Jokes about cartoon characters. All books about: “jokes about Uncle Fyodor ... Write me about love Elizabeth Peters

Film studio "Soyuzmultfilm" rolled out the first episode of the restart of the legendary series from our childhood "Return to Prostokvashino". According to many microbloggers, modern version stories about a strange family with talking animals can't be saved even by the soundtrack from Hotline Miami!

In the next series of the updated Prostokvashino, Pechkin will no longer dream of a bicycle, but of a mail drone.

Boris? Revolver (@YeltsinOcelot) April 3, 2018

All life is the new Prostokvashino, and we are in it, hipster jokes

Kolya Sorokin (@NikolaSorokin97) April 3, 2018

three mail drones on the border of björndalen, prostokvashino.

Washrooms n. (@npenapamop) April 3, 2018

Finally, bloggers have a real opportunity to discuss their area of ​​expertise: the new Prostokvashino series.
The most powerful analytics, diverse expert opinions, the intensity of passions - truly historic moment in the Russian blogosphere!

Volatility of your mom (@oliveshechka) April 3, 2018

AT new series"Prostokvashino" Uncle Fyodor goes to the DPR, where he meets the postman Pechkin without legs and they go on a drinking binge together, eating sausage from Matroskin's cat

Roman Yuhnovec (@Roman_Yhnovec) April 3, 2018

In the new cartoon series about #Prostokvashino Uncle Fyodor will have a sister, Vera Pavlovna. The intrigue is that Uncle Fyodor's dad's name is Dmitry. SHTA?

Adam Kesher??? (@di_kesher) April 3, 2018

Is Prostokvashino about rural teenage alcoholism? When a cat, a dog and a postman come instead of a squirrel?

Rogozin-in-orbit (@LyapunovS) April 3, 2018

I watched the first episode of Prostokvashino. It feels like I came to my aged parents, and they are trying to show me what modern words learned and constantly screw them out of place.

Comrade Siloch (@comrade_siloch) April 3, 2018

Prostokvashino evokes nostalgia. old - for childhood, new - for 2011, when the joke about "got fleas in a sweater" was still funny

Duran (@userdie) April 3, 2018

the soundtrack from Hotline Miami plays in Prostokvashino. In principle, the Internet for today and in general this year has already fulfilled its task.

Roma Bordunov (@romabordunov) April 3, 2018

In the new series of the cartoon about Prostokvashino, Uncle Fyodor will have a sister, Vera Pavlovna. The intrigue is that Uncle Fyodor's dad's name is Dmitry.
Soyuzmultfilm has already recognized this as a bug that will not be fixed.

Here are the hand-assed bitches! They even try to spoil the life of cartoon characters!!!

Marina Molchanova (@molchalyga) March 30, 2018

In the new Prostokvashino, Sharik finds out where the cow got the calf from and starts wearing a frying pan on his ass with the cat Matroskin pic.twitter.com/8P2OyJJrWV

Sirrope (@badsirrope) April 3, 2018

I never thought that in Prostokvashino I would hear a melody from the Hotline Miami soundtrack.
If this goes on, then the series will be much more interesting and darker than it seemed.

Nikotina with Eyebrows (@Yoghikitt)

Matroskin tells Pechkin:
- I tried to teach Sharik to bark when he wants to eat. Conducted hundreds of exemplary workouts.
- So what, now he barks?
- No, now he won't eat until I bark...

The cat Matroskin is sitting with a fishing rod - he is catching fish. Pechkin rides by on a bicycle:
- What, Matroskin, did you catch all the fry from the pond?
Matroskin was offended and said:
- I release the small one, and put the large one in a jar of mayonnaise!

***
Matroskin returns with Sharik from the guests and scolds him:
- Not only did you fall asleep when Baba Shura sang a romance ... But you also woke up when she took the top note, and shouted: "Let the dog into the house!"

Sharik asks the hunter:
- What gunpowder do you load cartridges with when you go to a wild boar?
- Only smoky.
Does he hit harder?
- No, until the smoke clears, I have time to climb a tree ...

Matroskin, today I had a dream that I ate a whole bunch of grass.
- Well, you never know who will dream, Sharik!
- Then explain, Matroskin, where did my mattress go?

***

***
Cat Matroskin was given a real vest for his birthday. He put it on and walks, admiring himself. Approaches Sharik and says:
- Tell me, Sharik, do you even know how many stripes are on the vest?
“How should I know,” answers Sharik, “if you want, I’ll count now ...
And the cat replied:
- Eh, Sharik, what is there to count! There are always two stripes on the vest - BLUE and WHITE ... Oh, I found a photo artist ...

Matroskin with cow Murka stops a taxi.
- Where are you going? the driver asks.
- Yes, to the nearest village ...
- What about the cow?
- Yes, you don’t worry about her, just tie it from behind to the bumper.
The taxi driver tied the cow, let's go. The cow runs nearby, does not lag behind. The taxi driver added gas - does not lag behind. He looked in the mirror and asked Matroskin:
- And why did she wink with her left eye?
- And she went to overtake ...

Sharik tells Matroskin:
- Matroskin, today I dreamed that you gave me a small bone ...
And Matroskin answers:
- Here, Sharik, and if you listen to me, you will dream that I gave you a huge bone !!!

"We bought a bicycle for Sharik to carry milk to the city. Still, I made a sled dog out of Sharik! Cat Matroskin."

Eh, Sharik, Sharik, can you, say, milk a cow???
- Not.
- Well, what about mowing hay??
- Not.
- Well, at least knit socks ???
- Not.
- What can you do?
- I, Matroskin, know how to answer all your stupid questions ...

List of used literature:

1. Magazine "Fidget".
2. Magazine "Classy".
3. Newspaper "The world of children and teenagers".
4. Magazine "Mickey Mouse".
5. "Funny school stories and anecdotes." Compiled by Shilova Galina Petrovna.
6. "Jokes with cartoon characters". Edited by Alexander Alir.

Matroskin scolds Sharik:
- Eh, Sharik, Sharik, and who are you born into, stupid, just like ... a tree.
And knocked on the table.
Sharik answers:
- Matroskin, it seems that someone has come ...
- Sit down, Sharik, I'll open it myself!

The cat Matroskin is sitting at the table, drinking yogurt, jelly, turned on the radio and listens. On the radio they say: "The American plane Boeing-747 crashed over Prostokvashino."
- Oh, this Sharik, well, a hunter!

Matroskin rented the cow Murka, who gave birth to Gavryusha ... Gavryusha turned out to be a bull.
Attention question:
HOW was Matroskin going to get TWO times more milk?

Sharik tells Matroskin:
- Matroskin, today I dreamed that you gave me a small bone ...
And Matroskin answers:
- Here, Sharik, and if you listen to me, you will dream that I gave you a huge bone !!!

Matroskin asks Sharik:
- There were 2 loaves of sausage in the pantry, and now there is only one left. Can you explain it?
- Of course. It was dark and I didn't notice the second loaf.

Matroskin, today I had a dream that I ate a whole bunch of grass.
- Well, you never know who will dream, Sharik!
- Then explain, Matroskin, where did my mattress go?

Uncle Fyodor is walking, he sees - Cat Matroskin is chewing a sandwich with sausage down.
- What, Matroskin, sausage down - tastier?
- No, I just can’t see this sausage anymore!

The cat Matroskin is sitting with a fishing rod - he is catching fish. Pechkin rides by on a bicycle:
- What, Matroskin, did you catch all the fry from the pond?
Matroskin was offended and said:
- I release the small one, and put the large one in a jar of mayonnaise!

Matroskin returns with Sharik from the guests and scolds him:
- Not only did you fall asleep when Baba Shura sang a romance ... But you also woke up when she took the top note and shouted:
“Let the dog in the house!”

Postman Pechkin:
Why was I so mean before? Because I didn't have a bike! And now, when my scooter was stolen, I will beat you all, you bastards!

Yesterday Sharik recognized Matroskin as the best cat of the summer season. The winner was awarded the Cup "CatLet".

AT recent times Matroskin oversalts food all the time. We thought he was in love. It turns out not. It turns out that we have too much salt, and the expiration date is coming to an end ...

Invaders storm Prostokvashino. Suddenly the cat Matroskin from the trench with grenades: "Bah! Bah!" The smoke cleared - no one was alive! Matroskin, hanging a grenade launcher on his shoulder:
- And I can embroider on a typewriter!

Once Matroskin ran into the barn. In the dark, he hit his head on the crossbar, stepped into the manure, slipped, fell into a trough with slops for a pig, immediately a shovel breaks off the wall and hits him on the back. Rising, he stepped on a rake, and again a blow to the forehead. He went out into the street and said: "This is not a barn, but some kind of Fort Bayard ..."

Matroskin set in Prostokvashino famous musical"Cats". Now the whole village goes to watch how the local electrician climbs to the telephone pole in mounting crampons to the music.

Matroskin threw out Uncle Fyodor's old boots, saying that they were asking for porridge.
Now Sharik is afraid to open his mouth.

Matroskin read in a magazine that koumiss is fermented milk with additives. Now he gives Burenka more hay and makes her wander around Prostokvashino.

It turns out that Matroskin is a Siamese cat!
The stripes on his skin are exactly the same as Thailand's barcode!

We bought a bicycle for Sharik to carry milk to the city. Still, I made a sled dog out of Sharik!
Cat Matroskin

On the eve of the president's arrival, Matroskin had a short conversation with Uncle Fyodor:
- Listen, Uncle Fyodor, why, when the president is about to come to the city, do they immediately begin to repair roads?
- Matroskin, well, it’s not fools to start treating ...

About the heroes of the cartoon "Three from Prostokvashino" - funny, they are for children, only humor, without vulgarity. Please add!

Matroskin rented the cow Murka, who gave birth to Gavryusha ... Gavryusha turned out to be a bull.
Now notice the question:
HOW was Matroskin going to get TWO times more milk?

The cat Matroskin is sitting at the table, drinking yogurt, jelly, turned on the radio and listens.
On the radio they say: "An American plane crashed over Prostokvashino
Boeing 747.
- Oh, this Sharik, well, a hunter!

Excited, Uncle Fyodor runs into the house:
- Matroskin! Your cow gave birth to a striped calf!!!
Matroskin, with dignity:
- Mrrr... My cow. I do what I want!

Matroskin, today I had a dream that I ate a whole bunch of grass.
- Well, you never know who will dream, Sharik!
- Then explain, Matroskin, where did my mattress go?

Cat Matroskin was presented with a real vest for his birthday. He put it on and walks, admiring himself. Approaches Sharik and says:
- Tell me, Sharik, do you even know how many stripes are on the vest?
- How should I know?, - answers Sharik, - if you want, I'll count now?
And the cat replied:
- Oh, Sharik, but what is there to count! There are always 2 stripes on the vest - BLUE and WHITE ... Oh, I found a photo artist ...

Matroskin with cow Murka stop a taxi.
- Where to you, - the driver asks.
- Yes, to the nearest village.
- What about the cow?
- Don't worry about it, just tie it to the back of the bumper.
The taxi driver tied the cow, let's go. The cow runs nearby, does not lag behind. The taxi driver stepped up the gas - he was not lagging behind. He looked in the mirror and asked Matroskin:
- And why did she wink with her left eye?
- And she went to overtake ...

The cat Matroskin is sitting with a fishing rod - he is catching fish. Pechkin rides by on a bicycle:
- What, Matroskin, did you catch all the fry from the pond?
Matroskin was offended and said:
- I release the small one, and put the large one in a jar of mayonnaise!

Matroskin asks Sharik:
- There were 2 loaves of sausage in the pantry, and now there is only one left. Can you explain it?
- Of course. It was dark and I didn't notice the second loaf.

Matroskin returns with Sharik from the guests and scolds him:
- Not only did you fall asleep when Baba Shura sang a romance ... But you also woke up when she took the top note and shouted:
“Let the dog in the house!”

Sharik tells Matroskin:
- Matroskin, today I dreamed that you gave me a small bone ...
And Matroskin answers:
- Here, Sharik, and if you listen to me, you will dream that I gave you a huge bone !!!

Postman Pechkin:
Why was I so mean before? Yes, because I didn't have a bike!
And now, when my scooter was stolen, I will beat you all, you bastards!

Uncle Fyodor is walking, he sees - Cat Matroskin is chewing a sandwich with sausage down.
- What, Matroskin, sausage down - tastier?
- No, I just can’t see this sausage anymore!

Matroskin scolds Sharik:
- Eh, Ball-Ball, and who are you born into, stupid, just like ... a tree. - And he knocked on the table.
Sharik answers:
- Matroskin, it seems that someone has come ...
- Sit down, Sharik, I'll open it myself!

Other topics from the section The funniest children's jokes and jokes for children see here.