How to let go of the past and get rid of unpleasant memories. How to let go of past relationships and start living a new life Letting go of the past and starting to live

Many people lose themselves after breaking up with a partner, and this is not surprising. Just yesterday you dreamed of a happy future in a beautiful home, but today you feel overwhelmed. The trick is to start a new life by letting go of your past relationship. You'll think it's easier said than done. Of course, the first time will be difficult, but then a surge of strength will begin, because there will be hope for the best. We have put together an effective collection of psychological techniques taking into account possible difficulties.

Method number 1. Don't Blame Your Self

There are often cases when ladies blame themselves for all mortal sins after separation from their beloved man. Don’t be like them, there are always two people to blame for a breakup, this is a scientifically proven fact. If you know for sure that you “messed up,” step back from the situation and look at it from a different perspective. You are a living person with your own pros and cons, everyone has the right to make mistakes.

Did the above recommendation not help? Start blaming your ex-man for the current breakup, but don’t call him or send him SMS. Replay in your head what an asshole he is, don’t stoop to openly throwing mud at him.

The essence of this method is to forgive yourself. Otherwise, you will not be able to move forward; the past will inexorably slow you down. The new life will present a worthy gentleman who will not want to be with a girl who regularly engages in self-flagellation.

Method number 2. Don't regret the past

You can often hear phrases like “It’s a pity I wasted my time” or “I wasted the best years of my life on you.” In fact, such statements do not make any sense at all. Since you were with your partner, it means you wanted this.

Don't dwell on the past, otherwise you risk missing memorable events happening in the present. Focus not on your personal life, but on relationships with family and friends. Try to build a career, strive for more.

Focusing on the positive aspects of life will help you forget the past or temporarily distance yourself from it. In addition, it is important to remember forever - those around you do not like girls who constantly pretend to be victims.

Method No. 3. Focus on yourself

At this stage, you need to take care of your own psycho-emotional state. Stop thinking about what your ex-companion is doing now, who he communicates with, how he is doing in general. Become selfish for a while, defend yourself, stop going through dialogues in your head that will never happen.

A visit to a beauty salon would be a good idea. Tidy up your appearance: change your hairstyle, get a manicure and pedicure, treat yourself to spa treatments.

Go shopping with your friends, buy beautiful underwear, high-heeled shoes, seductive dresses. In a word, change your image radically, because shopping is the best medicine.

Method number 4. Remember past experiences

If you do not belong to the category of girls who jump from one relationship to another, then this recommendation will be quite appropriate. Remember what you were like before the relationship. Call your friends, go bowling, nightclub or cinema, have fun.

If you don’t want to break out “to the masses,” arrange cozy gatherings at home with your loved ones. Turn on a funny comedy, order a beer, buy a bottle of good wine. Try to behave as before, do not discuss your past relationship with anyone.

There are often cases when a girl forgets about herself when she is with a guy. The time has come to correct the situation. Remember your past interests, do something you haven’t dared to do for a long time. Ignite that spark that you had before meeting a man.

Method No. 5. Break the connection

Throw away or relegate material memories to the back shelf of your closet. These could be frames with joint photographs, donated earrings or a teddy bear. Throw your ex-boyfriend's T-shirts, shaving supplies, and other trinkets into the trash.

Now it is necessary to create a cozy feminine nest that will not remind you of your past relationship. If necessary, re-glue the wallpaper, change the curtains, rearrange. In the case of a rented apartment, it is recommended to change it to another one.

Method number 6. Don't try to forget

Don't make the common mistake of trying to forget. The more you think, the more clearly you remember. Allow yourself to remember the good and bad moments, do not try to turn what is happening into a drama.

It is important to understand that you were with the person for certain reasons. This means only one thing - he was an integral part of life. Mentally thank the man for the happiness he has given you and let go of the sadness that has arisen due to his possible mistakes.

After a certain period of time, you will notice that the memories have stopped causing pain. What was torn apart now passes by without touching the hidden corners of the soul.

Method No. 7. Show your feelings

Allow yourself to feel if the situation requires it. Agree with your mind that when a worthy (!) gentleman appears, you will not turn him away. It is not necessary to have sex right away, just an interesting pastime together.

Don't shut yourself off from the opposite sex, not all men are assholes. The time for bitterness and self-flagellation has passed, look for the positive aspects in everything. Accept invitations, go on dates, and don’t tell new friends about your former relationship.

The breakup has come, it's time to move on. Do not blame yourself for all mortal sins, do not regret wasted time, do not try to evoke pity from others. Don’t try to forget your ex-man, don’t be shy to show your feelings, enjoy your freedom.

Video: how to let go of past relationships

Many people take the breakup of a relationship painfully. They do not have the strength and desire to live in a new way, find time for themselves and look for a new partner. Let's figure out why past relationships don't allow us to live normally and what we need to do to forget everything and let go.

Why past relationships interfere with life

Storm of emotions.It’s difficult to get a person out of your head, even if you were able to break up with him. Especially if one partner abandoned the other, then the breakup will be perceived as the loss of a loved one. A person accumulates anger or sadness, he does not experience joy, only devastation. Yes, you have to get angry or suffer, but it’s good. After a breakup, it takes time - first, anger transforms into sadness, later the person begins to experience joy that he can live differently.

Shame.Breaking up a relationship often leads to shame - “others manage to keep their family together for many years, but I don’t.” Shame is dangerous because of its toxicity, because of it you give up, you don’t have the strength to move on and build new relationships or live peacefully alone. The shame due to a breakup can be so strong that a person will turn off social connections so as not to show how bad he is and how sorry he is.

Breaking habits.In a relationship, people do a lot together: wake up, have breakfast, relax after work, travel. After a breakup, a person has to do everything alone. I have to involve friends in my usual activities, but this does not help. It is difficult to adapt to a new regime - sometimes a person did something for another. Now he understands that he did not like breakfast and walks in the evenings, but does not know what to replace them with.

An annoying partner.Sometimes after a breakup, one of the partners tries to make peace and start the relationship again. The second partner may have no desire to return to the past - he will feel fear from the ex’s insistence, will defend himself, and become even more angry. Perhaps he will take extreme measures: move or file a police report.

Why is it difficult to let go of past relationships?

Big loss.Parting with a partner can be as powerful as the death of a loved one. Sometimes people go through the same stages of grief acceptance: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Therefore, after divorce, people find themselves depressed for several months or even years.

Neural connections.If partners separate by mutual consent, it will be easier to separate. But getting rid of thoughts about your ex is difficult even in this case - the brain needs time to rebuild neural connections. Cafes, parks, cinemas - everything will remind you of past relationships. In order for new neural connections to appear, you will have to walk through the same places with new thoughts and people.

Human sociality.Even at the biological level, man is a social being. It is difficult for him to be alone. After breaking up with a partner, it’s hard to live with a “hole” and feel the need for another person. At the same time, there is no strength to patch this hole - time must pass.

How to let go of past relationships

Sometimes there comes a time in every person’s life when he asks himself this question: how to let go of the past and start living in the present? When we are depressed and overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt or irretrievable loss, it seems to us that life will no longer be the same and the dark streak that has come in it will never end. But is it? Did our problems and misfortunes only happen to us? Why do other people live while we continue to reproach ourselves for old failures and suffer for what is long gone? Do we really want to live the rest of our lives with our heads buried in the sand of memories and oblivious to the whole world of possibilities around us? No one in their right mind would answer yes to any of these questions or would read an article with that title.

If you still haven't closed your browser tab, it means you care about what's going on in your life, but you haven't yet found a way to change anything. In this case, I have extremely good news for you - letting go of the situation and starting a new life is easy. No volitional efforts, no courses of treatment or consultations with expensive doctors, no chemistry or “traditional” medicine. All you need is a little logic and common sense, a little ability to assess the situation from the outside and a little faith in yourself. Your goal is to understand that the past has no power over you. And not to believe in it, but to deduce this truth from a series of simple logical conclusions. Only in this way can you destroy the false attitude that keeps you captive of memories and does not allow you to live for today. Your main enemy is lies. Your weapon is the truth. Do not be afraid to enter into this fight, it is absolutely impossible to lose. You just need to learn to let go of the situation and forgive yourself for past mistakes.

Why let go of the past and is it necessary to do it?

Our past is our memory, and we cannot do anything about it. Humanity has not yet come up with a way to erase unpleasant moments from memory, but even if such a method existed, it would not mean a solution, but an escape from the problem. The problem is not that we remember something bad, but that we treat these memories incorrectly. By letting go of a situation, you allow it to end.

What is the value of failure?

Think about it: if you burn your hand for the first time and immediately forget about it, how will you avoid a second burn? Will you avoid a third burn if you forget about the second, and so on? Aren't you looking at your feet because you fell? Are you dressing warmly because you have a cold? Are you choosing your foods carefully because you are familiar with the symptoms of food poisoning? Has anyone you know learned to swim without drinking too much water, or to skate without getting a single bump? This doesn’t happen, you say, and you’ll be right. Our experience is not given easily - we pay for it with pain and disappointment, which is why it is so valuable.

Don't let my examples seem too simple to you. I chose them because they are visual, and the mechanism of gaining experience does not change depending on the complexity of the situation, only the bumps can be more painful. For example, the breakup of a marriage. Tell me, would you have built a marriage if you had no experience of previous relationships? How many dangers would it face and how likely is it that it would collapse much earlier? And if you started all over again with today’s experience, then you would be able to save it or even abandon it right away and not think about how to let go of the situation on a subconscious level and be happy in the present. Conclusion: experience has been gained - you have become wiser and more careful.

Why do we obsess over failure?

Scientists once conducted a very interesting experiment.

Two mice were thrown into the water. They both stayed on the surface for about 20 minutes, after which they became exhausted and began to sink. One mouse drowned, the second one was given a plank at the very last moment, onto which it climbed and escaped.

The next day, two mice were thrown into the water again, one of which was the one that escaped last time. The new mouse drowned after 20 minutes, but the old one floundered on the surface for several hours! It was the memory of the tablet that so strengthened her thirst to live and fight.

A big disaster is deafening. It is difficult for a person to believe that he will ever be able to recover from it and live fully. Disbelief in the future gives rise to the desire to live in the past, gives it weight and value in our eyes, turns it into a surrogate for real life. It's hard for us to let go of the past, not because we really need it, but because we are afraid of losing everything we have along with it. But the mistake is that the past does not exist objectively, only the present exists, and life is found only in it. Thus, you need to be able to let go of the past in order to live in the present.

How to let go of a difficult situation and move on with your life

I use these headings in the article because this is how readers tend to formulate questions for themselves. But in reality these questions are ridiculous. Moreover, they are harmful and drive a person into a kind of bondage from which it is difficult to get out.

Be clear about two things:

1. There's nothing left to let go of.
2. You are already moving on.

There's nothing left to let go

My friend got divorced three months ago. When I asked about the reason for her depression, she replied that she was going through a difficult divorce. And here an obvious logical discrepancy strikes the eye: excuse me, divorce can be experienced in the process. All this running around in courts, bureaucracy, division of property, children, curious acquaintances, uncertainty and a lot of other troubles - there is something to go crazy about. But it all ended three months ago, there is nothing more to worry about, she has already survived everything. What remains is pure nonsense - you just need to notice it! My friend was killing herself with black depression where she should have been dancing with happiness. As a result of a short conversation, I managed to convey this idea to her, and now she feels great - she managed to accept the situation, forgive the offense of the past and move on.

How much the mood of the mind means to us - it can be our executioner and our savior. It is not for nothing that despondency is a mortal sin: it gives rise to another mortal sin - lying. We lie to ourselves and believe our own lies. We pretend to be victims and revel in our misfortunes. Meanwhile, a whole life of joys and miracles passes by. A little honesty with yourself, and it’s yours.

It is still impossible to erase painful memories like Joel and Clementine, although scientists are working on it. For those who are stuck in the past, there is only one thing left to do - learn to let it go. Heroine gives you important advice to help you start a new life.

1. I'm sorry

If the one who hurt you can only offer an apology, accept it. It's a shame he didn't build a time machine and come back to set things right, but let's be realistic.

Even if you never hear words of regret from a person, forgive him. This is not weakness, but a way to handle the situation as an adult and heal yourself.

2. Live in the moment

How to let go of the past? Live in the present. It sounds logical, but it's actually a little more complicated than it seems.

Learn to focus on the moment, fill every day with events, do not leave yourself time for self-digging. This requires effort, especially if you are not yet very strong at. Life shouldn't be a background to your memories.

3. Apologize

Sometimes we go back to the past because of... All you can do is express sincere repentance, but this is not enough. Say what you had to say instead of replaying your regrets in your head. This will help you forget about everything and move on.

4. Set goals

Looking to the future is much more productive than looking back all the time. Think about what you want and focus on achieving your goal. Even if this is a global dream - to start a family, build a career, see many countries - you can do something for this today.

5. Acknowledge your role in what happened.

Take responsibility for everything that happened to you and stop looking for extreme ones.

Realizing your role does not mean placing all the blame on yourself. Accept who you were, even if it's unpleasant. Don’t hide behind the phrases “I was forced”, “I was misled.” Stop being a toy in the hands of circumstances. Accept what has already been done and spend time creating a new you.

6. Get away from people who live only in the past.

If someone constantly talks about a time that you want to forget, you should directly say that this is unpleasant for you. Explain that you do not need pity, reproaches, regrets and do not want to discuss this topic anymore. You can also leave those who did not understand in the past.

7. Learn a lesson

If you are delving into memories and past mistakes, do it with benefit. Instead of rhetorically shouting: “Why do I need all this?”, think: “What did this teach me?”

It’s one thing to turn to the past to make decisions in the present, another thing to wander aimlessly in it, wasting emotions on destructive behavior.

There is a lesson in everything that happens to you. And this is the only thing that memories are useful for.

8. Be patient

Trust the healing process. Just because six months have passed and you are still suffering does not mean that you are not succeeding.

It's pointless to just sit and wait for everything to be forgotten. Ask the Internet: “How to start over” and complain to your friends. New life will not be placed under the door with a note: “You deserve it.” You have to go and do it yourself: develop yourself, travel, make new acquaintances and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

9. Give vent to thoughts and emotions

The past is still in your head because you didn't let it out. Write down all your experiences on paper and burn them. Collect everything that reminds you of what happened and destroy it, the more spectacularly the better. Arrange your ritual of farewell to the past, put an end to this endless internal dialogue.

10. Be grateful

It takes time to realize the benefits of everything that happened to you. Don’t miss the moment when it’s time to realize that you have become stronger, smarter, said goodbye to illusions, and changed your attitude towards life. Be grateful for what you have now and don't regret what you've lost.

What helps you take your mind off unpleasant memories?