.

So, we have considered the basic techniques of persuasion. Of course, in order to learn how to convince others, first of all you need to ... learn. Just by reading this article, you won't become an expert in the art of persuading others. Practicing these techniques and then analyzing your successes and failures will give you the experience you need to become a master persuader in the future.

How to discover and develop your superpowers. 30 tests Tarasov Evgeny Aleksandrovich

Quiz 16 Do you have the gift of persuasion?

Do you have the gift of persuasion?

The ability to convince is, perhaps, one of the main elements of influencing people. This is a gift that not everyone has. Those who can easily convince someone of anything are just lucky. However, the rest should not despair. This ability can be developed if desired.

Are you good at convincing?

1. Are you a confident person?

Yes - 2 points.

Not always - 1 point.

No - 0 points.

2. Are you easily pissed off?

Not always 1.

3. Do you prefer to have a strict daily routine?

Not always 1.

4. Do you often need new sensations and changes in your life?

Not always 1.

5. Do you remain calm in critical situations?

Not always 1.

6. Do you get scared when speaking in front of a large audience?

Sometimes - 1.

7. Do you like to approach familiar tasks in a new way?

Sometimes - 1.

8. For the sake of a career, can you sacrifice a lot?

Not always 1.

9. Are you able to express doubts about the competence of people, even authoritative ones?

Sometimes - 1.

10. Do you like to tease arrogant people?

Sometimes - 1.

11. Are you jealous of other people's success?

Sometimes - 1.

12. Are you willing to engage in discussions and disputes?

Not always 1.

13. Are your statements clear and concise enough?

Not always 1.

14. Are you always trying to be understood?

Sometimes - 1.

15. Do you find out what the interlocutor did not understand?

Sometimes - 1.

16. Do you pay attention to the impression your words make?

Not always 1.

17. Do you pause to think?

Not always 1.

18. Are you able to patiently listen to the opinion of the interlocutor?

Not always 1.

19. Do you have a developed sense of humor?

Not so good - 1.

From 0 to 9 points. You are not very good at persuasion. Because of this, your interests may suffer not only in the family, but also at work. After all, you do not always find an opportunity to realize your own plans, to promote ideas, since few people are able to win over to your side. Instead of doing things your way, you often succumb to someone else's (sometimes wrong) decision.

From 10 to 25 points. Although you are often right, you are not always able to convince others of this. In addition, you usually do not seek to convince or convince anyone. You do not like to do anything “by force”, and you are more comfortable when everything goes on schedule, according to a clear plan.

From 26 to 38 points. You have the gift of persuasion. You are good at managing, leading people, influencing them. You are one of those who, if necessary, manage to teach the mind, to instruct. You need to learn the ability to convince, prove your case and defend your own point of view. However, this skill should not be allowed to turn into pressure and underestimation of the opinions of others, which can lead to a breakdown in relations both in the family and at work.