Deep questions to get to know a person. Questions to get to know the person better

36 questions that lead to love

The answers to these questions make you open up and show your vulnerability zones, which contributes to rapprochement!

20 years ago, psychologist Arthur Aron conducted a simple experiment in his laboratory. He invited a previously unfamiliar man and woman to answer 36 questions together. Then they had to silently look into each other's eyes for 4 minutes. Six months later, the participants in the experiment were ready to get married.

Take time for yourself and answer these questions, I don’t promise crazy love, you will become more understandable to yourself, it will help you realize your fears and vulnerabilities and be more open to the world. If possible, answer these questions with your partner.

1. Out of everyone in the world, who would you invite over for dinner?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what field?

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What is your ideal day?

5. When was the last time you sang by yourself? And for someone else?

7. Do you have a secret premonition about how you will die?

8. List three things you and your partner have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about your upbringing, what would it be?

11. In 4 minutes, tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow with a quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about you, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you like to know?

14. Is there anything you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why didn't you do it?

15. What is the greatest achievement in your life?

16. What do you value most in friends?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your scariest memory?

19. If you knew that within one year you would suddenly die, would you change anything in your current life? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What role do love and affection play in your life?

22. In turn, name the positive characteristics of your partner. A total of five items.

23. How close are your family members? Do you think your childhood was happier than most other people's?

24. What do you think about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true sentences beginning with "we". For example, "We both feel in this room ...".

26. Continue this phrase: "I would like to share with someone ...".

27. If you were going to be close friends with your partner, please tell us what you think they should know about you.

28. Tell your partner what you like about him; be extremely honest, say what you could not say to an unfamiliar person.

30. When and why did you cry for the last time?

31. Tell your partner what you already like about him.

32. What is too serious, what jokes are inappropriate?

33. If you were to die this evening without being able to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not telling someone? Why haven't you told them this yet?

34. Your house with all your possessions caught fire. After saving loved ones and pets, you have time to run into the house again and save one thing. What could it be? Why?

35. The death of which member of your family would hurt you the most? Why?

Love each other and do not be afraid to open up, stop being afraid to speak up and experience pain, just speak for yourself, and not for the expected reaction of a partner.

Realize that you like to talk about your feelings, to be kind.

We often experience pain, close and block our sensuality and cordiality. And in such a state, close relationships are impossible.

Open yourself, not for the sake of others, not for the sake of pleasing someone or being good in the eyes of another, not expecting approval or blame, but for yourself, for your freedom, ease and joy.

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As a personal trainer, I use specific insightful questions to help my clients better understand themselves and to clarify their goals for me personally.

I usually ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no", so the client has to dig deeper and find answers they may not have thought of before. Asking the right questions can stimulate deeper and more interesting conversations and discourses, as well as set the stage for discovering common interests, forging stronger bonds, and building mutual understanding and empathy.

Asking good questions is an art. No one wants to feel like they're in a job interview or feel like they're being sucked for information. An important and large part of this process lies in the ability to listen carefully to the answer and perceive what lies behind the words.

Listening also includes the ability to observe body language, listen to the tone of speech, and be sensitive to what is left unsaid. It's important to be able to ask thoughtful follow-up questions and keep the conversation going. By learning to ask good questions and listen carefully, you will create space for a closer, stronger, and more enjoyable relationship.

We bring to your attention 25 questions that will help to start an interesting deep conversation:

1. What is your best childhood memory? This question always makes people smile and often leads to humorous and emotional conversations about family, travel, holidays, traditions, hopes, dreams, and friendships. You can learn a lot about a person who will share their childhood memories with you.

2. If you had a chance to change something in your life, what would you choose? This question can give you an idea of ​​the person's condition and who they are. You will also be able to see his weaknesses, learn about his hopes and dreams. Often, when people share their regrets or unfulfilled desires with others, it expands the range of their interactions and builds trust.

3. How did you meet? This is a great question when talking to a couple. Quite often, telling the story of a first meeting brings people together, evoking happy memories. This gives them the opportunity to share their joy and allows you to learn more about their past and how they interact with each other.

5. What kind of music do you like? The music we love helps define who we are and reflects the dreams and visions of our generation. What we listen to reflects what resonates with our soul. This most clearly and honestly reveals our inner essence and our deep convictions, which are sometimes very difficult to express in words.

6. If you could go anywhere, which place would you choose and why? This question not only allows you to discuss past travel experiences, but also helps you better understand the personality, interests, and adventurous spirit of the other person.

7. If you could only have five things, what would you choose? This question really makes people think. We are very attached to our things, but there are only a few of them that are of particular importance to us. When people are forced to determine this, you can see which material goods they value the most.

8. Which school teacher has influenced you the most and why? Teachers can play a key role in developing our love of learning, exploring our true desires, and discovering our talents. These people inspire us or simply believe in us and want the best for us.

9. Have you ever wondered what will be written on your tombstone? Although this question is a little painful, it touches on important topics, looking deep into the heart. What are we striving for? How do we want to be remembered and what do we want to leave behind?

10. What was the turning point in your life? This question allows you to go to a deeper level of communication. Often such moments arise when experiencing difficult life situations: death, divorce, job loss, etc. It is during such periods that we are forced to make huge mental, physical or emotional shifts.

11. Why did you choose this profession? The story of why a person chose a particular profession helps to learn a lot about him, about his motivations, interests, education and ambitions. We often spend most of our time at work. Therefore, the answer to this question also shows what a person decided to closely connect his life with.

12. How do you spend your free time? This question serves as an excellent addition to the previous one, making up a complete picture of how a person managed to organize his life. We will be able to learn about the interests, various hobbies and obligations of our interlocutor.

13. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the winnings? This is a fun question that reveals a person's attitude to money, work and life goals. Would the person quit their job? Would you buy your dream home? Or would you do something altruistic? Would a person be glad to receive a large monetary fortune, or would he wish to avoid such gifts of fate?

14. Who do you admire? The answer to this question will show who a person wants to be like. We admire people whose actions and character reflect what we want to see in ourselves. Knowing the answer, you can learn more about the true nature of the interlocutor.

15. Tell us about your three favorite books. Why did you choose them? Discussing favorite books creates a space for interesting conversation and helps the interlocutors find a common language. It also gives both parties the opportunity to learn something new and understand a different point of view or interests that they did not think about before.

16. What are you most afraid of? This question is meant to sound the ground, and yet it is capable of revealing a great deal. Every person is afraid of something and it is these fears and fears that show our vulnerabilities and painful points. When someone shares something like this with you, you need to respond with caution, kindness, and trust. You need to be respectful and sensitive about other people's fears so that they feel safe and can open up to you on a deeper level.

17. What do you understand by the word "love"? Each person has their own "love language": words, behaviors and attitudes that show how they express their love and that make them feel loved. This is a great question for your significant other.

18. What are your strongest qualities? At first, most people are not entirely comfortable answering this question, as they try to be modest. But deep down, we all want recognition for our positive qualities. As a rule, people ask the same question to their interlocutor and this creates a positive connection between them.

19. Can you remember the most embarrassing moment? Do not take this question too seriously and then you can laugh heartily, remembering such moments. Most people like to tell funny stories about themselves, as long as they don't involve shame or guilt. Sometimes people may talk about something painful or embarrassing. Then it's time to show compassion and participation.

20. If you were president, what would be the first thing you would do? Through this question, you can learn a lot about the political views, ideals, values ​​and concerns of the interlocutor. If you want to avoid lengthy arguments, just be prepared to disagree with the other person's opinion. Don't forget that we are all different and that's great. Communication completes us. Be open.

21. How old do you feel now, and why? Ask this question to people over 50 and you'll get some interesting answers. With age, many people do not feel their chronological age. It is very interesting to learn how people perceive themselves internally. It is likely that their age absolutely does not coincide with their feelings.

22. If you could witness any event from the past, present or future, which would you choose? This is a terrific question for a fascinating conversation. You can learn about the interests and goals of the interlocutor and, perhaps, be inspired to explore your own interests more deeply.

23. What skill would you like to master and why? Most people want to constantly improve for their own satisfaction. This question will give a person the opportunity not only to talk about his desires, but also to think about why he has not yet achieved success in what he wants.

24. How do you imagine a perfect day? Thinking about this question makes us return to the memories of the wonderful days we lived. The question fills the conversation with happy notes, evoking pleasant feelings and perhaps even a desire to recreate that perfect day.

25. How would your friends describe you? This question allows the person to abstract and try to see themselves from a different perspective, bringing self-awareness and honesty with themselves into the conversation, as well as making the conversation deeper and more interesting.

By asking these questions, you can also learn a lot about yourself. You show others that you are involved, interested, and respect their personality. You create strong bonds, exchange of sincere feelings and genuine information. When others feel that you appreciate them, you create the basis for a strong, mutually beneficial, wonderful relationship.

The questions are based on research by Arthur Aron, PhD, at Stony Brook University in New York, Department of Psychology. The scientist empirically proved that these are the questions you need to ask the person with whom you want to get close. It could be a stranger you want to get intimate with, old friends, or family members.

So, find a comfortable place, for example, sit comfortably on the couch with your interlocutor, and proceed. The method is very simple. Each subsequent question turns out to be more personal, and people are getting closer to each other. Indeed, in order to talk about the innermost, it is necessary to start with more general questions, for example, who would you like to invite to dinner, given the choice of loved ones.

At the end of the session, Aron invited each couple to look into each other's eyes for four minutes. The study showed that in this way people get very close and feel mutual attraction. It really works! Take the time to spend about an hour getting close to your loved one.

36 Questions to Help Build Interpersonal Intimacy

1. Whom would you like to invite as a guest for a festive dinner, given the choice of those people who surround you?

2. Would you like to become famous? If yes, how do you imagine it?

3. Before you make a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What is the perfect day for you?

5. When was the last time you sang to yourself? And for someone else?

6. If you could live to be 90 years old, what would you prefer in the last 60 years: to keep a clear mind or a beautiful body of a 30-year-old?

7. Do you have a secret premonition about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner have in common.

9. What do you feel most grateful for in your life?

10. If you could change anything from your childhood, what would it be?

11. Try to tell the story of your life in as much detail as possible in four minutes.

12. If you woke up in the morning and suddenly (!) magically received some quality or ability, what would you like it to be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your future, what would be the first thing you would want to know?

14. Is there anything you dream about for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?

15. What is the most outstanding achievement of your life?

16. What do you value most in friends?

17. What is your deepest wish?

18. What is the scariest memory?

19. If you knew that in a year you would suddenly die, would you change your current life? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What role does love and affection play in your life?

22. Describe your partner by listing five of their positive qualities. Are you ready to exchange these qualities for your own?

23. How comfortable are you in your family? Do you consider your childhood happier than most other people's?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Imagine yourself with a partner and make three generalizing "We". For example: "We are both at the mercy of this feeling."

27. If you are going to become a close friend of a person, say that it is important for you to know about him (her).

28. Tell your partner what you want from him. To be honest, it's hard to say this to someone you've just met...

30. When was the last time you cried in front of another person? Or do you think it's better to hide your tears?

31. Tell your partner what you would like to know about him (her) yourself. For example: "I'm not married." The answer is supposed to be: "I'm not married."

32. What is too serious for you to joke about?

33. If you knew that today you would die without being able to communicate with anyone, what words would you regret not saying to your loved one? Why haven't you said those words yet?

34. Your house suddenly caught fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to calmly make the final decision to save any one Thing. What could it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death will you take the most to heart. Why?

36. If your interlocutor has a personal problem, talk to him about how best to deal with it. Try to find out how serious it is and how best to solve it.

… And a few more variations

If you could choose the gender and appearance of your child, would you? Are you ready to have terrible troubles during the year if you are rewarded with a huge fortune after?

During a trip to another city, your spouse / lover spends the night with another. Given that they will never meet again, and you will never know about it from others, would you like your partner to tell you the truth?

If on the first date you ask a girl if she has a piercing on…. (well, you understand), most likely she will send you away, and you are unlikely to shine. Even an innocent question, what is her favorite color, can cost you the desired second meeting. Why? You may seem superficial to her. She has enough life experience, she can tell a lot, and you are only able to ask her a meaningless question!

Women have strange logic. Therefore, we have come up with 50 questions for you that will help you not to disrupt the date and get to know your girlfriend inside and out. Of course, you should not ask all these questions at once on one date, choose a few and dilute the conversation with them.

1. What would you never repeat in your life?

2. What would you choose: to be twice as smart or twice as happy?

3. What was the last reason you cried?

4. In what situation did you get the most nervous?

5. What fact about you might surprise your parents?

6. What is your worst habit?

7. What superpower would you like to have for one day?

8. What superhero do you think is the most attractive man?

9. What's the weirdest thing your pet does?

10. Where would you live if you could choose any place on Earth?

11. Who knows you best?

12. What clubs did you go to at school?

13. Finish the sentence: “Probably best of all I…”

14. What was the last book you really liked?

15. The best show of all time?

16. At what age did you like to live the most?

17. If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself?

18. Finish the sentence: “Most of all dawn, I would be upset if I never…”

19. Apologize or ask permission?

20. Endless love or money?

21. If you knew you were going to die in a week, what would you do?

22. What song have you listened to most times?

23. Lie down on the beach or wander around Europe with excursions?

24. If you were a child prodigy, what would you do?

25. What is the first thing you will do if you win the lottery?

26. Which celebrity would you trade places with?

27. If you were a musician, what would you name your first album?

28. What life story do your friends remind you from time to time?

29. If there was only one seasoning left in the world, what would you choose?

30. Ideal number of people for a Friday party?

31. The most unpleasant age for you?

33. What fictional character reminds you of yourself?

35. What program did you love to watch as a child?

37. In any game where you choose a category of questions, what would you choose first?

38. In what things are you superstitious?

39. Tell me about the worst thing in your life.

40. Which non-political person would you support in an election? Or whose election race would you be interested in watching?

42. Which dead person would you like to have lunch with if it were possible?

43. Do you think following the news is important?

44. What is the best present you have ever received?

45. Would you agree to sacrifice one of your fingers if in return you got free Wi-Fi everywhere you go?

46. ​​What would be the first thing you would do if you turned into a man for one day?

47. If you could give a gift to anyone for any amount, what would you give and to whom?

48. A large comfortable house in a residential area or a tiny house with a great view?

49. What is the nicest thing others can say about you?

Even if you have lived together for decades, there is no guarantee that you know everything about your loved one. After all, the world of the soul is inexhaustible, time flows, and our views change with age. What if you missed something or did not attach importance to it? Maybe from the very beginning your romance spun at such a speed that there was no time to stop and talk about important things? Despite everything, you have opened this article, which means you are ready to show your cards.

We have collected 20 deep questions that will help you build a conscious dialogue and get to know each other better. Your job is to listen carefully and not rush to conclusions.

1) Questions to recognize interests and values

Who do you trust the most and why?
Do you have people, characters from books that you admire?
What positive qualities of others attract you, what do you pay attention to in a person in the first place?
Do you have any goals or plans for this year? Describe how you see ways to implement them?
Imagine that there is a 25th hour in the day. What would you like to spend it on?

This block of questions will help you find out not only the goals and hobbies of a loved one, but also reveal to you his inner circle, expectations in a relationship, and plans for the future. Perhaps you will be able to find something in common, or maybe you will be surprised at the abyss between you, recognizing a partner from a completely different side. It happens that a person does not have any at all, does not want to strive for anything - and this is also an indicator.

2) Questions that will help you feel the past

Recall your happiest moment from your childhood. What was it, why did you remember it so much?
Where did you like to walk? Did you have a "special place" where you hid from the world?
Can you name the events in the past that made you who you are today?
Do you remember what you spent your first honestly earned money on?
What events or moments from the past do you miss the most?

This block of questions affects the childhood and growing up of a partner. It is in retrospect that it is easy to track the history of the formation of a loved one, the moments that had a special impact on him, the situations that he could not survive. Find out what preceded his life? How to help him become stronger by repeating happy moments, realizing childhood dreams? All this is important because it gives life a sense of completeness and meaning, it holds you together as a couple.

3) Questions that will show the attitude to the problems

Do you have any life motto, favorite quote, manifesto? What did they do to you?
Have you ever received advice that would change your life? What did they concern, how did they influence you?
Have you ever helped a stranger in need? How do you usually comfort people, have you often had to do this?
Imagine that you are in the past and see yourself as a young person. What would you say to yourself, what advice did you leave?
What problems do you consider unsolvable? What can unsettle you and drive you into depression?

From the answers to this block, you can see the attitude of a person to problems. What does he cope with easily, what does he ignore, and what does he exaggerate on an unprecedented scale? You will also find out how he relates to outside help, is he ready to help, to make sacrifices? Finally, does he have a circle of people who have access to his private life? All these little things are important, as they help to evaluate the inner core of a person, turning points in his life, personal qualities (compassion, nobility, patience, vulnerability). From these parameters a lot dances. In the end, there will always be difficulties, and you need to know how the partner reacts to them, can he make compromises?

4) Questions about gratitude, love and friendship

What do you like more - giving gifts or receiving them?
Think of the three brightest moments in your life when you were congratulated in a special way.
For what things in your life are you grateful? Name them.
What do you think is the best way to express your love? How to show a person your affection?
Tell me, for what in our relationship can you say “thank you” to me?

The last block of questions is aimed at determining the ways of communication in a couple, how does the partner express his feelings, what kind of attitude does he expect? From the answers, you can understand what makes him happy, what kind of attention he would like to receive, is he ready to invest himself and somehow express his gratitude? Knowledge of such trifles strengthens trust in a couple, prolongs sympathy, and preserves love. At the very least, you will know exactly how to please each other, where to support, and where to give in.

How long have you been in touch with your partner? Do not neglect the moments of intimacy, the family is not only a unity of habits, but also a unity of souls.