How to get rid of emotional dependence and throw off the burden of difficult situations. Emotional dependence on a man or a woman: how to get rid of

Emotional dependence on a person or situation can significantly spoil life. How to let go and move on with life?

We often feel dependent on people. And this is not about monetary dependence or the impossibility of physical existence without a certain personality. We are talking about emotional dependence on a person whose significance for us is overestimated. As a rule, these are people in whom we put our own feelings throughout the entire period of communication.

Emotional dependence arises on the foundation of phrases like “He is everything to me”, “I live for him”, “I can’t live without his approval” and at the moment when the edge of my “I” is overcome, and “I” has firmly turned into “We ".

In other words, emotional dependence in relations between people is the loss by one of them of their own independence due to the “investment” of emotions in another person.

How does this pattern of relationships manifest itself? As a rule, the dependent entity:

• suffers due to the inability to influence the object of its dependence, or due to the lack of its availability;
• feels that the likelihood of getting rid of such an addiction is extremely small;
• realizes that the presence of emotional dependence in a relationship has a terrible effect on other aspects of life, etc.

These are just a few illustrative examples. In real life, there may be many more. One of the most common patterns is love addiction. Psychologists note that it can manifest itself not only in relation to a partner with whom the subject maintains a relationship, but also to a partner with whom communication has long been terminated (but at the same time, an addicted person cannot “let go” of his soul mate). By the way, a little more psychology: love addiction can be associated with the very desire for love - the so-called erotomania.

There are many types of such emotional addictions.

Starting from the emotional attachment of an already grown-up child to his mother and ending with dependence on a person who has gone to another world, or on a situation that has developed in the past. But how to get rid of emotional dependence and start living freely again?

To do this, there is a method of therapy, the purpose of which is the transition of a person from a dependent state to a fully independent state. In the future, it is even possible to achieve a level of interdependence. The last definition is a mutually desired state, which implies the need for one person in another without a sense of oppression and limiting framework.

How to get rid of emotional dependence?

Try to work through and analyze one of the several situations discussed below. These situations, taken from real sessions of emotional-figurative therapy, open our eyes to the whole nature and all the mechanisms for the occurrence of such problems.

Reception "Blue ball"

This is a clear illustration of how our psyche can work. It's about a student who had an unfortunate love experience. She was madly in love with a man with whom relations were completely severed. However, she could not manage to "let go" of her boyfriend. The girl lived mechanically, without enthusiasm, every day thinking about the object of her own addiction.

A seemingly simple exercise helped her. The essence of the method was as follows - to present the person on whom you depend, in the form of some object located in front of you. Let's say it could be a big blue balloon. On the offer to “throw away” this ball, the girl said that she could not do this, since it belonged to her. But at the same time, she herself really wanted to get rid of the blue ball.

As a result, the student was offered two specific options for the development of events:

1. Throw out the blue ball and forget about its existence;
2. Take the ball into yourself, making it a part of her own personality.

At first, the girl refused both options. But as a result of much thought, she decided not to put the ball anywhere, but to mentally “dissolve” it in herself. Oddly enough, the acceptance of this uncomplicated image in her own heart helped her retain the whole range of tender feelings for the guy, but stop experiencing suffering at the same time. Now, having imagined the image of the youngest man, the girl was able to let him go and sincerely wish him happiness.

And initially, the cause was the student's inability to throw away her own heart and her own investment in another person - the same “blue ball” that she so zealously sought to throw away. When she accepted the whole situation, she managed to get rid of the emotional dependence on the guy himself.

"Bouquet of flowers"

This method has been successfully worked out with a man who has been abandoned by his wife. After that, he happily married, but could not let go of his first lover. The reason here again was the investment made in the first wife during the long years of marriage. The man was asked to visualize these emotional investments themselves, which he described as a bouquet of flowers.

The doctor asked the person to take this image into himself, into his body. The man said that the bouquet entered his chest and seemed to replenish the wasted energy. On the offer to present his first wife in front of him and ask her to leave, the man could easily do this, although before the appearance of the bouquet in the game he could not do it at all. As you can see, here again their own emotional investments play a significant role, which a person “invests” in the object of his addiction. If you manage to convincingly return them to yourself as some kind of visual image, everything falls into place and the addiction simply disappears.

"Merge with Mother"

This is an example of an exercise that helped one adult daughter get rid of her destructive emotional dependency on her mother. Despite the fact that the woman already had a separate life and her own children, she still felt attached to her mother - dependence on her life, worldview. Realizing that something was wrong in such a relationship, she turned to a psychotherapist.

As therapy helped to find out, a woman mentally merged with her mother in childhood, becoming completely dependent on her. Now, by means of the methods already described above, the woman was able to mentally return her heart to her own body. That is to return own investments back. This helped her to thoroughly realize that her life with her mother is the life of separate independent people with their own views, rules and mistakes.

How to get rid of emotional dependence: finally

The described methods of emotional-imaginative therapy are simple methods that will help to achieve tremendous results. Of course, it is best to use them under the guidance of a specialist. However, you can use these techniques on your own. All you need is a little imagination and a sincere desire to free yourself from emotional dependence on other people. These principles also apply to situations from the past that “hold” you, which prevent you from freeing your own mind and confidently developing further, having fun.

• "The wind of change"
• "Mine doesn't understand yours"
• "I didn't really want to"
• "Ocean"
• "Apotheosis of the Absurd"
• "The whole world is a theater"

One of the important properties of a mature person with a high level of development of intellect, emotional sphere and other important qualities of a successful personality is the ability to defend oneself from psychological attacks of ill-wishers. The balance of emotions is an important defensive fortress that an envious person or competitor seeks to destroy. After all, it is worth taking a person out of himself - he immediately loses the ability to think logically, make informed decisions, and see the dirty tricks in the actions of other people.

Offensive words, reproaches, nagging, spreading gossip and other methods of psychological attack act like bee venom - if a person is stung by one or more bees, then nothing bad will happen to him. But if a whole swarm attacks him, the attacked one may even die. It is the same with the emotional attacks of enemies - one injection may not piss off the opponent, but if you annoy him over and over again, the baiting tactics will bear fruit. The stronger the psychological sphere is protected, the more “bee stings” a person is able to withstand. But there are those who are similar to allergy sufferers - even one serving of poison completely unsettles them and even endangers their lives, so they are not protected from external attacks.

They can remain hothouse flowers for life and protect themselves from contact with aggressive personalities, or they can learn the necessary psychological defense techniques and become stronger opponents in this bloodless war.

Most prestigious and highly paid professions involve working with people, so encounters with hostile and even inadequate characters are inevitable. If you have chosen the path through thorns to the stars of high achievements, then you should take the utmost care to strengthen the approaches to your nerves. Otherwise, they will be ruffled by all and sundry.

A strong psyche depends on the innate qualities of a person, his upbringing, worldview, understanding of the psychology of other people, attentiveness, ability to analyze the behavior and motives of opponents.

First of all, it is necessary to learn to understand that a person goes on a psychological attack when he has no other way to prove his case, such as facts, evidence, legal norms. When the opponent cannot do anything in more effective and obvious ways, he uses the only remaining opportunity - to drive the opponent out of himself so that he surrenders under the pressure of emotional attacks. Therefore, you need to have a stable position, be aware of your rightness from a moral and legal point of view, have a firm confidence in the steadfastness of your opinion and understand that the enemy will not be able to get you in any other way than psychological harassment. So, it is necessary to be ready for this and perceive attacks as a dishonest game of a weak person - after all, a strong and fair person will not stoop to such a level. Such an attitude puts you in the position of an elephant, at which the importunate Pug barks - it barks, but cannot do anything.

And to make it easier to cope with aggressive ill-wishers, use the following methods of psychological defense, which have been tested in psychological training and have shown their effectiveness in real life.

"The wind of change"

Remember which words, facial expressions or intonations are the most painful for you, how you can be guaranteed to get angry or depressed. Recall and vividly imagine a situation where the offender is trying to anger you with such tricks. Speak to yourself the most offensive words that can hurt you, visualize the expression on your opponent's face, which drives you crazy.

Feel this state of anger or, on the contrary, confusion that such behavior causes in you. Feel it inside yourself, disassemble it into separate emotions and sensations. What do you feel? It may be a rapid heartbeat, you are thrown into a fever, or maybe your legs are taken away, thoughts are confused, tears come to your eyes. Remember these feelings well. Now imagine that you are standing in a strong wind, and it blows away both the words of the offender and the negative emotions in response. You see how he screams and swears, but all this is useless, because his cry and your reaction to his anger flies away with the wind.

Do this exercise in a quiet environment several times, and you will feel that you are already more calm about such attacks in your direction. And when faced with this situation in real life, again imagine that you are standing in a strong wind and the words of the offender, along with your emotions, fly off to the side without causing harm.

"Mine doesn't understand yours"

If you are in an unpleasant situation, they shout at you, swear at you and throw insults at you, then imagine that you are deaf or you have loud music on your headphones. Imagine that you do not hear this person at all, he opens his mouth, waves his arms, his face is distorted by a grimace of anger, and calm water surrounds you, in which you peacefully sway like algae and do not react to external stimuli. Words cannot affect you, they do not penetrate your consciousness, because you do not hear them. Observing such calmness, the enemy will quickly run out of steam, and you will be able to turn the tide in your favor.

"Kindergarten, nursery group"

If you imagine that your enemies are three-year-old unintelligent kids, then you can learn not to treat their attacks so painfully. Imagine that you are a teacher, and your opponents are the kids of the kindergarten group. They run, scream, act up, get indignant ... But how can you be offended by them?

Detail the situation, imagine how the enemies fall awkwardly, angrily tear toys, babble their childish curses, whimper. You must be calm and balanced, because at the moment you are the only adequate person among those present. Thinking in this way, it is impossible to take attempts to offend or humiliate seriously - they will only cause mild irony.

"I didn't really want to"

In this method, it is proposed to put oneself in the place of the fox from the fable "The Fox and the Grapes" - having failed to get what she wanted, the animal simply convinced itself of its unimportance so as not to be upset. In a situation where a friend or just a good acquaintance suddenly finds himself in the camp of the enemy, it is better to simply convince yourself that his opinion is not so important, his support is not so necessary, and his attacks are acid and unripe grapes, due to which you still don't want to see him among your friends. It is known that the most painful blow to us is dealt by those whom we trust. If this happened, it’s better not to take it as a tragedy, but to act like a fox, saying: “He was not such a close friend to me.”

"Ocean"

Seas and oceans take in the waters of turbulent rivers, but at the same time remain majestically calm. In the same way, in any situation, you are able, like the ocean, to remain calm even during the outpouring of stormy streams of abuse on you.

"Apotheosis of the Absurd"

This method of psychological defense is that the situation must be brought to the point of absurdity, after which it cannot be taken seriously either by the instigators of the conflict or its alleged victim. Most often, the aggressor starts from afar - hints, makes cautious attacks, watching the person's reaction. In this case, it is necessary to immediately exaggerate the situation to such a degree of delusion that it turns out to be bizarrely and unnaturally inflated, and any attacks in this direction arouse only laughter and irony.

"The whole world is a theater"

There are always people around us against whom we are emotionally unstable. Gather them on one stage of an imaginary puppet theater and play a funny performance in your head with the participation of these people. Bring to the fore their most stupid, funny and ridiculous characteristics - greed, slovenliness, arrogance, vanity. Make them victims of your shortcomings. Make you do funny things and look comical. The main thing is that they start to make you laugh. Then, when you meet them, you will no longer be embarrassed and afraid to fight back.

These methods and techniques of psychological defense help you learn how to stop the emotional attacks of opponents, so as not to be a hostage to your own psychological weakness and instability against aggressive and hostile people.

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How to humiliate a person with clever words is a question that interests many. After all, I really want to put the impudent man in his place so that he himself becomes the subject of ridicule.

How and with what words can a person be humiliated?

In no case should you be like your opponent. Therefore, you should not use rude words and curses.

Categorically unacceptable and mat. A witty answer will help a woman emerge victorious from a verbal skirmish. And if nothing comes up right away, then it makes sense to memorize a couple of dozen phrases especially for such cases.

How to competently humiliate and crush a person with words?

However, it is not only what you say that matters, but also how you do it. A voice breaking into a scream, a snarling intonation are unacceptable for a self-confident woman. Namely, this is how you should look in front of your offender. Those who do not know how to morally humiliate a person with smart words should keep in mind that they should speak calmly, derogatoryly. It would also be appropriate to connect irony or even bright sarcasm.

How to humiliate a person with smart words: phrases for example

To learn how to humiliate a person morally with words, it is worth replenishing your personal vocabulary with a few smart and well-aimed phrases. For example, like this:

• Oh, are you all in the same position? Well, 35 (40.45) years is not an age, you can still plow and plow;
• have you read this book? Blimey! It must have been hard, with your intellect;
• and I would like to offend you, but nature has already done everything for me;
• it seems to me, you want to offend me? Well, you are unlikely to succeed, because for this you need to say something really smart;
• you remind me of the sea - you also make me sick;
• your wit is pretty dull;
• ah, so you were joking or what? Well go on, go on...
• you need to seriously reconsider your diet, for the intellect, for example, fish is useful, but you clearly lack it.

Related articles:

Good day. Today I want to talk about how to get a person who bothers you or makes you uncomfortable out of yourself. It often happens when someone strongly clings to you with their own words, tries to “butt” you, hook you. The only thing, I don’t understand, honestly, I put myself in the place of such people and don’t understand why this needs to be done, why, for example, you need to tell a girl that she has an ugly style of clothing, because she won’t correct anything from their opinion, it’s her not interested, and perhaps she does not have the opportunity to dress differently. Putting myself in the place of such people "chains" :) I realize that I especially hate those people who, in my opinion, are superior to me in something, I look for their shortcomings in order to put myself on a higher level in my own eyes and thereby myself I go lower.

In general, the topic is not about this, but it also concerns her.

I would like to help people who do not conflict, who listen to criticism in silence and then torture themselves with thoughts about what the "chains" told them. The first thing to understand is that the person who makes a remark to you with malice or clings to you is a person who is not indifferent to you. An indifferent person is not necessarily a person who likes you, no, it is most often the other way around.

This person feels that you are higher than him on the stage of development, and he is nothing. This is the pure truth, not self-belief. Think about it and laugh at such people. Secondly, for sure a certain “chain” clings to you not for the first time. Calculate its shortcomings, because it's easy, watch. EVERYONE has flaws! Look for what he can never fix in himself. It hurts a lot. And the third is if communication drags on into a long conflict. Do not shout and do not call names, do not insult, agree, it is very infuriating when a person does not resist, but at the moment when you agree, try to hurt more offensively so as not to speak directly, but with light hints. I promise the effect will be amazing ;)

Sincerely, Anna Zavodnaya (c)

Morphological analysis of the word online

Enter a word or sentence and get a morphological analysis indicating the part of speech, case, gender, tense, etc.

initial form: FURIOUS
Part of speech: noun
Grammar: singular, nominative, masculine, animate, surname
Forms: mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad

initial form: RAGE
Part of speech: participle
Grammar: singular, nominative, masculine, inanimate, imperfective, animate, intransitive, past tense, passive voice
Forms: furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious, furious , mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad

Romance and real life are incompatible. A lifestyle full of romance is exploited by all and sundry. These those who are not too lazy, clearly understand what they are doing and why. But the one who falls under the charm of this image, get emotional dependence as a result.

The more romantic a person is, the less adequate he is, as he is tuned to a certain energy exchange with the world. Moreover, he may not have a partner, but the mood for a “long, joint, romantic life” is already there.

A person comes to this mood, to whom the romantic has an emotional dependence. But the romantic calls it "love" and behaves accordingly. Until it is faced with the fact of a deafening and painful break.

Only after coming to his senses after many months, the romantic understands that Pushkin was right when he said, "the less we love a woman, the easier she likes us." Everyone who is familiar with such a relationship intuitively guesses about it, but few people succeed in stopping “love” by an effort of will.

Therefore, this article is for those who would like to “fall out of love”, but cannot. Especially for those who were put before the fact. And also for those who can not forget the former love / partner / spouse.

The mechanism of the emergence of "love" and the emotional channel.

Where does love begin?

Love begins with an uncontrollable outburst of sympathy, seemingly out of the blue. So it is, but not really. Such outbursts of sympathy are initially MUTUAL, and cannot occur without a mood for a certain energy exchange of each of the two.

This mood is so quickly read by the subconscious that the consciousness does not have time to react and give a digestible form to this flash. If the mood is "wrong", such an outbreak has no continuation. 99.9% of them have no continuation and are quickly forgotten.

But, if one "reads" the mood as "that one", the flash of sympathy passes into a material-verbal-tangible phase. In life, it looks like an attempt to talk to a person you like, invite you for a cup of coffee, for a walk, to the cinema. Even a smile is already an invitation to go further, to translate a still virtual acquaintance into a closer relationship. Already at this level there is CHANNEL OF ENERGY EXCHANGE through which energy flows from one to the other. The channel is opened by the one who is more interested in continuing the acquaintance.

If the other reciprocates, the energy exchange passes into a new form, which is still unclear to either one or the other. At this stage, the energy exchange is unstable, and can stop at any moment when one decides that "I did not like him / her." The consequences of the appearance and disappearance of the channel are usually not noticed. Well, it’s true, who hasn’t happened when the first meeting turned out to be the last.

But if the energy exchange suits both, the flash of sympathy develops into a closer acquaintance, into close relationships, and in some cases into love and family.

Each phase is characterized by its own state of energy exchange between partners, and is determined only by the quality and quantity of energy that partners put into the channel.

If each of the partners invests real actions, a piece of the soul, strength, feelings and emotions equally into the relationship, then such couples live happily ever after.

But if one of the partners begins to pull the “blanket over himself”, giving energy of the wrong quality and in the wrong quantity to the channel, then such relationships become dependent. This happens due to the fact that the other partner is more romantic than the first. A romantic lives with illusions, dreams and builds a virtual happy life in his mind with a partner, wishful thinking.

At the same time, the one who perceives reality more adequately, who is less interested in relationships, becomes the leading partner in the pair. The leading partner gives less energy to the channel, and the other, the follower, needs to give energy "for two" in order to restore balance.

As soon as one feels the imbalance of energy exchange is not in his favor, his Ego begins to rebel, realizing that, by the will of the "owner", he fell into an energy trap. And the "owner" is busy pumping the channel with his energy, in the hope of restoring the elusive interest of the leading partner.

It turns out that a person himself, voluntarily, having the hope of returning "love", does not find his energy to be better used than pushing it into the channel formed when sympathy arises. And on the other side of the channel, there is almost always complete satisfaction with life.

Emotional dependence.

So, the less interested a partner is in a relationship, the more dependent the other partner is in that relationship.. With dependence, personal autonomy is lost, and in order to restore it, the consciousness of a person pushes him to do some action that rehabilitates the Ego.

Consciousness tries to start despising the partner so much that it would be a shame to admire him in front of himself. But for this you need to suppress that part of the Ego that sympathizes with the partner. And it hurts a lot. After all, in fact, you need to kill a part of yourself.

On the external level, this is expressed as a throw from one extreme to another: from love to hate, from forgiveness to revenge, from admiration to contempt. A person “swings” himself, such “swings” lead to the fact that the driven partner pumps more and more energy into the channel, putting a part of his Personality into the leading partner, endowing her with his energy in him. These are energy "investments" that are invested in the hope of receiving emotional and energy "dividends". A person simply does not understand that he will never receive “dividends”, since he is already on more than a partner.

I will digress here.

Any relationship is built on the principle of emotional-energetic "investment-dividends", and romance is an attempt to give these "commodity-money" relations a decent look. To whitewash yourself, first of all, in front of yourself. Like, I'm not an egoist, I'm everything for him / her, I'm all sublime spiritual and other crap.

So if you hear about a romantic boy or girl, and even a man and a woman, then this says one thing. People hide behind romance in the hope that no one will see their "mercantile" impulses. And the fact that impulses are “mercantile” is known and intuitively understood by everyone.

Simply because it is consistent with the principle of energy exchange. Which says that a person, in order to survive and procreate, takes care, first of all, about himself, and then about others. This is an evolutionary program with which it is foolish to argue. Well, if anyone wants to argue, I propose to think about where you would be if your distant ancestor would have chosen someone else's life instead of his own.

Romance, as it is presented, implies the rejection of a person from his personality, from his Ego for the sake of another person. Veiled suicide.

But if you abandon romance and live according to the laws of energy, then the motives of people's behavior become visible "at a glance", and this applies not only to relations between a man and a woman, but also to any interpersonal ones.

Skating rink on romance I propose to walk those who are dependent in a relationship. Those who were confronted with a fact, who had a “fatal” break in relations, but emotional dependence on a partner persists.

But, back to the emotional swing

Emotional dependence on a partner always remains with the slave partner, since the channel between partners continues to work as long as one of them continues to drain energy there. It doesn’t matter if the relationship has a place to be or has already been destroyed. While one wants to return the “investment” and receive energy-emotional “dividends”, part of his personality is captured by the lead partner, although he doesn’t need it. The dependent partner continues to emotionally burn himself out and often cannot stop it on his own.

But there are still ways to get out of addiction!

Technique of getting rid of emotional dependence.

The first thing to do in a dependent relationship, or after a “fatal” break, is between partners.

In philosophy, identity is the complete coincidence of the properties of objects.

In psychology, to identify oneself with a person is to consider oneself with him as a single whole, an inseparable union of two, which will be inseparable under any conditions and circumstances.

The lead partner does not identify much with the other person, and that is why he is the lead partner. He knows that in addition to a partner, there are many interesting things in the world and does not focus only on relationships with a partner.

The driven partner, on the contrary, identifies himself with another person, makes plans for life and for a brighter future. He does not see anyone and nothing around him.

Stage 1. Channel overlap.

So, the first step to get out of a relationship of dependence and after a hard break should be to disidentify yourself with a partner and block the channel.

Actions are key here. It is necessary to redirect the energy drained into the channel into some kind of action. Helps to go "in sports" and strain the body to the point of stupefaction. Or to direct attention to those areas of life that failed due to dependent relationships.

This is the most difficult stage, although in fact the most "stupid" and all that is needed is donkey stubbornness. To load yourself on the dome with what there was not enough time for while there was a relationship.

This also needs to be done while continuing to remain in a dependent relationship. With the same donkey stubbornness.

Without action - no matter how much you push, no matter how much you strain your willpower, no matter how much you persuade yourself - nothing will come of it.

Actions are an obligatory and necessary attribute of “recovery”.

It is clear that after a relationship that promises incessant happiness and "golden mountains" of new emotions and impressions, it is difficult to do the banal and familiar. But only this way and nothing else.

In addition to actions, carry out emotional "work" to disidentify yourself with a partner.

This means that you need to consciously destroy the “castles in the air” of your illusions, aimed at the fact that it is with him that you will live happily ever after, bathing in love and joy every day, give birth to children, plant cucumbers, buy a dog, and fly on a trip . No. Don't fly. Don't give birth. No cucumbers. No children. Not a dog.

To disidentify is to begin to realize oneself separately from a person, to kill hope for the future with him, to stop believing that everything will work out. That he will come / return / change / love / appreciate. No. You have already missed your chance for another markup of relationships. It remains only not to let yourself be driven into a corner completely.

I will deliberately keep silent about some of the effects that may follow attempts to block the channel and disidentify.

Would I say that it would be a mistake at this stage to look for another partner in order to switch thoughts and actions to him. The new partner will help to close the “old hole”, but your Ego will not perceive the new partner as a Personality, and will despise him.

The main thing at this stage is to redirect energy to some other actions.

Stage 2. "Empty chair"

It is possible to return part of the invested energy, to receive, if not energy-emotional "dividends", but a part of one's Personality integrated into a partner, with the help of emotional-figurative therapy or the "empty chair" technique.

To do this, we imagine that the partner is sitting opposite on a chair and we pronounce those experiences that bother. This action releases blocked emotions. We talk until the devastation comes. You can't do this all at once.

This is still the same channel that still exists, since at the first stage, with due effort, the channel is blocked, but not destroyed.

You can destroy the channel only by getting a part of your Personality back.

Energy also works here, but through images.

How to get back a part of yourself?

Further, when performing the “empty chair” technique, you need to imagine that energy was constantly flowing from you through the channel to the leading partner and this energy has an Image. What is he? A blue balloon, a bouquet of flowers, a torn, bloody heart, a balloon? This Image is an image of your own energy invested in another person, a part of your personality that was given to another person.

All you have to do is mentally either/or:

1. Renounce forever from this Image;
2. Accept it into yourself as part of your personality - take your own.

Mentally imagine how this Image melts / disappears / flies away / breaks / disappears or returns to you and you take it back. It happens that a part of the personality and the invested energy are so great (for example, your part of the personality has the image of a huge rock or a big ball) that a person cannot take it into himself, then you need to “go into” the image yourself.

At this stage, some difficulties are possible, when it is not possible to refuse or accept. A person cannot make a decisive choice.

This happens because:

1. in the first case, the Ego of a person ceases to “trust” a person who so ridiculously squanders parts of the Personality “right and left” and resists refusal;
2. in the second case, a person is afraid of the return of a part of the personality, fearing that it will let him down or control him. There is an internal split and fear of unsuccessful control over oneself.

This means that a person in emotional dependence experiences self-doubt, does not value himself, does not trust his feelings or abilities. He resists, which he complains about because he fears that he will make new mistakes when he is free.

It is solved by PHYSICAL actions. If you can’t refuse or accept on your own, then you should seek help from real people, explaining the situation.

People should pull you in different directions by the hands. One pulls in the direction of “refuse”, the other in the direction of “accept”, persuading you and giving arguments. This must be done until a decision is made.

Often the decision is made to return the "investment", and this is the best strategy for getting out of a dependent relationship. The return of this Image to one's own body allows one to return the lost resources, even if not of the same quality and quantity as was invested, but even the return of a part of the energy gives a person freedom.

And only then does the “letting go” of what is no longer needed by a person occurs, while it is possible to merge in this "letting go" even before the heap what can be drained. This will be a small "revenge" on the former partner.

Psychosomatics in dependent relationships.

Psychosomatics develops when a certain "value" outweighs the psycho-emotional health of a person.

Often mothers, wives of alcoholics, drug addicts suffer from this. Their "duty as a wife and mother" outweighs their own health, leading to a dependent relationship. They understand that they will not be able to save anyone, that they are sacrificing their health and fate, but they “cannot” do it differently. Because their "value" is stronger.

Because they do not understand that the “alcoholic, drug addict” does not need salvation, and his further fall is predetermined by his own desire, they are not responsible for this.

Often psychosomatics shows such people that they are dragging a person on “their hump” against their will.

Emotional dependence can persist for many years, although the person may not even be aware of it. Moreover, he does not suspect that his physical ailment is a consequence of this addiction.

As soon as a person realizes, with the help of the technique of emotional-image therapy, the meaninglessness of his "feat" - this leads to disappointment, and investments are taken away automatically. And for this you need to ask the Image and answer on behalf of the Image to the question: “Does he need to be rescued and dragged on his back somewhere, where, perhaps, he is not going to?”

The answer often frees the person from psychosomatics.

So, with the correct implementation of the "Empty Chair" technique, the invested "capitals" return back, the object of dependence is released and neutralized.

Let me summarize. In order not to run into dependent relationships of your own free will, you need to kill the romance in yourself, adequately assess what is happening, not build illusions and "castles in the air", take a sober look at the behavior and motives of people's actions. Respect, first of all, yourself, your interests and desires. Correctly evaluate the actions of a partner, without inventing meanings for him.

Why do we feel sad, panicky, depressed, lose energy and zest for life? Our mind can find a lot of reasons for these negative states - from changing weather, rising prices and job loss to PMS * and the notorious "got up on the wrong foot." But are these unpleasant events the real causes of our unrest? Or are they just triggers that launch certain processes within our BODY-MIND system, which in turn leads to changes at the level of emotions? If this is so, then there is a hope to deceive the program and not fall into an emotional hole when not the best times come.

The secret of the new approach is quite simple: you just need to accurately identify the harmful emotion when it comes, and express it 100%, without delaying the case. Then your system will quickly be freed from negative energy and will give an opportunity to be born inside you something new - positive, lively and creative. It is only important to do this in a safe environment where you will not cause physical or emotional harm to anyone - at home alone or in an emotion work class. Practicing this approach, you cease to be afraid of the onset of sad events, failures and failures, but simply live and enjoy life, going through your experiences and boldly meeting with completely different situations. Sounds tempting, right? What a relief that you can stop curbing your racing mind, telling yourself that everything is fine, resorting to tranquilizers or pretending that you are strong and you don’t care! You just need to find the time and space where you can face what is really happening to you and let it out.

Osho, an Indian mystic of the 20th century, noted that living in an environment of constant control and tension, a modern person literally stuffs himself with emotions just like a butcher stuffs a sausage, and then he still tries to move and even fly on this sausage. The problem is that the sausage has neither wheels nor wings, and even if they did, they would definitely take you in the wrong direction. Until you release all the contents from the sausage, it will not be possible to take off under any circumstances. Neither asanas, nor mantras, nor enlightened masters will help - you yourself will have to take yourself to a certain place and lead you to where they shout and kick. And this is already almost 50% success, since the energies of other people will create a field in which it will be much easier to find you and express what is suppressed inside. You can carry out such an operation alone, but it’s better when you gain some experience and working with emotions becomes a daily cleansing procedure for you.

Perhaps it is difficult to agree with what we are talking about right away - after all, the mind has been tuned in for centuries to fight feelings and emotions, and the mere thought of giving freedom to emotions makes it feel nauseated and dizzy. By the way, these are not uncommon symptoms for beginners to practice emotional release techniques - after all, from early childhood, we are all literally poisoned by other people's ideas about life, conditioning, expectations and anxieties. The child's natural reactions to the limitations of his energy - anger, rebellion, despair - are usually severely suppressed by others, and these emotions, being unexpressed, go deep into the subconscious. Hence, in adulthood, there is often a feeling of constant anxiety, tension and irritability in the absence of real access to genuine anger or rage. Only a small fragment of the trunk is shown outside, while its owner - a huge elephant - is fast asleep in the darkness of the unconscious.

If you're willing to take the experiment and pull it all out, you'll have to put aside any notion that emotions can be dealt with through observation, analysis, or even enlightenment. It may be possible, but much later, when the light of consciousness can easily penetrate into the deep layers of our psyche - for this to happen, you must first thoroughly clean the rubble and take out the mountains of accumulated garbage from there. The most effective tool in this regard is Osho's Dynamic Meditation, a generous gift made by the Indian mystic to modern humanity. This is a deeply scientific technique that Osho has been developing and honing for many years - perhaps this is the secret of its powerful transformative effect.

Dynamic meditation is done early in the morning on an empty stomach and consists of five stages of different duration. The whole process takes one hour and is accompanied by special music that helps in the process of practice. The most important elements of dynamics are intense breathing, catharsis (expression of emotions), energy uplift through jumping, silence and dance.
Most of the disputes and fears among beginners to practice are caused by the second stage of the dynamics associated with the direct expression of repressed emotions - people worry that a flurry of pain or anger will overwhelm them and literally drive them crazy. Osho spoke about this: “When the body is absolutely not subject to suppression, then all the tightness that has accumulated throughout your life is thrown out. This is called catharsis. A person going through catharsis can never go mad; it's impossible. And if a madman could be forced to do this, he would become normal. The person who went through this process went beyond insanity: the potential seed was killed, it was burned during this catharsis.

Even a single performance of Osho Dynamic Meditation can start a process of deep changes within you, not to mention what kind of transformation can occur if you practice for a month or two. The secret of success is to put aside the mind full of skepticism and perform the technique at 100% - then the changes will not take long. Almost all dynamic meditation practitioners report that they become more calm, centered, resistant to stress and changes in life, more joyful and satisfied. By releasing strong negative emotions in a safe environment, relationships with others become more peaceful, loving, and creative. It is clear that this practice requires constancy - ten minutes allotted for catharsis is not enough to fully express the anger, pain or tension that has accumulated inside over many years of suppressing any manifestations of vitality in oneself. Osho considered socialization and upbringing to be the main culprits of the emotional problems of people in the modern world:

“Our civilization taught us to suppress ourselves, to keep everything in ourselves, so all this goes into the subconscious and becomes an integral part of the soul and destroys our entire being. Any manifestation that is repressed becomes a potential seed of insanity. This must be destroyed. The more a person becomes civilized, the more chances he has to become mad. Only he can enter into meditation who has gone through catharsis. You must be completely cleansed; all rubbish must be thrown out."

In order to better clear the internal blockages and deepen the practice of dynamic meditation, you can use a battery of techniques that will help relieve the burden of suppressed emotions. AUM meditation, gibberish (gibberish), laughter meditation, Osho meditation therapies (Mystic Rose, Out of Mind, Born Again), pillow beating, catharsis on the back and many many others will certainly release your negative energy and free up inner space for something. that's completely new.

For example, the "enemy-friend-coach" technique, which we often practice in Emotional Freedom seminars, is an excellent tool for this kind of release. A brief description of the technique is as follows: you remember one person in your life with whom you still have strong emotions connected. It can be someone from your present - a friend, partner, husband, wife, colleague, boss - or from the past - a mother, father, teacher, relative, etc. The main thing is that a thread of unexpressed strong emotions and feelings still connects you with this person. You tell your partners in the exercise about this person, describing him and the situation as a whole in as much detail as possible. The next step is to choose one of the participants to play the role of this important person for you, and the task of this partner is to play his role as fully as possible, provoking you and helping you express the remaining negativity, pain or disappointment to the fullest and without a trace. Two other participants help you in the roles of friend and coach, keeping the process alive until all emotions have been expressed. At the end of the exercise, you lie down in relaxation and receive a light loving massage from your partners to the calm, soothing music, allowing the awakened energies to lie down inside ...

After this powerful exercise, many old topics leave your emotional memory forever, stopping pushing you into impulsive acts and rash actions in relation to people close to you. Paradoxically, you can practice many cathartic techniques at home without fear that vigilant neighbors will call the police squad to help. To do this, there is a variant of "quiet" dynamics or silent catharsis: you express all emotions through facial expressions and body movements, without making heartbreaking sounds. You can make faces, make scary faces, take the most unimaginable poses, kick your feet and hands in the air - the main thing is to move intensely for 10-20 minutes, while remaining in touch with what emotions and feelings rise inside you. This method is sometimes even more effective than the "loud" version, and can bring a deep release from the emotional burden.

In fact, any techniques and tools that can help clear your inner sky of thunderclouds and let the sun of your soul shine are worth starting to practice. After all, only when we get rid of everything superfluous that literally obscures us from ourselves, only then can we become those beautiful, open, loving, full of energy and beauty beings that we came to this earth with. Isn't that a reason to try?

*PMS - premenstrual syndrome, a state of increased nervousness that many women suffer from

Quotes from Osho's book "The Great Challenge"